Losers and Assholes
We normaly don't do this article till the weekend to give the Perspective research department some time to come up with some juicy tidbits............but THIS week?
It seems there are just TOO many of them and we are going to have to run a mid-week update just to stay on top of things.
Ready, O.K. First the "Asshole of the week!"
FROM NEW YORK — (No kids, it's not the David Letterman show!) Gov. Eliot Spitzer, the nationally known do-gooder who suffered a jaw-dropping fall from grace this week after being accused of frequenting a high-price call girl ring, announced his resignation today.
In a short appearance before reporters, Spitzer said he had always demanded others take responsibility for their actions.
"I cannot and will not ask no less of myself," he said. "For this reason, I am resigning from the office of governor."
"For the past few days I have begun to atone for my private failings with my wife Silda, my children and my entire family. The remorse I feel will always be with me,"
Spitzer said. "I cannot allow for my private failings to disrupt the people's work."
Spitzer, 48, said he was "deeply sorry I did not live up to what was expected of me," and apologized to "every New Yorker."
And then we have your plain ordinary everyday losers who seems to breed faster in the spring for some reason.
1. A company trying to continue its five-year perfect safety record showed its workers a film aimed at encouraging the use of safety goggles on the job. According to Industrial Machinery News, the film's depiction of gory industrial accidents was so graphic that twenty-five workers suffered minor injuries in their rush to leave the screening room. Thirteen others fainted, and one man required seven stitches after he cut his head falling off a chair while watching the film.
2. The Chico, California, City Council enacted a ban on nuclear weapons, setting a $500 fine for anyone detonating one within city limits.
3. A bus carrying five passengers was hit by a car in St. Louis, but by the time police arrived on the scene, fourteen pedestrians had boarded the bus and had begun to complain of whiplash injuries and back pain.
4. Swedish business consultant Ulf af Trolle labored 13 years on a book about Swedish economic solutions. He took the 250-page manuscript to be copied, only to have it reduced to 50,000 strips of paper in seconds when a worker confused the copier with the shredder.
5. A convict broke out of jail in Washington D.C., then a few days later accompanied his girlfriend to her trial for robbery. At lunch, he went out for a sandwich. She needed to see him, and thus had him paged. Police officers recognized his name and arrested him as he returned to the courthouse in a car he had stolen over the lunch hour.
6. Police in Radnor, Pennsylvania, interrogated a suspect by placing a metal colander on his head and connecting it with wires to a photocopy machine. The message "He's lying" was placed in the copier, and police pressed the copy button each time they thought the suspect wasn't telling the truth. Believing the "lie detector" was working, the suspect confessed.
7. When two service station attendants in Ionia, Michigan, refused to hand over the cash to an intoxicated robber, the man threatened to call the police. They still refused, so the robber called the police and was arrested.
8. A Los Angeles man who later said he was "tired of walking," stole a steamroller and led police on a 5 mph chase until an officer stepped aboard and brought the vehicle to a stop.
9. A fierce gust of wind blew 45-year-old Vittorio Luise's car into a river near Naples, Italy, in 1983. He managed to break a window, climb out and swim to shore -- where a tree blew over and killed him.
AND PERHAPS THE BEST ONE OF ALL!!!!
10. Two West German motorists had an all-too-literal head-on collision in heavy fog near the small town of Guetersloh.
Each was guiding his car at a snail's pace near the center of the road. At the moment of impact their heads were both out of the windows when they smacked together.
Both men were hospitalized with severe head injuries. Their cars weren't scratched.
Allan W Janssen is the author of the book The Plain Truth About God (What the mainstream religions don't want you to know!) and is available at the web site www.God-101.com
Visit the blog "Perspective" at http://God-101.blogspot.com
It seems there are just TOO many of them and we are going to have to run a mid-week update just to stay on top of things.
Ready, O.K. First the "Asshole of the week!"
