Guest Post: Tim McGirk!

Brace yourself. James Cameron, the man who brought you "The Titanic" is back with another blockbuster.

This time, the ship he's sinking is Christianity.

In a new documentary, Producer Cameron and his director, Simcha Jacobovici, make the startling claim that Jesus wasn't resurrected --the cornerstone of Christian faith-- and that his burial cave has been discovered near Jerusalem.

And get this, Jesus sired a son with Mary Magdalene.

(Gee, I wrote that in my book; "The plain truth about God-101" [what the church doesn't want you to know!] about six years ago!

And no, it's not a re-make of "The Da Vinci Code."

Let's go back 27 years, when Israeli construction workers were gouging out the foundations for a new building in the industrial park in the Talpiyot, a Jerusalem suburb. of Jerusalem.

The earth gave way, revealing a 2,000 year old cave with 10 stone caskets.

Archeologist's were summoned, and the stone caskets carted away for examination.

It took 20 years for experts to decipher the names on the ten tombs. They were: Jesua, son of Joseph, Mary, Mary, Mathew, Jofa and Judah, son of Jesua.

Israel's prominent archaeologist Professor Amos Kloner didn't associate the crypt with the New Testament Jesus. His father, after all, was a humble carpenter who couldn't afford a luxury crypt for his family. And all were common Jewish names.

There was also this little inconvenience that a few miles away, in the old city of Jerusalem, Christians for centuries had been worshipping the empty tomb of Christ at the Church of the Holy Sepulcher.

Christ's resurrection, after all, is the main foundation of the faith, proof that a boy born to a carpenter's wife in a manger is the Son of God.

But film-makers Cameron and Jacobovici claim to have amassed evidence through DNA tests, archaeological evidence and Biblical studies, that the 10 coffins belong to Jesus and his family.

Ever the showman, (Why does this remind me of the impresario in another movie,"King Kong", whose hubris blinds him to the dangers of an angry and very large ape?) Cameron is holding a New York press conference on Monday at which he will reveal that three of the coffins are supposedly those of Jesus of Nazareth, his mother Mary, and Mary Magdalene.

News about the film, which will be shown soon on Discovery Channel, Britain's Channel 4, Canada's Vision, and Israel's Channel 8, has been a hot blog topic in the Middle East (check out a personal favorite: Israelity Bites)

In the Holy Land, Biblical Archeology is a dangerous profession. This 90-minute documentary is bound to outrage Christians and stir up a titanic debate between believers and skeptics. Stay tuned.
--Tim McGirk/Jerusalem

In spite of what McGirk said in his post, Bar-Ilan University Prof. Amos Kloner, the Jerusalem District archaeologist who officially oversaw the work at the tomb in 1980 and has published detailed findings on its contents, on Saturday night dismissed the claims. "It makes a great story for a TV film," he told The Jerusalem Post. "But it's impossible. It's nonsense."

Kloner, who said he was interviewed for the new film but has not seen it, said the names found on the ossuaries were common, and he added that "Jesus, son of Joseph" inscriptions had been found on several other ossuaries over the years.

The only thing for sure about this documentary is that it's going to get a lot of publicity. Of course, that was the whole point, wasn't it?

Your "show me" scribe;
Allan W Janssen

Allan W Janssen is the author of The Plain Truth About God-101 (what the church doesn't want you to know!) www.God-101.com

Sunday Morning Funnies!

If it's "A penny for you thoughts," why does everyone feel the need to put their "two cents worth" in?

The waitress
A man and woman were having dinner in a fine restaurant.

Their waitress, taking another order at a table a few steps away, suddenly noticed that the man was slowly sliding down his chair and under the table, but the woman acted unconcerned.

The waitress watched as the man slid all the way down his chair and out of sight under the table.

Still, the woman appeared calm and unruffled, apparently unaware that her dining companion had disappeared.

The waitress went over to the table and said to the woman, "Pardon me, ma'am, but I think your husband just slid under the table."

The woman calmly looked up at her and said; “No, he didn't. He just walked in the door."

Newfie!

Every country has a group that is the butt of jokes. In Great Britain it’s the Irish, in Germany it’s the Friese, (ME) and in Canada it’s the Newfie’s

Three women - one German, One Japanese, and a Newfie were sitting naked in a Jacuzzi. Suddenly there was a beeping sound. The German lady pressed her forearm and the beep stopped. The others looked at her questioningly. "That was my pager," she said. "I have a microchip under the skin of my arm."

A few minutes later, a phone rang. The Japanese woman lifted her palm to her ear. When she finished, she explained. "That was my mobile phone. I have a microchip in my hand."

