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Middle aged heterosexual, WASP male. Semi retired, semi-sane and semi-serious. And endangered species and I'm not going quietly!!!!

Sunday, June 24, 2007

Sunday Morning Funnies!

* Jesus loves you, but everyone else thinks you're an asshole!

* Impotence... Nature's way of saying "No hard feelings.

* Everyone has a photographic memory, some just don't have film.

* Save your breath... You'll need it to blow up your date.

* Some people are only alive because it is illegal to shoot them.

* I used to have a handle on life... but now it is broken.

* Your ridiculous little opinion has been noted.

* Try not to let your mind wander... It is too small to be out by itself.

* Guys, just because you have one, doesn't mean you have to be one.

* Jesus is coming, everyone look busy.

* A bartender is just a pharmacist with a limited inventory.

* Horn broken, watch for finger.

* All men are idiots ... I married their king.

* My kid had sex with your honor student.

* Help wanted, Telepath: you know where to apply.

* IRS: We've got what it takes to take what you've got.

* I'm just driving this way to piss you off.

* Jesus paid for our sins ... now lets get our money's worth.

* Reality is a crutch for people who can't handle drugs.

* I love cats ... they taste just like chicken.

* Out of my mind. Back in five minutes.

* Keep honking, I'm reloading.

* Laugh alone and the world thinks you're an idiot.

* I don't have to be dead to donate my organ.

* Lord save me from your followers.

* I said "no" to drugs, but they just wouldn't listen.

* Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.

* It IS as BAD as you think, and they ARE out to GET you!

* If we aren't supposed to eat animals, why are they made of meat?

* Forget about World Peace.....Visualize Using Your Turn Signal!

* Make it idiot proof and someone will make a better idiot.

* He/She who laughs last thinks slowest.

* Very funny, Scotty. Now beam down my clothes.

* Consciousness: that annoying time between naps.

* Be nice to your kids. They'll be choosing your nursing home.

* Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?

* Diplomacy is the art of saying ‘Nice doggie!' Till you find a rock!

* Auntie Em: Hate you, Hate Kansas, Taking the dog. -Dorothy.

* Time is what keeps everything from happening all at once.

* Born Free…Taxed to Death.

* The more people I meet, the more I like my dog.

* Sometimes I wake up grumpy; Other times I let her sleep.

* I didn't fight my way up the food chain to be no vegetarian.

* Women who seek to be equal to men lack ambition.

* Real women don't have hot flashes, they have power surges.

* Okay, who stopped the payment on my reality check?

* When there's a will, I want to be in it!

* Few women admit their age, Few men act it!

* Pride is what we have. Vanity is what others have.

* How Can I Miss You if You Won't Go Away?

* Warning: Dates in Calendar are Closer than they Appear.

* Give me ambiguity or give me something else.

* We have enough youth, how about a fountain of SMART!

* Always remember you're unique, just like everybody else

And finally, my all time favourite bumper sticker;



Allan W Janssen is the author of The Plain Truth About God-101 (what the church doesn't want you to know!) www.God-101.com

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