Kim Jong-ill NOT so ill after all.

Since we mentioned him in the previous article, it seems fair to say that Fearless Leader Kim Jong-ill is not as crazy as we make him out to be. He sure seems to be able to run rings around his contemporaries on the International stage

Everyone thought that North Korea was going to dismantle is nuclear program according to an agreement reached after a bizarre amount of haggling.

(Remember when demands were coming one after the other and changing every other week? But we were finally led to believe that an agreement had been reached, hadn't we Bunky?)

Well guess what kids! (Jong-ill trying not to laugh!)->

The United States on Thursday for the first time admitted it was scaling back its demands of North Korea in a bid to break a diplomatic stalemate on dismantling Pyongyang's nuclear arms programs.

The top Asia hand at the US National Security Council, Dennis Wilder, said North Korea was not "off the hook" on fully declaring its atomic programs, but that proliferation issues would be "handled in a different manner."
(Right!)

On Wednesday, the United States said it was working with its diplomatic partners on a new mechanism to scrutinize any nuclear declaration by North Korea.

The announcement of the new verification measure came amid criticism of a reported prospective deal reached earlier this month between US and North Korean envoys, which caused a great deal of skepticism among experts.

The United States never seems to have heard of that old saying "fool me once, shame on you, fools me twice shame one me!"

I would like to add this; "fool me over and over, and what the hell is wrong with me!"

Allan W Janssen is the author of the book The Plain Truth About God (What the mainstream religions don't want you to know!) and is available at the web site www.God-101.com

Visit the blog "Perspective" at http://Allans-Perspective.blogspot.com

Thursday Notes

News from here, there and everywhere by the award winning Perspective research department!

First the "there."

News out of North Korea from our Asian Bureau that Fearless Leader Kim Jong-ill is going to make the ultimate sacrifice for his Country and fly to a working holiday in China and Vietnam.

Apparently Kim has a big fear of flying and takes the train everywhere, even on a trip to Moscow some years ago.

Since he is going to be flying, he needed a personal plane, so the government went to Russia and bought him one for this trip.

Meanwhile North Korea is once again near mass starvation for it's people. (And the reason the army is so big is because they get regular food!)

South Korea expressed disappointment that Kim Jong-ill's "ultimate sacrifice" didn't mean that he was going to kill himself!

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Next; Hot off the "Persective" news wire. Marth Stewart's dog has died!

It made all the papers.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Well pimp my Pope.......

Pope Benedict XVI has criticised US bishops for their handling of child sex scandals involving Catholic Priests, saying their response to the crisis had sometimes been very poor.

However, he laid part of the blame for the crisis, of which he feels "deeply ashamed", on a breakdown in US values which allowed the priests to perpetrate those acts.

(Yup, if a guy's a pedophile, it's Societies fault!!!)

By the way, on the third day of his visit to the United States, Pope Benedict will celebrate Mass in Washington's new baseball stadium and perform the traditional "blessing of the ball!",

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------

From Fox News, the flagship of Journalistic integrity: Oprah Winfrey may have gone too far in exploiting and distributing the teachings of a questionable New Age writer.

On Monday night this week, Winfrey conducted her weekly web “event” seminar with new age writer Eckhart Tolle. His message: “Life is the dancer and you are the dance.”

Got that?

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

And finally; Global auction house Sotheby's failed to hammer off a 72.22-carat, "D" flawless white diamond at its Asian sales last week in a possible sign of weakness in the global diamond trade.

The large diamond which had a pre-sale estimate of $10-12 million, attracted a final bid of HK$73 million ($9.24million) that fell short of the reserve price and went unsold, said Sotheby's press officer Rhonda Yung.

(That reserve must have been $10 million. Oh well, another day, another dollar!)

Allan W Janssen is the author of the book The Plain Truth About God (What the mainstream religions don't want you to know!) and is available at the web site www.God-101.com

Visit the blog "Perspective" at http://Allans-Perspective.blogspot.com

Kim Jong-ill at it again!

SEOUL, South Korea - North Korean leader Kim Jong Il called himself an "Internet expert" during summit talks with South Korea's president this week, a news report said Friday.

