Sunday Morning Funnies!
Food Fight!
Food fights are growing in popularity and intensity following an incident at a high school in Montreal that ended with two students facing assault charges, police say.
Students are using the Internet to prepare for the fights, and then posting videos on websites such as YouTube, Montreal police said Thursday.
Police say Wednesday's incident was the third food fight at a Montreal-area high school in a week.
Two students ages 14 and 16 are expected to be summoned to court in the coming days to face charges for their role in the food fight.
Police said the fight got out of hand and turned into a mini-riot that left two school officials and a police officer with minor injuries.
More than 20 officers were needed to quell the fight and 12 people were charged with a smorgasbord of offenses!.
Lucky Drink!
A man wakes up with a huge hangover.
He forces himself to open his eyes, and the first thing he sees is a couple of aspirins and a glass of water on the side table.
He sees his clothing in front of him, all cleaned and pressed. He looks around the room and sees it is in perfect order. So is the rest of the house.
He takes his aspirins and notices a note on the table:
Honey,
Breakfast is on the stove, I left early to go shopping.
I Love you.
He goes to the kitchen. Sure enough, a hot breakfast and the morning newspaper await him.
His son is also at the table, eating.
The man asks, "Son, what happened last night?"
His son says, "Well, you came home after 3 a.m., drunk and
delirious. You broke some furniture, puked in the hallway, and gave yourself a black eye when you walked into the door."
Confused, the man asks, "So why is everything in order and so clean, with breakfast on the table waiting for me?"
His son replies, "Oh that! Mom dragged you to the bedroom, and when she tried to take your pants off you shouted,
"LADY, GET YOUR DAMNED HANDS OFF OF ME! I'M MARRIED!"
Country Boys!
Two country boys were sitting on their porch one hot august day.
Their dog was in the dirt driveway just licking his testicles when one country boy says to the other, "I wish I could do that!"
His friend looks at him and responds..."I wouldn’t do that, the dog would bite you!"
At the tone…….
An old drunk was proudly showing off his new apartment to a couple of his bar-room buddies real late one night and led the way to his bedroom where there was a big, really big, brass gong.
"What's that big brass gong for?" one of the guests inquired.
"It's not a gong. It's a ta-ta-ta-talking clock," the drunk stammered.
"A talking clock? No. Seriously?" asked the astonished friend.
"Yup," replied the drunk. "Ju-Ju-Just listen," the drunk replied as he picked up the mallet, gave it an ear-shattering clash and stepped back.
The three stood looking at one another for a moment. Suddenly, someone on the other side of the wall screamed, "You asshole ... it's ten past three in the morning!
Please......
A drunk walks into a fish and chips shop and says 'Can I have a fucking bag of chips'....
The owner replies 'PARDON!'.....
The drunk staggers and then says 'Look just give me a fucking bag of chips'.....
The owner then says 'You'll get no chips with language like that!...
Come round here and I'll show you how to order a bag of chips'.....
So the drunk staggers round the other side of the counter and the chip shop owner leaves the shop then returns and says to the drunk 'Can I have a bag of chips PLEASE'....
The drunk replies; 'Hey, you wouldn't serve me earlier, so Fuck off!''
Your "tell it like it is" scribe;
Allan W Janssen
Food fights are growing in popularity and intensity following an incident at a high school in Montreal that ended with two students facing assault charges, police say.
Students are using the Internet to prepare for the fights, and then posting videos on websites such as YouTube, Montreal police said Thursday.Police say Wednesday's incident was the third food fight at a Montreal-area high school in a week.
Two students ages 14 and 16 are expected to be summoned to court in the coming days to face charges for their role in the food fight.
Police said the fight got out of hand and turned into a mini-riot that left two school officials and a police officer with minor injuries.
More than 20 officers were needed to quell the fight and 12 people were charged with a smorgasbord of offenses!.
Lucky Drink!
A man wakes up with a huge hangover.
He forces himself to open his eyes, and the first thing he sees is a couple of aspirins and a glass of water on the side table.
He sees his clothing in front of him, all cleaned and pressed. He looks around the room and sees it is in perfect order. So is the rest of the house.
He takes his aspirins and notices a note on the table:
Honey,
Breakfast is on the stove, I left early to go shopping.
I Love you.
He goes to the kitchen. Sure enough, a hot breakfast and the morning newspaper await him.
His son is also at the table, eating.
The man asks, "Son, what happened last night?"
His son says, "Well, you came home after 3 a.m., drunk and
delirious. You broke some furniture, puked in the hallway, and gave yourself a black eye when you walked into the door."
Confused, the man asks, "So why is everything in order and so clean, with breakfast on the table waiting for me?"
His son replies, "Oh that! Mom dragged you to the bedroom, and when she tried to take your pants off you shouted,
"LADY, GET YOUR DAMNED HANDS OFF OF ME! I'M MARRIED!"
Country Boys!
Two country boys were sitting on their porch one hot august day.
Their dog was in the dirt driveway just licking his testicles when one country boy says to the other, "I wish I could do that!"
His friend looks at him and responds..."I wouldn’t do that, the dog would bite you!"
At the tone…….
An old drunk was proudly showing off his new apartment to a couple of his bar-room buddies real late one night and led the way to his bedroom where there was a big, really big, brass gong.
"What's that big brass gong for?" one of the guests inquired.
"It's not a gong. It's a ta-ta-ta-talking clock," the drunk stammered.
"A talking clock? No. Seriously?" asked the astonished friend.
"Yup," replied the drunk. "Ju-Ju-Just listen," the drunk replied as he picked up the mallet, gave it an ear-shattering clash and stepped back.
The three stood looking at one another for a moment. Suddenly, someone on the other side of the wall screamed, "You asshole ... it's ten past three in the morning!
Please......
A drunk walks into a fish and chips shop and says 'Can I have a fucking bag of chips'....
The owner replies 'PARDON!'.....
The drunk staggers and then says 'Look just give me a fucking bag of chips'.....
The owner then says 'You'll get no chips with language like that!...
Come round here and I'll show you how to order a bag of chips'.....
So the drunk staggers round the other side of the counter and the chip shop owner leaves the shop then returns and says to the drunk 'Can I have a bag of chips PLEASE'....
The drunk replies; 'Hey, you wouldn't serve me earlier, so Fuck off!''
Your "tell it like it is" scribe;
Allan W Janssen
Labels: drunk, food fights, humor, i'm married, montreal high schools, satire, talking clock
posted by Allan W Janssen | 8:10 a.m.
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