JEWS! or, The Chosen People say; "Choose Someone Else!"

I just got a letter from a reader today asking a question I hadn't really thought about too much!

Basically what this person wanted to know was why I picked on, (or ran down) Muslims and Christians but had very little to say about the Jews?

After a bit of thought I came up with the answer......the Jews don't really cause any trouble.

They don't discriminate against other religions. They don't bother people who are of a different religion. They don't consider it their duty to convert other people to their beliefs or kill them if they don't convert. They don't bomb other faiths like the Northern Irish or the Arabs do. They don't run around claiming that science is garbage and only their interpretation of the world is relevant. They don't start wars but simply defend themselves when necessary.

In fact, the only negative thing I can say about the Jews is that they are always letting other people know that they are Jews and are different!

Now there is a reason for this! The concept of being different and apart from society is born out of the fact that they regard themselves as "The Chosen Ones" and are set apart from other people by God.

This belief has been the Jews biggest blessing and also their biggest curse over the years.

It has been a blessing because this sense of being different and apart from others is what has kept the Jews together over all these thousands of years when they didn't have a country or homeland to call their own.

Without their pride in being Jewish this group would have been assimilated by other cultures and religions a long time ago, and their race and religion would have been dispersed in the wind.

On the other hand it has also been their biggest curse because this attitude of being different and even "better" than others has made them disliked and even hated over the years.

Anti-Semitism is a direct result of this attitude and has been a stone around the neck of Jews since antiquity.

Isn't it ironic that a concept and a way of living can be such a curse and blessing all at the same time.

And who says God doesn't have a sense of humor!!!!!!!!!!!!

(Actually, from my book "The plain truth about God!" God is a comedian playing to an audience too afraid to laugh!)

On top of everything else, this news release was sent to the "Perspective" research department and came in a few minutes ago!

Jerusalem Update — Jews, whose troubled, 10,000-year term as God's "chosen people" finally expired last night, woke up this morning to find that they had once again been hand-picked by the Almighty.

Synagogues across the globe declared a day of mourning.

Asked if the descendants of Abraham shouldn't be pleased about being tapped for an unprecedented second term, Jerusalem Rabbi Ben Meyerson shrugged. "Of course, you are right, we should be thrilled," he said. "We should also enjoy a good swift kick in the head, but for some reason, we don't.

"Now don't ask such questions until you watch the news, or read history, or at least rent 'Fiddler on the Roof'."

Much of the world's re-blessed Jewish community shared that feeling. "It's always been considered a joke with us. You know, 'Please God, next time choose someone else,' ha ha," said New York City resident David Bashert.

"Ha. Ha ha," Bashert added. "Shit."

According to a worldwide survey of faiths, not a single group expressed an interest in being chosen, and the only application submitted before last night's filing deadline, on behalf of the Islamic people, proved to be a fake.

"Somebody filled out a form and signed our name to it, but I guarantee it wasn't us," said Imam Yusuf Al Muhammed of Medina, Saudi Arabia. "I'm not going to say who it was, but the application was filled out in Hebrew."

"Oh, don't be such a k'vatsh," responded Meyerson. "It's only 10,000 years. Trust me, after a few diaspora, you would have gotten used to the universal hatred thing."

Due to the absence of voluntary candidates, God's Law stipulated that the Almighty had to choose a people at random to serve out the next 10-millenia term. Elias Contreau, director of the International Interfaith Working Group, said he wasn't surprised it came to a blind drawing.

"According to the Bible, God promised to bless Abraham and those who came after him," said Contreau. "Who knows, maybe that sounded good at the time, or maybe 'blessed' meant something different back then, like 'Short periods of prosperity interrupted by insufferable friggin' chaos.' Whatever, I think it's safe to say that people didn't know what they were agreeing to."

Now they do, Contreau added, which he said explains why so many religions had lately been exalting God's existence, but downplaying their own.

"We were not avoiding Him. We just told our parishioners that if Anyone asks, we're out," insisted Archbishop of Canterbury Dr. George Carey, who had called off services during February. "Besides, we weren't the only ones. I didn't see the Hindus raising their hands."

"Now look, it's like we told the ethereal vision who dropped off the application, 'Sure, we have a strong shared faith and all that, but I wouldn't exactly say we're a 'people,' not really,'" recalled Hindu leader Samuldrala Swami Maharaj of Calcutta. "Plus, you know, I told him we had a lot of other commitments. We'd like to help, honestly. Another time, maybe."

In Jerusalem, Jewish leaders said they will propose an amendment to God's Law prohibiting a people from having to serve more than two consecutive terms. "Hopefully, God will hear our prayer," said Meyerson. "No, wait, that's what got us into this."

Americans, meanwhile, expressed outrage at the decision, saying they had assumed they were God's chosen people. However, explained Archbishop Carey, "It only seems that way because so many people don't like you."

Allan W Janssen is the author of The Plain Truth About God at www.God-101.com and the blog "Perspective" at http://God-101.blogspot.com