I was looking at who visited this blog this morning and ran across a site the literally stunned me.
It said the visitor had come from a site called "masturbation-link" and naturally as soon as I saw this my curiousity was aroused (pardon the pun) and I had to see what it was all about.
Imagine my surprise when I discovered it was a site that linked and showed you how to get to sites that dealt with MASTURBATION!
Now here comes the kicker......... there are literally HUNDREDS of sites about masturbation and they all seem to be popular. What a a shocker for poor "thinks I'm so hip but the older I get the more of a prude I become!" me.
At least the internet is filling a need and YOU CAN'T BEAT THAT!!!!!!!! (Groan)
Allan W Janssen is the author of the book The Plain Truth About God (What the mainstream religions don't want you to know!) and is available at the web site www.God-101.com
Visit the blog "Perspective" at http://Allans-Perspective.blogspot.com
Showing posts with label masturbation. Show all posts
Showing posts with label masturbation. Show all posts
Monday, March 31, 2008
Wednesday, March 19, 2008
What A Jerk (Off)!
And now, a different "Perspective" on jobs that we wouldn't want to do!
Last week, the Singapore Zoological Gardens announced that they were setting up a bank containing sperm samples of all the wildlife under their supervision. At the same time, zoo sperm bank worker Mohd. Binatang bin Goncang won a competition for "Worst Job in Singapore".
Wildlife Reserves Singapore (WRS), which runs the Singapore Zoo, has set up a bank of sperm and animal tissue in order to help preserve species.
The thankless task of collecting the sperm falls to Mr. Binatang, starting his rounds at 4 a.m.
"We start so early in the morning because a lot of the animals have 'morning glory' when they wake up, and it's easier to collect the sperm."
Wearing rubber gloves and carrying a cooler box filled with ice and tupperware,Mr. Binatang, 25, told us that he'd just graduated from Singapore Polytechnic with a diploma in life sciences. He liked nature and animals, and thought that the Singapore Zoo would be the perfect place to work.
"I never thought I'd be giving an orang-utan a hand job every morning," he said somewhat ruefully. "And he is the worst, he expects to be kissed first." As we approached the orang-utan enclosure, we saw the Zoo's most famous resident lying casually on his back, hands behind his head, and sporting a huge erection.
Applying the massage oil onto his gloves, he lingered outside the enclosure before entering and knelt before the orange beast. About2 minutes' worth of squelching noises could be heard before Mr. Binatang emerged again.
Next the tiger enclosure, the big cats were sprawled lazily on the grass verge, in a somewhat half-hearted manner as he put on a fresh set of gloves and entered the enclosure. "Here, kitty, kitty, kitty . . .!"
Moments later, he emerged with several tupperware full of viscous fluid.
"Isn't it dangerous?" we asked.
Mr. Binatang was silent for a while.
"They know I'm not there as an enemy," he finally said, a glazed, faraway look in his eyes.
Worked his way round the zoo, finished his rounds at3 pm in the afternoon. Carrying out his duties with the tapirs, the rhinoceros, giraffe and the gorillas, amongst others. "Each animal is different," he said, removing his gloves, now speckled with traces of polar bear spunk.
"The chimpanzees always want to be hugged afterwards."
"The elephant is the most tricky because of the size of its thing . . .!
Sometimes I have to use both my arms to tug on it."
"As you can expect it's really affecting my sex life. I can't help it. Each time my wife initiates sex, these ejaculating hippos keep floating through my mind."
How long will he stay difficult to know, but deputy assistant director Lai Jee Seow thinks it is important to continue.
"It's because the animals have gotten too used to Binatang coming over every morning to pull them off," said "Many of them now can't be bothered to engage in real sex."
Your "wacked out" scribe;
Allan W Janssen
Allan W Janssen is the author of the book The Plain Truth About God (What the mainstream religions don't want you to know!) and is available at the web site www.God-101.com
Visit the blog "Perspective" at http://God-101.blogspot.com
Last week, the Singapore Zoological Gardens announced that they were setting up a bank containing sperm samples of all the wildlife under their supervision. At the same time, zoo sperm bank worker Mohd. Binatang bin Goncang won a competition for "Worst Job in Singapore".
Wildlife Reserves Singapore (WRS), which runs the Singapore Zoo, has set up a bank of sperm and animal tissue in order to help preserve species.
The thankless task of collecting the sperm falls to Mr. Binatang, starting his rounds at 4 a.m. "We start so early in the morning because a lot of the animals have 'morning glory' when they wake up, and it's easier to collect the sperm."
