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Middle aged hetrosexual, WASP male. Middle of the road, reasonably sane and  reasonably employed.

Saturday, March 17, 2007

North Korea Develops "Nude Bomb"

You no doubt remember that 1980 movie "The Nude Bomb" which was taken from the T.V. show "Get Smart"

In the movie unknown terrorists developed a new type of bomb that destroys clothing, but leaves people unharmed. Agent Maxwell Smart (Don Adams) is taken out of retirement and sent back into the field to track down these madmen and put a stop to their plans.

Well science fiction has a strange way of becoming science fact.

North Korea has just announced that it finally developed a "Nude Bomb" and would not hesitate to use it against any aggressor.

This is a photo of Dear Leader Kim Jong-il, apparently relaxed and well satisfied after watching a test of the weapon.

He issued a statement saying that the "Bomb" would be deployed along the border with South Korea and attached to missiles aimed at Japan.

Japan, a very conservative country, is said to be deeply concerned about the possibility of it's citizens suddenly running around the streets naked and is implementing an emergency clothing stockpile.

Your " the bare facts" scribe;
Allan W Janssen

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Ways In Which Cats Can Bug YOU!

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Bin Laden a Closet Drunk!

I just received (From one of my many, many sources!) this picture of Osama Bin Laden getting pissed in the backyard garden of a friend's house somewhere in Afghanistan. Hypocritical bastard!
Remember, you saw it here first!

Your "hush, hush, on the job and on the Q.T." scribe;
Allan W Janssen

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DANGER Will Robinson, DANGER!

You know, there is nothing I like better on a quiet Saturday afternoon than to get a message from some idiotic, asinine, ranting, foaming at the mouth, crazy, unhinged conspiracy fanatic about his/her latest paranoid delusion.

They are about as funny as the religious nuts, (especially the "end of the world" ones) except that when I try and put myself in their head-space to find out what motivates them I soon find my eyes starting to cross and drool seeps out of my mouth! Check this out!!!!

ELEMENTS IN OUR GOVERNMENT DELIBERATELY ALLOWED 9/11
Why were "hijacked" airliners allowed to fly around the Eastern U.S. for hours without being intercepted, pursued, or even seen by our military jets???

How could Flight 77 slam into the Pentagon unopposed, 45 minutes after the WTC was struck by other "hijacked" airliners??? How did that huge Boeing with a wingspan of 125 feet disappear into an initial impact hole merely 16 feet wide??? Why does our government refuse to release any clear video of what happened to Flight 77 at the Pentagon???

Why did WTC Building #7, which housed CIA, FBI, SEC, Giuliani's bunker, etc., implode exactly like a professionally-controlled demolition given that it was not struck by a plane & had a few small, scattered fires??? Why did the WTC Towers erupt, explode, & collapse at virtually free-fall speed???

Why was Bush allowed to remain in that schoolhouse so very long, a pre-publicized target, also endangering the children???

Why did top officials of the Bush regime, PNAC Neo-conservatives, state in the year 2000 that their plans for "preemptive" wars [U.S. wars of aggression] would take too long to implement, "...Absent some catastrophic & catalyzing event--like a New Pearl Harbor" ??? Why did a "New Pearl Harbor" then prophetically occur on 9/11/01, paving the way for them to invade Afghanistan, Iraq, (Iran next)???

Please watch "Loose Change" free on the web & visit: 911truth.org - 911inquiry.org - physics911.net questioning911.com - WTC7.net - 911Blogger.com 911revisited.com - mujca.com - 911review.com - 9/11proof.com stoplying.ca - ny911truth.org - mime11.com & hundreds of other truth sites for overwhelming proof that 9/11 was an inside job!!!

Wake-up now! Research the above facts for yourselves! Our nation & the world are in peril!!!!

This makes about as much sense as the religious nuts who propagate the myth (conspiracy theory) that it was the Jews who were responsible for the death of Jesus. (Or, as Lenny Bruce said many years later. “I found a note in the basement. It said. We did it! Signed - Morty.")

Your "keep em guessing" scribe;
Allan W Janssen

Allan W Janssen is the author of The Plain Truth About God-101 (what the church doesn't want you to know!) www.God-101.com

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Saturday Morning Confusion!

Here it is Saturday morning again and we have a wonderful bag of tricks for your amazment and delight.

First on the list is this little gem that any dog lover can't do without.

Diaper Harness for Doggies

The STA-ON diaper harness is used to keep diapers on dogs, whether young puppies, untrained adult dogs, or elderly incontinent dogs.

The idea is the invention of Dorrie Krenkel, who grew tired of diapers that kept falling off of her dachshund, Bucky.

The harness is intended to work with babies' diapers (you just poke a hole to pull the tail through), and you can get the harness in a variety of colors. They sell for $12.95 for the smallest size to $16.95 for the largest. "Puppy powder" for diaper rash is extra!

Shave Your Vagina in Sixty Seconds.
The "Bikini Line Genie" is billed as a protective shield that let's women shave their vaginas without fear of hurting the most sensitive areas, and prevents loose stubble from entering.

