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- EVERYONE SEEMS NORMAL UNTIL YOU GET TO KNOW THEM! -

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Middle aged heterosexual, WASP male. Semi retired, semi-sane and semi-serious. And endangered species and I'm not going quietly!!!!

Friday, October 26, 2007

Borat

Collectors from around the world are snapping up the Vatican's $8,400 limited-edition volumes of the transcripts of the heresy trials of the Knights Templar, the publisher said Thursday.

The Vatican has produced 800 leather-bound copies of the document collection.

Medieval expert Franco Cardini shows the 300-page volume 'Processus Contra Templarios,' Latin for 'Trial against the Templars.'

Scrinium publishing house, which prints documents from the Vatican's Secret Archives, said sheiks, libraries, individual collectors and cultural organizations have all reserved copies. About 300 volumes remain, said Scrinium president Ferdinando Santor.

Santor wouldn't identify any buyers, only to say they included some "internationally famous" people.

The Vatican work reproduces the entire documentation of the papal hearings convened after King Philip IV of France arrested and tortured Templar leaders in 1307 on charges of heresy and immorality.

Now, boys and girls, if you don't have the $8400- bucks for a limited edition copy of this piece, then for just thirty seven cents ($0.37) we can send you an autographed copy of Borat's Halloween Costume!

Hurry!

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Thursday, October 25, 2007

I quit?

I am seriously sitting here considering whether I should just dump this blog!

I have been at it for over a year now and between the humour, the satire, the political comments, the religious observations and everything else that I thought had some relevance and entertainment value I looked at the statistics for viewers to this blog and over the past few days the majority of the people that have hit here are doing so because of an article I wrote over a year ago about "Borat's Haloween Costume!" Give me a break!

Allan

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Dr. Watson, I Presume!

There is a guy here in London, Ontario who is a professor at the University of Western Ontario.

His name is Phillip Rushton and good old Phil came out with a study that seemed to show that as a race, Orientals were more intelligent than Whites, who in turn, on average, were more intelligent the Blacks.

His study also claimed that niggers were more prone to violence and compulsive behaviour, while the chinks had a laid back attitude as far as aggressive behaviour was concerned.

The study also purported to show that the tar babies had a smaller brain than whites while all the slant eyes, in spite of their pointy little heads, seem to have a slightly large brain.

Phillip had other ideas about genetics and race, but suffice to say that all the politically correct assholes, and their family and friends, set up a howl that could not only be heard around London, but eventually around the world.

This howl took the form of cries of indignation that he didn't realize that all races and culture are exactly equal and how could he suggest otherwise!!!!

Now we flash forward to this week and another supposedly smart guy gets his ass in a sling for suggesting the same thing.

The Nobel prize-winning biologist who caused a furor with comments about the intelligence of black people resigned Thursday from his longtime post at a renowned research lab. James Watson won the 1962 Nobel prize for discovering the structure of DNA.

The lab's board had already suspended him pending a review of his remarks, for which Watson apologized last week. The controversy began with an interview with Watson published October 14 in Britain's Sunday Times.

Watson was quoted as saying he was "inherently gloomy about the prospect of Africa" because "all our social policies are based on the fact that their intelligence is the same as ours, whereas all the testing says not really."
Watson had been on a tour of the United Kingdom to promote his new book, and the comments led several venues to cancel his planned appearances.

Watson had made controversial remarks in the past. In 1997, Britain's Sunday Telegraph quoted Watson as saying that if a gene for homosexuality were isolated, women who find that their unborn child has the gene should be allowed to have an abortion.

During a lecture tour in 2000, he suggested there might be links between skin color and sexual prowess, and between a person's weight and their level of ambition. (Does this mean that all the fat fucks are LAZY? Nah!)

And in a British TV documentary that aired in 2003, Watson suggested that stupidity was a genetic disease that should be treated. (Ron White of the "Blue Collar" show meanwhile has a famous saying; "Their ain't no cure for stupid!")

O.K. Let's stop with all the stereotypes and the comments about niggers and chinks and get down to some plain hard facts.

ALL MEN ARE NOT CREATED EQUAL! (See, I've already pissed off the ladies!)

