Saturday, May 05, 2007

One Hung Low!

I have a confession to make. This is rather delicate so if you are easily offended please read no further.

My penis is slightly shorter than average but this hasn't really bothered me since I seemed to perform more than adequately.

However, those advertisements to increase your penis size finally got to me and I thought I would try one out.

When the stuff came I was anxious to give it a try and I have to confess that my thinking was, that if a little was good, then a lot would be so much better.

With this in mind I proceeded to lavish the cream with great gusto and used up the whole tube in one shot.

Not knowing what to expect I went to bed and thought the whole thing had been a failure until I woke up this morning and discovered that I had been far too generous with the medication.

Today I am sitting here with an 18 inch penis that is so large and heavy that the only thing it will do is hang straight down like a third leg.

It is totally useless for anything because of its size and I can only hope that the medication wears off to some extent over time or I might be celibate for the rest of my life.

Let this be a lesson to you that sometimes you can get too much of a good thing! Or the Chinese saying "be careful of what you wish for!"

Your "older now, but wiser" scribe;
Allan W Janssen

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Saturday Morning Confusion!

Here it is Saturday morning and as usual I am slightly confused and certainly bewildered.

There is a guy in Simcoe Ontario named Kris Coulombe who was a teacher at the local elementary and high school who has been banned from teaching.

Kris was sentened to four years in prison last month after he was found guilty of having sex with several students at both the elementary and high schools.

The sexual exploitation and sexual assault charges arose from incidents that took place from 1999 to 2003.

Mr Coulombe has since appealed the conviction and this could take up to three years to work its way through the courts and in the meantime he is walking the streets.

Now is this why Kris is not allowed to teach? NOOOOOOOOO! Mr. Coulombe, according to the Ontario College of Teachers, had his teaching certificate suspended because he is in arrears with his memebership fees!!!!!!!!!

Your " ? " scribe;
Allan W Janssen

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Friday, May 04, 2007

Pocket Pool

Here we go again!

A victims' rights group is rightly raising objections to a university research study in which sex offenders will be paid for looking at images of children.

In the joint study, to be conducted by University of Toronto and University of Lethbridge researchers, 250 sex offenders will receive $60 each to view computerized images of fully dressed children.

Responses to the images will be measured to give researchers some insight into pedophilia.

Shawn Howard, spokesperson for the Calgary-based Canadian Justice Foundation, said he just shook his head when he heard that sex offenders will be paid to take part in the study.

"I find it absolutely bizarre that we're even considering funding this," he said. "We already know what sex offenders and pedophiles are capable of. We know the types of images they react to."

Michael Seto, associate psychology professor at the University of Toronto, said the study is an effort to assess risk and to determine more effective treatment.

Offenders who have been convicted of downloading child pornography, but have not abused children, will be compared to offenders who have abused children.

Seto said he is not surprised that the study has generated controversy.

"I do understand why people are concerned about this, but I hope they don't lose sight of the fact that we're doing this research to understand pedophilia and sexual offending," he said.

Seto said it is standard practice to pay people to take part in clinical studies.

The study is being funded with a grant from the Ontario Mental Health Foundation, an organization that receives provincial funding.

Ontario Health Minister George Smitherman said the province plans to claw back any money that the foundation spends on compensating sex offenders in the study.

"We're inherently uncomfortable with the idea that anyone that is serving time or indeed probation for a matter such as this would benefit in any way related to compensation," he said.

Your "perplexed, bothered and bewildered" scribe;
Allan W Janssen

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Sam, you made the pants too long!

This is how crazy the world is getting boys and girls!!

Roy Pearson, a judge in Washington DC, is suing Custom Cleaners dry cleaner for $67 million because they lost his favorite pants.

Pearson claims he experienced "mental suffering, inconvenience and discomfort" and wants to get paid for 10 years worth of weekend car rentals to drive his dirty duds to another dry cleaner.

According to the plaintiff, it's the second time the cleaners lost his pants. The dry cleaners, who say that are getting hammered by two years worth of lawyers' fees to defend themselves, claim they have the pants but Pearson won't drop by to pick them up.

Pearson believes he is entitled to $1,500 for each violation, each day during which the "Satisfaction Guaranteed" sign and another sign promising "Same Day Service" was up in the store -- more than 1,200 days.

And he's multiplying each violation by three because he's suing (Custom Cleaners owners) Jin and Soo Chung and their son.

He also wants $500,000 in emotional damages and $542, 500 in legal fees, even though he is representing himself in court.

He wants $15,000 for 10 years' worth of weekend car rentals as well.

