The top 100 reasons it's great to be a guy!

The top 100 reasons it's great to be a guy!

-Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat.
-Movie nudity is virtually always female.
-You know stuff about tanks.
-A five day vacation requires only one suitcase.
-Monday Night Football. -->
-You don't have to monitor your friends sex lives.
-Your bathroom lines are 80% shorter.
-You can open all your own jars.
-Old friends don't give you crap if you've lost or gained weight.
-Dry cleaners and haircutter's don't rob you blind.
-Your ass is never a factor in a job interview.
-All your orgasms are real. -->
-A beer gut does not make you invisible to the opposite sex.
-Guys in hockey masks don't attack you.
-You understand why Stripes is funny.
-Your last name stays put.
-You don't have to lug a bag of useful stuff around everywhere you go.
-You can go to the bathroom with out a support group.
-Your underwear is $10 for a three pack. -->
-You can leave a hotel bed unmade.
-You can kill your own food.
-The garage is all yours.
-When your criticized, you don't have to panic that everyone secretly hates you.
-You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness.
-You see the humor in Terms of Endearment.
-Nobody secretly wonders if you swallow.
-You never have to clean the toilet. -->
-You can be showered and ready in 10 minutes.
-Sex means never worrying about your reputation.
-Wedding plans take care of themselves.
-The National College Cheerleading Championship
-If someone forgets to invite you to something, they can still be your friend.
-None of your co-workers have the power to make you cry.
-You don't have to shave below your neck.
-You don't have to curl up next to a hairy ass every nite.
-If you're 34 and single nobody notices.
-You can write your name in the snow. -->
-You can get into a nontrivial pissing contest. -->
-Everything on your face stays its original color.
-Chocolate is just another snack.
-You can be president.
-Flowers fix everything.
-You can wear a white shirt to a water park.
-You never have to worry about other people's feelings.
-You can quietly enjoy a car ride from the passenger seat.
-You get to think about sex 90% of your waking hours. -->
-Three pair of shoes are more than enough.
-You can eat a banana in a hardware store.
-Foreplay is optional. -->
-Michael Bolton doesn't live in your universe.
-You can whip your shirt off on a hot day.
-You can say anything and not worry about what people think.
-Nobody stops telling a good dirty joke when you walk into the room.
-You don't have to clean your apartment if the meter reader is coming by.
-You never feel compelled to stop a pal from getting laid.
-Car mechanics tell you the truth.
-You don't give a rat's ass if someone notices your new haircut.-->
-You can watch a game in silence with your buddy for hours.
-The world is your urinal.
-You get to jump up and slap stuff.
-Hot wax never comes near your pubic area.
-One mood, all the time.
-You know at least 20 ways to open a beer bottle.
-You never misconstrue statements to mean your lover is about to leave you.
-You can admire Clint Eastwood without starving yourself to look like him.
-You never drive to another gas station because this one's just too skeevy.
-You can sit with your knees apart no matter what you are wearing.
-Gray hair and wrinkles add character.
-You don't have to leave the room to make an emergency crotch adjustment.
-Wedding Dress $2000; Tux rental $100.
-You don't care if someone is talking about you behind your back.
-You don't mooch off others' desserts.
-If you retain water, it's in a canteen.
-The remote is yours and yours alone. --------------->
-Same work....more pay.
-People never glance at your chest when you're talking to them.
-You can drop by to see a friend without bringing a little gift.
-Bachelor parties whomp ass over bridal showers.
-You have a normal and healthy relationship with your mother.
-Princess Di's death was almost just another obituary.
-You can buy condoms without the shopkeeper imagining you naked.
-Not liking a person does not preclude having great sex with them.
-You needn't pretend you're "freshening up" to go to the bathroom.
-If you don't call your buddy when you say you will, it's O.K.
-You can rationalize any behavior with the handy phrase "F*#k it!"
-The occasional well-rendered belch is practically expected.
-You never have to miss a sexual opportunity because you're not in the mood.
-You think the idea of punting a small dog is funny. --->
-New shoes don't cut, blister, or mangle your feet.
-Porn movies are designed with your mind in mind.
-Someday you'll be a dirty old man.
-Baywatch
-There is always a game on somewhere.
-ESPN's sports center.
-You don't have to remember everyone's birthdays and anniversaries.

And just so there is no rioting in the streets from all the ladies yelling for equal time, 100 reasons it's great to be a girl is coming!

Allan W Janssen is the author of The Plain Truth About God at www.God-101.com

Just when you thought it was safe to go in the water again!

Allan W Janssen is the author of The Plain Truth About God at www.God-101.com

Georgie, this should prove evolution, eh!