There is a difference between the races and there is an even greater difference between cultures! To proclaim that all of humanity is the same is just plain dumb!

Look at the Italians, they are not genetically capable of talking without waving their hands in the air, and the Chinese can't stop blinking when they are surprised! Germans can't stop giving orders and the French can't stop complaining. Latino's overate themselves on personality and Arab's on bravado.

Eskimo's think they are far better lovers than they actually are but that could be because it's so cold their dick is shrunk to nothing.

Look at your own family as a microcosm of society as a whole. There are the smart and the stupid, the weak and the strong, the good and the bad, and even the ugly!

Nowhere does it say that everyone in your family is the same as everyone else, BECAUSE THEY'RE NOT! They are the same as different races and cultures, each has it's own strong and weak points so these facts need to be recognized.

But what you can and should do is love them all equally!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Allan W Janssen is the author of The Plain Truth About God at www.God-101.com and the blog "Perspective" at http://God-101.blogspot.com

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Wednesday, October 24, 2007

Global Warming.

From the air, Greenland's ice sheet, the second largest on Earth, appears to be perfectly still.

A boat sails by an iceberg floating in the Jacobshavn Bay near the town of Ilulissat, Greenland.

But below the surface, the ice sheet is in constant motion, as ice built up in the interior pushes toward the coast in the form of massive glaciers. During warmer months, ice from these glaciers melts into the ocean. It's an age-old process that scientists say has speeded up in recent decades because of global warming.

The fear is that melting ice from Greenland and other Arctic areas could cause sea levels to rise enough to flood low-lying cities, such as Shanghai, China, and New York City, displacing millions of people in the process.

A recent report from the U.N.'s Intergovernmental Panel on Climate Change, made up of scientists from around the world, estimates the sea level rise by 2100 could be as much as 1½ feet.

"That sea level rise is only based on melt from ice sheets, and does not include a new fast flow of ice we have detected in Greenland that is generating additional icebergs," said Dr. Konrad Steffen, a climate scientist with the University of Colorado, Boulder. Steffen estimates sea levels could rise three feet over the next century, a stark prediction that could wreak havoc around the world if it comes to pass. Greenland holds enough ice to cause sea levels to rise 23 feet if the entire ice sheet melted, a development few scientists expect to happen anytime soon. But global sea levels have been rising at the rate of three millimeters per year since 1993.


For each of the past 17 years, Steffen has spent one month at a remote research site called Swiss Camp, located 300 miles north of the Arctic Circle in Greenland. He monitors the changing ice sheet through a network of global positioning systems and weather stations, which have recorded a dramatic rise in temperatures since the mid-1990s.

"When we came here in 1990, the first two, three years were actually colder than normal. Then in 1994, 1995, it started to warm steadily and since then, we've had a temperature increase during the winter months of 4.5 degrees centigrade, 8.1 degrees Fahrenheit, which is very large, the largest temperature increase on earth," he said.

The rising temperatures feed what scientists call a "positive feedback loop." As the air warms, it melts ice on the sea and snow on land. This exposes more water and land to the sun. Those surfaces in turn absorb more of the sun's heat, leading to more snow melt and ice melt.

"When you look at our satellite analysis, we can see the melt area of Greenland over 30 years has increased by 30 percent," Steffen said.
Despite all the changes in Greenland, this is not the first time temperatures have risen on the world's largest island. During the 1920s and 1930s, there was a significant warming trend that occurred without the level of man-made greenhouse gases recorded in our atmosphere today. The majority of scientists say greenhouse gases are the chief cause of global warming.

The fact Greenland has warmed before leads some scientists to question how worried we should be about the current warming trend. Dr. Patrick Michaels, a climatologist, is part of a small group of climate change skeptics. He said Greenland's warm past didn't cause the ice sheet to disappear.

"The current warming trend in Greenland is very extensive and is not likely to be explained by natural variability alone," he said. Zwally said the warming is consistent with scientific predictions about the effects of man-made greenhouse gases.
Last year, satellite data collected by NASA scientists revealed Greenland is losing 100 billion tons of ice each year, more than it is gaining from snowfall in the interior. Steffen and others have also detected a new, faster movement of the ice sheet, causing the glaciers to dump more ice into the ocean, where it melts and contributes to sea-level rise.