The Newfie woman felt decidedly low tech. Not to be outdone, she decided she had to do something just as impressive. She stepped out of the Jacuzzi and went into the bathroom. She returned with a piece of toilet paper hanging out from her behind.

The others raised their eyebrows and just stared at her. The Newfie woman said, "LORD THUNDERIN GEEZE, WILL YOU LOOK AT THAT. I'M GETTING A FAX."

Daisy

A few weeks ago (January 16th) we told you about James Crane who worked on the 101st floor of Tower 1 of the World Trade Center. He was blind so he had a golden retriever "seeing eye dog" named Daisy and she was with him on that 11th day of September, 2001!

The story was that Daisy led him to safety and then went back into the building twice and rescued over 900 people. After much research by your diligent scribe we have ascertained that the real story is that Daisy led her master to safety all right, but since he was blind they were so slow over 900 people piled up behind them.

Some idiot in the lobby thought the dog was leading them to safety when in actual fact they were being slowed down by the blind guy.

A common, but understandable mistake!!!!!!

AND NOW! OUR SUNDAY MORNING SERMON!

Your "preacher" scribe;
Allan W Janssen

Anna, Anna. Oh Anna!

Saw some video's of Anna Nicole Smith that were taken 10 and fifteen years ago. She was not only beautiful, but seemed to be on the ball as well. Very well spoken and intelligent!

Then this was taken a month or two ago in the Bahama's ........ and you still wonder why she died?

Anna - totally fried!!!!!!


She never did get over the death of her son and it was a vicious downward spiral that she was on!

Allan

Saturday Morning Confusion!

Kim Jong-Il's son arrested again!

Kim Jong-nam (born May 10, 1971, Pyongyang, North Korea), is the eldest son of Kim Jong-il, ruler of the Democratic People's Republic of Korea (North Korea).

Until recently it was believed that he was being groomed as Kim Jong-il's successor but recent reports suggest he has fallen from favour.

In May 2001, Kim was arrested on arrival at New Tokyo International Airport (now Narita International Airport), accompanied by two women and a four-year old boy identified as his son. He was travelling on a forged Dominican Republic passport using a Chinese alias, Pang Xiong.

Kim apparently told his questioners that he was in Japan to visit Tokyo's Disneyland.



After being detained for several days, he was deported, on the instructions of the Japanese government, to the People's Republic of China.

The incident caused Kim Jong-il to cancel a planned visit to China because of the embarrassment to both countries.

Yesterday (Friday) Kim Jong-nam was arrested at L.A.'s LAX airport after trying to enter the United States on another false passport.

Kim informed authorities that he was in L.A. because he wanted to attend the Oscar's and meet some "movie stars," and then go to Disneyland!

Authorities are currently conferring with the state department on what to do with him, although sending him to Guantanamo Bay seems out of the question!

Your "hush, hush and on the Q.T." scribe;
Allan W Jansssen

(THIS JUST IN! - If you fart, sneeze, burp and hiccup all at the same time it will kill you, so be careful!)

Muqtada Al-Sadr

The next time you're here in beautiful downtown Baghdad and need good reliable transportation, make sure you visit Muqtada Al-Sadr's Good Reliable Repossessed Used Cars! After all, why should you have to wait for the next life to get your just desserts.

Paradise can be yours NOW!

Remember, there is NO MONEY DOWN, LOW MONTHLY PAYMENTS and NO ONE IS REFUSED! These are good quality used cars with little or no damage or bullet holes. (Some were even used in failed suicide attempts which means low mileage and careful maintenance.)


REMEMBER, when money talks, nobody walks at Al-Sadr's!

Muqtada Al-Sadr's Reliable, Repossessed Used Cars. For this life, or to transport you to the next! (72 virgins optional)

Your "no money down" scribe;
Allan W Janssen

The Land of the "Not So Free!"

ALEXANDRIA, Egypt — An Egyptian blogger was convicted of insulting Islam and President Hosni Mubarak and sentenced to four years in prison on Thursday in Egypt’s first prosecution of a blogger.

Abdel Kareem Nabil, a 22-year-old former student at Egypt’s Al-Azhar University, (An Islamic institution that kicked him out for exercising his "adademic freedom.") had pleaded innocent to all charges.

Human rights groups had called for his release.

The judge issued the verdict in a brief, five-minute session in a court in the Mediterranean city of Alexandria. He sentenced Nabil to three years in prison for insulting Islam and inciting sedition and another year for insulting Mubarak.

