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Middle aged heterosexual, WASP male. Semi retired, semi-sane and semi-serious. And endangered species and I'm not going quietly!!!!

Sunday, May 13, 2007

Sunday Morning Funnies!

Happy Mothers Day........ Mom!

Do you sell Viagra?
A man walked into a pharmacy and up to the young lady pharmacist.
"Do you sell Viagra?", he enquires.
"Yes, we do." replies the pharmacist.
"Does it really work?", asks the man.
"Yes.", she answered.
"And can I get it over the counter?" he continues.
"Probably, if you took two of them!" replied the pharmacist.

Photo of your breasts?
A husband asks his wife, "Can I will take a photo of your breasts and have them framed?"
The wife replies, "Only if I will take a photo of your penis and have it enlarged!"

Mouthwash salesman
A neatly dressed salesman stopped a man in the street and asked -
"Sir, would you like to buy a a bottle of this mouthwash for $200.00?"
Aghast, the man said, "are you NUTS?, that's robbery!"
The salesman seemed hurt and then tries again -
"Sir, since you are a bit irate, I'll sell it to you for 1/2 price at $100.00?
Again, the man replies bluntly - "you must be crazy pal, now go away!"
The salesman then reaches into his briefcase and pulls out 2 brownies and begins munching away on one of them. He tells the irate guy -
"Sir, please share one of my brownies since I have annoyed you so much".
Unwrapping the brownie, the guy takes a bite; suddenly, the guys spits it out and says:
"HEY," he snarled, "this brownie tastes like crap!!!"
"It is!" replied the salesman. "Now do you wanna buy some mouthwash?"

20 dollars
Two men are in a bar getting drunk. Suddenly one of them throws up all over himself.
He says "Oh, no. Now my wife will kill me".
His friend says "Don't worry. Just tuck a twenty dollar bill in your breast pocket and tell your wife that someone threw up on you and gave you twenty dollars for the dry cleaning bill".
So they stay for another couple of hours and get even drunker.
Eventually he reels home and his wife starts to give him a bad time.
"You reek of alcohol and you've thrown up all over yourself, my God you're disgusting" etc.
Speaking very carefully so as not to slur, he says, "Wait. It's not what you think. I only had one drink, but this man was sick on me. He'd obviously had one too many, or else he just couldn't hold his liquor. He was very sorry and he gave me twenty dollars for the cleaning bill. Look in my breast pocket."
She looks in his breast pocket and says, "But this is forty dollars".
"Ah, yes." says the man. "He pee'd in my trousers too".


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