The reclusive leader made the remark after South Korean President Roh Moo-hyun asked that South Korean companies operating at an industrial park in the North Korean city of Kaesong be allowed to use the Internet, Yonhap news agency reported, without citing any source.

(Kim Jong-ill seen here during one of North Korea's many power outages when air conditioning was not available!)

"I'm an Internet expert too. It's all right to wire the industrial zone only, but there are many problems if other regions of the North are wired," Kim told Roh, according to Yonhap.

"If that problem is addressed, there is no reason not to open" the Internet, Kim said.

This week's summit — the second-ever such meeting between the two Koreas — produced a wide-ranging reconciliation pact that calls for establishing a new special economic zone in North Korea and expanding the Kaesong factory park.

North Korea is one of the world's most closed nations, with the totalitarian regime tightly controlling outside information and tolerating no dissent. Radios and TV sets in North Korea can only receive state broadcasts and ordinary people are banned from using mobile phones, let alone the Internet.

However, the country's ruling elite appear to have regular access to outside information.
Kim reportedly asked former Secretary of State Madeleine Albright for her e-mail address when she visited Pyongyang in 2000.

A North Korean general cracked a joke about President Bush during high-level military talks with the South earlier this year, saying he read it on the Internet.

The North's leader is also a big fan of South Korean movies and TV dramas, and Roh gave him a bookcase of South Korean DVDs as a gift this week.

Allan W Janssen is the author of The Plain Truth About God at http://www.god-101.com/ and the blog "Perspective" at http://god-101.blogspot.com/

North Korean Hotline!

In our series on the continuing adventures of fearless Leader Kim Jong-ill we have word that senior envoys from the US and North Korea are set to meet in Geneva next week to finally discuss normalizing relations. The talks follow a multilateral deal in February, in which Pyongyang was promised aid and diplomatic benefits if it disabled its nuclear programme.

The US is expected to seek assurances no uranium enrichment is taking place, while North Korea wants to be removed from the US list of terrorism sponsors. Analysts say the two sides are still far from resolving their differences.

Meanwhile, the eldest son of Kim Jong-il, the North Korean leader, is reported to have returned home after several years in exile in a move that has raised speculation over a possible power succession.

Kim Jong-nam, 36, has taken on an influential post in the ruling communist party, South Korea's Chosun Ilbo said on Monday.

Kim Jong-nam was widely believed to have fallen out of favour in 2001 after he was caught entering Japan on a fake passport saying he wanted to visit Tokyo Disneyland. (He was given diplomatic immunity while the two hookers with him were expelled.)

The publicity – and ridicule- the case attracted was said to have embarrassed his father, and the younger Kim has since spent most of his time living in China and the gambling enclave of Macau.

Meanwhile, with grey apartment blocks, bugged hotel rooms, an erratic electricity supply and rumours of a secret nuclear arsenal - North Korea is not every one's idea of a perfect holiday destination. But plenty of South Koreans signed up for their first chance to visit the North's capital Pyongyang this week, and they are not the only tourists trekking to this isolated communist state.

North Korea is also one of the world's most secretive nations. For a North Korean, contact with a foreigner can land one in jail… or worse.

But, there is one embarrassing secret that is hard for the government to hide, literally.

It's the Ryugyong Hotel in the Potong District of North Korea's capital city of Pyongyang. It's difficult to hide because it's a massive, 105-story structure which dominates the city's skyline.

It's an embarrassment because it's a complete engineering failure… its empty, dilapidated husk lurks over the capital, mocking the citizens of the proud country.

The Ryugyong or "Capital of Willows" Hotel stands 1,083 feet tall, and it was planned to have 3,000 rooms and seven revolving restaurants. It has a total of 3.9 million square feet of floor space.

The hotel would be the tallest hotel and seventh largest building in the world if it were finished. It would also have been the first building with over one hundred floors outside of New York or Chicago.

The first event scheduled to be held at the hotel was June 1989's World Festival of Youth and Students. The hotel was nowhere near ready for that event.

