Survey Says!!!!
Our fantastic "Perspective" research department has come through for us again!
Since this is an American Election time and we are going to be flooded with polls anyways, we decided to go out and do our own on the really IMPORTANT issues!
65% of all Americans believe that frozen pizza will never be any good and there's nothing science can do about it.
45% of Americans think rain doesn't feel as good in real life as it seems to in the movies.
16% of Perot voters believe "if dolphins were really smart, they could get out of those nets."
70% of American women have never had an emotionally satisfying relationship with a Republican.
62% of Americans believe that a trip to a major theme park is more culturally enriching than a trip to the Reagan Library.
39% of Americans believe that guns are not "as dangerous as they say."
15% of Americans wish Dennis Hopper would go back on drugs.
29% of Americans believe that Elvis was right to shoot TV sets.
29% of Perot voters say, "The candidate I vote for usually loses."
11% of Americans that suffer from indigestion would rather retake the SAT than watch a Jesse Helms filibuster.
88% of Bush voters "have no idea what rappers are talking about."
14% of Americans surveyed agree that Puerto Rico should not be the 51st state because "that extra star would make the flag look bad."
35% of Americans believe Richard Nixon went to heaven.
59% believe he went "somewhere else."
34% of those who voted in the last election believe "Forrest Gump" was a documentary.
60% of Americans say that, if they could push a button that would make Larry King disappear, they would "keep pushing it and not stop."
37% of Americans agree that while they would hate being British, they wouldn't mind having a British accent.
11% of people who have tried Prozac would like to see Dan Quayle make a comeback because "Al Gore just isn't funny enough."
36% of college graduates think that there are virtually no female serial killers because women "just aren't aggressive enough."
12% of those polled believe the success of actor David Hasselhoff, star of Baywatch, is due at least in part, to "dealings with the devil."
45% of Americans believe that if space aliens could pick up C-SPAN and see Sonny Bono speaking on the floor of Congress, they would never visit the Earth.
17% of college graduates would punch themselves really hard in the face for $50.
28% of those who said they were "normal" Americans, would like to be King of Great Britain, but not if it meant marrying the Queen.
44% of Republicans said they would watch "Nightline" if it had a band and an opening comedy monologue. If Jesus came back and saw that Pat Robertson was his spokesperson,
46% of Americans think that we'd all be in big trouble.
42% of Americans feel that Kato Kaelin should be a passenger on the next space shuttle, whether he wants to go or not.
26% of those in possession of a firearm believe that the second amendment protects their right to buy explosive fertilizer.
81% of those who have seen two or more "Police Academy" movies believe that O.J. is innocent.
29% of those surveyed think that the guy who first put the "Great" in front of "Britain" probably meant it as a joke.
16% of all Americans believe that the world is out to get them.
Of those, 46% are gun owners.
One third of American women agree that baseball was more exciting when it was on strike.
40% of Americans remember where they were when "JFK" the movie was shot. Of those who said they've had a good cry in the past six months, 42% were Democrats, 27% were Republicans and 54% said they believe in UFO's.
In the past year 36% of Americans have chanted "We're Number One!"
Only 22% of Bush voters have chanted "We're Number One!"
More Americans say they would rather spend time in a jacuzzi with Dan Rather than Tom Brokaw. Of those who would tub with Dan, 10% have no health insurance.
12.5% of Americans that voted for Clinton believe that they will someday be told "just what Victoria's Secret is."
98% of Bush voters believe they will never know.
65% of American women believe there is "a lot of difference" between a campaign contribution and a bribe. Only 35% of men see a difference.
28% of Americans think that our army's high-tech military equipment is too expensive to risk in combat.
10% of the American public would pay $5 to see Senator Orrin Hatch (R-Utah) fight a big mean dog on Pay TV.
86% of all viewers would root for the dog.
100% of women viewers would root for the dog.
Allan W Janssen is the author of the book The Plain Truth About God (What the mainstream religions don't want you to know!) and is available at the web site www.God-101.com
Visit the blog "Perspective" at http://God-101.blogspot.com
Since this is an American Election time and we are going to be flooded with polls anyways, we decided to go out and do our own on the really IMPORTANT issues!