FROM NEW YORK — (No kids, it's not the David Letterman show!) Gov. Eliot Spitzer, the nationally known do-gooder who suffered a jaw-dropping fall from grace this week after being accused of frequenting a high-price call girl ring, announced his resignation today.In a short appearance before reporters, Spitzer said he had always demanded others take responsibility for their actions.
"I cannot and will not ask no less of myself," he said. "For this reason, I am resigning from the office of governor."
"For the past few days I have begun to atone for my private failings with my wife Silda, my children and my entire family. The remorse I feel will always be with me,"Spitzer said. "I cannot allow for my private failings to disrupt the people's work."
Spitzer, 48, said he was "deeply sorry I did not live up to what was expected of me," and apologized to "every New Yorker."
And then we have your plain ordinary everyday losers who seems to breed faster in the spring for some reason.
1. A company trying to continue its five-year perfect safety record showed its workers a film aimed at encouraging the use of safety goggles on the job. According to Industrial Machinery News, the film's depiction of gory industrial accidents was so graphic that twenty-five workers suffered minor injuries in their rush to leave the screening room. Thirteen others fainted, and one man required seven stitches after he cut his head falling off a chair while watching the film.
2. The Chico, California, City Council enacted a ban on nuclear weapons, setting a $500 fine for anyone detonating one within city limits.
3. A bus carrying five passengers was hit by a car in St. Louis, but by the time police arrived on the scene, fourteen pedestrians had boarded the bus and had begun to complain of whiplash injuries and back pain. 4. Swedish business consultant Ulf af Trolle labored 13 years on a book about Swedish economic solutions. He took the 250-page manuscript to be copied, only to have it reduced to 50,000 strips of paper in seconds when a worker confused the copier with the shredder.
5. A convict broke out of jail in Washington D.C., then a few days later accompanied his girlfriend to her trial for robbery. At lunch, he went out for a sandwich. She needed to see him, and thus had him paged. Police officers recognized his name and arrested him as he returned to the courthouse in a car he had stolen over the lunch hour.
6. Police in Radnor, Pennsylvania, interrogated a suspect by placing a metal colander on his head and connecting it with wires to a photocopy machine. The message "He's lying" was placed in the copier, and police pressed the copy button each time they thought the suspect wasn't telling the truth. Believing the "lie detector" was working, the suspect confessed.
7. When two service station attendants in Ionia, Michigan, refused to hand over the cash to an intoxicated robber, the man threatened to call the police. They still refused, so the robber called the police and was arrested.
8. A Los Angeles man who later said he was "tired of walking," stole a steamroller and led police on a 5 mph chase until an officer stepped aboard and brought the vehicle to a stop.
9. A fierce gust of wind blew 45-year-old Vittorio Luise's car into a river near Naples, Italy, in 1983. He managed to break a window, climb out and swim to shore -- where a tree blew over and killed him.
AND PERHAPS THE BEST ONE OF ALL!!!!
10. Two West German motorists had an all-too-literal head-on collision in heavy fog near the small town of Guetersloh.
Each was guiding his car at a snail's pace near the center of the road. At the moment of impact their heads were both out of the windows when they smacked together.
Both men were hospitalized with severe head injuries. Their cars weren't scratched.
Allan W Janssen is the author of the book The Plain Truth About God (What the mainstream religions don't want you to know!) and is available at the web site www.God-101.com
Visit the blog "Perspective" at http://God-101.blogspot.com
posted by Allan W Janssen | 3:26 p.m.
4 Comments:
Some of these were really funny! Thanks.
Entertaining and kind of sad at the same time. Mostly funn though! ...more
I agree with Jen, some of these criminals are too stupid to be able to breath ...more
And Spitzer's wife may be the biggest loser of all this week....for her portrayal of the beautiful, dutiful, and wronged wife; while unbeknownst to the rest of us was the last remaining holdout trying to talk her husband into staying on as Governor. Whether it was to retain their power-base, or wealth, or whatever....you can't make it up!
Post a Comment
Subscribe to Post Comments [Atom]
<< Home