Its construction was plagued with problems, and after five years construction completely ground to a halt due to a shortage of everything… especially funding and electricity.

Work on the hotel has never resumed; the project was abandoned, leaving a lonely construction crane perched on its peak.

Today, few North Koreans are willing to discuss the hotel with outsiders. The hotel, which was once found on city maps before the construction even began, has now been completely stricken from the official maps. Tour guides usually claim not to know where it is.

Either a majority of the country is in a state of denial about the whole thing, or they avoid the subject for fear of reprisal. Since the government's embarrassing monument is visible from practically every point in the city, it's most likely the latter.

Allan W Janssen is the author of The Plain Truth About God at http://www.god-101.com/

Kim Jong-ill to host North Korean Beauty Pageant!

In a move to promote culture and the North Korean way of life, Dearly Beloved and Fearless leader for life, Kim Jong-ill has decided to personally take over responsibility for this years beauty pageant.

Citing a lack of direction in recent years, Kim will oversee the selection of contestants and the list of categories.

The Pageant itself will be held on Kim Jong-ill day in September, one of fifteen such days throughout the year..


Contestants were picked from all over North Korea and will compet in such events as tractor pull, marksmanship, forced marches, cooking, unarmed combat and a simple contest based on appearance and hygeine.

Show here are the the two daughters of Kim Jong-ill who are expected to place quite well for most if not all of the categories.

Your entertainmnt reporter;
Allan W Janssen

Kim Jong-ill Arrested!

Fearless leader Kin Jong-ill of North Korea was caught after sneaking into South Korea yesterday so that he could spend a day at the beach in Seoul along with tens of thousands of other Koreans. Thinking he was safe amongst the large number of bathers on the beach (bottom right with white hat) North Korean agents caught up with him none-the-less and placed him under arrest.

Here he is shown with a couple of unidentified U.S. agents being led away for interrogation.

Neither the U.S. State Department nor South Korea has commented on Jong-ill's arrest but it's expected that he will claim "Diplomatic Immunity" and be released!


Your "Undercover" scribe;
Allan W Janssen

All Shook Up

Kim Jong-ill, glorious leader of North Korea has been embarrassed by foreign politicians.

It seems that at a party for visiting Chinese officials last week-end Glorious Leader lead a karaoke party where he sang a few of his favorite Elvis Presley songs.

The only problem was the Kin Jong-ill was used to a local crowd who would naturally applaud with great enthusiasm and tell him how wonderful he was.

Instead, these were Chinese officials who weren't that crazy about him to begin with and rather than the usual platitudes, he was greeted with a barrage of jeers and howls of laughter.

Apparently Kim baby was livid and next day North Korea's security agency ordered the shutdown of all karaoke bars, saying they are a threat to society, a South Korean newspaper reported Wednesday.

Refugees from the reclusive state say such outlets are largely located in the northern region that borders China and are frequented by merchants involved in cross-border business rather than ordinary citizens.

The North's Ministry of People's Security said in a directive that all karaoke bars, video-screening rooms and Internet cafes must shut immediately, the Dong-A Ilbo newspaper said.

Local officials could not be reached for comment. As a matter of fact unsubstantiated reports indicate that these people are no longer around at all.

Your "all the news" scribe;
Allan W Janssen

Saturday Morning Confusion!

As usual, lots of stuff happened this week to confuse, confound and mystify us!

A 43-year-old German man was taken to hospital in critical condition after he fell off a second storey balcony during a spitting contest with his 12-year-old son, police said Friday.

A spokesman for the police in the eastern town of Cottbus said the man in Forst had apparently lost his balance after thrusting too far forward in his attempt to out spit his son.

He tumbled over the ledge and landed on a balcony of the ground floor apartment, police said. He was taken to hospital in a rescue helicopter.

---------------------------------------------------
Asia's largest design event showcased an unlikely hero: North Korean leader Kim Jong-ill.

The communist dictator was featured on key chains, T-shirts, and other artwork featured Sunday at Design Festa in Tokyo — an event featuring 6,000 artists from across the region.