(It's a good thing you can't be punished in the States for insulting Bush, eh............... at least, not so far!)

Nabil had faced a possible maximum sentence of up to nine years in prison, which goes to show the state of "freedom of speech" in that part of the world!

Your "refuse to be silenced" scribe;
Allan W Janssen

FOOD FIGHT!

They sure know how to have fun in Italy and Spain!! Yes sir!

Ivrea is a small city about 40 minutes North of Turin. It has its day of glory once a year during Carnival, when a unique, exciting, anachronistic and most of all, juicy orange battle takes place. (This week!) The battle is an allegoric representation of a local insurrection, in 1194, against Holy Roman Emperor Frederick of Swabia. (a.k.a. Barbarossa - Red Beard, one of the Hapsburg's)

The account tells of a population incited to rebellion by the violent act of a woman who was only protecting her honour.
A young girl supposedly started the insurrection because "Red Beard" had a practice of letting Nobles enjoy a woman before her husband did.
That woman was Violetta, a young commoner who presented the head of the local tyrant -- Marquis Raineri de Biandrate -- to her fellow citizens from the castle balcony after he tried to steal her virginity on the eve of her wedding.

The citizens, empowered by Violetta's defiance, stormed the castle and burned it to the ground.




The carnival is rich in costumes, music and symbolism. The oranges of the Ivrea battles represent the head of the marquis. The pulp and juice are his blood.
Despite the general chaos, the line between combatants was clear.







Teams of throwers are outfitted in ornate uniforms, their volunteer adversaries wear padding and ride around in carts, and spectators are advised to wear a red scarf as they watch combatants -- many fueled by pasta and copious amounts of mulled wine -- repeatedly mount sorties against their symbolic enemies.

There are nine teams, 46 carts and more than a million oranges.

Later in the summer La Tomatina is a festival held on a Wednesday near the end of August in the town of Buñol in the Valencia region in Spain.

Tens of thousands of participants come from all over the world to fight in a harmless battle where more than one hundred metric tons of over-ripe tomatoes are thrown in the streets.
Your "pass the ketchup" scribe;
Allan W Janssen

Pray for Anna!

The "Missus Herself" had an epiphany this morning and insists that I put it in the blog. Since she is usually right about stuff like this I think she may be on to something!

About seven o'clock this morning she sat bolt upright in bed and proclaimed in a loud voice; "I know why Anna Nicole's mother wants to bury her in Texas!"

I pretended to still be asleep, but this only worked for a few seconds until I was violently shaken and told to wake up! "Listen," my wife said. "That mean old woman (Anna's mother) only wants Anna Nicole's body so that she can build a shrine and charge admission! We know she doesn't have any money and this way she can have the same sort of deal they have with Elvis!"

"On top of that," she went on. "If she gets the boy as well it will be a double whammy and bring in a lot more people. That poor woman (Anna) will never get any peace! I should phone the judge and tell him!"

With that, I rolled over and mumbled, "Maybe you should bury me there so that I can get some peace!"

Your "give peace a chance" scribe;
Allan W Janssen

They Did What!!!!!

Two Florida teenagers, ages 17 and 16 respectively, boyfriend and girlfriend -- snapped digital photos of themselves engaged in sexual activity.

It's not against the law in Florida for a 16 and 17 year old to engage in consensual sex, but where they went wrong is when they put the pictures on the Internet.

You see, anyone who puts out a nude picture of someone under the age of 18 is committing an offence, so they were both charged with distributing child pornography............. of themselves!!!!!!!!

Each was charged with promoting a photograph featuring the sexual conduct of a child.

Based on the contents of his e-mail account, the boy was also charged with an extra count of possession of child pornography.

Talk about your "self abuse!"

(The first thought that came to mind was, "Some days it just doesn't pay to get out of bed, but in this case it probably would have been better for them it they had!)

Your "The naked truth" scribe;
Allan W Janssen

European Soccer!

Not only do they take their soccer seriously in Europe, they like to start them young as well!
Your "hooligan" scribe;
Allan W Janssen

An Atheist Hell

Nothin' I like better than a good ol' country song!
Turn 'er up and "git r done!"



Your "good ol' boy" scribe;
Allan W Janssen

(To anyone new to this blog, I am not an atheist, just an agnostic who thinks the only thing we can put to a Deity for sure is "First Cause!" After that it's anyone's ball game, although I did give the opinion a few weeks ago that perhaps God doesn't interfere with things because we now have "free will" and any meddling on God's part would undermine that?" In other words, we have to grow-up and start becoming responsible for ourselves!!!)

Australia Shines Green!

