Back when I was a kid nobody knew what the hell attention deficit, hyperactivity disorder was all about. They just just just said I was hard to control.
What they actually said was that I was "BAD!" (This was in the early sixties.)
Unfortunately, now it is being used as an excuse for all sort of outrageous behaviour!
Well, Brattleboro, Vermont to be more precise, and the problem isn't pool but rather wrinkled up, gnarly, disgusting naked old men.
Skinny dipping is a rite of passage in this small Vermont town except last year some of the teems started flirting with nudity by hanging out naked downtown!!!!!
No, really!
Officials decided to let winter take care of the problem and it did until this week when some old guy wearing nothing but a pack back and sneakers went for a stroll through the main street of town, sending women and children screaming in horror!
Town officials quickly passed an emergency by-law banning nudity on public roads. If you're caught they now give you a $100- dollar fine and whack your pee-pee with a board! (It's true!!! I stand by anything I say in this blog, unless it's really bad, in which case I will blame my brother-in-law because it's about time he started becoming a responsible adult!)
Your "The Naked Truth" Scribe; Allan W Janssen
Allan W Janssen is the author of The Plain Truth About God-101) at www.God-101.com
I can't make this guy asshole of the week because there are to many candidates, so we will just call him "Pig of the week."
In a gut-busting showdown that combined drama, daring and indigestion, Joey Chestnut emerged Wednesday as the world's hot dog eating champion, knocking off six-time titlist Takeru Kobayashi in a rousing triumph.
Chestnut, the great red, white and blue hope in the annual Fourth of July competition, broke his own world record by inhaling 66 hot dogs in 12 minutes - a staggering one every 10.9 seconds before a screaming crowd in Coney Island.
"If I needed to eat another one right now, I could," the 23-year-old Californian said after receiving the mustard yellow belt emblematic of hot dog eating supremacy.
Now I suffer from vertigo, and this is enough to make me want to puke! (But it sure would be one hell of a nice scene on the way down!) What happens when you have too much "fest" while at Oktoberfest! Don't let life get you down bunky, let a smile be your umbrella! And finally, one more way to bug a cat! Oh yea!
You might be seeing a lot of Elwood over the next few days but just remember you saw him here first!
Elwood, a 2-year-old Chinese Crested and Chihuahua mix, was crowned the world's ugliest dog on the weekend, a distinction that delighted the New Jersey mutt's owners.
Elwood, dark colored and hairless — save for a Mohawk-like puff of white fur on his head — is often referred to as "Yoda," or "ET," for his resemblance to those famous science fiction characters.
"I think he's the cutest thing that ever lived," said Elwood's owner, Karen Quigley, a resident of Sewell, New Jersey.
Quigley brought Elwood out to compete for the second year at the annual ugly dog contest at the Marin-Sonoma County Fair. Elwood placed second last year.
Most of the competing canines were also Chinese Crested, a breed that features a Mohawk, bug eyes and a long, wagging tongue.
Quigley said she rescued Elwood two years ago. "The breeder was going to euthanize him because she thought he was too ugly to sell," said Quigley.
"So ha ha, now Elwood's all over the Internet and people love him and adore him."
Beyond the regal title of ugliest dog, Elwood also earned a $1,000 reward for his owner.
Your "just plain good looking" scribe; Allan W Janssen
I was listening to an interview with Michael Moore today on the Canadian Broadcasting Corporation Radio Network (CBC Radio-1) and he made a statement that I hadn't really thought about before, but once I heard it, I fully agreed with him!
(He was talking about his new movie "Sicko" which had it's North American Premier here in London last Friday.)
During the filming of the movie, he took a man whose fingers had been accidentally cut off down to Cuba, and the medical system there re-attached his fingers for him ..... where it would have cost him tens of thousands of dollars to have it done in the U.S. without private insurance.
Universal Health Care and the responsibility of the Government is what the movie explores!
But, aside from the problems with health care in the States, (among other things)he made this comment; "It's so nice to be in a country where you are free, rather than having to look over your shoulder all the time like back home in the States."
When asked what he meant, Mr. Moore stated; "Here in Canada you are free to do what you want. There are no rules to tell you where you can, and can't go, or what you can, and can't do, like in the States.
That's what true freedom is all about!" He said.
He was of course referring to the U.S. law that forbids travel and commerce with Cuba. This has lead to him being investigated by at least a couple of branches of the Government and there are indications that he might face a raft of criminal charges.
Michael was even afraid that they (The Government) would confiscate his film before it was released, since part of it was filmed in Cuba and this could be construed as doing "commerce" with the "enemy!" (If they wanted to censor him this would be the quickest and easiest way to do it!)
The more I think about what the U. S. Government does abroad, and even to its own citizens, I have come to the realization that I do indeed live in a FREE country here in Canada!