Wearing rubber gloves and carrying a cooler box filled with ice and tupperware,
"I never thought I'd be giving an orang-utan a hand job every morning," he said somewhat ruefully. "And he is the worst, he expects to be kissed first." As we approached the orang-utan enclosure, we saw the Zoo's most famous resident lying casually on his back, hands behind his head, and sporting a huge erection.Applying the massage oil onto his gloves, he lingered outside the enclosure before entering and knelt before the orange beast. About
Next the tiger enclosure, the big cats were sprawled lazily on the grass verge, in a somewhat half-hearted manner as he put on a fresh set of gloves and entered the enclosure. "Here, kitty, kitty, kitty . . .!"
Moments later, he emerged with several tupperware full of viscous fluid.
"Isn't it dangerous?" we asked.
Mr. Binatang was silent for a while.
"They know I'm not there as an enemy," he finally said, a glazed, faraway look in his eyes.
Worked his way round the zoo, finished his rounds at
"The chimpanzees always want to be hugged afterwards." 
"The elephant is the most tricky because of the size of its thing . . .! Sometimes I have to use both my arms to tug on it."
"As you can expect it's really affecting my sex life. I can't help it. Each time my wife initiates sex, these ejaculating hippos keep floating through my mind."
How long will he stay difficult to know, but deputy assistant director Lai Jee Seow thinks it is important to continue.
"It's because the animals have gotten too used to Binatang coming over every morning to pull them off," said "Many of them now can't be bothered to engage in real sex."
Your "wacked out" scribe;
Allan W Janssen
Allan W Janssen is the author of the book The Plain Truth About God (What the mainstream religions don't want you to know!) and is available at the web site www.God-101.com
Visit the blog "Perspective" at http://God-101.blogspot.com
Sunday, January 13, 2008
SEX Anyone?
Chatelaine, a Canadian women's magazine just published an interesting article and I thought I would give you a few of the results on how women think and feel about sex.
(This applies equally to American and European women!)
Four out of five are in monogamous relationships; the rest are single; and by and large they're heterosexual. Thankfully, most are happy with their partners, though fully one-quarter admit that a previous lover was actually the best they've ever had.
One out of three copes with waning libidos and busy lives by resorting to good old-fashioned Canadian practicality: They schedule sex dates, something that is highly encouraged by relationship experts and therapists.
In the end, our survey pointed to a few clear differences along cultural lines – we wouldn't be Canada if it didn't.
French-Canadian women show a greater acceptance of themselves sexually and more openness to the gamut of sexual practices. They enjoy sex more as they age and are more apt to be sexual go-getter's rather than waiting for their partners to spark things up.
But, if you think all of Quebec is swinging from the chandeliers while the rest of us lie back and think of England, that's not exactly the case.
Sadly, most women, regardless of provenance, have issues with body image. When asked to rate satisfaction with their bodies on a scale of one to 10, women gave themselves no higher than an average of six.
Here are some other "quick facts;"
- Four out of five women enjoy receiving oral sex but one out of three doesn't like giving it! (These silly women have forgotten that old saying "It's better to give than receive!")
- Almost half were under 18 when they had sex for the first time and nine out of ten had sex before marriage.
- Canadian women have an average of eight sexual partners during their lifetime!
- English women have an orgasm about five out of ten times but French women have an orgasm seven out of ten times! Oh la la!
- One out of five has had phone sex with their partner while one out of twenty has had phone sex with a stranger!
- Three out of ten women say they have been cheated on in the past!
- Three out of ten women have "sworn off sex" at least once in the past! Fortunately this, on average, doesn't last too long.
- Only two out of ten never masturbate.
- While four out of ten women own a vibrator!!!!
- One in twenty has had group sex.
- One in four routinely fakes an orgasm!
AND FINALLY..... FOR THE BIG CLIMAX [SORRY, no pun intended ;-)]... Five out of ten women say they want more sex than they get!!!
Allan W Janssen is the author of the book The Plain Truth About God (What the mainstream religions don't want you to know!) and is available at the web site www.God-101.com
Visit the blog "Perspective" at http://God-101.blogspot.com
(This applies equally to American and European women!)
Four out of five are in monogamous relationships; the rest are single; and by and large they're heterosexual. Thankfully, most are happy with their partners, though fully one-quarter admit that a previous lover was actually the best they've ever had.
One out of three copes with waning libidos and busy lives by resorting to good old-fashioned Canadian practicality: They schedule sex dates, something that is highly encouraged by relationship experts and therapists.
In the end, our survey pointed to a few clear differences along cultural lines – we wouldn't be Canada if it didn't.
French-Canadian women show a greater acceptance of themselves sexually and more openness to the gamut of sexual practices. They enjoy sex more as they age and are more apt to be sexual go-getter's rather than waiting for their partners to spark things up.
