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Showing posts with label kim jong il. Show all posts
Showing posts with label kim jong il. Show all posts

Friday, August 31, 2007

North Korean Hotline!

In our series on the continuing adventures of fearless Leader Kim Jong-ill we have word that senior envoys from the US and North Korea are set to meet in Geneva next week to finally discuss normalizing relations. The talks follow a multilateral deal in February, in which Pyongyang was promised aid and diplomatic benefits if it disabled its nuclear programme.

The US is expected to seek assurances no uranium enrichment is taking place, while North Korea wants to be removed from the US list of terrorism sponsors. Analysts say the two sides are still far from resolving their differences.

Meanwhile, the eldest son of Kim Jong-il, the North Korean leader, is reported to have returned home after several years in exile in a move that has raised speculation over a possible power succession.

Kim Jong-nam, 36, has taken on an influential post in the ruling communist party, South Korea's Chosun Ilbo said on Monday.

Kim Jong-nam was widely believed to have fallen out of favour in 2001 after he was caught entering Japan on a fake passport saying he wanted to visit Tokyo Disneyland. (He was given diplomatic immunity while the two hookers with him were expelled.)

The publicity – and ridicule- the case attracted was said to have embarrassed his father, and the younger Kim has since spent most of his time living in China and the gambling enclave of Macau.

Meanwhile, with grey apartment blocks, bugged hotel rooms, an erratic electricity supply and rumours of a secret nuclear arsenal - North Korea is not every one's idea of a perfect holiday destination. But plenty of South Koreans signed up for their first chance to visit the North's capital Pyongyang this week, and they are not the only tourists trekking to this isolated communist state.

North Korea is also one of the world's most secretive nations. For a North Korean, contact with a foreigner can land one in jail… or worse.

But, there is one embarrassing secret that is hard for the government to hide, literally.

It's the Ryugyong Hotel in the Potong District of North Korea's capital city of Pyongyang. It's difficult to hide because it's a massive, 105-story structure which dominates the city's skyline.

It's an embarrassment because it's a complete engineering failure… its empty, dilapidated husk lurks over the capital, mocking the citizens of the proud country.

The Ryugyong or "Capital of Willows" Hotel stands 1,083 feet tall, and it was planned to have 3,000 rooms and seven revolving restaurants. It has a total of 3.9 million square feet of floor space.

The hotel would be the tallest hotel and seventh largest building in the world if it were finished. It would also have been the first building with over one hundred floors outside of New York or Chicago.

The first event scheduled to be held at the hotel was June 1989's World Festival of Youth and Students. The hotel was nowhere near ready for that event.

Its construction was plagued with problems, and after five years construction completely ground to a halt due to a shortage of everything… especially funding and electricity.

Work on the hotel has never resumed; the project was abandoned, leaving a lonely construction crane perched on its peak.

Today, few North Koreans are willing to discuss the hotel with outsiders. The hotel, which was once found on city maps before the construction even began, has now been completely stricken from the official maps. Tour guides usually claim not to know where it is.

Either a majority of the country is in a state of denial about the whole thing, or they avoid the subject for fear of reprisal. Since the government's embarrassing monument is visible from practically every point in the city, it's most likely the latter.

Allan W Janssen is the author of The Plain Truth About God at http://www.god-101.com/

Friday, August 24, 2007

Kim Jong-ill to host North Korean Beauty Pageant!

In a move to promote culture and the North Korean way of life, Dearly Beloved and Fearless leader for life, Kim Jong-ill has decided to personally take over responsibility for this years beauty pageant.

Citing a lack of direction in recent years, Kim will oversee the selection of contestants and the list of categories.

The Pageant itself will be held on Kim Jong-ill day in September, one of fifteen such days throughout the year..


Contestants were picked from all over North Korea and will compet in such events as tractor pull, marksmanship, forced marches, cooking, unarmed combat and a simple contest based on appearance and hygeine.

Show here are the the two daughters of Kim Jong-ill who are expected to place quite well for most if not all of the categories.

Your entertainmnt reporter;
Allan W Janssen

Friday, July 13, 2007

All Shook Up

Kim Jong-ill, glorious leader of North Korea has been embarrassed by foreign politicians.

It seems that at a party for visiting Chinese officials last week-end Glorious Leader lead a karaoke party where he sang a few of his favorite Elvis Presley songs.

The only problem was the Kin Jong-ill was used to a local crowd who would naturally applaud with great enthusiasm and tell him how wonderful he was.

Instead, these were Chinese officials who weren't that crazy about him to begin with and rather than the usual platitudes, he was greeted with a barrage of jeers and howls of laughter.

Apparently Kim baby was livid and next day North Korea's security agency ordered the shutdown of all karaoke bars, saying they are a threat to society, a South Korean newspaper reported Wednesday.

Refugees from the reclusive state say such outlets are largely located in the northern region that borders China and are frequented by merchants involved in cross-border business rather than ordinary citizens.

The North's Ministry of People's Security said in a directive that all karaoke bars, video-screening rooms and Internet cafes must shut immediately, the Dong-A Ilbo newspaper said.

Local officials could not be reached for comment. As a matter of fact unsubstantiated reports indicate that these people are no longer around at all.

Your "all the news" scribe;
Allan W Janssen

Friday, March 30, 2007

North Korea To Co-Host 2008 Olympics

In a surprise announcement that has stunned most of the Western World North Korea has announced that it will Co-Host the 2008 Summer Olympic Games along with China.

Chinese officials have not commented on this announcement but there seems to be some surprise and confusion in Beijing about this latest turn of events.

