Saturday Morning Confusion. #14

I have got to tell you right from the "get-go" this morning that I will be rather busy this weekend.

I just had my dick size increased by 3" and have also taken all sorts of vitamins and performance enhancer Meds that I ordered from Canada, so I will be on the go satisfying women just like the ads say.

If you need me, or are a woman with a need then you will have to get me on my cell phone!

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Now, as usual we have more than enough contenders for "Asshole of the Week" so this time around we are going to give the trophy and a loud fart to two people again.

First is Britney Spears for getting herself sent for a psychiatric assessment and loosing custody of her kids

Then we have this piece of shit who actually deserves to win the trophy all by himself.

A Sheboygan, Wisconsin man has been charged with break and enter and felony burglary after sneaking into a toddler's bedroom and stealing $20 from a piggy bank while the two-year-old girl slept.

Authorities say DNA evidence linked Ryan Mueller, 30, of Sheboygan Falls to the crime that occurred Aug. 10. They said the girl's mother was in another room with another child when she saw a light turn on in her two-year-old daughter's room.

She walked into the girl's bedroom and saw a man shaking the piggy bank as the girl slept.

The man fled before police arrived, stealing the money but leaving the piggy bank. (They got him on DNA evidence!)!

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Next we are going to add a new category to our awards. This one is the "Loser of the Day," for stuff that happens above and beyond the call of duty or is just plain unfortunate!

Two cleaning women spent two days trapped inside a broken elevator in a Chicago suburb.

Beata Bartoszewicz and her mother, Roma Borowski, entered an elevator in an empty building in the suburb of Niles on Dec. 22. After the elevator doors closed, the women discovered they were stuck on the first floor of the two-storey building.

Bartoszewicz says there was no response from an emergency call alarm and the women couldn't pry open the doors.

Neither had a cellphone or water and the building wasn't due to open until after Christmas.

Two days later, on Christmas Eve, an employee of the building happened to go to work and they yelled for his attention.

He heard them and fire crews freed them an hour later.

The women tried to sleep on their coats and used a corner of the elevator as a bathroom.

Bartoszewicz said her mother continually reassured her.

"She kept saying, 'We're going to be OK, and we're going to spend Christmas Eve at home,"' the 25-year-old said.

Bartoszewicz says the moral of the story is simple: "Always take your cellphone with you."

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We are also going to give a special "Winner of the Day" trophy to the National Academy of Sciences who on Thursday issued a spirited defense of evolution as the bedrock principle of modern biology, arguing that it, not creationism, must be taught in public school science classes.

The academy, which operates under a mandate from Congress to advise the government on science and technology matters, issued the report at a time when the theory of evolution, first offered in the 19th century, faces renewed attack by some religious conservatives.

Creationism, based on the explanation offered in the Bible, and the related idea of "intelligent design" are not science and, as such, should not be taught in public school science classrooms, according to the report.

"We seem to have continuing challenges to the teaching of evolution in schools. That's something that doesn't seem to go away," Barbara Schaal, an evolutionary biologist at Washington University in St. Louis and vice president of National Academy of Sciences, said in a telephone interview.

"We need a citizenry that's trained in real science."

Evolution is a theory explaining change in living organisms over the eons due to genetic mutations. For example, it holds that humans evolved from earlier forms of apes.

The report stated that the idea of evolution can be fully compatible with religious faith. "Science and religion are different ways of understanding the world. Needlessly placing them in opposition reduces the potential of each to contribute to a better future," said the report.

But teaching creationist ideas in science classes confuses students about what constitutes science and what does not, according to the report's authors.

The report was released by the academy and the Institute of Medicine, which advises policymakers on medical issues. It updates academy publications issued in 1984 and 1999. It was written by a committee headed by University of California-Irvine biology professor Francisco Ayala.

"Biological evolution is one of the most important ideas of modern science. Evolution is supported by abundant evidence from many different fields of scientific investigation. It underlies the modern biological sciences, including the biomedical sciences, and has applications in many other scientific and engineering disciplines," the report stated.

The authors highlighted developments in evolutionary biology, citing its importance in understanding emerging infectious diseases. They noted the discovery, published in 2006, of the remains of a Tiktaalik, a creature described as an evolutionary link between fish and the first vertebrate animals that walked out of water onto land 375 million years ago.

President George W. Bush said in 2005 American students should be instructed about "intelligent design" alongside evolution as competing theories. "Part of education is to expose people to different schools of thought," Bush said.

Advocates of "intelligent design" contend that some biological structures are so complex they could not have appeared merely through natural processes.

A judge in Dover, Pennsylvania ruled in 2005 that the teaching of intelligent design violated the U.S. Constitution, which requires a separation of church and state, because it is based on religious conviction, not science.

A 2006 Gallup poll showed that almost half of Americans believe that humans did not evolve but were created by God in their present form within the last 10,000 years.

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We have a couple of honourable mentions here that would have received trophy's on their own except that it's rather old news by now, but if you haven't heard about it yet, a New York window cleaner who survived a 47-storey fall from a skyscraper last month is making a gradual recovery - in what doctors say is a "miracle".

Alcides Moreno, 37, tumbled some 500ft to the ground in a scaffolding accident that killed his brother. (He rode the scaffold down and that broke his fall somewhat!)

And finally this note from Reuters's News.

Remember the guy from Toronto who is 85 and was charged with street racing for going over 100 mph on the 401?

We have a lady in England who did the opposite.

LONDON (Reuters) - A woman banned from driving for seven days after traveling at speeds of less than 10mph on the motorway told Reuters on Friday: "that road's my nemesis." Stephanie Cole, 58, of Fishponds, Bristol, straddled the hard shoulder and inside lane as she dawdled along a stretch of the M32 near her home last August.

In the back window of the car was a sign which said: "I don't do fast, please overtake."

Cole admitted driving without reasonable consideration at North Avon Magistrates' Court on Friday and was told she would have to take another test at the end of the ban.

"I didn't intend getting onto the motorway, but all of a sudden I found myself on it and I could not get off," she told Reuters after the hearing.

"I just panicked. I hate that particular stretch of road and I avoid it normally. It is my nemesis."

Cole had been traveling from her home to a stationer's when she was arrested in her Perodua Kenari mini people-carrier.

"I thought "thank God" when I saw the blue flashing lights," she said. "I thought they could help and I asked them if they could drive me home."

Cole, who has multiple sclerosis, said she depends on her car for getting around.

"I will try and retake the test," she said.

"I will have to do my best when driving, and hope it is better than it was."

Allan W Janssen is the author of the book The Plain Truth About God (What the mainstream religions don't want you to know!) and is available at the web site www.God-101.com

Visit the blog "Perspective" at http://God-101.blogspot.com