Read this for, "The Plain Truth About Everything!"

O.K., here's the scoop! I have made it my life's ambition to dispel common myths and misconceptions.

After years of research, I and the "Perspective Research Staff" have come up with this list of facts that we hope will set everyone straight on the urban legends, myths and conjectures that have been floating around for God knows how long!

I am just going to list them in point form here for brevity's sake, BUT if you want more info on any of them, or need to add to them by all means leave a comment at the bottom.

Ready of not...... here goes!

- You don't need eight glasses of water a day and it won't help you lose weight!

- JFK was shot by a lone gunman from the Texas Book Depository building. There was no one else on the grassy knoll!

- No, oil companies don't raise the price of gasoline just before a long weekend. They will do it whenever they think they can get away with it!

- No, Mountain Dew will not shrink your testicles and lower your sperm count. If you're that stupid you shouldn't be having kids anyways!

- On the subject of conspiracies, there was no plot in the killing of Robert Kennedy or Martin Luther King.

- There was also no government plot behind 9/11, it was a bunch of Muslim radicals funded by Osama bin Laden.

- No, Islam does not advocate taking over the world by force, but a lot of radicals claim it does!

- Moses did not get a burning bush to talk to him. It was the tribal custom at that time to do hallucinogenics and go into the mountains to meditate! (Put two and two together bunky!)

- Everything in moderation is good for you. Excess in anything is BAD for you!

- No, Jesus was not killed for our sins and when he was killed..... he was DEAD!

- No, the United States does not attack other countries to help save or spread democracy or get rid of bad people. It's all about money and oil and power. Aways has been, always will be.

- Yes, it's OK to wear white after Labor Day, especially in Florida and California. Even more so if you're filthy rich in Florida or California!

- Hiccups or sneezes do not momentarily stop your heart but sneezing, burping and farting all at the same time can kill you!

- Hangovers cannot be cured by folk medicines. Only time will make you better so stop completely or don't stop at all.

- No, the Universe was not created in seven days and is a lot older than seven thousand years. Period

- Yes EVOLUTION is a fact. End of story! If you believe otherwise there is something wrong with your "critical thinking!"

- Throwing salt over your shoulder will not bring you luck, but it might piss off the guy behind you!

- Speaking of "luck," some people are just naturally lucky or unlucky in life! As God once said; "Life is a crap shoot and you take your chances like everyone else!"
If you do run across one of those people that are born with a silver spoon in their mouth and nothing ever seems to go wrong for them......... they are to be hated and despised!

- Atlantis is not a myth, it was a civilization (Minoan) that disappeared when the island of Thera blew up in a volcano around the 17th century B.C.E.

- There was no world wide flood and NOOOOOOOOOOOOO the Grand Canyon was not caused by it. There have been lots of local floods that could have given rise to the legend including the Mediterranean breaking through the Bosphorus and flooding the Black Sea at the end of the last Ice Age.

- The Jews are not "God's Chosen People." (If they are then God should chose someone else for a while and give the Jews a break!)

- No, all people are not equal. Sorry to tell you, but different races, different genders and different cultures all have their pluses and minuses. Equality is a myth perpetrated by those that are "less equal."

- No, there is no Paradise with 72 virgins waiting for you and there are no "Pearly Gates!" There is also no boatman to ferry you across the "River Styx!" We don't know what or if the afterlife is all about and shouldn't worry about it anyways because; 1. There is no way around it! 2. It will happen soon enough anyways! 3. When your dead, you're dead for a long time, so make the most of being here! (Do something to make a difference!)

- There is no "Loch Ness" monster and NO Sasquatch or Abysmal Snowman. There is no Easter Bunny or Santa Clause but I do have a really weird guy living further down the street and if you have one of these people too, then stay away from them because there are some very strange and very bad people in this world.

- Yes, there are also some very good people floating amongst us and they should be sought out and cherished because there are not nearly enough of them.

- No, there was no Robin Hood, but there was a King Henry who went through a lot of wives during his short stay on this planet.

- No, the Angel Macaroni did not appear to the guy who founded Mormonism, and Jehovah's Witnesses are not going to move into all the good houses after the "Rapture!"

- There is no "Second Coming" bunky. Due to exhaustive research on my part the only second coming you will ever see is amongst a few lucky women!

- No, there is no truth to the myth that animals have no feelings or emotions. Anyone who has every had a dog knows that they do! Cats I'm not so sure about!

- No, blacks don't have bigger dicks than whites or Asians. At least, this is what I've been told! And Orientals vagina's don't go sideways. At least, I've never been able to find any yet!

- Masturbation does not lead to blindness, but can contribute to stuttering!

That's all I have time for today, but feel free to add any that you happen to think of!

Allan W Janssen is the author of the book The Plain Truth About God (What the mainstream religions don't want you to know!) and is available at the web site www.God-101.com

Visit the blog "Perspective" at http://Allans-Perspective.blogspot.com

Shroud of Turin, AGAIN

You have to admire the religious nuts for one thing! The son-of-a-bitches never give up!!!

Barrie Schwortz, the photographer who documented the original Shroud of Turin Project, told TODAY’s Matt Lauer in a Good Friday interview in New York, “The result of the first test done in 1988 was almost an embarrassment at one point. Now that we’re 20 years later, the technology certainly has improved.”

