New help line here on "Perspective"

Aside from using this blog as an outlet for my own rants and raves, I find more and more people writing me for help with their own problems.

As a public service I am going to start an occasional "help line" for anyone who has a problem they don't seem to be able to come to terms with themselves!

Here is the first;

Dear Allan;
The other day I set off for work, leaving my husband in the house watching the TV as usual.
I hadn’t gone a hundred yards down the road when my engine conked out and the car shuddered to a halt.
I walked back home get my husbands help but when I got there, I couldn’t believe my eyes.
He was parading in front of the bedroom mirror dressed in my underwear and high-heeled shoes.
He was also wearing my makeup.
A am 32 and my husband is 34. We have been married for 12 years.
When I confronted him, he tried to make out that he had dressed up in my lingerie because he couldn’t find any of his own underwear.
However, when I asked him about the makeup, he broke down and admitted that he has been wearing my clothes for the last six months.
I told him it had to stop immediately or I would leave him.
My husband was made redundant from his job six month ago and he says he has been feeling increasingly depressed and worthless.
I love him very much, but since this incident he has become very distant and I don’t feel I can get through to him any more.
Please, can you help?
Mrs. B. Toronto

Dear Mrs. B
A car stalling after being driven a short distance can be caused by a variety of faults in the engine.
Naturally, I assume that the car has gas so start by checking that the fuel filter is not plugged. If this is clear then check for a spark to the spark plugs.
If these don’t work take it to a local garage as the problem is probably more complicated.

Your “ever helpful” scribe;
Allan W Janssen

(Oh, by the way, as for your husband's cross-dressing, normally I wouldn’t worry about it too much, but from the picture you sent, it seems that his sense of fashion is terrible. Invite a few gay friends over to help him out, otherwise you might not want to be seen with him in public!)

Allan W Janssen is the author of The Plain Truth About God-101 (what the church doesn't want you to know!) www.God-101.com

Saturday Morning Confusion!

"Everyone is clear about the Ten Comandments but there seems to be a lot of confusion over the 12 Rules for Life and I would like to set the record straight!

Sometimes we just need to remember what the 12 Rules really are:

1. Never give yourself a haircut after three margaritas.

2. You need only two tools: WD-40 and duct tape. If it doesn't move and it should, use WD-40. If it moves and shouldn't, use the tape.

3. The five most essential words for a healthy, vital relationship are "I apologize" and "you are right."

4. Everyone seems normal until you get to know them.

5. Never pass up an opportunity to pee.

6. If he/she says that you are too good for him/her - believe them.

7. Learn to pick your battles; ask yourself, "Will this matter one year from now? How about one month? One week? One day?"

8. When you make a mistake, make amends immediately. It's easier to eat crow while it's still warm.

9. If you woke up breathing, congratulations! You have another chance!

10. Living well really is the best revenge. Being miserable because of a bad or former relationship just might mean that the other person was right about you.

11. Work is good, but it's not that important. Money is nice, but you can't take it with you. Statistics show most people don't live to spend all they saved; some die even before they retire. Anything we have isn't really ours; It's on loan to us while we're here ...even our kids.

12. And finally...Be really good to your family and/or friends. You never know when you are going to need them to empty your bedpan.

Your humble servant;
Allan W Janssen

Allan W Janssen is the author of The Plain Truth About God-101 (what the church doesn't want you to know!) www.God-101.com