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Middle aged heterosexual, WASP male. Semi retired, semi-sane and semi-serious. And endangered species and I'm not going quietly!!!!

Thursday, April 03, 2008

Read this for, "The Plain Truth About Everything!"

O.K., here's the scoop! I have made it my life's ambition to dispel common myths and misconceptions.

After years of research, I and the "Perspective Research Staff" have come up with this list of facts that we hope will set everyone straight on the urban legends, myths and conjectures that have been floating around for God knows how long!

I am just going to list them in point form here for brevity's sake, BUT if you want more info on any of them, or need to add to them by all means leave a comment at the bottom.

Ready of not...... here goes!

- You don't need eight glasses of water a day and it won't help you lose weight!

- JFK was shot by a lone gunman from the Texas Book Depository building. There was no one else on the grassy knoll!

- No, oil companies don't raise the price of gasoline just before a long weekend. They will do it whenever they think they can get away with it!

- No, Mountain Dew will not shrink your testicles and lower your sperm count. If you're that stupid you shouldn't be having kids anyways!

- On the subject of conspiracies, there was no plot in the killing of Robert Kennedy or Martin Luther King.

- There was also no government plot behind 9/11, it was a bunch of Muslim radicals funded by Osama bin Laden.

- No, Islam does not advocate taking over the world by force, but a lot of radicals claim it does!

- Moses did not get a burning bush to talk to him. It was the tribal custom at that time to do hallucinogenics and go into the mountains to meditate! (Put two and two together bunky!)

- Everything in moderation is good for you. Excess in anything is BAD for you!

- No, Jesus was not killed for our sins and when he was killed..... he was DEAD!

- No, the United States does not attack other countries to help save or spread democracy or get rid of bad people. It's all about money and oil and power. Aways has been, always will be.

- Yes, it's OK to wear white after Labor Day, especially in Florida and California. Even more so if you're filthy rich in Florida or California!

- Hiccups or sneezes do not momentarily stop your heart but sneezing, burping and farting all at the same time can kill you!

- Hangovers cannot be cured by folk medicines. Only time will make you better so stop completely or don't stop at all.

- No, the Universe was not created in seven days and is a lot older than seven thousand years. Period

- Yes EVOLUTION is a fact. End of story! If you believe otherwise there is something wrong with your "critical thinking!"

- Throwing salt over your shoulder will not bring you luck, but it might piss off the guy behind you!

- Speaking of "luck," some people are just naturally lucky or unlucky in life! As God once said; "Life is a crap shoot and you take your chances like everyone else!"
If you do run across one of those people that are born with a silver spoon in their mouth and nothing ever seems to go wrong for them......... they are to be hated and despised!

- Atlantis is not a myth, it was a civilization (Minoan) that disappeared when the island of Thera blew up in a volcano around the 17th century B.C.E.

- There was no world wide flood and NOOOOOOOOOOOOO the Grand Canyon was not caused by it. There have been lots of local floods that could have given rise to the legend including the Mediterranean breaking through the Bosphorus and flooding the Black Sea at the end of the last Ice Age.

- The Jews are not "God's Chosen People." (If they are then God should chose someone else for a while and give the Jews a break!)

- No, all people are not equal. Sorry to tell you, but different races, different genders and different cultures all have their pluses and minuses. Equality is a myth perpetrated by those that are "less equal."

- No, there is no Paradise with 72 virgins waiting for you and there are no "Pearly Gates!" There is also no boatman to ferry you across the "River Styx!" We don't know what or if the afterlife is all about and shouldn't worry about it anyways because; 1. There is no way around it! 2. It will happen soon enough anyways! 3. When your dead, you're dead for a long time, so make the most of being here! (Do something to make a difference!)

- There is no "Loch Ness" monster and NO Sasquatch or Abysmal Snowman. There is no Easter Bunny or Santa Clause but I do have a really weird guy living further down the street and if you have one of these people too, then stay away from them because there are some very strange and very bad people in this world.

- Yes, there are also some very good people floating amongst us and they should be sought out and cherished because there are not nearly enough of them.

- No, there was no Robin Hood, but there was a King Henry who went through a lot of wives during his short stay on this planet.

- No, the Angel Macaroni did not appear to the guy who founded Mormonism, and Jehovah's Witnesses are not going to move into all the good houses after the "Rapture!"

- There is no "Second Coming" bunky. Due to exhaustive research on my part the only second coming you will ever see is amongst a few lucky women!

- No, there is no truth to the myth that animals have no feelings or emotions. Anyone who has every had a dog knows that they do! Cats I'm not so sure about!

- No, blacks don't have bigger dicks than whites or Asians. At least, this is what I've been told! And Orientals vagina's don't go sideways. At least, I've never been able to find any yet!

- Masturbation does not lead to blindness, but can contribute to stuttering!

That's all I have time for today, but feel free to add any that you happen to think of!

Allan W Janssen is the author of the book The Plain Truth About God (What the mainstream religions don't want you to know!) and is available at the web site www.God-101.com

Visit the blog "Perspective" at http://Allans-Perspective.blogspot.com

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