WARNING!
As any reader of this blog well knows we give equal time to anyone and everyone. (As well as attempting to piss off everybody at one time or another!)
With this in mind our crack "Perspective" research department has uncovered some interesting and instructive facts you should consider.
Christians living in the modern world are at great risk of being led into evil habits that mock God's teachings.
But, God has given us explicit instructions for righteous and holy personal grooming technques. A righteous man will not be tempted by spinning ornaments with colored stripes on them, any more than he is tempted by a harlot with a red incandescent lamp in her den of iniquity.
For it is the Revealed Word of God, directly inserted into the minds of ancient scribes, that a righteous man shall not suffer the scissors and shavers of Satan to come near to his face. "You shall not cut the hair on the sides of your heads, neither shall you clip off the edge of your beard."
As the photo shown here clearly illustrates, a righteous man would never allow his beard to be trimmed.
This man obviously does not go anywhere near a Barber Shop, because he knows that God Hates Barbers.
The righteous man shown on the left has evolved into a truly devout Christian who is concerned with the Holy Sayings. One claim that he obviously realizes is that people should not get haircuts.
Notice how bushy and fully developed is the hair around his temples. Certainly he believes in the Preservation of Favored Hair Growth in the Struggle for Righteousness.
Clearly this righteous man has made a natural selection to avoid the sins of scissors and shavers.
"For ye shall not cut off the hair of your heads round about your temples. This the heathens, infidels, and cute young sexy guys do, either for the worship of their idols on MTV, to whom young men used to consecrate their hair, being cut off from their heads, as Homer, Bart, Moe and many others have done, or for cooler hair styles."
Thy hair stylings shall be an abomination! And thy conditioner is forbidden.
Neither shall ye cut off thy hair and sell it for huge profits on eBay to men with afflictions of the scalp. For baldness is my judgement, sayeth the lord, and the bald shall not adorn their heads with temple cuttings or beard corners lest they should face my wrath.
And there shall be a special judgement for the servants of Satan that work the trimmers and scissors in opposition to my will, for they shall be judged as harshly as Spongebob Squarepants.
And I shall beset you with TV evangelists, and a plague of legislators that shall be in their pockets. My judgement shall be upon those with fancy hairstyles. Surely their blood shall be upon them. Leviticus 19:27, Leviticus 13:41
God Also Hates Vaginas.
He knows what a horrible, sinful, and unclean thing is concealed by women in their shameful desire to spoil the purity of virgin altar boys.
Each and every month women become unclean, and any self respecting and Bible believing man will not sit in a chair that an unclean woman has polluted with her Satanic cooties.15:19 (15:19-30, 33)
God's law for menstruating women:
They are unclean and sinful. Anything that they touch is unclean. Anyone who touches anything that they touch is unclean. Stay completely away from them. (And for God's sake, don't even think about having sex with them!)
Do not sit on a chair, or a couch that has been rendered unclean by a woman and a man who has sex with a menstruating woman "shall be unclean seven days."
But in Lev.20:18 God says that such a man and his menstruating partner "shall be cut off from among their people."
God hates vaginas because they are so disgusting.
Proceed with Caution!
ALSO..... Lobsters, crabs, crayfish, prawns … seafood lovers everywhere relish the mention of such culinary delights. But there’s much more to know about these shellfish than simply how tastily they can be served up on a plate. You need to be aware that that tasty morsel you'd love to eat will cause you to burn in hell for all eternity.
Leviticus 11:9-12 says:
9- These shall ye eat of all that are in the waters: whatsoever hath fins and scales in the waters, in the seas, and in the rivers, them shall ye eat.
10- And all that have not fins and scales in the seas, and in the rivers, of all that move in the waters, and of any living thing which is in the waters, they shall be an abomination unto you:
11- They shall be even an abomination unto you; ye shall not eat of their flesh, but ye shall have their carcases in abomination.
12- Whatsoever hath no fins nor scales in the waters, that shall be an abomination unto you.
Remember, Satan Lurks in Seafood Restaurants!
Satan, through his demonic ally Neptune, has placed these tempting abominations in nearly every body of water on this planet, including both fresh and salt waters.
In addition, as part of his evil plan to confuse and overcome the righteous, he has also placed in various locations around the planet what appear to be ancient fossils of Crustacean-like appearance.
Some seem to be over 6,000 years old, according to so-called Scientists.
DO NOT BE FOOLED BY SATAN!
Certain cities have become associated with some of these forbidden foods.
In the USA, the city of New Orleans was smote with hurricane Katrina because of all the seafood restaurants that specialize in tempting the faithful with spicy, tasty, delicious shellfish. God has rendered judgement on creole cuisine.
If I lived in Maryland I'd be very careful about where I go to eat.
The entire state of Maine has been given over to the Red Lobster Conspiracy.
San Francisco may be completely a lost cause, as there are seafood restaurants in almost every neighborhood.
Many thought that the great tsunami of December 26, 2004 was a natural disaster. In fact it was God purging the shorelines of abominations such as lobster traps and clam infestations.
Help protect America from the wrath of God, take your whole family and your lawyers with you, and picket the boat of a lobsterman today!
PRAISE GOD!
Allan W Janssen is the author of the book The Plain Truth About God (What the mainstream religions don't want you to know!) and is available at the web site www.God-101.com
Visit the blog "Perspective" at http://God-101.blogspot.com
With this in mind our crack "Perspective" research department has uncovered some interesting and instructive facts you should consider.
