Sunday Morning Funnies #54
Kill my Husband
*A nice, calm and respectable lady went into the pharmacy, right up to the pharmacist, looked straight into his eyes, and said, “I would like to buy some cyanide. ”
The pharmacist asked, “Why in the world do you need cyanide?”
The lady replied, “I need it to poison my husband.”
The pharmacists eyes got big and he exclaimed, “Lord have mercy! I can’t give you cyanide to kill your husband! That’s against the law! I’ll lose my license! They’ll throw both of us in jail! All kinds of bad things will happen. Absolutely not! You CANNOT have any cyanide!”
The lady reached into her purse and pulled out a picture of her husband in bed with the pharmacist’s wife.
The pharmacist looked at the picture and replied, “Well now. That’s different.
You didn’t tell me you had a prescription.”
SCAM
*Latest scam, this one is real. Be careful. I am a victim of the latest scam which is happening in shopping mall parking lots all over the place.
Two good looking young women come to your car as you are parking.
One starts wiping your windshield with a rag and the other comes to your window and bends over so far her breasts just about fall out of her blouse.
While you’re distracted, the other one lets herself in the back-seat.
Then both are begging you for a ride home.
Be very wary, because as soon as you start driving, one of them will take off her shirt and rub her breasts on you while the other climbs over the seat and unzips your pants.
This is when they steal your wallet.
I was robbed last Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday and Friday.
I couldn’t find them yesterday.
Job Interview
Hiring managers are increasingly posing off-the-wall queries during job interviews in an effort to gauge a prospective employee's fit with the company's corporate culture.
Robert Half International polled executives to find out the strangest questions they have ever been asked during an employment interview.
Their responses illustrate just how unusual some of the questions you may encounter can be:
*"If you were having a dinner party and could invite three famous people, who would they be?" (Jesus, Muhammed and Buddah for a free-for-all wrestling match! Winner take all!)
*"What's the last book you read?" (Re-read Slaughter House Five, Kurt Vonnegut!)
*"If you could be any animal, what would it be?" (A cat, they sleep 20 hours a day!)
*"What did you want to be when you were 10 years old?" (16)
*"What classes did you like in high school?" (I liked hockey but on my report-card they always spelt it wrong. The said it was hookey!)
*"What would I find in your refrigerator?" (Perishables)
And finally;
If you sneeze and fart at the same time, does a vacuum form in your stomach?
No, but if you burp and fart at the same time your head will cave in!
Allan W Janssen is the author of The Plain Truth About God at www.God-101.com and the blog "Perspective" at http://God-101.blogspot.com
*A nice, calm and respectable lady went into the pharmacy, right up to the pharmacist, looked straight into his eyes, and said, “I would like to buy some cyanide. ”
The pharmacist asked, “Why in the world do you need cyanide?”
The lady replied, “I need it to poison my husband.”
The pharmacists eyes got big and he exclaimed, “Lord have mercy! I can’t give you cyanide to kill your husband! That’s against the law! I’ll lose my license! They’ll throw both of us in jail! All kinds of bad things will happen. Absolutely not! You CANNOT have any cyanide!”
The lady reached into her purse and pulled out a picture of her husband in bed with the pharmacist’s wife.
The pharmacist looked at the picture and replied, “Well now. That’s different.
You didn’t tell me you had a prescription.”
SCAM
*Latest scam, this one is real. Be careful. I am a victim of the latest scam which is happening in shopping mall parking lots all over the place.
Two good looking young women come to your car as you are parking.
One starts wiping your windshield with a rag and the other comes to your window and bends over so far her breasts just about fall out of her blouse.
While you’re distracted, the other one lets herself in the back-seat.
Then both are begging you for a ride home.
Be very wary, because as soon as you start driving, one of them will take off her shirt and rub her breasts on you while the other climbs over the seat and unzips your pants.
This is when they steal your wallet.
I was robbed last Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday and Friday.
I couldn’t find them yesterday.
Job Interview
Hiring managers are increasingly posing off-the-wall queries during job interviews in an effort to gauge a prospective employee's fit with the company's corporate culture.
Robert Half International polled executives to find out the strangest questions they have ever been asked during an employment interview.
Their responses illustrate just how unusual some of the questions you may encounter can be:
*"If you were having a dinner party and could invite three famous people, who would they be?" (Jesus, Muhammed and Buddah for a free-for-all wrestling match! Winner take all!)
*"What's the last book you read?" (Re-read Slaughter House Five, Kurt Vonnegut!)
*"If you could be any animal, what would it be?" (A cat, they sleep 20 hours a day!)
*"What did you want to be when you were 10 years old?" (16)
*"What classes did you like in high school?" (I liked hockey but on my report-card they always spelt it wrong. The said it was hookey!)
*"What would I find in your refrigerator?" (Perishables)
And finally;
If you sneeze and fart at the same time, does a vacuum form in your stomach?
No, but if you burp and fart at the same time your head will cave in!
Allan W Janssen is the author of The Plain Truth About God at www.God-101.com and the blog "Perspective" at http://God-101.blogspot.com
posted by Allan W Janssen | 9:24 a.m.
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