Canadian Apologist

Canadian-American relations during the Liberal/Chretien era took a downturn but since the Conservative/Harper government they seem to have recovered somewhat.

In the spirit of reconciliation I would like to get all our cross border irritants out of the way once and for all.

I'm sorry about your war in Iraq but this time we will try not to take as many draft dodgers and we will continue to help out in Afghanistan to take some of the pressure off your army. (By the way, do you have a few extra rifles we could use, we still have the ones from that war of 1812 we had with you guys.)

I'm sorry about 9/11. As Canadians it really doesn't have anything to do with us but we do feel your pain and will always be here for you.

I'm sorry Canadians have almost taken over your television, music and movie industries, (especially the comedians) but I guess Canadians on average are just more talented and funny than Americans!

I'm sorry you have a these problems with illegal immigrants across the Mexican border but once aqain it doesn't really have much to do with us and if you continue to put restrictions on the Canadian border as a result, we will just stop going to Florida in the winter. Period!

I'm sorry that with the Oil Sands we now have much more oil than you do but if you promise not to invade us we will be only to happy to share. (For a price!)

I'm sorry the American dollar is falling in price against the Euro and Yen but if you ever want to borrow a few bucks just give us a call.

I'm sorry about our softwood lumber. Just because we have more trees than you doesn't give us the right to sell you lumber that's cheaper and better than your own.

I'm sorry we beat you in Olympic hockey. In our defense I guess our excuse would be that our team was much, much, much, much better than yours.

Speaking of 1812, I'm sorry we burnt down your White House during the war of 1812. I notice you've rebuilt it! It's Very Nice!

(With thanks to "This hour has 22 minutes." If you have any others that need to be expressed then by all means put them in!)

Your Humble Scribe;
Allan W Janssen