Bush Helps Kidnappers.

In a surprise move that stunned the State Department, President George W. Bush has issued a communique in support of the ideals and aims of his kidnappers.

His long, rambling letter expressed sympathy for the Palestinian cause and the Arab conflict with the Multi-National Oil Companies. He also condemned the suppression of Muslims throughout the Middle-East by Christian "Crusaders!"

Bush decried the spread of Western Values through the Arab World, the lack of morals in Western Society and the shameful exhibitionism of Western Women. He said at the end of his statement that he was leaving immediately for the mountains of Afghanistan to join Osama bin-Laden and fight for Islamic values and the eradication of all "Infidels!"

State Department officials were at a loss for words except to venture a guess that perhaps President Bush was suffering from "Stockholm Syndrome" and was not responsible for his actions.

In the meantime Bush has disappeared and his whereabouts or destination are unknown!

More news as it becomes available.

Your "on the front" scribe;
Allan W Janssen

Bush Kidnappers Told to Keep Him!

In a surprising turn of events, "Perspective's" crack team of investigative reporters has uncovered secret communications between the White House and Military Command in Iraq.

According to our dedicated professionals it has been learned that the White House has instructed Major General Ura Dick of the Joint Chiefs to pay the insurgents 25 million dollars to keep President Bush untill the end of his term.

The White House and the Joint Chiefs would neither confirm or deny this information but it looks as if this drama is not over yet.

Stay Tuned!

On the Front;
Allan W Janssen

Bush Kidnappers Make Demands.

In a statement just released, Ibin so-Naughty, spokesman for the Iraqi radical group "Cus u-Betta" has issued a statement that they will pay any other group 10 million dollars to take George Bush off their hands.

After consultations amongst "u-Betta" senior officials it was decided that Bush's constant whining was too irritating. Since he was the President of the United States they couldn't just kill him so they would be better off paying to get rid of him!

Your "On the Q.T." scribe;
Allan W Janssen