It works by tucking in between the labia majora to cover the more sensitive labia minora and clitoris, while blocking off the vaginal opening so no foreign material may enter.

It comes with illustrated instructions, may be used sitting or standing and works with any type or size of beaver.

FROM SALT LAKE CITY - SkyWest Airlines apologized yesterday to a passenger who said he wasn't allowed to use the restroom during a one-hour flight and ended up urinating in an air-sickness bag.

ST. PETERSBURG, Fla. - A 15-year-old girl who hiccuped her way through part of January and all of February is hiccuping once again. Jennifer Mee, who hiccuped close to 50 times each waking minute for more than five weeks starting Jan. 23, began hiccuping again Thursday morning after a nose bleed, said her mother, Rachel Robidoux. It occured during Mee's second day back at school since her first bout of hiccups stopped Feb. 28.

NEW YORK - A New York restaurateur has cooked up the most world's most extravagant pizza -- a $1,000 pizza topped with six sorts of caviar and fresh lobster.

Nino Selimaj, who runs six pizza restaurants in New York unveiled his Luxury Pizza, a 12 inch, thin crust topped with caviar, lobster, creme fraiche and chives. Cut into eight, it works out at $125 a slice.

"I know this won't be for everyone but there are people in New York who can afford it and once tried, they'll be back for more. It is delicious," said Selimaj, who moved to New York from Albania about 29 years ago.

"Sure, some people will say it is just a publicity stunt but I have researched this for over a year and think there is a demand. I have already sold one."

Selimaj said his restaurant Nino's Bellissima, which is the only one of his restaurants to offer the Luxury Pizza, needs 24 hours notice for the gourmet dish as it orders the caviar in advance. "But where better to experiment with pizza than in New York where people love their pizza," he said.

If diners are still peckish after the Luxury Pizza, they can always head over to the midtown restaurant Serendipity that sells a $1,000 ice-cream sundae called Golden Opulence which is covered in 23K edible gold leaf.

Your "all the news that fits" scribe;
Allan W Janssen

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Friday, March 16, 2007

VERTIGO


And a split second before you hit the ground..........

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It's about the oil, stupid!

I think we can all agree on a few things about the American Administration's policies.

First, the Middle-East is all about the oil. End of story!

Next, in spite of what the U.S. Administration says, Iraq is in a civil war and those S.O.B.'s are out of control. The U.S. should just get out and let them sort it out themselves. End of Story!

Global warming is a fact in spite of what Georgie says and it might be partly due to increased sun activity but is mostly from greenhouse gases. End of story!

Evolution is a fact and the best way to prove it is by what Lewis Black keeps saying, pure and simple, FOSSILS..... fossils, fossils, fossils! Damn it! End of story!

And now as the icing on the cake, this piece from Reuters News;

LOS ANGELES - The Bush administration wants to eliminate federal support for geothermal power just as many US states are looking to cut greenhouse gas emissions and raise renewable power output.

The move has angered scientists who say there is enough hot water underground to meet all US electricity needs without greenhouse gas emissions.

"The Department of Energy has not requested funds for geothermal research in our fiscal-year 2008 budget," said Christina Kielich, a spokeswoman for the Department of Energy. "Geothermal is a mature technology. Our focus is on breakthrough energy research and development."

The administration of George W. Bush has made renewable energy a priority as it seeks to wean the United States off foreign oil, but it emphasizes use of biofuels like ethanol and biodiesel for vehicles and nuclear research for electricity.

"In spite of its enormous potential, the geothermal option for the United States has been largely ignored," a recent study led by the Massachusetts Institute of Technology said.

Story by Bernie Woodall


Now, here is the kicker, boys and girls. Just as the Bush Administration has promoted the largest military budget in history to keep his Republican allies at Haliburton and other military contractors happy, he has cut funding for Geothermal and is concentrating on Biofuels and Nuclear instead.

Why? Because Biofuels and Nuclear have huge lobbies and Geothermal has NONE! Right now the score looks like this:

Nuclear and Biofuel Lobby = Billions

Geothermal = None

Just so you know!

Your "enquiring mind" scribe;
Allan W Janssen

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Fun With Jane and Dicks!

In an unconfirmed report published today, a spokesperson for actress Jane Fonda has indicated that in order to rejuvenate her stalled acting career she will be making a sequel to her wildly popular movie Barbarella!

Quoted as saying; "What goes around, cums around," (no pun intended) Miss Fonda is said to be looking forward to appearing in a new episode of every middle aged American Male's teenage fantasies.

Director Ying Fuk Yu said that the new movie will be shot in wide screen and technicolor, and in deference to the fact that Miss Fonda is quite a few years older ...... slightly out of focus! Coming soon to a Megaplex near you!

Your "hush, hush, and on the Q.T." scribe;
Allan W Janssen

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Thursday, March 15, 2007

Even MORE Ways to Bug a Cat!

