Saturday Morning Confusion. # 5

Since this is Easter weekend, it's time to pick on the Christians.

I am confused as hell by all the religious nuts who would let themselves be nailed to a cross just because some guy was killed that way 2000 years ago.

Is the whole world nuts?

Here we go again with a story from the Philippines!

Philippine devotees re-enacted Jesus Christ's suffering Friday by having themselves nailed to crosses. (I do have to admit that the Catholic Church has matured somewhat because these rites are now frowned upon by church leaders in Asia's largest predominantly Roman Catholic nation.)

This means our current chump is a double-play winner of the "Looser of the Week" trophy" and also the "Asshole of the day" award.

Fernando Mamangon, 37, was among the first of some 30 men scheduled to go through the Good Friday rites in three villages in northern Pampanga province's San Fernando city.

Five other devotees, including a woman, were nailed to crosses in nearby Bulacan province. (What the hell, let's have a gang-hang and nominate all 30 of them for these awards. Come on folks, let's hear it for them!!!!!!)

It was Mamangon's 13th straight year for the rite, which penitents endure to fulfill a vow or pray for a cure for illnesses.

"I started having myself nailed to the cross in 1995 because my eldest son got sick and almost died," Mamangon, clad in a maroon robe with a crown of vines and thorns, said minutes before he was nailed to a wooden cross on a dusty mound in Santa Lucia village.

He said his eldest son was cured of complications from measles, but his 5-year-old son Alex still suffers from a stomach ailment.

On Wednesday, Archbishop Paciano B. Aniceto of San Fernando city urged devotees not to turn Holy Week into a "circus."

Aniceto said he has been telling penitents "to take time to thank God for the blessings and never use their devotion for tourism purposes."

The yearly tradition has become a tourist attraction, especially in San Fernando's San Pedro Cutud village, which sometimes draws thousands of local and foreign tourists.

Aside from the cross nailing, scores of men pound their bleeding bare backs with bamboo sticks dangling from ropes in a flagellation rite meant to atone for sins.

Aniceto lamented that a surge of vendors and tourists has injected too much commercialism into Holy Week celebrations.

But Mamangon vowed to continue with the practice handed down by his late father, who was nailed to the cross 15 times.

"After being nailed to the cross, I feel so refreshed, like all my sins are washed away," Mamangon said. "I will continue this until my son Alex is cured."

Ain't faith grand?

(On a side note; I am really glad that Christ wasn't crucified in the twentieth century. Otherwise we would all be walking around with little, wee electric chairs hanging on a chain around our neck!)

NOW! We are going to take a test to see just how good a Christian some of you folks are......!

Answer these questions as truthfully as possible.

(By the way, these are the only things you need to get into the "Church of Allan!")

1. Trying to keep the Ten Commandments.
2. Gifts to charity
3. Doing your best.
4. Living a good life.
5. Good works.
6. Trying to obey the Golden Rule.
7. Giving money to the church. (VERY IMPORTANT!)
8. Being Ecologically responsible.
9. Confirmation.
10. Prayers.

OK, how many did you get? 5? 7? All 10?

DON'T MATTER, YOU'RE SCREWED UNLESS YOU FOLLOW THE CHURCH RULES;

You don't have to do a God Damned thing except believe what the Christian Church feeds you.

"NO! None of these things can save you stupid! You can do nothing to earn eternal life.

It is faith in the Lord Jesus Christ alone that can save you.

The way to have eternal life is not found in what we do ourselves, but by having a perfect righteousness given to us.

We receive this when we believe the Lord Jesus Christ took our sins on Himself and paid for them by His death on the cross."

So there you have it boys and girls, you don't have to do ANYTHING!

It's a no fuss, no bother religion that fits in with our easy living lifestyle.

Screw up your life all you want because you can go to church on Sunday and have it all forgiven so that you can go out Monday morning and do it all over again.

If Jesus knew what his teachings have been turned into he would spin in his grave!

(And for all this we can thank Paul, because he is the actual originator of Christianity and just used Jesus as a stage prop!)

Your "Let's put things back into perspective here!" scribe;
Allan W Janssen

Allan W Janssen is the author of the book The Plain Truth About God (What the mainstream religions don't want you to know!) and is available at the web site www.God-101.com

Visit the blog "Perspective" at http://God-101.blogspot.com