(Click to enlarge)
Allan W Janssen is the author of The Plain Truth About God at www.God-101.com

Celebrities will grow old just like the rest of us!

After waking up one day and looking in the mirror, I am still trying to fiqure out what the hell happened. Some old guy keeps looking back at me!

At least we can all take some solace in the fact the the bold and the beautiful will grow old too! This is what some of them might look like in the year 2040. (That's just 33 years from now!)






















Your "what the hell happened" scribe;
Allan W Janssen

A sign from God!

Allan W Janssen is the author of The Plain Truth About God at www.God-101.com

What do you believe in?

A while back we had a quiz on what your political leanings were and the quiz is still down the left side of this blog. There are also two sites down the left side of this blog under the "stuff worth a read" section that take a fair and unbiased look at religion.

(Actually much more than I do on this blog!)

The sites are "Religious Tolerance" and "Belief net!"

Both of them offer great insight into religion and don't do any "preaching" about one faith or the other.

Aside from being informative, there are also some very entertaining articles and quizzes on their pages, one of which I have reproduced here for your entertainment.

It is a quiz on what your religious inclinations are most like, even if you aren't of that faith or belief group. TAKE THE QUIZ!

The top score on the list below represents the faith that Belief-O-Matic thinks most closely matches my beliefs.

However, even a score of 100% does not mean that your views are all shared by this faith, or vice versa.

Belief-O-Matic then lists another 26 faiths in order of how much they have in common with your professed beliefs. The higher a faith appears on this list, the more closely it aligns with your thinking. As an example this is the way I scored!

1. Neo-Pagan (100%)
2. Unitarian Universalism (94%)
3. Liberal Quakers (91%)
4. New Age (87%)
5. Mainline to Liberal Christian Protestants (79%)
6. Mahayana Buddhism (73%)
7. Secular Humanism (71%)
8. Reform Judaism (64%)
9. Taoism (62%)
10. Theravada Buddhism (62%)
11. New Thought (60%)
12. Scientology (60%)
13. Bahá'í Faith (51%)
14. Sikhism (51%)
15. Nontheist (45%)
16. Jainism (42%)
17. Christian Science (Church of Christ, Scientist) (41%)
18. Hinduism (41%)
19. Orthodox Quaker (41%)
20. Orthodox Judaism (32%)
21. Eastern Orthodox (29%)
22. Roman Catholic (29%)
23. Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints (Mormons) (29%)
24. Islam (26%)
25. Mainline to Conservative Christian/Protestant (22%)
26. Seventh Day Adventist (19%)
27. Jehovah's Witness (6%)

Your "New Pagan Quaker Unitarian" scribe;
Allan W Janssen

Allan W Janssen is the author of The Plain Truth About God at www.God-101.com

Couldn't resist! I'm on an amazing pictures trip again!

The land before time.
Taxi!
My uncle Fred!
Plump Blimp!
Aunt Edna!
Bovine cheerleaders!
Oh, Oh!
Alien Signal! (Click for amazing close-up!)






Wheeeee!








And finally. Ohhhhhh!Allan

The Plain Truth About..... Bottled Water!

You might remember a few weeks ago where I found out that the local donut shop (Tim Horton's) was charging more for bottled water than they were for apple juice. (O.K. The apple juice was in a slightly smaller bottle.)

We also found out that most bottled water is plain ordinary tap water that has been filtered one extra time!

Makes you wonder why people, (like my wife) will pay a buck and a half for it, doesn't it!!

It might be worth the twelve minutes or so to watch this video from two of my favourite guys: Penn and Teller!

Allan W Janssen is the author of The Plain Truth About God at www.God-101.com

If you're gonna jump.... jump! Don't talk about it!

This is what I like to see!

If you're going to believe stupid stuff about religion that other humans made up then at least do it whole hog and jump in with both feet!

Never mind this mamby-pamby shit like "Jesus died for our sins," or "Muhammad wants us to either convert or kill all the infidels!"

Don't get sidetracked by trying to attain "enlightenment" or the "Ten Perfections," or even "Nirvana" (that's Vanna White's sister.)

No my friends, if your going to fuck yourself up on superstition then by all means jump into the deep end.

Do you remember that saying from my book "The plain truth about God," where the guy says; "I was all fucked-up on drugs until I found Jesus, now I'm all fucked up on him!"

Well don't just stop there bunky, go one better!!!

You might remember these guys............. hundreds were gathering Monday to study the teachings of the controversial Rael sect, which believes extra-terrestrials created Earth.

The group is seeking sought to expand its base in Japan.

