Sunday Morning Funnies #739
Anyone who has seen the movie "Meet Joe Black" will understand how nervous I got this morning when I received a message from "Blog Catalogue" that "Joe Black" has added me to his list of friends. With friends like that, who needs enemies!
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This made me laugh.. hope it does the same for you.........
Two doctors, a psychiatrist and a proctologist, opened an office in a small town and put up a sign reading: 'Dr. Smith and Dr. Jones: Hysterias and Posteriors.'
The town council was not happy with the sign, so the doctors changed it to read: 'Schizoids and Hemorrhoids.'
This was not acceptable either, so in an effort to satisfy the council, they changed the sign to: 'Catatonics and High Colonics.'
No go. Next, they tried: 'Manic Depressives and Anal Retentives.'
Thumbs down again. Then came 'Minds and Behinds.'
Still no good Another attempt resulted in 'Lost Souls and Butt Holes.'
Unacceptable again! So they tried 'Analysis and Anal Cysts.'
Not a chance. 'Nuts and Butts?'
No way. 'Freaks and Cheeks?'
Still no go. 'Loons and Moons?'
Forget it. Almost at their wit's end, the doctors finally came up with: 'Dr. Smith and Dr. Jones, Odds and Ends.'
Everyone loved it.
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The husband had just finished reading a new book entitled "You Can Be the Man of Your House.
He stormed into the kitchen and walked directly up to his wife.
Pointing a finger in her face, he said sternly, "From now on, you need to know that I am the man of this house and my word is law!
You will prepare me a gourmet meal tonight, and when I'm finished eating my meal, you will serve me a scrumptious dessert."
"After dinner you are going to go upstairs with me, and we will have the kind of sex that I want. After that, you are going to draw me my bath so I can relax. You will wash my back and towel me dry and bring me my robe. Then you will massage my feet and hands.
Then after that's done, guess who's going to dress me and comb my hair?"
His wife replied, "The funeral director would be my guess."
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A woman comes in late after a night out with the girls.........
Just as I got in the door, the cuckoo clock in the hallway started up and cuckooed 3 times.
Quickly, realizing my husband would probably wake up, I cuckooed another 9 times.
I was really proud of myself for coming up with such a quick-witted solution in order to escape a possible conflict with him.
(Even when totally smashed... 3 cuckoos plus 9 cuckoos totals 12 cuckoos = MIDNIGHT!)
The next morning my husband asked me what time I got in, I told him 'MIDNIGHT'... he didn't seem pissed off in the least. Whew, I got away with that one!
Then he said 'We need a new cuckoo clock.'
When I asked him why, he said, 'Well, last night our clock cuckooed three times, then said 'oh shit.' Cuckooed 4 more times, cleared its throat, cuckooed another three times, giggled, cuckooed twice more, and then tripped over the coffee table and farted
Allan W Janssen is the author of the book The Plain Truth About God (What the mainstream religions don't want you to know!) and is available at the web site www.God-101.com
Visit the blog "Perspective" at http://God-101.blogspot.com
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This made me laugh.. hope it does the same for you.........
Two doctors, a psychiatrist and a proctologist, opened an office in a small town and put up a sign reading: 'Dr. Smith and Dr. Jones: Hysterias and Posteriors.'The town council was not happy with the sign, so the doctors changed it to read: 'Schizoids and Hemorrhoids.'
This was not acceptable either, so in an effort to satisfy the council, they changed the sign to: 'Catatonics and High Colonics.'
No go. Next, they tried: 'Manic Depressives and Anal Retentives.'
Thumbs down again. Then came 'Minds and Behinds.'
Still no good Another attempt resulted in 'Lost Souls and Butt Holes.'
Unacceptable again! So they tried 'Analysis and Anal Cysts.'
Not a chance. 'Nuts and Butts?'
No way. 'Freaks and Cheeks?'
Still no go. 'Loons and Moons?'
Forget it. Almost at their wit's end, the doctors finally came up with: 'Dr. Smith and Dr. Jones, Odds and Ends.'
Everyone loved it.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
The husband had just finished reading a new book entitled "You Can Be the Man of Your House.
He stormed into the kitchen and walked directly up to his wife.
Pointing a finger in her face, he said sternly, "From now on, you need to know that I am the man of this house and my word is law!
You will prepare me a gourmet meal tonight, and when I'm finished eating my meal, you will serve me a scrumptious dessert."
"After dinner you are going to go upstairs with me, and we will have the kind of sex that I want. After that, you are going to draw me my bath so I can relax. You will wash my back and towel me dry and bring me my robe. Then you will massage my feet and hands.
Then after that's done, guess who's going to dress me and comb my hair?"
His wife replied, "The funeral director would be my guess."
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
A woman comes in late after a night out with the girls.........
Just as I got in the door, the cuckoo clock in the hallway started up and cuckooed 3 times.
Quickly, realizing my husband would probably wake up, I cuckooed another 9 times.
I was really proud of myself for coming up with such a quick-witted solution in order to escape a possible conflict with him.
(Even when totally smashed... 3 cuckoos plus 9 cuckoos totals 12 cuckoos = MIDNIGHT!)
The next morning my husband asked me what time I got in, I told him 'MIDNIGHT'... he didn't seem pissed off in the least. Whew, I got away with that one!
Then he said 'We need a new cuckoo clock.'
When I asked him why, he said, 'Well, last night our clock cuckooed three times, then said 'oh shit.' Cuckooed 4 more times, cleared its throat, cuckooed another three times, giggled, cuckooed twice more, and then tripped over the coffee table and farted
Allan W Janssen is the author of the book The Plain Truth About God (What the mainstream religions don't want you to know!) and is available at the web site www.God-101.com
Visit the blog "Perspective" at http://God-101.blogspot.com
Labels: humor, satire, sunday morning funnies
posted by Allan W Janssen | 9:34 a.m.
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