Your "watch out for the N.S.A." scribe; Allan W Janssen
Allan W Janssen is the author of The Plain Truth About God-101 (what the church doesn't want you to know!) www.God-101.com
Please!!!! Goodbye cruel world! Hangin' around on a Saturday night! I ain't no fuckin' poodle!!! The Green Hornet. Yea, right! Cat-sickle! ZAP! I ain't no fuckin' Chihuahua! Ha Ha! Yea..... Ha Ha! And finally, this little word to the wise!
A guy walks into a bar........ with his pet monkey. He orders a drink and while he's drinking, the monkey starts jumping all over the place.
The monkey grabs some olives off the bar and eats them, then grabs some sliced limes and eats them,then jumps up on the pool table, grabs the cue ball, sticks it in his mouth and swallows it whole.
The bartender screams at the guy, "Did you see what your monkey just did?" The guy says, "No, what?" "He just ate the cue ball off my pool table - whole!" says the bartender. "Yeah, that doesn't surprise me," replies the patron. "He eats everything in sight, the little twerp. I'll pay for the cue ball and stuff."
He finishes his drink, pays his bill, and leaves. Two weeks later he's in the bar again, and he has his monkey with him. He orders a drink and the monkey starts running around the bar again.
While the man is drinking, the monkey finds a maraschino cherry on the bar. He grabs it, sticks it up his butt, pulls it out, and eats it. The bartender is disgusted.
"Did you see what your monkey did now?" "No, what?" asks the patron. "Well, he stuck a maraschino cherry up his butt, then pulled it out and ate it!" says the barkeeper.
"Yeah, that doesn't surprise me," replies the patron. "He still eats everything in sight, but ever since he ate that damn cue ball he measures everything first!" -------------------------------------------------------- Three guys and a lady were sitting at the bar........ talking about their professions.
The first guy says " I'm a Y.U.P.P.I.E, you know... Young, Urban, Professional, Peaceful, Intelligent, Ecologist."
The second guy says "I'm a D.I.N.K, you know... Double Income, No Kids."
The third guy says, " I'm a R.U.B, you know... Rich, Urban, Biker."
They turn to the woman and ask her, " What are you? "
She replies: " I'm a WIFE, you know...
Wash, Iron, Fuck, Etc." ---------------------------------------------------------------- A HORSE WALKS INTO A BAR.....
Horse walks into a bar, orders a beer, sits down at one of the tables, and starts reading his paper.
The bartender is a bit shocked by all this, but pours the beer, and brings it over to the horse, who proffers a ten dollar bill for it.
Now the barman figures the horse isn't that bright, so he decides to pull the old 'short-change' trick on him. He duly goes back to the horse with 1 dollar. The horse doesn't say a word.
The horse eventually finishes his beer and goes up to the bar to order another. The bartender says to him, "Y'know, we don't get many horses in here."
To which the horse replies, "At nine dollars a beer, I'm not surprised!"
A rather attractive woman goes up to the bar......... in a quiet rural pub. She gestures alluringly to the barman who comes over immediately.
When he arrives, she seductively signals that he should bring his face close to hers. When he does so, she begins to gently caress his beard which is full and bushy.
"Are you the manager?" she asks, softly stroking his face with both hands.
"Actually, no" he replies.
"Can you get him for me - I need to speak to him?" she asks, running her hands up beyond his beard and into his hair.
"I'm afraid I can't" breathes the barman - clearly aroused. "Is there anything I can do?"
"Yes there is. I need you to give him a message" she continues huskily, popping a couple of fingers into his mouth and allowing him to suck them gently.
"Tell him that there is no toilet paper in the ladies room." ------------------------------------------------------------------ A Jew, a Christian and a Muslim walk into a bar. The bartender looks at them and says, "What is this, a joke?" ------------------------------------------------------------------- THE EVENTUAL FATE OF ALL TALK SHOWS! OR, HOW LOW CAN YOU SINK!
--------------------------------------------------------------------- And Finally; Yo mamma is so ugly her reflection quit. ------------------------------------------------------------------ And as an additive to Deydrated Water how about powdered alcohol.
Dutch students have developed powdered alcohol which they say can be sold legally.
The latest innovation in inebriation, called Booz2Go, is available in 20-gramme packets that cost 1-1.5 euros ($1.35-$2).
Top it up with water and you have a bubbly, lime-colored and flavored drink with just 3 percent alcohol content.
"We are aiming for the youth market. They are really more into it because you can compare it with Bacardi-mixed drinks," 20-year-old Harm van Elderen told Reuters.
Your "buy the house a round" scribe; Allan W Janssen
There were a bunch of Indians here in Ontario who, about a dozen years ago, occupied land they claimed was theirs.
One thing led to another and the end result was that one of the unarmed natives got shot to death, and that's why the cops have been hesitant to uphold the law as far as illegal Indian Land Claims are concerned.
They just finished the inquest into the death this week, and in reporting on it, the Canadian Broadcasting Corp. had a piece of tape in which the Premier of Ontario (He's the big shot politician) said; "I want the fucking Indians off that land!"