The sect, founded in France, is best known for saying it cloned a human being in 2002, although it has never produced any evidence to back up its claims.

About 600 followers, including new members, signed up to take part in a week-long Asia seminar of the Rael movement that opened Sunday at a hotel in Narita near Tokyo, said Hideaki Numakura, a spokesman for the group in Japan.

The group’s leader Rael, a Frenchman whose name is Claude Vorilhon, was due to attend but cancelled because of illness and is recovering in Switzerland, group members said.

Rael, a former auto journalist, started the movement in the 1970s when he said aliens told him that they created humanity. He preaches that human beings should be able to control their own genetic makeup.

In the session here, the sect is teaching followers to attain happiness through controlling the brain — an exercise purportedly similar to Buddhist monks’ meditation.

“Do not neglect gardening your neural connection, pulling out the bad weeds. If you do, you will become happy,” Michio Ito, the group’s Japanese leader, said as he led a three-minute session.

The group says it has 50,000 followers worldwide. Some 10,000 of them are in Asia, including 6,000 in Japan — which has more members than any other country, with France coming second.

Ito said the Japanese are more receptive to the Rael movement because of the openness to different religions in Japan, where most people mix Buddhist and Shinto beliefs.

“Japanese don’t really believe in a God; they tend to believe more in scientific facts and evidence so that’s why (the movement) is more accepted here than elsewhere where there is already a religion,” Ito said.

“Japanese are also more open to things like brain-training,” he said.

New members are asked to pay seven percent of their salary to the group.

(When you think about it, that's a deal since most of the mainstream religions want you to give 10%. Christ, that's a three percent discount and you might even get a ride in a flying saucer to boot!)

Besides Japan, the meditation classes included followers from other parts of Asia including South Korea, China, Thailand, Mongolia, the Philippines and Sri Lanka, group members said.

Some of the new followers said they learned about the Rael movement through the Internet including social network services like Mixi, a Japanese website similar to MySpace.

“I have always been fascinated by the way life is precisely designed. Only advanced intelligent beings could have done this,” said Rael member Yoshihisa Naruse, an assistant professor of anatomy at the Meiji University of Oriental Medicine.

Rael, meanwhile, was reported to be re-cooperating at his Villa in the Alps, and reading L. Ron Hubbard's (Scientology) last book, that was published just before he died.

It's called, "Let's just see how stupid they really are!"

Allan W Janssen is the author of The Plain Truth About God at www.God-101.com

You have GOT to see this, period!

Does peeling an egg drive you nuts? You have got to see this. It's almost unbelievable!

Watch for the smart-ass smile at the end!

Up, Up and Away! Or, Fear of Flying!

Watch for this design to gain wider acceptance over the next few years.

Will hold twice as many passengers as conventional winged jets!
This model with it's eight engines can reach speeds of up to 6000 m.p.h.

Unfortunately, with all those engines they only have a range of about 500 miles.

Officials claim one advantage in that short hop flights will only take 4-5 minutes.
Another view of the swept wing "Delta" design.

Note the increased cargo capacity!
Another big Mid-East seller for transporting pilgrims to Mecca!
Expected to be a big seller in the Middle-East among rich Arabs that don't want to sit with regular passengers.
New experimental design for short, fast hops with fewer passengers!
New aerodynamic design will let jets climb to 40,000 feet and then gently glide the rest of the way, thereby saving fuel.
And finally, a jet designed strictly for the Far East short-hop flights such as Tokyo to Osaka.
Since Orientals are an average of 1/2 foot (6") short than Westerners, and with three over-sized decks, officials estimate that each flight can hold about 2800 passengers and will be competitive with mag-Lev trains.

Your "science and technology" scribe;
Allan W Janssen

Survey Says!!!

If you're married........ here's a survey you won't forget!

Would you believe that people who live with each other for 25 years actually develop similar facial features? I don't just mean that people tend to choose partners who resemble them, rather that over time together couple's features actually converge.

It's weird, but there's evidence for it from a singular study carried out by a noted psychologist Robert Zajonc and colleagues.

110 participants were shown photographs of men and women in their first year of marriage and of the same couples after 25 years of marriage.

Then they were asked to judge their resemblance along with the chance that any man and woman were married to each other.

The researchers went to a lot of effort to remove extraneous info and crop photos so that only faces could be seen.

The types of choices the participants made indicated the perception was that couples became more facially similar after 25 years together.

The results could not be explained by people simply all looking the same as they got older. Also, data from a control group indicated participants were indeed making judgements on the basis of facial features rather than any other criteria.

So this means if you stick around with your partner, you'll end up looking more like them after a couple of decades.


Which naturally raises the question: Why?

