Saturday Morning Confusion. #33 1/3

Looking back at the past week we have our usual collection of goofy people, goofy ideas and goofy situations.

About a normal week I would have to say!

Let's jump in with our "Asshole of the Week!"

This dubious distinction, and a loud fart, is split two ways this week for an occurrence that happened in Tennessee!

A man in Cookeville is thinking about suing Wal-Mart because the MP3 video player he gave to his little girl for Christmas turned out to be loaded with explicit tunes and porn videos.

Daryl Hill says the 10-year-old child burst into tears when she saw it. Hill figures the player must have been returned by somebody who had loaded it with sex clips and songs about drugs.

Wal-Mart says it's investigating because returned items that have been opened are not supposed to be resold. In the meantime it's offering Hill a replacement. But he says he's going to hang on to it until he talks to a lawyer.

I couldn't really decide whether to give the trophy to the person who returned the MP3 for not erasing it first or Wal-Mart for reselling it again, especially without checking it first.

After much deliberation I declared "Asshole of the Week" a tie and gave it to both of them!

We also have a split hero of the day this week and for that we have to go down the road a ways to Brownsville, Texas.

First there is Melina Salazar, who over a seven year period did her best to tend to every need of her most loyal and cantankerous customer. She made sure his food was as hot as he wanted and was prepared as quick as possible, she was always right there to refill his coffee cup and then on top of it all she smiled through his demands and curses.

Our co-winner, 89-year-old, Walter "Buck" Swords obviously appreciated it, leaving the waitress $50,000 and a 2000 Buick when he died last week.

Now it's back up the Eastern Seaboard to Vermont where a group in Brattleboro is petitioning to put an item on a town meeting agenda in March that would make Bush and Vice President Dick Cheney subject to arrest and indictment if they visit the southeastern Vermont community.

"This petition is as radical as the Declaration of Independence, and it draws on that tradition in claiming a universal jurisdiction when governments fail to do what they're supposed to do," said Kurt Daims, 54, a retired machinist leading the drive.

(As president, Bush has visited every state except Vermont.)The town meeting, an annual exercise in which residents gather to vote on everything from fire department budgets to municipal policy, requires about 1,000 signatures to place a binding item on the agenda.

The measure asks: "Shall the Select board instruct the Town Attorney to draft indictments against Bush and Cheney for crimes against our Constitution, and publish said indictment for consideration by other municipalities?"

The White House did not immediately respond to requests for comment Friday. The press office did not immediately respond to an e-mail.

And finally, on the tech side, for those who think that pointless and wasteful patent litigation is on the decline, think again. Even in just the last three months, the pace has been accelerating -- perhaps as patent hoarders rush to get cases in before any patent reform makes progress in Congress -- or before the Supreme Court (thankfully) quashes another abuse of the patent system.

Of the lawsuits over the past two years, approximately 50% came from companies who didn't actually make any products themselves. However, in the last 3 months, that number shoots up to 70% from companies that don't make products. And if you limit the list to tech companies, 80% of the lawsuits came from companies that don't make products.

Shouldn't this be ringing some alarm bells?

Allan W Janssen is the author of the book The Plain Truth About God (What the mainstream religions don't want you to know!) and is available at the web site www.God-101.com

Visit the blog "Perspective" at http://God-101.blogspot.com