Now since it was a public comment by the premier, the C.B.C. felt this was a good excuse to get the word "fuck" on the air and that's about all we have been hearing on the radio for the last two days. "I want those fucking Indians off that land!"
It got so bad with this juvenile excuse to use profanity on public radio that I am surprised it didn't go any further!
I'm fully expected the radio interviews didn't sink to new lows something like this:
"He said what!"
"Well sir, he said; 'I want those fucking Indians off that land!'"
"No, he didn't really say fuck, did he?"
"Yes sir, fuck!" "Loud as day!"
"Jesus Christ!"
"No sir, fuck!"
.... "fuckin Indians, eh!"
Yes sir, fuckin Indians!"
"Well holy fuck, I never thought that I would here the Premier say that!"
"Fuckin right sir, loud as day!"
Boy, what's this fuckin world coming too?"
"Fucked if I know sir!"
Your "wash your mouth out with soap" scribe; Allan W Janssen
Allan W Janssen is the author of The Plain Truth About God-101 (what the church doesn't want you to know!) www.God-101.com
I don't know why, but the last few weeks I have become obsessed with photographs on the Internet.
Now I'm not talking about just any photo's since there are millions of good and really good ones to choose from. What I mean is that every once in a while a picture stands out and grabs me.;-]
Taste and appreciation vary but I can only say that these photo's held my interest and all have something unusual about them. See if you know what I mean!
As an example, this first picture is of the band ZZ Saddam!
This last one is in my opinion by far the best. You just have to study it awhile to really appreciate it!
Since announcing that it would co-host the 2008 Olympics, preparations have proceeded at a progressively protracted pace.
Dear Leader Kim Jong-ill has personally supervised many of the training routines for mass displays by up to 100,000 people. They are seen holding up colored boards to make various designs and slogans.
North Korea's 100,000-person pixel board. The display shown up above was obviously a tribute to target practice or crowd control.
Here's an unforeseen benefit of totalitarian states. You can use your absolute authority to require people to form a giant human pixel-board:
The huge backdrops are made from human pixels, 1000's of performers holding sequences of coloured placards. Timed to coincide with China's Olympic Ceremonies, this was communist precision at its best.
Kim Jong-ill is obviously impressed with preliminary results as we can see from the look on his face.
China, meanwhile, has still not publicly commented on North Korea's plans to unilaterally co-host the games.
I'm confused! Here in Ontario we didn't much of a winter until well into the new year and the only really cold month was in February.
Now we are the second week into April (Easter Weekend!) and it's terrible, -8 c (or about 16 Fahrenheit) with snow squalls.
Why couldn't I live in British Columbia? I went to Vancouver for a two week holiday a few years ago and finally came back after two years. Something I have always regretted. (Especially when I talk to my sister in February and she tells me the flowers are already up in B.C.)
But you know how it is, life's vagaries sometimes prevent you from doing what you want..... so I'm still not living there.
As for all you people who live somewhere warm, I hate you!!..... Well, O.K. I don't really hate you. Let's just say I'm rather cool towards you at the moment!
Your "I ain't no brass monkey" scribe; Allan W Janssen
THIS? JUST SOMETHING I SLAPPED TOGETHER ONE WEEKEND! I don't really know whose house this is, but he's got a lot of abmition. Looks like it could even be some sort of resort!
Officials decided to let winter take care of the problem and it did until this week when some old guy wearing nothing but a pack back and sneakers went for a stroll through the main street of town, sending women and children screaming in horror!
(I sure wish they were! The little bastards!)
In a gut-busting showdown that combined drama, daring and indigestion, Joey Chestnut emerged Wednesday as the world's hot dog eating champion, knocking off six-time titlist Takeru Kobayashi in a rousing triumph. 
The next time you girls meet a nice guy on the Internet, just remember, it could be THIS guy! 
What happens when you have too much "fest" while at Oktoberfest! 
Don't let life get you down bunky, let a smile be your umbrella!
And finally, one more way to bug a cat! Oh yea!
Elwood, a 2-year-old Chinese Crested and Chihuahua mix, was crowned the world's ugliest dog on the weekend, a distinction that delighted the New Jersey mutt's owners. 
When asked what he meant, Mr. Moore stated; "Here in Canada you are free to do what you want. There are no rules to tell you where you can, and can't go, or what you can, and can't do, like in the States. 
Please!!!!
Goodbye cruel world!
Hangin' around on a Saturday night!
I ain't no fuckin' poodle!!!
The Green Hornet.
Cat-sickle!
ZAP!
I ain't no fuckin' Chihuahua!
Ha Ha!
Yea..... Ha Ha!
And finally, this little word to the wise!
And as an additive to Deydrated Water how about powdered alcohol. 
training routines for mass displays by up to 100,000 people. They are seen holding up colored boards to make various designs and slogans.
Here's an unforeseen benefit of totalitarian states.
Kim Jong-ill is obviously impressed with preliminary results as we can see from the look on his face. 
I don't really know whose house this is, but he's got a lot of abmition. Looks like it could even be some sort of resort!