Your "ever wondering" scribe;
Allan W Janssen

The seven deadly sins explained!

I didn't have time to put this into a spreadsheet this morning so hopefully this will do!

Allan W Janssen is the author of The Plain Truth About God at www.God-101.com

Sunday Morning Funnies, Episode 9.

Children - Where Do They Get Their Ideas From?

A kindergarten pupil told his teacher he'd found a cat.
She asked him if it was dead or alive.
"Dead." she was informed.
"How do you know?" she asked her pupil.
"Because I pissed in its ear and it didn't move" answered the child innocently.
"You did WHAT?!?" the teacher exclaimed in surprise.
"You know", explained the boy, "I leaned over and went 'Pssst!' and it didn't move."

A small boy is sent to bed by his father. Five minutes later.... "Dad....""What?"
"I'm thirsty. Can you bring a drink of water?"
"No. You had your chance. Lights out."
Five minutes later: "Da-aaaad....."
"WHAT?"
"I'm THIRSTY. Can I have a drink of water??"
"I told you NO! If you ask again, I'll have to spank you!!"
Five minutes later......"Daaaa-aaaad....."
"WHAT!"
"When you come in to spank me, can you bring a drink of water?"

It was that time, during the Sunday morning service, for the children's sermon. All the children were invited to come forward. One little girl was wearing a particularly pretty dress and, as she sat down, the pastor leaned over and said, "That is a very pretty dress. Is it your Easter Dress?".
The little girl replied, directly into the pastor's clip-on microphone, "Yes, and my Mom says it's a bitch to iron.".

When I was six months pregnant with my third child, my three year old came into the room when I was just getting ready to get into the shower. She said, "Mommy, you are getting fat!".
I replied, "Yes, honey, remember Mommy has a baby growing in her tummy".
"I know", she replied, "but what's growing in your butt?"

A little boy was doing his math homework. He said; "Two plus five, that son of a bitch is seven."
Three plus six, that son of a bitch is nine."
His mother heard what he was saying and gasped "What are you doing?"
The little boy answered "I'm doing my math homework, Mom."
"And this is how your teacher taught you to do it?" the mother asked.
"Yes", he answered.
Infuriated, the mother asked the teacher the next day, "What are you teaching my son in math?"
The teacher replied, "Right now, we are learning addition."
The mother asked, "And are you teaching them to say two plus two, that son of a bitch is four?"
After the teacher stopped laughing, she answered, "What I taught them was, two plus two, THE SUM OF WHICH, is four."

One day the first grade teacher was reading the story of Chicken Little to her class. She came to the part where Chicken Little tried to warn the farmer.
She read, ".... and so Chicken Little went up to the farmer and said, 'The sky is falling, the sky is falling!' ".
The teacher paused then asked the class, "And what do you think that farmer said?".
One little girl raised her hand and said, "I think he said: "Holy Shit! A talking chicken!"

A wealthy old lady decides to go on a photo safari in Africa , taking her faithful aged poodle named Cuddles, along for the company.
One day the poodle starts chasing butterflies and before long, Cuddles discovers that he's lost.. Wandering about, he notices a leopard heading rapidly in his direction with the intention of having lunch.
The old poodle thinks, "Oh, oh! I'm in deep doo-doo now!"
Noticing some bones on the ground close by, he immediately settles down to chew on the bones with his back to the approaching cat. Just as the leopard is about to leap the old poodle exclaims loudly, "Boy, that was one delicious leopard! I wonder if there are any more around here?"
Hearing this, the young leopard halts his attack in mid-strike, a look of terror comes over him and he slinks away into the trees.
"Whew!", says the leopard, "That was close! That old poodle nearly had me!"
Meanwhile, a monkey who had been watching the whole scene from a nearby tree, figures he can put this knowledge to good use and trade it for protection from the leopard.
So off he goes, but the old poodle sees him heading after the leopard with great speed, and figures that something must be up.The monkey soon catches up with the leopard, spills the beans and strikes a deal for himself with the leopard.
The young leopard is furious at being made a fool of and says, "Here, monkey, hop on my back and see what's going to happen to that conniving canine!
Now, the old poodle sees the leopard coming with the monkey on his back and thinks,
"What am I going to do now?"
But instead of running, the dog sits down with his back to his attackers, pretending he hasn't seen them yet, and just when they get close enough to hear, the old poodle says. “Where's that damn monkey? I sent him off an hour ago to bring me another leopard!
Moral of this story....Don't mess with old farts...age and treachery will always overcome youth and skill!
Bullshit and brilliance only come with age and experience.

Your humble "old fart" scribe;
Allan W Janssen