But, if you think all of Quebec is swinging from the chandeliers while the rest of us lie back and think of England, that's not exactly the case.
Sadly, most women, regardless of provenance, have issues with body image. When asked to rate satisfaction with their bodies on a scale of one to 10, women gave themselves no higher than an average of six.
Here are some other "quick facts;"
- Four out of five women enjoy receiving oral sex but one out of three doesn't like giving it! (These silly women have forgotten that old saying "It's better to give than receive!")
- Almost half were under 18 when they had sex for the first time and nine out of ten had sex before marriage.
- Canadian women have an average of eight sexual partners during their lifetime!
- English women have an orgasm about five out of ten times but French women have an orgasm seven out of ten times! Oh la la!
- One out of five has had phone sex with their partner while one out of twenty has had phone sex with a stranger!
- Three out of ten women say they have been cheated on in the past!
- Three out of ten women have "sworn off sex" at least once in the past! Fortunately this, on average, doesn't last too long.
- Only two out of ten never masturbate.
- While four out of ten women own a vibrator!!!!- One in twenty has had group sex.
- One in four routinely fakes an orgasm!
AND FINALLY..... FOR THE BIG CLIMAX [SORRY, no pun intended ;-)]... Five out of ten women say they want more sex than they get!!!
Allan W Janssen is the author of the book The Plain Truth About God (What the mainstream religions don't want you to know!) and is available at the web site www.God-101.com
Visit the blog "Perspective" at http://God-101.blogspot.com
Tuesday, February 20, 2007
Gollum sings Barry White!
I had some serious reservations about putting this on the site because it's so freaky, but then that little voice that always gets me into trouble said it's usual mantra; "Go Ahead! A hundred years from now what the hell difference will it make!"
OR, have a look at this impersonation of Gollum masturbating!
Your "precious" scribe;
Allan W Janssen
OR, have a look at this impersonation of Gollum masturbating!
Your "precious" scribe;
Allan W Janssen
Friday, October 06, 2006
Don't shake it more than twice!
Iran's Supreme Leader: Don't masturbate during Ramadan
On his blog, Sayyid Ali Khameini offers advice to the faithful about appropriate conduct during the Muslim holy month of Ramadan.
We are anxiously awaiting a reply, not only to the question of doing it in the dark but also the part about "intent!" ......... And, as a follow-up here are a few more thoughts from some other Muslim clerics on the subject of masturbation in general. ........ it is reported that Imam Ahmad Ibn Hanbal regarded semen as an excretion of the body like other excrete, and permitted its expulsion the same way blood letting is permitted. Ibn Hazm holds the same view.
However, the Hanbali jurists permit masturbation only under two conditions: first, the fear of committing fornication or adultery, and second, not having the means to marry.........if you find that you cannot relieve yourself except through masturbation, and you fear you may lapse in adultery if you do not masturbate, then the juristic rule which states that the lesser evil is to be suffered in order to fend off the major one.
Masturbation is deemed to be the lesser of two evils in this case!
At least with Islam you don't go blind or crazy!
Just so you know!
Allan
On his blog, Sayyid Ali Khameini offers advice to the faithful about appropriate conduct during the Muslim holy month of Ramadan. Q: "If somebody masturbates during the month of Ramadan, but without any discharge, is his fasting invalidated?"
A: Iranian Supreme Leader: "If he do not intend masturbation and discharging semen and nothing is discharged, his fasting is correct even though he has done a ḥarām (forbidden) act.
But, if he intends masturbation or he knows that he usually discharges semen by this process and semen really comes out, it is a ḥaram - intentionally breaking fasting."
Meanwhile, Joe asks;
The Ramadan fast is only from sunrise to sunset. Does this mean it's OK after dark?
We are anxiously awaiting a reply, not only to the question of doing it in the dark but also the part about "intent!" ......... And, as a follow-up here are a few more thoughts from some other Muslim clerics on the subject of masturbation in general. ........ it is reported that Imam Ahmad Ibn Hanbal regarded semen as an excretion of the body like other excrete, and permitted its expulsion the same way blood letting is permitted. Ibn Hazm holds the same view.
However, the Hanbali jurists permit masturbation only under two conditions: first, the fear of committing fornication or adultery, and second, not having the means to marry.........if you find that you cannot relieve yourself except through masturbation, and you fear you may lapse in adultery if you do not masturbate, then the juristic rule which states that the lesser evil is to be suffered in order to fend off the major one.
Masturbation is deemed to be the lesser of two evils in this case!
At least with Islam you don't go blind or crazy!
Just so you know!
Allan
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