Fearless Predictions for 2008
FIRST, HAPPY NEW YEAR FROM THE ENTIRE STAFF HERE AT "PERSPECTIVE!"
My, oh my, what does the year have in store for us?
Whatever it is, this might help ease the bumps and potholes.
Due to space constraints we can't go into great detail on these predictions, suffice to say that the research department here at "Perspective" put in a lot of overtime during the last month or so!
1. The big one for Americans, Hillary Clinton will edge out John McCain for President!
2. Remember the Y2K bug? We're going to have a crisis like that in the next year when we get the first data center meltdown!
3. Social Networks will fade slightly as people object to the amount of personal information being stored about them. This is actually true for the entire web industry!
4. In spite of the Writers Guild of America strike, the issue at stake, (Internet distribution) is not that important because Silicon Valley is not likely to take over Hollywood and it certainly isn’t going to happen in 2008.
5. Speaking of Hollywood, I will make no predictions about people such as Britney Spears, Katie Couric or any other celebrity because no one knows what these idiots are going to do next and I personally don't care! (O.K., Katie's not an idiot, but Britney sure is!)
6. Ethical eating: Expect to see more eco-friendly labels such as carbon footprint, wild-caught and the like.
7. Afghanistan will continue to escalate in violence because it is by now inbreed amongst the Afghan people. The situation in Iraq will actually improve somewhat but the conflict with al-Qaeda will intensify with most of the trouble amongst Muslims themselves rather than with the West. (Personally, I feel that they can blow each other up and shoot each other all they want because the more they do that the less they bother the West. I know that's not nice but Fuck 'em...... it's a two way street!) Al-Qaeda itself will become more of a local phenomenon as regional groups use the name to avenge any bitches they have with local organizations. In other words it becomes a "catch-all phrase" for any cause!
8. The Olympics in China will be a general success because the Government there can't afford to let it be anything else!
9. Kim Jong-ill will revert to form and jerk us around with nuclear stuff and any other shit he can get away with. Bribing him with money didn't work so maybe we could give him and his family a life-time pass to any Disneyworld. Trust me, the research staff has spent a lot of time analyzing this guy and that would work where nothing else has!
10. The National Hurricane Center will issue a revised list of hurricane names for 2008 that reflects the current state of fear-mongering and hysteria. The storms of 2008 will be named Armageddon, Beelzebub, Catastrophe, Despair, Eliminator, Frightful, Godzilla, Hellhole, Intimidator, Jaundiced, Killer, Lightning, Massacre, Nuclear, Oppressive, Pandemonium, Quarrelsome, Ripper, Slasher, Thunder, Undertaker, Vampire, Woebegon, Xanax, Yeehaw and Zero.
11. Somebody will propose that something be changed for the better. Mobs of Right Wing Fundamentalists in the States will decry the proposal as immoral, un-Godly, anti-American, elitist, unsavory and loaded with trans fats. Same thing in the Middle-East except the words "infidels" and "Jihad" and "anti-Islam" will be thrown into the soup as well.
12. Don't look for the real estate market to get much better in 2008 although I doubt if we will have a serious meltdown.
13. Another bad year for Detroit automakers with Toyota overtaking G.M. as the world's largest car maker. Can't feel sorry for Detroit, it's survival of the fittest kids.
14. The war in Iraq and other Bush folly's might not decimate the economy in 2008. It will probably totter along until Bush is safely out of office.
15. I will not give any sports predictions because that would just be stupid!
16. In spite of serious efforts, New Orleans will only remain a shell of it's former self as people realize that re-building it is futile.
17. Pakistan is a big black hole that anyone would be silly to try and predict although this in itself is a rather telling indicator.
18. Iran will develop nuclear weapons, thumb their nose at the rest of the world in attempting to become THE major player in the Middle-East and the whole region will slide closer to Armageddon.
19. Turkey will retreat from E.U. membership and unless someone comes up with the bright idea of bringing Russian into the E.U. they will continue to cause problems as they flex their oil and natural gas muscles.
20. Venezuela will get more erratic under Chavez unless someone kicks him out. WHO KNOWS, MAYBE THE U.S. WILL COME TO THE CONCLUSION THAT THE MIDDLE-EAST IS NOT WORTH THE TROUBLE AND INVADE VENEZUELA INSTEAD! AFTER ALL, IT IS A LOT CLOSER!
And there you have it, all the information you need to get you through 2008!
Allan W Janssen is the author of the book The Plain Truth About God (What the mainstream religions don't want you to know!) and is available at the web site http://www.god-101.com/
Visit the blog "Perspective" at http://God-101.blogspot.com
My, oh my, what does the year have in store for us?