One stall displayed greeting cards showing the leader, who famously sports a quiff, dressed as Elvis Presley and was titled "Jong Il B. Goode"

In apparent reference to an ongoing international standoff over North Korea's nuclear ambitions — and following Pyongyang's test of a nuclear weapon in October — other cards showed the secretive Kim posing in front of spy ships and mushroom clouds.

Elsewhere, key chains depicting the leader tied up in Japanese-style bondage ropes were sold out. Also popular was a stall selling T-shirts emblazoned with cartoon images of the leader.

"Kim Jong Il was one of our most popular models," said key chain designer Hayato Sakai, 32. "It's just a joke. Nobody takes it seriously."

"I think it's a timely theme," said illustrator Naotoshi Inoue, 46, who drew the Kim postcards. The design event opened just days after North Korea test-fired at least one short-range missile into waters between the Korean peninsula and Japan.

"If you think seriously about what Kim Jong Il is doing, it's so scary. But that's why it may also help to laugh," Inoue said.

Design Festa is held twice a year in Tokyo and is billed as Asia's biggest design event. About 60,000 people a year attend.
---------------------------------------------------------
Police found more than 8,000 pieces of women's clothing and lingerie in the home of a Japanese man who stole the items so he could sleep buried in them.

Maeyasu Kawamura, 60, was indicted for theft on Friday, police in Osaka prefecture, western Japan, said.

Police found 2,400 pieces of lingerie, 600 kimonos and 5,200 items of other clothing all piled up high in his small apartment room.

Kawamura has confessed to stealing the items, which included a wedding dress.
"He seemed to get a thrill out of sleeping covered in women's clothes," a police spokesman said. "He seemed to like the smell."

No further details were available.
-------------------------------------------------------------
Guest Post, Mark Frauenfelder.

A Michigan man was arrested by police for accessing a coffee shop's public Wi-Fi hot spot. He was charged with a felony and faced up to 5 years in jail, but he took an offer of "paying a $400 fine, doing 40 hours of community service and staying on probation for six months."

The coffee shop owner said she was surprised by the arrest of 39-year-old Sam Peterson, who is a toolmaker, volunteer firefighter, and secretary of a bagpipe club. "He could have just come in the cafe, even if he didn't have any money, I would let him get on it," said the owner. Before the arrest, Peterson had no criminal record.

In the article about the incident, Sparta police chief Andrew Milanowski and Kent County assistant prosecuting attorney Lynn Hopkins come off as brittle, badly-programmed automatons.

"I was sitting there reading my e-mail and he came up and stuck his head inside my window and asked me who I was spying on," Peterson told FOXNews.com.

Someone from a nearby barbershop had called cops after seeing Peterson's car pull up every day and sit in front of the coffee shop without anybody getting out.

"I just curiously asked him, 'Where are you getting the Internet connection?', you know," Sparta Police Chief Andrew Milanowski said. "And he said, 'From the café.'"

Milanowski ruled out Peterson as a possible stalker of the attractive local hairdresser, but still felt that a law might have been broken.

"We came back and we looked up the laws and we figured if we found one and thought, 'Well, let's run it by the prosecutor's office and see what they want to do,'" Milanowski said.

A few weeks later Peterson said he received a letter from the Kent County prosecutor's office saying that he faced a felony charge of fraudulent access to computer networks and that a request had been made for an arrest warrant.

Looks like the cops and prosecutor's are getting that age old disease again - absence of common sense and decency, plus a personal abuse of authority!

Your "on the spot" scribe;
Allan W Janssen

Olympic Fever!

Since announcing that it would co-host the 2008 Olympics, preparations have proceeded at a progressively protracted pace.

Dear Leader Kim Jong-ill has personally supervised many of the
training routines for mass displays by up to 100,000 people. They are seen holding up colored boards to make various designs and slogans.

North Korea's 100,000-person pixel board. The display shown up above was obviously a tribute to target practice or crowd control.

Here's an unforeseen benefit of totalitarian states.
You can use your absolute authority to require people to form a giant human pixel-board:

The huge backdrops are made from human pixels, 1000's of performers holding sequences of coloured placards. Timed to coincide with China's Olympic Ceremonies, this was communist precision at its best.