Part of this faster flow is caused by moulins, deep holes in the ice sheet that allow water to flow beneath the surface. "During the summer months, as the ice sheet melts, large running rivers of melt water snake down through the ice, to the bedrock base below," Steffen said.

Last year, researchers lowered a camera into a moulin to explore the depth and flow of the melt water. Once the melt water from the surface reaches the bedrock below the ice, it can lift the ice sheet and provide a layer of viscosity for the ice to move faster toward the sea, a process that could accelerate as Greenland continues to warm.

Steffen hopes his prediction of a three-foot rise in global sea level by 2100 won't become a reality. But he warned that even if we are able to reduce the world's carbon output from cars and power plants, it will take a long time for Earth's climate to stop warming and seas to stop rising.

Allan W Janssen is the author of The Plain Truth About God at www.God-101.com and the blog "Perspective" at http://God-101.blogspot.com

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Tuesday, October 23, 2007

Here's looking at you kid.........glub!

Marlon Guppy
Allan W Janssen is the author of The Plain Truth About God at http://www.god-101.com/ and the blog "Perspective" at http://god-101.blogspot.com/

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All things considered, I'd rather not be in Philadelphia.

Philadelphia is home to the least attractive people in the United States, and the city was also found to be among the least stylish, least active, least friendly and least worldly, according to the "America's Favorite Cities" survey by Travel & Leisure magazine and CNN Headline News.

About 60,000 people responded to the online survey -- at www.travelandleisure.com -- which ranked 25 cities in categories including shopping, food, culture, and cityscape, said Amy Farley, senior editor at the magazine.

Philadelphia Mayor "Scrugs" Bottomly says that the survey is a bunch of hogwash and he wouldn't believe it for a minute. "We got a lot of fine lookin people in this city," he said!

For unattractiveness, Philadelphia just beat out Washington DC and Dallas/Fort Worth for the bottom spot. Miami and San Diego are home to the most attractive people, the poll found. But Farley pointed out the results don't mean people in Philadelphia are ugly or the city is a bad place to visit.

"We were asking people to vote on attractiveness, not unattractiveness. Travel & Leisure editors believe there are a lot of attractive people in Philadelphia," she said.

"The relative attractiveness of its residents is only a minuscule factor in evaluating a city's merit."
Philadelphians' self-esteem has been undermined by national surveys showing they are among the fattest people in the United States. The American Obesity Association ranked the city in the top 10 for overweight people, and sporting pride in a city known for the fierce loyalty of its fans, has been hurt by not having had a national champion in any of its four main sports since the 76ers won the National Basketball Association title in 1983.

Now personally, I have never been to Philadelphia, although I do lump it in with all the other "rust belt" cities like Detroit, Cleveland, Dayton, Cincinatti, Buffalo etc. but this survey is sure good reason not to go there.

Think I'll stick with Toronto for a good visit!

Allan W Janssen is the author of The Plain Truth About God at www.God-101.com and the blog "Perspective" at http://God-101.blogspot.com

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Cliff Claven Appreciation Society

A couple more additions for the Cliff Claven Appreciation Society and then we'll leave it alone!

