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Middle aged hetrosexual, WASP male. Middle of the road, reasonably sane and  reasonably employed.

Sunday, March 18, 2007

Sunday Morning Funnies!

I don't know if this story is true or not but on this site we go by that famous quote from folklorist J. Frank Dobie "Never let the truth get in the way of a good story!"

An evangelist who tried replicating Jesus' miracle of walking on water has reportedly drowned off the western coast of Africa.

Pastor Franck Kabele, 35, told his congregation he could repeat the biblical miracle, and he attempted it from a beach in Gabon's capital of Libreville.

"He told churchgoers he'd had a revelation that if he had enough faith, he could walk on water like Jesus," an eyewitness told the Glasgow Daily Record.

"He took his congregation to the beach saying he would walk across the Komo estuary, which takes 20 minutes by boat. He walked into the water, which soon passed over his head and he never came back."

YOU DON'T KNOW JACK?

For some time many of us have wondered, just who is Jack Schitt?

We find ourselves at a loss when someone says, 'You don't know Jack Schitt!'

Well, thanks to my genealogy efforts, you can now respond in an intellectual way.

Jack Schitt is the only son of Awe Schitt.

Awe Schitt, the fertilizer magnate, married O. Schitt, the owner of Needeep N. Schitt, Inc.

They had one son, Jack.

In turn, Jack Schitt married Noe Schitt.

The deeply religious couple produced six children: Holie Schitt, Giva Schitt, Fulla Schitt, Bull Schitt, and the twins Deep Schitt and Dip Schitt.

Against her parents' objections, Deep Schitt married Dumb Schitt, a high school dropout. After being married 15 years, Jack and Noe Schitt divorced.

Noe Schitt later married Ted Sherlock, and because her kids were living with them, she wanted to keep her previous name.

She was then known as Noe Schitt Sherlock. Meanwhile, Dip Schitt married Loda Schitt, and they produced a son with a rather nervous disposition named Chicken Schitt.

Two of the other six children, Fulla Schitt and Giva Schitt, were inseparable throughout childhood and subsequently married the Happens brothers in a dual ceremony.

The wedding announcement in the newspaper announced the Schitt-Happens nuptials.

The Schitt-Happens children were Dawg, Byrd,and Horse. Bull Schitt, the prodigal son, left home to tour the world. He recently returned from Italy with his new Italian bride, Pisa Schitt.

Now when someone says, 'You don't know Jack Schitt,' you can correct them.

Sincerely,
Crock O. Schitt

STEAK AND A BLOW-JOB DAY

Guys, mark this date on your calendar, March 14th. (That's the day before the Ides of March.)

Apparently it's a new holiday in response to "Valentines Day" (February 14th) and is designed to give the guys a treat as well.

Coming(Pardon the pun!) exactly one month after Valentines day, "Steak and a Blow Job Day" has all the right ingredients to be one of the great days of the year for us guys.

Maybe up there on a par with Christmas, Hanukkah, Ramadan or Ground Hog Day.

It could even be equal to a birthday, which if memory serves me right is already a "steak and a blow job day."

Anyway, we missed it this year because I didn't find out about it till today but definitely mark it on the calendar for 2008.

Your "ever helpful" scribe;
Allan W Janssen

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