Kim Jong-ill is obviously impressed with preliminary results as we can see from the look on his face.













China, meanwhile, has still not publicly commented on North Korea's plans to unilaterally co-host the games.

Your "Olympic reporter" scribe;
Allan W Janssen

North Korea To Co-Host 2008 Olympics

In a surprise announcement that has stunned most of the Western World North Korea has announced that it will Co-Host the 2008 Summer Olympic Games along with China.

Chinese officials have not commented on this announcement but there seems to be some surprise and confusion in Beijing about this latest turn of events.

Kim Jong-ill getting ready to announce North Korea as co-Host of the 2008 Olympics
Ceremonies marking the announcement by Fearless Leader Kim Jong-ill on the participation of North Korea in the Olympics.
Official North Korean statue honouring Olympics.
Cultural event marking Glorious Leader Kim Jong-ill's acquisition of 2008 Olympics.
Lighting of Olympic Flame in preparation of Dearly Beloved Leader Kim Jong-ill's Olympics.
New National Monument to 2008 Olympics.
Supreme Leader Kim Jong-ill on a surprise inspection tour of Olympic facilities.
Olympic Committee in one of their discussions on the itinerary for the events.
North Korean athletes training for the combination Hurdles and Obstacle Course event.
To make the Marathon more interesting the North Korean version also incorporates an obstacle course.
One of the North Korean athletes training for what is obviously the Javelin throw!
In keeping with the tradition of having the Olympics remain relevant to today's society Grand Leader Kim Jong-ill has added a new event for this Olympics. Dwarf Tossing!!!










Your "Fearless reporter" scribe;
Allan W Janssen

North Korea reneges on $25 million deal!

Here in the West a deal's a deal but the same doesn't always hold true in the rest of the world. North Korea had tried to make a deal with the
United States to have $25 million in assets released, but settled on a bartered agreement that saw strong-man Dear Leader Kim Jong-il take possession of Michael Jackson's Neverland ranch with the balance to be paid in hookers.

The deal held for about two days when Jong-il came back with additional demands. It seems he was going to park his wayward son on the ranch and leave him there to keep him out of trouble but now is also demanding a lifetime pass to Disneyland for his son and his entire family as well.

Officials for Disney Corp. expressed reluctance to go along with the deal because of the negative publicity of having Kim Jong-nam (Jong-il's son) and his bodygaurds hanging around the park all day and bothering the tourists.

Negotiations are continuing and the State Department hopes to have a resolution to this dilemma by the weekend.

Your "on the spot" scribe;
Allan W Janssen

North Korea resolves frozen funds by barter!

The United States and North Korea have resolved a dispute over $25 million US in frozen North Korean funds in a Macau bank that threatened to hold up nuclear disarmament negotiations, U.S. official Paul Glaser said Monday.

Under a deal signed on the weekend the funds would be bartered, rather than just paid out.

Kim Jong-il is to receive ownership of Michael Jackson's former Neverland ranch with the balance to be paid in hookers!
(Kim Jong-il's son and grandson.)

According to informed sources, both sides in the dispute seemed well satisfied with the arrangement and Kim plans to put his son and family there permanently to keep them out of trouble.

"We believe this resolves the issue of the DPRK-related frozen funds," said Glaser, using the acronym for North Korea's formal name, the Democratic People's Republic of Korea.

Your "on the spot and on the Q.T." scribe;
Allan W Janssen

North Korea Develops "Nude Bomb"

You no doubt remember that 1980 movie "The Nude Bomb" which was taken from the T.V. show "Get Smart"

In the movie unknown terrorists developed a new type of bomb that destroys clothing, but leaves people unharmed. Agent Maxwell Smart (Don Adams) is taken out of retirement and sent back into the field to track down these madmen and put a stop to their plans.

Well science fiction has a strange way of becoming science fact.

North Korea has just announced that it finally developed a "Nude Bomb" and would not hesitate to use it against any aggressor.

This is a photo of Dear Leader Kim Jong-il, apparently relaxed and well satisfied after watching a test of the weapon.

