Saturday Morning Confusion!

When you look at the government and say to yourself; "What are they going to do next?" it doesn't take long to come up with an answer.

The latest technology being used to keep us in a constant state of confusion and apprehension just might be the "Stink-Bomb" and "The Gay Bomb."

From deep within the files of the C.I.A., your fearless investigative reporter has come up with a startling piece of news.

Under a hush, hush, top secret contract with N.S.A. and other defense organizations, the U.S. army is attempting to develop a chemical weapon that will give different ethnic and ideological groups a distinct "smell".

For example, it could genetically produce a certain "smell" that would be secreted from ethnic Chinese, or Blacks or East Indians or even people from Iowa.

There would also be certain odors that can be chemically introduced through food or by aerosols into other groups such as foreign religious organizations or ideological groups.

The Army proposal specifically calls for the "preparation of an 'odor index' to match known disagreeable odors to a specific culture, political/religious group or geographical region."

(If these smells are produced in such a way as to be "unpleasant" to us then this would be one of the easiest ways to promote differences between disparate groups and produce an "Us vs Them" mentality ..)

This "unpleasant smell" plus a certain amount of propaganda, would then be more than enough to cause a population to rise-up against a targeted group and make the militariese job so much easier!

On top of the "Stink-Bomb," the army is also testing a "Gay-Bomb" that would chemically attack foot soldiers and turn them "Gay."

They would immediately lose all desire to fight a be easy pickings for our troops. (The only hazard is having some of "our" guys going over to the "enemy," but I'm sure that this problem can be addressed.)

The idea for the "Gay-Bomb was first discussed after it was announced the Kim Jong-ill and his North Korean scientists had developed a "Nude_Bomb" for use in any regional conflicts in the Far East. (The thinking behind this being that naked soldiers would lose the will to fight!)

Kim Jong-ill, seen relaxing after a recent successful test of North Korea's "Nude Bomb!"

Your "hush, hush and on the Q.T." scribe;
Allan W Janssen

North Korea Develops "Nude Bomb"

You no doubt remember that 1980 movie "The Nude Bomb" which was taken from the T.V. show "Get Smart"

In the movie unknown terrorists developed a new type of bomb that destroys clothing, but leaves people unharmed. Agent Maxwell Smart (Don Adams) is taken out of retirement and sent back into the field to track down these madmen and put a stop to their plans.

Well science fiction has a strange way of becoming science fact.

North Korea has just announced that it finally developed a "Nude Bomb" and would not hesitate to use it against any aggressor.

This is a photo of Dear Leader Kim Jong-il, apparently relaxed and well satisfied after watching a test of the weapon.

He issued a statement saying that the "Bomb" would be deployed along the border with South Korea and attached to missiles aimed at Japan.

Japan, a very conservative country, is said to be deeply concerned about the possibility of it's citizens suddenly running around the streets naked and is implementing an emergency clothing stockpile.

Your " the bare facts" scribe;
Allan W Janssen