Australia is about to give the boot to Thomas Edison.

The man who made the incandescent light bulb practical is about to have his invention banned "down under."

Legislation to gradually ban the sale of the old style bulbs will reduce Australia's greenhouse gas emissions and cut household power bills by over 60%.

All these bulbs will be replaced, first by fluorescent lighting, and eventually by a new generation of high luminosity L.E.D. lights that use only a very small percentage of the power required by today's lighting.

On Australia's initiative, California and New Jersey in the United States and Ontario here in Canada are also considering a gradual phase-out of incandescent lighting.

A bright idea, and one whose time has come!

Your "illuminating" scribe;
Allan W Janssen

(Fluorescent lights use 20% of the power of incandescent lighting and L.E.D. lights just 2%)

Allah Akbar! (God is Great!)

ALLAH AKBAR!



(Psssst, are we having fun yet?)

This used to be the favourite pastime of Christians as well!

Just so you know we don't play favourites!

Your "beat me till I'm blue" scribe;
Allan W Janssen

(This is not what I have in mind when I think of "self abuse!")

Gollum sings Barry White!

I had some serious reservations about putting this on the site because it's so freaky, but then that little voice that always gets me into trouble said it's usual mantra; "Go Ahead! A hundred years from now what the hell difference will it make!"


OR, have a look at this impersonation of Gollum masturbating!


Your "precious" scribe;
Allan W Janssen

A Sure Fire Cure for Racism!

Here's the scene; You have been told that you are going to spend the rest of eternity with one woman, and one woman only.

God gives you a choice. You can spend it with a white, white woman, or you can spend it with a black, black woman.

That means being with them all the time, hugging and kissing and sleeping together and cuddling on the sofa etc. etc.

Now, here is the white, white woman!














And here is the black, black woman!














NOW CHOOSE!

And just so the ladies don't feel left out!
White Guy
<----


Black Guy
------>

Then there's always that old faithful standby guy!













Your "faithful" scribe;
Allan W Janssen

Ain't It The Truth!

A brief Summary of Life
GREAT TRUTHS THAT LITTLE CHILDREN HAVE LEARNED:
1) No matter how hard you try, you can't baptise cats.
2) When your Mum is mad at your Dad,
don't let her brush your hair.
3) If your sister hits you, don't hit her back.
They always catch the second person.
4) Never ask your 3-year old brother to hold a tomato.
5) You can't trust dogs to watch your food.
6) Don't sneeze when someone is cutting your hair.
7) Never hold a Dust-Buster and a cat at the same time.
8) You can't hide a piece of broccoli in a glass of milk.
9) Don't wear polka-dot underwear under white shorts.
10) The best place to be when you're sad is Grandpa's lap.

GREAT TRUTHS THAT ADULTS HAVE LEARNED:
1) Raising teenagers is like nailing jelly to a tree.
2) Wrinkles don't hurt.
3) Families are like fudge...mostly sweet, with a few nuts.
4) Today's mighty oak is just yesterday's nut that held its ground.
5) Laughing is good exercise. It's like jogging on the inside.
6) Middle age is when you choose your cereal for the fibre, not the toy.

GREAT TRUTHS ABOUT GROWING OLD
1) Growing old is mandatory; growing up is optional.
2) Forget the health food. I need all the preservatives I can get.
3) When you fall down, you wonder what else you can do while you're down there.
4) You're getting old when you get the same sensation from a rocking chair that you once got from a roller coaster.
5) It's frustrating when you know all the answers but nobody bothers to ask you the questions.
6) Time may be a great healer, but it's a lousy beautician.
7) Wisdom comes with age, but sometimes age comes alone.

THE FOUR STAGES OF LIFE:
1) You believe in Santa Claus.
2) You don't believe in Santa Claus.
3) You are Santa Claus.
4) You look like Santa Claus. (!)

SUCCESS:
At age 4 success is . . not piddling in your pants.
At age 12 success is . . . having friends.
At age 17 success is . . having a drivers licence.
At age 35 success is . having money.
At age 50 success is . . . having money.
At age 70 success is . .. . having a drivers licence.
At age 75 success is . . having friends.
At age 80 success is . . . not piddling in your pants.

Pass this on to someone who could use a laugh.

Always remember to forget the troubles that pass your way;
BUT NEVER forget the blessings that come each day.

Have a wonderful day with many *smiles*

Take the time to live!!!
Life is too short. Dance naked

Your "friendly neighborhood" scribe;
Allan W Janssen

Now That's Not Right!

While the last piece was about how the church can screw things up, this one is about some of the good it can do!