» Nerve impulses to and from the brain travel as fast as 170 miles (274 km) per hour.
» The thyroid cartilage is more commonly known as the adams apple.
» It's impossible to sneeze with your eyes open.
» Your stomach needs to produce a new layer of mucus every two weeks or it would digest itself. » It takes the interaction of 72 different muscles to produce human speech.
» The average life of a taste bud is 10 days.
» The average cough comes out of your mouth at 60 miles per hour.
» Children grow faster in the springtime.
» Women blink nearly twice as much as men.
» The average human head weighs about 8 pounds.
» Relative to size, the strongest muscle in the body is the tongue.
» When you sneeze, all your bodily functions stop even your heart.
» Babies are born without knee caps. They don't appear until the child reaches 2-6 years of age.
» Right handed people live, on average, nine years longer than left handed people do.
» It takes the stomach an hour to break down cow milk.
» Blondes have more hair than dark-haired people do.
» There are 10 human body parts that are only 3 letters long (eye hip arm leg ear toe jaw rib lip gum).
» If you go blind in one eye you only lose about one fifth of your vision but all your sense of depth.
» Our eyes are always the same size from birth, but our nose and ears never stop growing.
» In the average lifetime, a person will walk the equivalent of 5 times around the equator.
» An average human scalp has 100,000 hairs.
» The length of the finger dictates how fast the fingernail grows. Therefore, the nail on your middle finger grows the fastest, and on average, your toenails grow twice as slow as your fingernails.
» The average human blinks their eyes 6,205,000 times each year.
» The entire length of all the eyelashes shed by a human in their life is over 98 feet (30 m).
» Your skull is made up of 29 different bones.
» Odontophobia is the fear of teeth.
» Ancient Egyptians shaved off their eyebrows to mourn the deaths of their cats.
» Your ears and nose continue to grow throughout your entire life.
» After you die, your body starts to dry out creating the illusion that your hair and nails are still growing after death.
» Hair is made from the same substance as fingernails.
» The average surface of the human intestine is 656 square feet (200 m).
» A healthy adult can draw in about 200 to 300 cubic inches (3.3 to 4.9 liters) of air at a single breath, but at rest only about 5% of this volume is used.
» The surface of the human skin is 6.5 square feet (2m).
» 15 million blood cells are destroyed in the human body every second.
» The pancreas produces Insulin.
» The most sensitive cluster of nerves is at the base of the spine.
» The human body is comprised of 80% water.
» The average human will shed 40 pounds of skin in a lifetime.
» Every year about 98% of the atoms in your body are replaced.
» The human heart creates enough pressure to squirt blood 30 feet (9 m).
» You were born with 300 bones. When you get to be an adult, you have 206.
» Human thighbones are stronger than concrete.
» Every human spent about half an hour as a single cell.
» There are 45 miles (72 km) of nerves in the skin of a human being.
» The average human heart will beat 3,000 million times in its lifetime and pump 48 million gallons of blood.
» Each square inch (2.5 cm) of human skin consists of 20 feet (6 m) of blood vessels.
» During a 24-hour period, the average human will breathe 23,040 times.
» Human blood travels 60,000 miles (96,540 km) per day on its journey through the body.


Allan W Janssen is the author of The Plain Truth About God at http://www.god-101.com/ and the blog "Perspective" at http://god-101.blogspot.com/

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Monday, October 22, 2007

Planet of the Apes.

Just released footage of the trailer from the latest sequel; "Planet of the Apes goes West"

Allan W Janssen is the author of The Plain Truth About God at http://www.god-101.com/ and the blog "Perspective" at http://god-101.blogspot.com/

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Borg!


Reminiscent of visits by the Pope, these faithful have come to see the BORG!

Remember, you will be assimilated, resistance is futile!

Allan W Janssen is the author of The Plain Truth About God at http://www.god-101.com/ and the blog "Perspective" at http://god-101.blogspot.com/

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For Your Information.

So, you feel like everyone thinks you're an idiot, do they?

Well bunky, we have the solution for you!!!!!

Simply memorize the list below and you become an automatic member of the "Cliff Claven Appreciation Society!" (CCAS)

With these handy facts at your fingertips, people will not only start to think you're a lot smarter than you really are, but will also avoid you in droves!

