Saturday Morning Confusion #8

It’s Saturday morning and as I read the morning paper, as usual, I get more and more confused!

There is a story here about a guy from Mobile Alabama who had sort of an interesting day yesterday.

Michael Crocker, aged 42, is either a victim of “down south in-breeding” or was just born naturally stupid because he is involved in a string of crimes that include theft of $200,000 dollars, a murder, a kidnapping, assault, getting rid of witnesses, and self mutilation.

Confused? Yea, me too!

Here’s what we know so far!

$200 grand was stolen from Vulcan Industries in Mobile, Alabama.

Authorities think Michael Crocker was one of the thieves and although it hasn’t been announced yet, I personally think plant manager Stephen Perret was either kidnapped to help the robbers or was one of the thieves himself. The only problem is that Perret was found murdered in his truck in Citronelle, Alabama.

That means he ain’t talking boys and girls.

Mobile County Sheriff Sam Cochran described Crocker as a suspect in Perret's murder, but said he has not been charged.

Crocker meanwhile, swears that he and Perret were kidnapped by the thieves and that they killed Perret and “cut out his (Crocker’s) tongue!”

Meanwhile, sheriff Cochran jumped into the fray and said it was his opinion that Crocker cut out his own tongue and then made up the story of kidnappers to deflect suspicion for the robbery away from himself.

In reply to this Crocker was quoted as saying; “mneph moog mnamble gato de myuu!!!”

North Carolina pair feud over leg.

Next is the story of John Wood who lost his leg twice. First he lost it years ago in a plane crash and then again last week.

Confused again? Ya, me too!

It seems John had his leg preserved and kept it in a storage locker so that when he died they could bury all of him at one time!!!!

He stored his amputated leg in a barbecue smoker in the locker but John's smoker was sold to Shannon Whisnant last week after he fell behind on payments at the storage facility in Carolina where it was kept.

He wants his leg back but Mr Whisnant says he has a receipt for the smoker's contents and wants to share ownership. (It seems Mr. Whisnant had been making money by charging adults $3 and children $1 to look at the leg inside the smoker.)

When things got a little too hot he gave the leg to the police, who concluded it had not been removed as a result of a crime and sent it to a funeral home until Mr Wood could pick it up.

Whisnant then decided to try to persuade Mr Wood to share custody and profits.

"I told him I'd share custody of it..." he said. "It's a strange incident and Halloween's just around the corner. The price will go up if I get the leg."

Mr Wood, who now lives in Greenville, South Carolina, has insisted he is not interested in using the leg to make money and plans to travel to Maiden as soon as possible to reclaim it.

"I just think it's despicable," he said. "I don't mind having the 15 minutes of fame, but I'm not looking to really profit off this thing. "He's making a freak show out of it."

Having had his offer rejected, Mr Whisnant has threatened to begin legal action if the leg is not returned to him by next week. He says he has a receipt showing he bought both the smoker and its contents at the auction.

"Everybody knows it's mine, period," he said. "And if anyone tries to take it, I want everything they got."

For this, Mr. Whisnant is the hands down winner of our "Asshole of the Week" trophy!

Meanwhile, a headline in the local paper says; "A man finds a limb in a smoker he bought at an auction -- and the owner fighting for its return may not have a leg to stand on."

Your "down there in Dixie" scribe;
Allan W Janssen

Allan W Janssen is the author of The Plain Truth About God at www.God-101.com and the blog "Perspective" at http://God-101.blogspot.com