Want to REALLY bug a cat? Give him a bath! (You get a wet pussie!)

Oh no you don't

EEEEEHHH

Sob

No more, please!

Fuck Off!

Shell Shock!

Why Me?

Make a run for it guys!

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How to build a sandcastle.

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Afternoon Delight (And then a nap!)

Since I am now in my fifties a bit of news out of Europe caught my eye and I thought you might find it interesting too!

It's sort of like a "seniors discount" for sex.

A brothel in Germany hopes to capitalize on the growing number of retirees by offering them a 50 percent discount for sex in the afternoon.

The "Pascha" in Cologne Germany has introduced reduced rates for clients aged 65 and above -- provided they can prove their age. "All clients need to do is show us some proof of age," said a spokesman for the brothel's managing director Armin Lobscheid.

(This is sort of ironic since we all start out in early adulthood by having to show I.D. and it seems we are ending up this way as well.)

Lobscheid went on to say,"A 'normal session' costs 50 euros with us -- and we're now paying 50 percent of that for these older guests because they are twice as easy to satisfy. We don't earn as much money, but we're establishing ourselves across a broader range of age groups," he added.

After testing the water with reductions for senior citizens once a week, the Pascha decided earlier this month to offer 50 percent off sex services between midday and 5 p.m every day.

"There's been plenty of demand and people have certainly been taking advantage of the offer," the spokesman said. "Older folks are more active than you would think."

"Life begins at 65!" it says in an advertisement for its "senior citizens afternoon" next to a picture of a motorcycle rider with a big grin on his face.

Now, I'm not saying I have ever gone to a brothel, (I haven't) but it is an indication of how our population is aging.

Thank God for Viagra, eh boys!

Your "get em up" scribe;
Allan W Janssen

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Wednesday, March 14, 2007

Eureka!!!

O.K. boys and girls, one of life's most baffling mysteries has just been solved by your humble scribe!

The Misses Herself told me today that I should do more around the house, and from now on I whould be doing my own laundry since she does all the cooking for the both of us. {I've got her believing that I don't even know how to boil water}

While sitting in the laundry room waiting for the dry cycle to end I started thinking about that age old problem of the missing socks after doing laundry. (No matter how carefully you check the machine for leftovers.)

Interest aroused, I started doing some research into this mystery and believe I have developed a plausible theory on what happens to them.

We all know about the static "cling" that develops in the dryer and I now believe this static electricity sometimes surges and takes a sock and flips it into a different dimension.

As the electrical charge gradually diminishes they flip back into this universe but for some unknown reason they are transformed and come back as all those extra hangers in your closet!!

That's why we always have too many hangers and not enough socks.

Just so you know.

Your "enquiring mind" scribe;
Allan W Janssen

Allan W Janssen is the author of The Plain Truth About God-101 (what the church doesn't want you to know!) www.God-101.com

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Simon Says..... No!

The Communist Party in China is looking to ensure it retains control of it's Internet users to ensure politically correct behaviour.

This in spite of the fact that the Chinese are often more interested in salacious pictures, bloodthirsty games and political scandal than Marxist lessons.

According to Hu Yu of the official Xinhua news agency yesterday, the party had to "strengthen administration and development of the country's Internet culture"

"We have to maintain the initiative in opinion on the Internet and raise the level of guidance online," he said. "We must promote civilized running and use of the Internet and purify the Internet environment."

Everyone present said they agreed 100% and then nodded their heads in unison!

Your "on the spot" scribe;
Allan W Janssen

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Tuesday, March 13, 2007

This and That!

SPACE STATION
WHEE
HELLO
OINK

CAULISHEEP
1955

HOT

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RICHARD!

HOLLYWOOD, Calif. - On a not so funny note, Richard Jeni, a standup comedian who played to sold-out crowds where ever he went, was a regular on the "Tonight Show" and appeared in movies, died of a gunshot wound in an apparent suicide, police said Sunday.

Jeni regularly toured the country with a standup act and had starred in several HBO comedy specials, most recently "A Big Steaming Pile of Me" during the 2005-06 season.




The Brooklyn-born comic first received national attention in 1990 with the Showtime special "Richard Jeni: Boy From New York City." Two years later, his "Crazy From the Heat" special attracted the highest ratings in Showtime's history.

Police found the 45-year-old comedian alive but gravely injured in a West Hollywood home when they responded to a call Saturday morning from Jeni's girlfriend, Los Angeles Police Officer Norma Eisenman said.

As is often the case, it's the really funny one's who are the most tortured. Richard always struck me as being one of the best comedians in the business. I enjoyed his work immensely and he will be greatly missed.

Your "not so happy today" scribe;
Allan W Janssen

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Monday, March 12, 2007

Cheer Up!

I know that you are disappointed that I have only been writing
sporadically over the last few days, but I really have been busy.
But hey, cheer up, after all ......... why the long face?
And here are some belated Sunday Morning Funnies!


Kids, ya gotta love em!

Me, when I was three, and that's NOT my mother!

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