Christians living in the modern world are at great risk of being led into evil habits that mock God's teachings.
But, God has given us explicit instructions for righteous and holy personal grooming technques. A righteous man will not be tempted by spinning ornaments with colored stripes on them, any more than he is tempted by a harlot with a red incandescent lamp in her den of iniquity.
For it is the Revealed Word of God, directly inserted into the minds of ancient scribes, that a righteous man shall not suffer the scissors and shavers of Satan to come near to his face. "You shall not cut the hair on the sides of your heads, neither shall you clip off the edge of your beard."
As the photo shown here clearly illustrates, a righteous man would never allow his beard to be trimmed. This man obviously does not go anywhere near a Barber Shop, because he knows that God Hates Barbers.
The righteous man shown on the left has evolved into a truly devout Christian who is concerned with the Holy Sayings. One claim that he obviously realizes is that people should not get haircuts.
Notice how bushy and fully developed is the hair around his temples. Certainly he believes in the Preservation of Favored Hair Growth in the Struggle for Righteousness.
Clearly this righteous man has made a natural selection to avoid the sins of scissors and shavers.
"For ye shall not cut off the hair of your heads round about your temples. This the heathens, infidels, and cute young sexy guys do, either for the worship of their idols on MTV, to whom young men used to consecrate their hair, being cut off from their heads, as Homer, Bart, Moe and many others have done, or for cooler hair styles."
Thy hair stylings shall be an abomination! And thy conditioner is forbidden.
Neither shall ye cut off thy hair and sell it for huge profits on eBay to men with afflictions of the scalp. For baldness is my judgement, sayeth the lord, and the bald shall not adorn their heads with temple cuttings or beard corners lest they should face my wrath.
And there shall be a special judgement for the servants of Satan that work the trimmers and scissors in opposition to my will, for they shall be judged as harshly as Spongebob Squarepants.
And I shall beset you with TV evangelists, and a plague of legislators that shall be in their pockets. My judgement shall be upon those with fancy hairstyles. Surely their blood shall be upon them. Leviticus 19:27, Leviticus 13:41
God Also Hates Vaginas.
He knows what a horrible, sinful, and unclean thing is concealed by women in their shameful desire to spoil the purity of virgin altar boys. Each and every month women become unclean, and any self respecting and Bible believing man will not sit in a chair that an unclean woman has polluted with her Satanic cooties.15:19 (15:19-30, 33)
God's law for menstruating women:
They are unclean and sinful. Anything that they touch is unclean. Anyone who touches anything that they touch is unclean. Stay completely away from them. (And for God's sake, don't even think about having sex with them!)
Do not sit on a chair, or a couch that has been rendered unclean by a woman and a man who has sex with a menstruating woman "shall be unclean seven days."
But in Lev.20:18 God says that such a man and his menstruating partner "shall be cut off from among their people."
God hates vaginas because they are so disgusting.
Proceed with Caution!
ALSO..... Lobsters, crabs, crayfish, prawns … seafood lovers everywhere relish the mention of such culinary delights. But there’s much more to know about these shellfish than simply how tastily they can be served up on a plate. You need to be aware that that tasty morsel you'd love to eat will cause you to burn in hell for all eternity.
Leviticus 11:9-12 says:
9- These shall ye eat of all that are in the waters: whatsoever hath fins and scales in the waters, in the seas, and in the rivers, them shall ye eat.
10- And all that have not fins and scales in the seas, and in the rivers, of all that move in the waters, and of any living thing which is in the waters, they shall be an abomination unto you:
11- They shall be even an abomination unto you; ye shall not eat of their flesh, but ye shall have their carcases in abomination.
12- Whatsoever hath no fins nor scales in the waters, that shall be an abomination unto you.
Remember, Satan Lurks in Seafood Restaurants!
Satan, through his demonic ally Neptune, has placed these tempting abominations in nearly every body of water on this planet, including both fresh and salt waters. In addition, as part of his evil plan to confuse and overcome the righteous, he has also placed in various locations around the planet what appear to be ancient fossils of Crustacean-like appearance.
Some seem to be over 6,000 years old, according to so-called Scientists.
DO NOT BE FOOLED BY SATAN!
Certain cities have become associated with some of these forbidden foods.
In the USA, the city of New Orleans was smote with hurricane Katrina because of all the seafood restaurants that specialize in tempting the faithful with spicy, tasty, delicious shellfish. God has rendered judgement on creole cuisine.If I lived in Maryland I'd be very careful about where I go to eat.
The entire state of Maine has been given over to the Red Lobster Conspiracy.
San Francisco may be completely a lost cause, as there are seafood restaurants in almost every neighborhood.
Many thought that the great tsunami of December 26, 2004 was a natural disaster. In fact it was God purging the shorelines of abominations such as lobster traps and clam infestations.
Help protect America from the wrath of God, take your whole family and your lawyers with you, and picket the boat of a lobsterman today!
PRAISE GOD!
Allan W Janssen is the author of the book The Plain Truth About God (What the mainstream religions don't want you to know!) and is available at the web site www.God-101.com
Visit the blog "Perspective" at http://God-101.blogspot.com
Labels: annal sex, barbers, humor, menstruation, satire, seafood, stuff god hates
posted by Allan W Janssen | 3:31 p.m.
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