Kim Jong-ill getting ready to announce North Korea as co-Host of the 2008 Olympics
Ceremonies marking the announcement by Fearless Leader Kim Jong-ill on the participation of North Korea in the Olympics.
Official North Korean statue honouring Olympics.
Cultural event marking Glorious Leader Kim Jong-ill's acquisition of 2008 Olympics.
Lighting of Olympic Flame in preparation of Dearly Beloved Leader Kim Jong-ill's Olympics.
New National Monument to 2008 Olympics.
Supreme Leader Kim Jong-ill on a surprise inspection tour of Olympic facilities.
Olympic Committee in one of their discussions on the itinerary for the events.
North Korean athletes training for the combination Hurdles and Obstacle Course event.
To make the Marathon more interesting the North Korean version also incorporates an obstacle course.
One of the North Korean athletes training for what is obviously the Javelin throw!
In keeping with the tradition of having the Olympics remain relevant to today's society Grand Leader Kim Jong-ill has added a new event for this Olympics. Dwarf Tossing!!!










Your "Fearless reporter" scribe;
Allan W Janssen

Wednesday, March 21, 2007

North Korea reneges on $25 million deal!

Here in the West a deal's a deal but the same doesn't always hold true in the rest of the world. North Korea had tried to make a deal with the
United States to have $25 million in assets released, but settled on a bartered agreement that saw strong-man Dear Leader Kim Jong-il take possession of Michael Jackson's Neverland ranch with the balance to be paid in hookers.

The deal held for about two days when Jong-il came back with additional demands. It seems he was going to park his wayward son on the ranch and leave him there to keep him out of trouble but now is also demanding a lifetime pass to Disneyland for his son and his entire family as well.

Officials for Disney Corp. expressed reluctance to go along with the deal because of the negative publicity of having Kim Jong-nam (Jong-il's son) and his bodygaurds hanging around the park all day and bothering the tourists.

Negotiations are continuing and the State Department hopes to have a resolution to this dilemma by the weekend.

Your "on the spot" scribe;
Allan W Janssen

Monday, March 19, 2007

North Korea resolves frozen funds by barter!

The United States and North Korea have resolved a dispute over $25 million US in frozen North Korean funds in a Macau bank that threatened to hold up nuclear disarmament negotiations, U.S. official Paul Glaser said Monday.

Under a deal signed on the weekend the funds would be bartered, rather than just paid out.

Kim Jong-il is to receive ownership of Michael Jackson's former Neverland ranch with the balance to be paid in hookers!
(Kim Jong-il's son and grandson.)

According to informed sources, both sides in the dispute seemed well satisfied with the arrangement and Kim plans to put his son and family there permanently to keep them out of trouble.

"We believe this resolves the issue of the DPRK-related frozen funds," said Glaser, using the acronym for North Korea's formal name, the Democratic People's Republic of Korea.

Your "on the spot and on the Q.T." scribe;
Allan W Janssen

Saturday, March 17, 2007

North Korea Develops "Nude Bomb"

You no doubt remember that 1980 movie "The Nude Bomb" which was taken from the T.V. show "Get Smart"

In the movie unknown terrorists developed a new type of bomb that destroys clothing, but leaves people unharmed. Agent Maxwell Smart (Don Adams) is taken out of retirement and sent back into the field to track down these madmen and put a stop to their plans.

Well science fiction has a strange way of becoming science fact.

North Korea has just announced that it finally developed a "Nude Bomb" and would not hesitate to use it against any aggressor.

This is a photo of Dear Leader Kim Jong-il, apparently relaxed and well satisfied after watching a test of the weapon.

He issued a statement saying that the "Bomb" would be deployed along the border with South Korea and attached to missiles aimed at Japan.

Japan, a very conservative country, is said to be deeply concerned about the possibility of it's citizens suddenly running around the streets naked and is implementing an emergency clothing stockpile.

Your " the bare facts" scribe;
Allan W Janssen

Saturday, February 17, 2007

Happy 65th Birthday Kim Jong Il



Our congratulations to Kim Jong-il on his 65Th birthday today!

(The official biography holds that his birth at Mount Paektu was foretold by a swallow, and that his birth was heralded by the appearance of a double rainbow over the mountain and a new star in the heavens. Let's see you top THAT!)

Since he is now of retirement age, Kim's possible successor is a continuing topic of speculation.

South Korean media have suggested that he is grooming his son, Kim Jong-chul. (His eldest son, Kim Jong-nam, was earlier believed to be the designated heir, but he appears to have fallen out of favour after being arrested at Narita International Airport in Narita, Japan, near Tokyo, in 2001 while traveling on a forged passport. He tried to sneak into Japan because..........{Are you ready for this?} he wanted to visit Tokyo's Disneyland. He's sort of like North Korea's equivalent to Pee Wee Herman!)

Your "All the news that fits" scribe;
Allan W Janssen

Tuesday, January 09, 2007

How do you do, too!

Women bow to a 65-foot-high bronze statue of Kim Il Sung, his arm extended to rally the masses, that "graces" downtown Pyongyang.

Bowing to images or statues of Kim Il Sung or his son, Kim Jong Il, reportedly often marks the start and end of each day in North Korea.

A bow and a bouquet of flowers for the Eternal Great Leader is an obligatory part of any foreigner's tour of Pyongyang as well. A respectful distance is de-rigueur as well. After all, the gaurds have machineguns!

(Wasn't it nice of Kim Jong-Il to send us a Christmas card Dec. 23rd!)

Kim's Christmas Card

Your "humble" scribe;
Allan W Janssen