He issued a statement saying that the "Bomb" would be deployed along the border with South Korea and attached to missiles aimed at Japan.

Japan, a very conservative country, is said to be deeply concerned about the possibility of it's citizens suddenly running around the streets naked and is implementing an emergency clothing stockpile.

Your " the bare facts" scribe;
Allan W Janssen

Saturday Morning Confusion!

Kim Jong-Il's son arrested again!

Kim Jong-nam (born May 10, 1971, Pyongyang, North Korea), is the eldest son of Kim Jong-il, ruler of the Democratic People's Republic of Korea (North Korea).

Until recently it was believed that he was being groomed as Kim Jong-il's successor but recent reports suggest he has fallen from favour.

In May 2001, Kim was arrested on arrival at New Tokyo International Airport (now Narita International Airport), accompanied by two women and a four-year old boy identified as his son. He was travelling on a forged Dominican Republic passport using a Chinese alias, Pang Xiong.

Kim apparently told his questioners that he was in Japan to visit Tokyo's Disneyland.



After being detained for several days, he was deported, on the instructions of the Japanese government, to the People's Republic of China.

The incident caused Kim Jong-il to cancel a planned visit to China because of the embarrassment to both countries.

Yesterday (Friday) Kim Jong-nam was arrested at L.A.'s LAX airport after trying to enter the United States on another false passport.

Kim informed authorities that he was in L.A. because he wanted to attend the Oscar's and meet some "movie stars," and then go to Disneyland!

Authorities are currently conferring with the state department on what to do with him, although sending him to Guantanamo Bay seems out of the question!

Your "hush, hush and on the Q.T." scribe;
Allan W Jansssen

(THIS JUST IN! - If you fart, sneeze, burp and hiccup all at the same time it will kill you, so be careful!)

Happy 65th Birthday Kim Jong Il

Our congratulations to Kim Jong-il on his 65Th birthday today!

(The official biography holds that his birth at Mount Paektu was foretold by a swallow, and that his birth was heralded by the appearance of a double rainbow over the mountain and a new star in the heavens. Let's see you top THAT!)

Since he is now of retirement age, Kim's possible successor is a continuing topic of speculation.

South Korean media have suggested that he is grooming his son, Kim Jong-chul. (His eldest son, Kim Jong-nam, was earlier believed to be the designated heir, but he appears to have fallen out of favour after being arrested at Narita International Airport in Narita, Japan, near Tokyo, in 2001 while traveling on a forged passport. He tried to sneak into Japan because..........{Are you ready for this?} he wanted to visit Tokyo's Disneyland. He's sort of like North Korea's equivalent to Pee Wee Herman!)

Your "All the news that fits" scribe;
Allan W Janssen

How do you do, too!

Women bow to a 65-foot-high bronze statue of Kim Il Sung, his arm extended to rally the masses, that "graces" downtown Pyongyang.

Bowing to images or statues of Kim Il Sung or his son, Kim Jong Il, reportedly often marks the start and end of each day in North Korea.

A bow and a bouquet of flowers for the Eternal Great Leader is an obligatory part of any foreigner's tour of Pyongyang as well. A respectful distance is de-rigueur as well. After all, the gaurds have machineguns!

(Wasn't it nice of Kim Jong-Il to send us a Christmas card Dec. 23rd!)

Kim's Christmas Card

Your "humble" scribe;
Allan W Janssen

End Game

PYONGYANG—Frustrated that its megalomaniacal outbursts no longer inspire fear and panic in the international community, the nation of North Korea detonated all six of its nuclear warheads early Thursday morning, killing 32 million in what international observers are calling "a pathetic bid for attention."


"This is very typical and melodramatic," South Korean President Roo Moo-hyun said yesterday. "North Korea has been 'acting out' for years — decorating its country with provocative posters, never leaving its borders, and getting aggressive with those closest to it."

Mr. Moo-hyun went on to say; "It has been this way ever since they were ostracized from the international stage."

UN officials are advising nations who feel self-destructive to speak to allies or even counselors rather than taking drastic steps like North Korea.

Your faithfull scribe;
Allan W Janssen