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Middle aged hetrosexual, WASP male. Middle of the road, reasonably sane and  reasonably employed.

Saturday, May 26, 2007

I only hit him in the ass!

(The word Biathlon comes from the Greek word meaning two contests. At the Winter Olympics it means joining two sports together. Those two sports are cross country skiing and rifle shooting. The skiers have to go as fast as they can for a certain distance, then they have to shot at a target. It is really hard to do because your heart is beating fast from skiing so hard and then you have to try slow your heart down so you can hit a target that is about the size of a coin.)

I got kicked out of my health club today! Banned for life, as it were!

I like cross country skiing and have gotten into the habit of using the cross country ski machine for training two or three times a week.

The only drawback was that they always put me on the same machine in the back of the room.

This machine faces a wall with nothing on it except a woodland scene and after about ten or fifteen minutes it starts to get really boring. Boring, boring, boring!

As the weeks dragged on I grew more and more restless and finally decided I had to do something to liven things up a bit.

That's when I had an Epiphany and decided it would be far more interesting if instead of cross country skiing, I started to train for the Biathlon.

The next time I went in I brought along my old "Daisy Ryder BB Gun" and threw myself into a strict training regimen.

First, I did the cross country ski thing for about two kilometres and then got out the BB gun, lay on the floor, and picked off one of the guys working out on the rowing machine a few aisles over.

I quickly did another kilometre and was just getting my sights on a guy working out on a Bowflex when two security guards grabbed me and unceremoniously threw me out into the street.

I was told in no uncertain terms never to return and that the BB gun was confiscated!

Well, now that I don't have workout privileges at the health club anymore, I think I will take advantage of the nice weather and practice my "full contact golf!"

Your "keeping fit" scribe;
Allan W Janssen

Allan W Janssen is the author of The Plain Truth About God-101 (what the church doesn't want you to know!) www.God-101.com

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