After enlisting neighbors and fellow customers, he sought to expand the case into a class action suit, but was denied, angrily, by District of Columbia Civil Judge Neal Kravitz.

"The Court has significant concerns that the plaintiff is acting in bad faith and with an intent to delay the proceedings," the judge wrote in court papers.

"Indeed, it is difficult to draw any other conclusion, given the plaintiff's lengthy delay in seeking to expand the scope of the case, the breathtaking magnitude of the expansion he seeks, his failure to present any evidence in support of the thousands of claims he says he wishes to add, and his misrepresentation concerning the scope of his first amended complaint."

(Thanks, Lindsay Tiemeyer!)

As a footnote here, the people that own Custom Cleaners have said "Fuck it" and are moving back to Korea


Thursday, May 03, 2007

Picture This!

You're looking at the World's Craziest Body Painting!

Your "what the hell?" scribe;
Allan W Janssen

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Stuck on you!

I just ran across this article and thought I would pass it along just as I found it, since for obvious reasons there really isn't much that can be added.

JOHANNESBURG (Reuters) - A gang stripped a South African man before supergluing him to an exercise bicycle while they ransacked his house, according to a report Thursday.

SAPA news agency said the attackers, dressed in suits, hijacked a man in his 50s and forced him at gunpoint to take them to his home in Johannesburg.

"The victim was then forced to strip, after which he was superglued to the seat of an exercise bicycle, his hands were superglued, as were his feet and then his mouth was superglued shut," SAPA quoted Mark Stokoe, a spokesman for emergency services Netcare 911, as saying.

The man was rescued about three hours later when his partner arrived home, SAPA said.

South Africa is battling one of the world's highest crime rates which has prompted concerns that violence might mar the 2010 soccer World Cup, which the country is due to host.

A police spokesman could not immediately comment on the report. No one at Netcare 911 could be reached.

A sticky situation to be in, eh?

Your "stuck on you" scribe;
Allan W Janssen

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Blackberry does it again!

I'm sort of proud of Research In Motion Ltd. as they are a local company and they just announced that they are rolling out the smallest and lightest full-keyboard BlackBerry smartphone yet - "The Curve.".

It's a new multimedia-laden device aimed at broadening the market that it seeks to conquer.

Aside from all of the standard calling and wireless e-mail functions RIM's devices are known for, the new BlackBerry Curve comes with a 2-megapixel camera with 5X zoom, built-in flash and a full-screen viewfinder.

It lets users watch videos and play music like other BlackBerries, but also comes with an advanced media manager program and a photo editor as well.

The Curve follows on the success of the BlackBerry Pearl, which debuted last September to rave reviews and has sold very well for the Waterloo, Ontario-based company.

The Pearl, however, did not feature a full, so-called QWERTY keyboard which some users prefer.

"For those that were eagerly awaiting for a Pearl-like design with a full QWERTY keyboard, this is it," RIM co-Chief Executive Jim Balsillie said in an interview.

The Curve's bells and whistles are aimed at high-end customers who are willing to pay top dollar for stylish looking smartphones with multimedia capability.

While the Curve is still a device for professionals and so-called "prosumers," RIM hopes its heavy multimedia focus will broaden the market to high-end retail consumers.

Balsillie and RIM did not announce a price for the Curve, but the device is expected to be available for around $200 through carriers around the globe.

While the BlackBerry has become a staple among lawyers, politicians, business executives and other professionals, it has yet to penetrate the retail consumer market to the same extent.

One key hurdle for widening the audience for the BlackBerry has been its price, as a fully-loaded smartphone with wireless e-mail capability is much more expensive than most cellphones available on the market today.

However, that is beginning to change, Balsillie said, with some plans for the BlackBerry now offering the device for free or for less than $100.

Your "all the news, all the time" scribe;
Allan W Janssen

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Wednesday, May 02, 2007

Cleanliness is next to Godliness

Here is why it might be a good idea to clean your computer every time you change the battery in your smoke detector.

I have a different system for maintenance.
If I sneeze when as I sit down at the computer then I know there is too much dust and it's time for a cleaning.

Your "I don't do windows" scribe;
Allan W Janssen

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Tuesday, May 01, 2007


Time to slowly get back ino the world and might as well start with this note I got from someone named Treece.

Just wondering if anyone is following up on the new info regarding the severe beating that Shaquanda Cotton gave her mother recently after being released from the detention center. Not seeing much about it anywhere yet. Thanks.

I don't know anything about this since I haven't concerned myself with worldly news for a while, but if you have any info please pass it along.

Your "tired" scribe;
Allan W Janssen

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