Shit Happens!

From my book "The Plain Truth About God"
Taoism-Shit happens.
Confucianism- Confucius say, "Shit happens".
Calvinism- Shit happens because you don`t work hard enough.
Buddhism- If shit happens, it really isn`t shit.
Seventh Day Adventist- No shit on Saturdays
Zen- What is the sound of shit happening?
Hedonism- There`s nothing like a good shit happening.
Hinduism- This shit happened before.
Mormon- This shit is going to happen again.
Islam- If shit happens, it is the will of Allah.
Moonies- Only happy shit really happens.
Stoicism- This shit is good for me.
Protestantism- Let the shit happen to someone else.
Catholicism- Shit happens because you are BAD.
Hare Krishna- Shit happens rama rama.
Judaism- Why does this shit always happen to US?
Zoroastrianism- Shit happens half the time.
Christian Science- Shit is in your mind.
Atheism- Sheeit.
Existentialism- What is shit anyway?
Rastafarianism- Let`s smoke this shit.
Jesuitism- If shit happens and when nobody is watching, is it really shit?
Psychoanalysis- Shit happens because of your toilet training.
Scientology- Shit happens if you're on our shit list.
Unitarianism- Maybe shit happens. Let's have coffee and donuts.
Mysticism- What weird shit!
Agnosticism- What is this shit?
Nihilism- Who needs this shit?
Aztec- Cut out this shit!
Quaker- Let's not fight over this shit.
Forteanism- No shit??
12-Step- I am powerless to cut the shit.
Voodoo- Hey, that shit looks just like you!
New Age- Visualize shit not happening.
Deism- Shit just happens.
Secular Humanism- Shit evolves.
Shintoism- Shit is everywhere.
Wicca- Mix this shit together and make it happen!
Hasidism- Shit never happens the same way twice.
Objectivism- Our shit is good for you.
Theosophy- You don't know half of the shit that happens.
Dianetics- Your mother gave you shit before your were born.
Jehovah's Witnesses- No shit happens until Armageddon.
Hopi- Corn fertilizer happens.
Baha'i- It's all the same shit.