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Middle aged heterosexual, WASP male. Semi retired, semi-sane and semi-serious. And endangered species and I'm not going quietly!!!!

Saturday, April 05, 2008

Saturday Morning Confusion #81

Speaking of assholes and crazy women, (see previous article) I have a few observations about both.

After much thought and a bit of work by the "Perspective" research department, we have come to the conclusion that there are three types of assholes!

The first is the garden variety type of asshole like you and me. We sometimes get it wrong, and for that are glad to have someone to set us straight....... because who likes to be an asshole anyways.

The second type is the asshole who refuses to be set staight.......... like the guys who are religious fanatics or people from Kansas! Ya can't do much with these asshols and are better off just ignoring them.

The third type are the people who not only know they are assholes, but enjoy it! These people have something wrong with their wiring and you should run away from them as fast as possible!!

Nuff said!

Now, about confused people in general!

If you ever want to phone me and you are obsessive-compulsive, press 1 repeatedly.

If you are co-dependent, please ask someone to press 2 for you.

If you have multiple personalities, press 3, 4, 5 and 6.

If you are paranoid, we know who you are and what you want, stay on the line so we can trace your call.

If you are delusional, press 7 and your call will be forwarded to the Mother Ship.

If you are schizophrenic, listen carefully and a little voice will tell you which number to press.

If you are manic-depressive, it doesn't matter which number you press, nothing will make you happy anyway.

If you are dyslexic, press 9696969696969696.

If you are bipolar, please leave a message after the beep or before the beep or after the beep. Please wait for the beep.

If you have short-term memory loss, press 9. If you have short-term memory loss, press 9. If you have short-term memory loss, press 9.

If you have low self-esteem, please hang up our operators are too busy to talk with you.

If you are menopausal, put the gun down, hang up, turn on the fan, lie down and cry. You won't be crazy forever.

If you are blonde, don't press any buttons, you'll just mess it up!

Allan W Janssen is the author of the book The Plain Truth About God (What the mainstream religions don't want you to know!) and is available at the web site www.God-101.com

Visit the blog "Perspective" at http://Allans-Perspective.blogspot.com

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