1. Rubber bands last longer when refrigerated.
2. Peanuts are one of the ingredients of dynamite.
3. There are 293 ways to make change for a dollar.
4. The average person's left hand does 56% of the typing.
5. A shark is the only fish that can blink with both eyes.
6. There are more chickens than people in the world.
7. Two-thirds of the world's eggplant is grown in New Jersey.
8. The longest one-syllable word in the English language is "screeched."
9. On a Canadian two dollar bill, the flag flying over the Parliament building is an American flag.
10. All of the clocks in the movie "Pulp Fiction" are stuck on 4:20.
11. No word in the English language rhymes with month, orange, silver, or purple.
12. "Dreamt" is the only English word that ends in the letters "mt".
13. All 50 States are listed across the top of the Lincoln Memorial on the back of the $5 bill.
14. Almonds are a member of the peach family.
15. Winston Churchill was born in a ladies' room during a dance.
16. Maine is the only State whose name is just one syllable.
17. There are only four words in the English language which end in "dous": tremendous, horrendous, stupendous, and hazardous.
18. The characters "Bert" and "Ernie" on Sesame Street were named after "Bert the cop" and "Ernie the taxi driver" in Frank Capra's "It's a Wonderful Life."
19. A cat has 32 muscles in each ear.
20. An ostrich's eye is bigger than its brain.
21. Tigers have striped skin, not just striped fur.
22. In most advertisements, the time displayed on a watch is 10:10.
23. Al Capone's business card said he was a used furniture dealer.
24. Los Angeles' full name is "El Pueblo de Nuestra Senora la Reina de los Angeles de Porciuncula."
25. A dragonfly has a life span of 24 hours.
26. A goldfish has a memory span of three seconds.
27. A dime has 118 ridges around the edge.
28. It's impossible to sneeze with your eyes open.
29. The giant squid has the largest eyes in the world.
30. In England, the Speaker of the House is not allowed to speak.
31. The microwave was invented after a researcher walked by a radar tube and a chocolate bar melted in his pocket.
32. Mr. Rogers is an ordained minister.
33. The average person falls asleep in seven minutes.
34. There are 336 dimples on a regulation golf ball.
35. "Stewardesses" is the longest word that is typed with only the left hand.

(A little hint here kids. Once you're in the Cliff Claven Appreciation Society (CCAS)there is a secret code. It goes back to the first hint about rubber bands and if you wear a rubber band around your right wrist at all times, any other member of the CCAS will recognize you right away. Remember...... you heard it here first!)

Allan W Janssen is the author of The Plain Truth About God at www.God-101.com and the blog "Perspective" at http://God-101.blogspot.com

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Sunday, October 21, 2007

Sunday Morning Funnies #33 1/3

Today we celebrate the difference between men and women!

Vive la Difference!

WHEN WOMEN TAKE A SHOWER!

Take off clothes and place them sectioned in laundry basket according to lights and darks.

Look at your womanly physique in the mirror - make mental note to do more sit-ups/leg-lifts, etc.

Get in the shower.

Use face cloth, arm cloth, leg cloth, long loofah, wide loofah and pumice stone.

Wash your hair once with cucumber and sage shampoo with 43 added vitamins.

Condition your hair with grapefruit mint conditioner enhanced.

Wash your face with crushed apricot facial scrub for 10 minutes until red.

Wash entire rest of body with ginger nut and jaffa cake body wash.

Rinse conditioner off hair.

Shave armpits and legs.

Turn off shower.

Squeegee off all wet surfaces in shower.

Spray mould spots with Tile cleaner.

Get out of shower.

Dry with towel the size of a small country.

Wrap hair in super absorbent towel.

WHEN MEN HAVE A SHOWER!

Takeoff clothes while sitting on the edge of the bed and leave them in a pile.

Walk naked to the bathroom.

If you see wife along the way, shake willy at her making the 'woo-woo' sound.

Look at your manly physique in the mirror.

Admire the size of your willy and scratch your bum.

Get in the shower.

Wash your face.

Wash your armpits.

Blow your nose in your hands and let the water rinse them off.

Fart and laugh at how loud it sounds in the shower.

Spend majority of time washing privates and surrounding area.

Wash your bum, leaving those coarse bum hairs stuck on the soap.

Wash your hair.

Make a Shampoo Mohawk. Wee.

Rinse off and get out of shower.

Partially dry off.

Fail to notice water on floor because curtain was hanging out of bath the whole time.

Admire willy size in mirror again.

Leave shower curtain open, wet mat on floor,light and fan on.

Return to bedroom with towel around waist.

If you pass wife, pull off towel, shake willy at her and make the 'woo-woo' sound again.

Throw wet towel on bed.

DONE!

THE SOLUTION?

SHOWER TOGETHER

Allan W Janssen is the author of The Plain Truth About God at www.God-101.com and the blog "Perspective" at http://God-101.blogspot.com

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