Bird Poop!

Twice in the past week I have been dive-bombed by birds while driving along in my car.

I don't mean just little specks of bird shit either, I'm talking about stuff the size of your hand when it hits!

This led me into a long contemplation on the where-for and why of bird-shit and I came up with some surprising answers.

First of all I wondered what sort of objects were targeted by these feathered felons and I found out that it is mostly statues of people and cars that get the treatment!

Helping me in this study was the "Perspective" research department, and we first looked at all sorts of different areas where there were signs of fowl deposits and found out that this foul pigeon poop and Polly piss were saved for specific targets.

We have all seen statues with bird dung covering them and this would lead one to believe that all monuments are fair game for these feathered marauders but such is not the case!

No my friends, it is people and their machines that draws the wrath of these avian avengers.

Don't believe me? Just look at this world famous statue of Henry Moore's "The Archer" which sits outside of Toronto City Hall!!!

A noteworthy and non-descript piece of art with no human attributes and if you will notice, not one speck of bird business to be seen.

"What is it with cars then?" You might ask!

Well bunky, that's simple! It is always cars that whack them and their brethren. So, the birds get their revenge for injuries suffered by waiting for your car to be parked somewhere and then take the time to do a right proper job of defecating and desecrating to their hearts content!



Moving cars are another matter.

That's just target practice!

And last but certainly not least, all birds of a feather flock together to lay waste, to and on, as many humans as possible.

As payment for centuries of stealing their eggs, hunting them in the fields and cooking them over a fire these two winged swoopers have declared war on humnaity in a subtle and even sometimes not so subtle way.

Yes kids, it's now us who are fair game!!!!!!!

Allan W Janssen is the author of the book The Plain Truth About God (What the mainstream religions don't want you to know!) and is available at the web site www.God-101.com

Visit the blog "Perspective" at http://Allans-Perspective.blogspot.com

Poop for Peace

The east hates the west. The Christians hate the Muslims. The liberals hate the conservatives. The Sunnis hate the Shiites. All across the globe, the chasm dividing humanity is ever deeper. In all the world's wars against terror, the distinction of who is perpetrating which depends on what side you ask -- so divided are we as a species that we can't even agree why we're killing each other.

For there to be peace, there must be understanding. For there to be understanding, there must be a common ground. But the further the chasm deepens, the more fundamental to basic human nature the common ground has to be.

And so April 18 (tomorrow) is Poop For Peace Day.

Poop is the one experience all human beings have in common. We may have varying ideas of God and politics, but the power of an impending poop is a higher calling to which every human must answer. Side by side in a public bathroom, any two human beings are stripped of their differences and reduced to their most basic essence: a pair of feet sticking out below the stall, and a pair of butt trumpets performing a greasy symphony to lament humanity's non-negotiable deference to the call of the vile.

Under the influence of Taco Bell, there is no Christian or Muslim or Jew. There are only human bodies, reacting to the complications of digestion in the same predictable and malodorous ways. Poop wields supreme power over our bodies -- when poop calls, you answer, or you face the consequences. Poop is our cruel tyrant, our fickle deity, our omnipotent oppressor -- it is a force to which every human being has no choice but to submit.

And recognizing this is the first step toward world peace.

Poop For Peace Day is not a day of protest. Pooping for peace is not a left-wing or right-wing activity. Pooping for peace is an act of unity. It's not about religion or politics. Rather, it's about the simple truth: underlying our religions and our politics are universal needs, wants and desires. To poop for peace is to transcend arbitrary divisions and embrace that which makes us human. Only from starting at such a fundamental truism can we hope to expand our understandings and solve our differences.

On April 18, take some time to think when you take your time to stink. Think of yourself on your toilet, and George W. Bush on his, and Osama and Ahmadinejad and Chavez on theirs. Think about the children of Iraq and the children of America, and realize that while their skins are different colors and their gods have different names, their daily ritual is exactly the same. We all poop, which means we're all human, which means we're all brothers and sisters. Any other differences are arbitrary -- we are all united in the daily struggle against the tyranny of the bowel.

(With thanks to the Poop blog for giving us all the latest shit on this important day! We are realy moved to be able to squeeze out all this information for you!)

Allan W Janssen is the author of the book The Plain Truth About God (What the mainstream religions don't want you to know!) and is available at the web site www.God-101.com

Visit the blog "Perspective" at http://God-101.blogspot.com

Oh shit.... Yea, and lots of It!

Turkeys and chickens produce a LOT of poop.

As a matter of fact, ALL animals produce a significant amount of waste products.

Remember, cows contribute up to 3% of all the carbon dioxide in the atmosphere, just by being good farters!!!

Anyway, the problem of bird droppings from large turkey and chicken farms was finally solved by burning it for power!




The technology to turn that litter into electricity was developed by Scotsman Simon Fraser, whose job was to produce heat for a wood-burning distillery.

His brother was running a poultry farm that needed to get rid of its waste, so Fraser decided to try burning it instead of wood.

After some experimentation to make the often wet litter more flammable, he managed to turn it into a stable fuel.

The Frasers — the company is chaired by son Rupert Fraser — have now come to the U.S.

In addition to a Minnesota plant, the Newtown, Penn. -based company is looking at several other locations in North Carolina, Arkansas, Maryland and Mississippi.

"Really, we're all about restoring the environmental balance," says the younger Fraser. "We're creating energy; we're encouraging the sustainability of the poultry industry; and the fertilizer that is produced from the ash is really popular with the farmers."

The $202 million Minnesota plant, which began construction in 2004, will generate about 55 megawatts of electricity from the 700,000 tons of turkey litter and other agricultural biomass it expects to burn each year.

The electricity is being sold to Xcel Energy under a 21-year power purchase agreement. "That's enough energy to fuel about 50,000 homes," says Fraser.

Back in Benson, townsfolk are embracing the idea of poop power.

"I'm not an environmentalist," said Dr. Rick Horecka. "But it makes sense. The local farmers used to have to pay to get rid of this stuff. Now they'll get paid for it. It won't hurt the environment. And it produces something we need.

There's a few skeptics, but we really are convinced it is a good thing for the community."

Your "never mind the smell, full speed ahead" scribe;
Allan W Janssen

Allan W Janssen is the author of The Plain Truth About God-101 (what the church doesn't want you to know!) www.God-101.com