In other words, he wants to beat a dead horse by saying that the technology is so much better now that scientists will realize they made a MISTAKE and prove the religious guys right. (After all, they must be right, they have God on their side!)

You will remember that in 1978, the keepers of the shroud at the Cathedral of St. John the Baptist in Turin, Italy, allowed scientists to examine it closely.

A small piece was snipped from a corner and divided into three samples that were sent to laboratories to be dated by radiocarbon analysis. In 1988, the labs reported that the cloth dated back to no earlier than 1290 A.D. In other words; a FAKE!

Since then, various religious groups dedicated to research on the relic have argued that the tests were done hastily and were flawed for a number of reasons.

(Could they let it go? Noooo!)

One argument holds that the fabric snipped for testing was taken from a patch added to the shroud by nuns who repaired it after it was damaged in a fire in 1532.

Another holds that scientists did not consider whether the long-ago fire altered the chemical makeup of the carbon in the linen, which could have skewed the date, and finally, the segment tested may have been otherwise contaminated.

“The shroud has been handled so many times. It’s been displayed publicly. It has been hung from a balcony for public display, so the opportunity for contamination to settle on the cloth is high.

Also, remember it’s been burned in fires; the heating of the cloth could have contributed to the contamination,” Schwortz told Lauer. “There really are a spate of reasons why that might have occurred, and I think that’s why we’re concerned about it now.”

NO kids, the tests were not wrong and there is no need to go over the whole thing again since it only has to be proven once, not over and over until the faithful get what they hope will be a favourable result.

This is so typical of religious convictions. People refuse to believe in anything but their own dogma in spite of any amount of evidence. It's no wonder that some of the faithful run around thinking the world is only 7000 years old and even some who still think the world is flat!!!!!

They make the people who claim the moon landings were fake look like geniuses in comparison

Allan W Janssen is the author of the book The Plain Truth About God (What the mainstream religions don't want you to know!) and is available at the web site www.God-101.com

Visit the blog "Perspective" at http://God-101.blogspot.com

The Plain Truth, so help me Howard!

My staff and I have done a lot of research over the past year into myths, conjectures, religious beliefs and hokum! (Hokum is a 1950's term for bullshit!)

Without getting into any long discussion about the results we have come up with, here is the poop on what is real and what isn't.

First the big question.

-Yes, there is a God. (Now what God is, or wants, or does is something that nobody knows. Why? Because it's GOD! So stop trying to tell other people that you and your group have the inside story!)

-No, there are no aliens or UFOs. (Other planets are just plain too far away, period. If you don't believe me then educate yourself and find out.)

-Jesus not only lived, but was a great prophet. As was Muhammad, Moses, Buddha, Confucius and my next door neighbor Charlie.

-Jesus was not crucified to erase our sins. He was killed because he pissed off the wrong people. (By the way, when you're physically dead.............you're DEAD! O.K.?)

-Yes, there certainly is such a thing as coincidence.

-There might be a certain amount of Fate, but you can change it.

-Yes, when you do GOOD it comes back to you, one way or another. Same with BAD. This is called KARMA.

-No, there is no Second Coming, or Rapture. It failed to materialize the last 25,434 times so why should it happen the next.

-Yes, if you act like an asshole people will treat you like shit!

-There was NO conspiracy in the death of Princess Diana, J.F.K., Boby Kennedy, Martin Luther King, Lee Harvey Oswald or Marilyn Munroe.

There was also NO conspiracy in the Moon Landings, 9/11, shooting the Pope or the Shuttle disaster.

-No, there is no "psychic healing," but attitude and belief can and does help in the healing process.

-Yes, there is such a thing as Love. It's the same as God, you can't prove it, but you can feel it and know it's there! (It's also the same as peeing yoourself in a dark pair of pants. No one can see it but it gives you a nice warm feeling anyways!)

-The jury is out on Psychic Stuff. Could be something to it or just result of that coincidence we talked about. (But, I swear my wife can read my mind!)

-Yes there seems to be such a thing as luck, but it is just a concept we have developed, because luck, one the whole, is totally arbitrary. (I other words, if you win the lottery, that's lucky. But someone else could just have easily been the lucky one! See?)

-There are no Ghosts, Spirits or Demons. All are the result of superstition and overactive imaginations.

-Although I choose to believe in God, I do accept the possibility that there is not, and the whole majestic Universe is just the result of chance and happenstance. But! This would be an incredible waste of time and space and I think it is even more remote a possibility than the existence of God.

Same goes for Aliens. No, they don't come here in flying saucers, but out of this unimaginably huge and majestic Universe I can't reconcile myself with the fact that we (Humanity) are the only intelligent species. (Even more so for life itself) However, if we ever do meet or talk to other life forms you can bet that they will be far less barbaric than we are now, because they realised long ago just how precious and rare life and intelligence is.

(There are many more examples.... which shall be added to this piece shortly!)

Your "Call me Houdini" scribe;
Allan W Janssen

Allan W Janssen is the author of The Plain Truth About God at http://www.god-101.com/ and the blog "Perspective" at http://god-101.blogspot.com/