Sunday Morning Funnies #23
Fire!
One dark night outside a small town in Saskatchewan, a fire started inside the local sausage plant and in a blink it exploded into massive flames.
The alarm went out to all the fire departments from miles around.
When the volunteer fire fighters appeared on the scene, the sausage company President rushed to the fire chief and said, "All of our secret formulas are in the vault in the center of the plant.
They must be saved and I will give $50,000 to the fire department that brings them out intact." But the roaring flames held the firefighters off.
Soon more fire departments had to be called in as the situation became desperate.As the firemen arrived, the president shouted out that the offer was now $100,000 to the fire department who could bring out the company's secret files.
From the distance, a lone siren was heard as another fire truck came into sight.
It was the nearby Dauphin-Yorkton rural township volunteer fire department composed mainly of Ukrainians over the age of 65.
To everyone's amazement, the little run-down fire engine, operated by these Ukrainians, passed all the newer sleek engines parked outside the plant... and drove straight into the middle of the inferno.
Outside the other firemen watched as the Ukrainian old timers jumped off and began to fight the fire with a performance and effort never seen before. Within a short time, the Yorkton old-timers had extinguished the fire and saved the secret formulas.
The grateful sausage company president joyfully announced that for such a superhuman feat he was upping the reward to $200,000, and walked over to personally thank each of the brave, though elderly, Ukrainian firefighters.
The local TV news reporters rushed in after capturing the event on film asking, "What are you going to do with all that money?"Vell," said Nick Sputski, the 70-year-old fire chief, .....da furst ting vee gonna do is fix da brakes on dat focking truck."
Pumpkin
Police arrested Malcolm Davidson, a 27 year old white male, resident of Wilmington, NC, in a pumpkin patch at 11:38 pm Friday.
Davidson will be charged with lewd and lascivious behavior, public indecency, and public intoxication at the County Courthouse on Monday.
The suspect allegedly stated that as he was passing a pumpkin patch, he decided to stop.
"You know, a pumpkin is soft and squishy inside, and there was no one around here for miles. At least I thought there wasn't."
He stated in a phone interview from the County Courthouse Jail.
Davidson went on to state that he pulled over to the side of the road, picked out a pumpkin that he felt was appropriate for his purposes, cut a hole in it, and proceeded to satisfy his alleged "need".
"I guess I was just really into it, you know?" he commented with evident embarrassment.
In the process, Davidson apparently failed to notice the Wilmington Municipal police car approaching and was unaware of his audience until officer Brenda Taylor approached him.
"It was an unusual situation, that's for sure." said officer Taylor. "I walked up to (Davidson) and he's...just working away at this pumpkin."
Taylor went on to describe what happened when she approached Davidson.
"I just went up and said, "Excuse me sir, but do you realize that you are screwing a pumpkin?"
He got real surprised as you'd expect and then looked me straight in the face and said, "A pumpkin? Damn...is it midnight already?"
One dark night outside a small town in Saskatchewan, a fire started inside the local sausage plant and in a blink it exploded into massive flames.
The alarm went out to all the fire departments from miles around.
When the volunteer fire fighters appeared on the scene, the sausage company President rushed to the fire chief and said, "All of our secret formulas are in the vault in the center of the plant.
They must be saved and I will give $50,000 to the fire department that brings them out intact." But the roaring flames held the firefighters off.
Soon more fire departments had to be called in as the situation became desperate.As the firemen arrived, the president shouted out that the offer was now $100,000 to the fire department who could bring out the company's secret files.
From the distance, a lone siren was heard as another fire truck came into sight.
It was the nearby Dauphin-Yorkton rural township volunteer fire department composed mainly of Ukrainians over the age of 65.
To everyone's amazement, the little run-down fire engine, operated by these Ukrainians, passed all the newer sleek engines parked outside the plant... and drove straight into the middle of the inferno.
Outside the other firemen watched as the Ukrainian old timers jumped off and began to fight the fire with a performance and effort never seen before. Within a short time, the Yorkton old-timers had extinguished the fire and saved the secret formulas.
The grateful sausage company president joyfully announced that for such a superhuman feat he was upping the reward to $200,000, and walked over to personally thank each of the brave, though elderly, Ukrainian firefighters.
The local TV news reporters rushed in after capturing the event on film asking, "What are you going to do with all that money?"Vell," said Nick Sputski, the 70-year-old fire chief, .....da furst ting vee gonna do is fix da brakes on dat focking truck."
Pumpkin
Police arrested Malcolm Davidson, a 27 year old white male, resident of Wilmington, NC, in a pumpkin patch at 11:38 pm Friday.
Davidson will be charged with lewd and lascivious behavior, public indecency, and public intoxication at the County Courthouse on Monday.
The suspect allegedly stated that as he was passing a pumpkin patch, he decided to stop.
"You know, a pumpkin is soft and squishy inside, and there was no one around here for miles. At least I thought there wasn't."
He stated in a phone interview from the County Courthouse Jail.
Davidson went on to state that he pulled over to the side of the road, picked out a pumpkin that he felt was appropriate for his purposes, cut a hole in it, and proceeded to satisfy his alleged "need".
"I guess I was just really into it, you know?" he commented with evident embarrassment.
In the process, Davidson apparently failed to notice the Wilmington Municipal police car approaching and was unaware of his audience until officer Brenda Taylor approached him.
"It was an unusual situation, that's for sure." said officer Taylor. "I walked up to (Davidson) and he's...just working away at this pumpkin."
Taylor went on to describe what happened when she approached Davidson.
"I just went up and said, "Excuse me sir, but do you realize that you are screwing a pumpkin?"
He got real surprised as you'd expect and then looked me straight in the face and said, "A pumpkin? Damn...is it midnight already?"
Labels: firefighters, humor, pumpkin, satire
posted by Allan W Janssen | 8:10 a.m.
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