Whatever it is, this might help ease the bumps and potholes.
Due to space constraints we can't go into great detail on these predictions, suffice to say that the research department here at "Perspective" put in a lot of overtime during the last month or so!
1. The big one for Americans, Hillary Clinton will edge out John McCain for President!
2. Remember the Y2K bug? We're going to have a crisis like that in the next year when we get the first data center meltdown!
3. Social Networks will fade slightly as people object to the amount of personal information being stored about them. This is actually true for the entire web industry!
4. In spite of the Writers Guild of America strike, the issue at stake, (Internet distribution) is not that important because Silicon Valley is not likely to take over Hollywood and it certainly isn’t going to happen in 2008.
5. Speaking of Hollywood, I will make no predictions about people such as Britney Spears, Katie Couric or any other celebrity because no one knows what these idiots are going to do next and I personally don't care! (O.K., Katie's not an idiot, but Britney sure is!)
6. Ethical eating: Expect to see more eco-friendly labels such as carbon footprint, wild-caught and the like.
7. Afghanistan will continue to escalate in violence because it is by now inbreed amongst the Afghan people. The situation in Iraq will actually improve somewhat but the conflict with al-Qaeda will intensify with most of the trouble amongst Muslims themselves rather than with the West. (Personally, I feel that they can blow each other up and shoot each other all they want because the more they do that the less they bother the West. I know that's not nice but Fuck 'em...... it's a two way street!) Al-Qaeda itself will become more of a local phenomenon as regional groups use the name to avenge any bitches they have with local organizations. In other words it becomes a "catch-all phrase" for any cause!
8. The Olympics in China will be a general success because the Government there can't afford to let it be anything else!
9. Kim Jong-ill will revert to form and jerk us around with nuclear stuff and any other shit he can get away with. Bribing him with money didn't work so maybe we could give him and his family a life-time pass to any Disneyworld. Trust me, the research staff has spent a lot of time analyzing this guy and that would work where nothing else has!10. The National Hurricane Center will issue a revised list of hurricane names for 2008 that reflects the current state of fear-mongering and hysteria. The storms of 2008 will be named Armageddon, Beelzebub, Catastrophe, Despair, Eliminator, Frightful, Godzilla, Hellhole, Intimidator, Jaundiced, Killer, Lightning, Massacre, Nuclear, Oppressive, Pandemonium, Quarrelsome, Ripper, Slasher, Thunder, Undertaker, Vampire, Woebegon, Xanax, Yeehaw and Zero.
11. Somebody will propose that something be changed for the better. Mobs of Right Wing Fundamentalists in the States will decry the proposal as immoral, un-Godly, anti-American, elitist, unsavory and loaded with trans fats. Same thing in the Middle-East except the words "infidels" and "Jihad" and "anti-Islam" will be thrown into the soup as well.
12. Don't look for the real estate market to get much better in 2008 although I doubt if we will have a serious meltdown.
13. Another bad year for Detroit automakers with Toyota overtaking G.M. as the world's largest car maker. Can't feel sorry for Detroit, it's survival of the fittest kids.
14. The war in Iraq and other Bush folly's might not decimate the economy in 2008. It will probably totter along until Bush is safely out of office.
15. I will not give any sports predictions because that would just be stupid!
16. In spite of serious efforts, New Orleans will only remain a shell of it's former self as people realize that re-building it is futile.
17. Pakistan is a big black hole that anyone would be silly to try and predict although this in itself is a rather telling indicator.
18. Iran will develop nuclear weapons, thumb their nose at the rest of the world in attempting to become THE major player in the Middle-East and the whole region will slide closer to Armageddon.
19. Turkey will retreat from E.U. membership and unless someone comes up with the bright idea of bringing Russian into the E.U. they will continue to cause problems as they flex their oil and natural gas muscles.
20. Venezuela will get more erratic under Chavez unless someone kicks him out. WHO KNOWS, MAYBE THE U.S. WILL COME TO THE CONCLUSION THAT THE MIDDLE-EAST IS NOT WORTH THE TROUBLE AND INVADE VENEZUELA INSTEAD! AFTER ALL, IT IS A LOT CLOSER!
And there you have it, all the information you need to get you through 2008!Allan W Janssen is the author of the book The Plain Truth About God (What the mainstream religions don't want you to know!) and is available at the web site http://www.god-101.com/
Visit the blog "Perspective" at http://God-101.blogspot.com
Labels: 2008 predictions, humor, satire
posted by Allan W Janssen | 10:27 a.m.
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