65% of all Americans believe that frozen pizza will never be any good and there's nothing science can do about it.
45% of Americans think rain doesn't feel as good in real life as it seems to in the movies.
16% of Perot voters believe "if dolphins were really smart, they could get out of those nets."
70% of American women have never had an emotionally satisfying relationship with a Republican.
62% of Americans believe that a trip to a major theme park is more culturally enriching than a trip to the Reagan Library.
39% of Americans believe that guns are not "as dangerous as they say."
15% of Americans wish Dennis Hopper would go back on drugs.
29% of Americans believe that Elvis was right to shoot TV sets.
29% of Perot voters say, "The candidate I vote for usually loses."
11% of Americans that suffer from indigestion would rather retake the SAT than watch a Jesse Helms filibuster.
88% of Bush voters "have no idea what rappers are talking about."
14% of Americans surveyed agree that Puerto Rico should not be the 51st state because "that extra star would make the flag look bad."
35% of Americans believe Richard Nixon went to heaven.
59% believe he went "somewhere else."
34% of those who voted in the last election believe "Forrest Gump" was a documentary.
60% of Americans say that, if they could push a button that would make Larry King disappear, they would "keep pushing it and not stop."
37% of Americans agree that while they would hate being British, they wouldn't mind having a British accent.
11% of people who have tried Prozac would like to see Dan Quayle make a comeback because "Al Gore just isn't funny enough."
36% of college graduates think that there are virtually no female serial killers because women "just aren't aggressive enough."
12% of those polled believe the success of actor David Hasselhoff, star of Baywatch, is due at least in part, to "dealings with the devil."
45% of Americans believe that if space aliens could pick up C-SPAN and see Sonny Bono speaking on the floor of Congress, they would never visit the Earth.
17% of college graduates would punch themselves really hard in the face for $50.
28% of those who said they were "normal" Americans, would like to be King of Great Britain, but not if it meant marrying the Queen.
44% of Republicans said they would watch "Nightline" if it had a band and an opening comedy monologue. If Jesus came back and saw that Pat Robertson was his spokesperson,
46% of Americans think that we'd all be in big trouble.
42% of Americans feel that Kato Kaelin should be a passenger on the next space shuttle, whether he wants to go or not.
26% of those in possession of a firearm believe that the second amendment protects their right to buy explosive fertilizer.
81% of those who have seen two or more "Police Academy" movies believe that O.J. is innocent.
29% of those surveyed think that the guy who first put the "Great" in front of "Britain" probably meant it as a joke.
16% of all Americans believe that the world is out to get them.
Of those, 46% are gun owners.
One third of American women agree that baseball was more exciting when it was on strike.
40% of Americans remember where they were when "JFK" the movie was shot. Of those who said they've had a good cry in the past six months, 42% were Democrats, 27% were Republicans and 54% said they believe in UFO's.
In the past year 36% of Americans have chanted "We're Number One!"
Only 22% of Bush voters have chanted "We're Number One!"
More Americans say they would rather spend time in a jacuzzi with Dan Rather than Tom Brokaw. Of those who would tub with Dan, 10% have no health insurance.
12.5% of Americans that voted for Clinton believe that they will someday be told "just what Victoria's Secret is."
98% of Bush voters believe they will never know.
65% of American women believe there is "a lot of difference" between a campaign contribution and a bribe. Only 35% of men see a difference.
28% of Americans think that our army's high-tech military equipment is too expensive to risk in combat.
10% of the American public would pay $5 to see Senator Orrin Hatch (R-Utah) fight a big mean dog on Pay TV.
86% of all viewers would root for the dog.
100% of women viewers would root for the dog.
Allan W Janssen is the author of the book The Plain Truth About God (What the mainstream religions don't want you to know!) and is available at the web site www.God-101.com
Visit the blog "Perspective" at http://God-101.blogspot.com
Labels: humor, perspective, satire, survey
posted by Allan W Janssen | 8:24 a.m.
1 Comments:
And I would bet that nearly half have no idea what goes on outside their own little circle!
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