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Middle aged heterosexual, WASP male. Semi retired, semi-sane and semi-serious. And endangered species and I'm not going quietly!!!!

Wednesday, February 06, 2008

I have writers block today so I'm going to send some stuff my Sister thought was funny! I will leave it up to you for the comments section

Daughter: 'Hi Mom. Can I leave the kids with you tonight?'
Italian Mother: 'You're going out?'
Daughter: 'Yes.'
Italian Mother: 'With whom?'
Daughter: 'With a friend.'
Italian Mother: 'I don't know why you left your husband. He is such a good man.'
Daughter: 'MOM, I didn't leave him. He left me!'
Italian Mother: 'You let him leave you, and now you go out with anybodies and nobodies.'
Daughter: 'MA, I do not go out with anybody. Can I bring over the kids?'
Italian Mother: 'I never left you to go out with anybody except your father.'
Daughter: 'There are lots of things that you did and I don't.'
Italian Mother: 'What are you hinting at?'
Daughter: 'Nothing, I just want to know if I can bring the kids over tonight..'
Italian Mother: 'You're going to stay the night with him? What will your husband say if he finds out?'
Daughter: 'MA its My EX husband. I don't think he would be bothered. From the day he left me,he probably never slept alone!'
Italian Mother: 'So you're going to sleep over at this loser's place?'
Daughter: 'MOM, He's not a loser.'
Italian Mother: 'A man who goes out with a divorced woman with children is a loser and a parasite.'
Daughter: 'MA, I don't want to argue; should I bring over the kids or not?'
Italian Mother: 'Poor children with such a mother.'
Daughter: 'Such a what?'
Italian Mother: 'With no stability. No wonder your husband left you.'
Daughter: 'ENOUGH MA!!!'
Italian Mother: 'Don't scream at me. You probably scream at the loser too!'
Daughter: 'Great MA, Now you're worried about the loser?'
Italian Mother: 'Ah, so you see he is a loser and I spotted him immediately.'
Daughter: 'Goodbye, mother.'
Italian Mother: 'Wait! Wait! Don't hang up! When are you bringing them over? '
Daughter: 'I'm not bringing them over! I'm not going out!'
Italian Mother: 'If you never go out, how do you expect to meet anyone?

Great Gal Turnoff #
1: Showboat Sammy
Maybe he owns a yacht off the coast of France. Maybe he has a timeshare in the Hamptons. Maybe his annual bonus is bigger than most guys' salaries. That's all well and good, but does it really need to be divulged on the first date?
Great Gal Turnoff #
2: Messy Melvin
A-list celebrities can pull off the unkempt look. First-daters need to pay attention to shaving, clothing and bad breath. If the guy can't even put in the effort for a first impression, it doesn't bode well down the road.
Great Gal Turnoff
#3: Rude Ricky
"Where's our drinks, lady?" If a guy treats the service staff with a lack of respect, a great gal will likely assume he'll do the same to her someday.
The last thing anyone wants is to be talked down to or disrespected.
The last thing anyone wants is to be talked down to or disrespected.
Great Gal Turnoff
#4: Cheapie Charlie
There will always be debate about who should pay on a first date. Some guys are traditionalists and want to foot the bill; others expect a 50-50 monetary split. In most cases, offering to pay is the way to go. Let her pick up the tab on a future date.
#5: Still-Married Michael
Marriage, separation and divorce are pretty cut-and-dry terms. If a guy says he's separated when he really means he's cheating on his wife, it's going to cause trouble. Be honest from the get-go and let the dating chips fall where they may.
Great Gal Turnoff
#6: Hands-On Howie
Guys need to read the signals before assuming hand holding, massaging and other touchy-feely activities have the green light.
Jumping too quickly to any form of intimacy can make any guy seem too aggressive.
Jumping too quickly to any form of intimacy can make any guy seem too aggressive.
Great Gal Turnoff
#7: Stereotyping Stephen
"Oh, you're one of those types of women." Jumping to conclusions about a date from the way she answers one or two questions is a definite mistake. Let the date unfold before making assumptions about someone you just met.
Great Gal Turnoff
#8: Distracted David
His cell phone is ringing constantly, he's popping away from the table every 10 minutes, and he keeps interrupting the conversation flow. First dates require focused attention -- that means putting the phone on vibrate, making eye contact and being present.
Great Gal Turnoff
#9: All-Business Barry
Some guys are great salesmen or outstanding negotiators. But there's a time and place for business and a time and place for leisure. Guys who treat first dates like business transactions will never close the deal.
Great Gal Turnoff
#10: Nervous Ned
He can't sit still, he's banging his fork on the table, and he won't make eye contact for more than three seconds. Nervous antics are a real turnoff and make a great gal think a guy has something to hide. Work out the nervous kinks before the date starts.

Great Guy turnoff!
1. Misleading Maggie: Her profile says no kids, athletic and raking in the big bucks. The first date reveals two young kids, an extended waistline and unemployment checks. Nothing says trust issues for a guy more than lies from the get-go

2. Insecure Ilene: She reads into every comment a guy makes. She wants to know right away if date #2 can be tomorrow. She asks you to call the minute you get home. This clingy nature screams of a potential needy girlfriend lacking independence.

3. Third-Degree Donna: The cross-examination begins before the menus arrive. The questions are coming fast and furious, and the guy begins to feel like the defendant on the stand in a criminal trial. If a guy feels stuck under the interrogation lights, he'll run for the hills.

4. Tardy Tina: She arrives late, she no-shows, she changes plans last-minute, she loses his number, she flat-out just doesn't respect a guy's time. Fashionably late is one thing; keeping a guy waiting 30 minutes or no-showing is unacceptable.

5. High-Maintenance Hilda: "Thanks for taking me to this nice restaurant, but couldn't you get a table by the window?"
The feeling that nothing is ever good enough makes a guy quit trying to impress
The feeling that nothing is ever good enough makes a guy quit trying to impress. A simple thank you for a nice dinner is a better way to go.

6. Chatterbox Charlene: The conversation doesn't have to be 50 percent talking and 50 percent listening, but if she does all the talking it feels more like a seminar than a date. Charlene's opposite cousin, Pulling Teeth Patricia, is equally unsettling, making the guy do all the work.

7. Still-Hurting Sally: First dates are notorious for spilling the beans on what went wrong with prior relationships. Sharing an amusing anecdote is good; making it clear you're not over your ex-boyfriend is a definite no-no.

8. Game Player Gina: "Maybe I'll kiss you goodnight, maybe I won't."
Good guys like to know where they stand
Good guys like to know where they stand. They leave the game-playing for the sports field. There's nothing wrong with flirting, but just know when it crosses over into deception and confusion.

9. Conceited Colleen: "Any guy would be lucky to have me." Guess what, the great guy across the table is also a real catch. Stop assuming every guy doesn't deserve you, and then you'll be on your way to actually landing a good one.

10. Matrimony Maureen: He dips his egg roll in duck sauce when all of a sudden she spills the beans on what they should name their kids. Intense relationships can be exciting for a good guy, but walking down the aisle before you walk each other home for the first time is a turn-off.

Allan W Janssen is the author of the book The Plain Truth About God (What the mainstream religions don't want you to know!) and is available at the web site www.God-101.com

Visit the blog "Perspective" at http://God-101.blogspot.com


Anonymous lena lemieux said...

this is alot of stuff
i married a nervous ned,he's not so nervous anymore:)

Thursday, February 07, 2008 11:15:00 a.m.  

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