Wednesday, June 04, 2008

Bird Poop!

Twice in the past week I have been dive-bombed by birds while driving along in my car.

I don't mean just little specks of bird shit either, I'm talking about stuff the size of your hand when it hits!

This led me into a long contemplation on the where-for and why of bird-shit and I came up with some surprising answers.

First of all I wondered what sort of objects were targeted by these feathered felons and I found out that it is mostly statues of people and cars that get the treatment!

Helping me in this study was the "Perspective" research department, and we first looked at all sorts of different areas where there were signs of fowl deposits and found out that this foul pigeon poop and Polly piss were saved for specific targets.

We have all seen statues with bird dung covering them and this would lead one to believe that all monuments are fair game for these feathered marauders but such is not the case!

No my friends, it is people and their machines that draws the wrath of these avian avengers.

Don't believe me? Just look at this world famous statue of Henry Moore's "The Archer" which sits outside of Toronto City Hall!!!

A noteworthy and non-descript piece of art with no human attributes and if you will notice, not one speck of bird business to be seen.

"What is it with cars then?" You might ask!

Well bunky, that's simple! It is always cars that whack them and their brethren. So, the birds get their revenge for injuries suffered by waiting for your car to be parked somewhere and then take the time to do a right proper job of defecating and desecrating to their hearts content!

Moving cars are another matter.

That's just target practice!

And last but certainly not least, all birds of a feather flock together to lay waste, to and on, as many humans as possible.

As payment for centuries of stealing their eggs, hunting them in the fields and cooking them over a fire these two winged swoopers have declared war on humnaity in a subtle and even sometimes not so subtle way.

Yes kids, it's now us who are fair game!!!!!!!

Allan W Janssen is the author of the book The Plain Truth About God (What the mainstream religions don't want you to know!) and is available at the web site www.God-101.com

Visit the blog "Perspective" at http://Allans-Perspective.blogspot.com

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