Although it is hard to believe, I just heard on the noon-news that Telus Mobility, who is a cell phone provider in the Canadian province of British Columbia, is going to offer porn over their cell phones.

Let me repeat that! They are going to offer porn over the cell phones that subscribe to their service.

I don't know if the whole world is going nuts, but at least the Catholic Church in B.C. has stepped in and called for a boycott of all Telus Mobility products until it is taken off!

I sometimes feel like Alice in Wonderland.

Things just get curiouser and curiouser!

Your "what will they do next" scribe;
Allan W Janssen

Allan W Janssen is the author of The Plain Truth About God-101 (what the church doesn't want you to know!) www.God-101.com

How Intelligent is Intelligent Design?

Here's a series of stickers based on an anti-evolution textbook sticker from Georgia. It's the agenda behind "Intelligent Design."
The one on the top-left is an actual sticker put on textbooks.

I will leave you to decide on the rest for yourself!

Allan W Janssen is the author of The Plain Truth About God-101 (what the church doesn't want you to know!) www.God-101.com

Walk This Way!

BEFORE
AFTER

Sunday Morning Funnies!

SO, HOW DID YOU BREAK YOUR ARM?

A friend just got back from a holiday skiing trip to Utah with the kind of story that warms the cockles of anybody's heart.

Conditions were perfect...12 below, no feeling in the toes, basic numbness all over...the "Tell me when we're having fun" kind of day.

One of the women in the group complained to her husband that she was in dire need of a rest room.

He told her not to worry that he was sure there was relief waiting at the top of the lift in the form of a powder room for female skiers in distress. He was wrong, of course, and the pain did not go away.

If you've ever had nature hit its panic button in you, then you know that a temperature of 12 below doesn't help matters.

With time running out, the woman weighed her options. Her husband, picking up on the intensity of the pain, suggested that since she was wearing an all-white ski outfit, she should go off in the woods and no one would even notice.

He assured her, "The white will provide more than adequate camouflage."

So she headed for the tree line, began lowering her ski pants and proceeded to do her thing.

If you've ever parked on the side of a slope, then you know there is a right way and wrong way to set your skis so you don't move.

Yup, you got it!!!

She had them positioned the wrong way.. Steep slopes are not forgiving... even during the most embarrassing moments.

Without warning, the woman found herself skiing backward, out-of-control, racing through the trees...somehow missing all of them and onto another slope. Her derriere and the reverse side were still bare, her pants down around her knees, and she was picking up speed all the while.

She continued backwards, totally out-of-control, creating an unusual vista for the other skiers. The woman skied back under the lift and finally collided violently with a pylon.

The bad news was that she broke her arm and was unable to pull up her ski pants.

At long last her husband arrived, putting an end to her nudie show, then summoned the ski patrol. They transported her to a hospital.

While in the emergency room, a man with an obviously broken leg was put in the bed next to hers. "So, how'd you break your leg?" she asked, making small talk.

"It was the stupidest thing you ever saw," he said. "I was riding up this ski lift and suddenly, I couldn't believe my eyes! There was this crazy woman skiing backward, out-of-control, down the mountain, with her bare bottom hanging out of her pants.

I leaned over to get a better look and fell out of the lift." ..... "So, how'd you break your arm?"


*INTERESTING YEAR 1981*

1. Prince Charles got married.
2. Liverpool crowned soccer Champions of Europe
3. Australia lost the Ashes tournament
4. The Pope died

*INTERESTING YEAR 2005*

1. Prince Charles got married
2. Liverpool crowned soccer Champions of Europe
3. Australia lost the Ashes tournament
4. The Pope Died

*Lesson Learned? - The next time Charles gets married, someone warn the Pope *


Go Grannies - and Grandpas!!

The computer swallowed my granny,
Yes, honestly its true.
She pressed 'control' and 'enter,'
And disappeared from view.

It devoured her completely,
The thought just makes me squirm.
She must have caught a virus,
Or been eaten by a worm.

I've searched through the recycle bin,
And files of every kind;
I've even used the Internet,
But nothing did I find.

In desperation, I asked Jeeves,
My searches to refine.
The reply from him was negative,
Not a thing was found 'online.'

So, if inside your 'Inbox,'
My Granny you should see,
Please 'Copy,’ Scan' and 'Paste' her,
And send her back to me!

This is a tribute to all the Grannies (My Mom) who have been fearless and learned to use the computer........They are the Greatest!!!

We do not stop playing because we grow old;
We grow old because we stop playing.
Never Be The First To Get Old!

Your 'middle-aged" scribe;
Allan W Janssen