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- EVERYONE SEEMS NORMAL UNTIL YOU GET TO KNOW THEM! -

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Middle aged hetrosexual, WASP male. Middle of the road, reasonably sane and  reasonably employed.

Saturday, June 16, 2007

Asshole of the Week!

This week's award for "Asshole of the Week" goes to Sheik Jassem Al-Mutawah for his explanation of the difference between men and women.

That anyone could hold views like his goes to show that certain men in the Middle-East are still living in the twelfth century and need to be brought, (kicking and screaming) into the twenty first century.

For a short video of his theories about the differences between the sexes see this clip from U-tube!


Now, for all my loyal readers we have a quiz for you as well!

Below is a list of 12 common everyday actions that assholes use, or as I like to refer to it, "The Dirty Dozen."

Score yourself based on how frequently, or how little, you think you commit the following actions at work.

1 -- Never 2 -- Once a year 3 -- Once a month 4 -- Once a week
5 -- Daily

-How often do you dish out personal insults?
-How often do you invade the "personal territory" of others?
-How often do you start uninvited physical contact with coworkers?
-How often do you use verbal and non-verbal threats and intimidations?
-How often do you make sarcastic jokes or teasing remarks?
-How often do you send out withering e-mail flames?
-How often do you intentionally demean people's status in front of others?
-How often are you the instigator of public shaming or "status degradation" rituals?
-How often do you interrupt people in a rude manner?
-How often do you make two-faced attacks?
-How often do you give coworkers dirty looks?
-How often do you ignore others as if they are invisible?

SCORING DISCLAIMER: The results of this quiz are not scientifically founded, but they are based on rigorous research done on bullying and psychological abuse in the United States and the United Kingdom. Our hunch is that if you scored….

Under 13: Not quite an asshole. You understand proper workplace etiquette, but you aren't perfect. You have some slip-ups every now and then; just make sure you keep them to a minimum and only when you're having a really bad day.

Under 25: Borderline asshole. Another mean move could put you over the edge. Your coworkers are developing hateful feelings towards you. Redeem yourself now while there's still time.

Between 26 and 45: Asshole alert. You have officially turned into a jerk and your negative demeanor is affecting everyone around you. You may want to start looking for a new job because you are probably in hot water with your boss.

Over 46: Extreme asshole. What's wrong with you? Didn't your mom teach you how to treat anyone right? You won't get anywhere if you continue to act the way you do. The polite thing to do is to dismiss yourself before your band of enemies team up and resort to drastic measures.

Since this blog scored 36 I have to consider making MYSELF "Asshole of the Week" sometime in the near future. Or just every week as a "runner-up"

Allan W Janssen is the author of The Plain Truth About God-101 (what the church doesn't want you to know!) www.God-101.com

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Saturday Morning Confusion!

"Everyone is clear about the Ten Comandments but there seems to be a lot of confusion over the 12 Rules for Life and I would like to set the record straight!

Sometimes we just need to remember what the 12 Rules really are:

1. Never give yourself a haircut after three margaritas.

2. You need only two tools: WD-40 and duct tape. If it doesn't move and it should, use WD-40. If it moves and shouldn't, use the tape.

3. The five most essential words for a healthy, vital relationship are "I apologize" and "you are right."

4. Everyone seems normal until you get to know them.

5. Never pass up an opportunity to pee.

6. If he/she says that you are too good for him/her - believe them.

7. Learn to pick your battles; ask yourself, "Will this matter one year from now? How about one month? One week? One day?"

8. When you make a mistake, make amends immediately. It's easier to eat crow while it's still warm.

9. If you woke up breathing, congratulations! You have another chance!

10. Living well really is the best revenge. Being miserable because of a bad or former relationship just might mean that the other person was right about you.

11. Work is good, but it's not that important. Money is nice, but you can't take it with you. Statistics show most people don't live to spend all they saved; some die even before they retire. Anything we have isn't really ours; It's on loan to us while we're here ...even our kids.

12. And finally...Be really good to your family and/or friends. You never know when you are going to need them to empty your bedpan.

Your humble servant;
Allan W Janssen

Allan W Janssen is the author of The Plain Truth About God-101 (what the church doesn't want you to know!) www.God-101.com

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Friday, June 15, 2007

Woman jailed for attack on man's testicles!

A woman who ripped off her ex-boyfriend's testicle with her bare hands has been sent to prison.

Amanda Monti, 24, flew into a rage when Geoffrey Jones, 37, rejected her advances at the end of a house party, Liverpool Crown Court heard.

She pulled off his left testicle and then a friend handed it back to Mr. Jones saying: Here, this is yours!


(Don't date this woman!)

Monti admitted to wounding and was jailed for two-and-a-half years.

Your "Don't it make your eyes water?" scribe;
Allan W Janssen

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T.G.I.F.

OH, OH! Nessie strikes again!
What's the matter with kids these days?
The return of Godzilla!
Personally, I have no problem with the Jews at all! No sir!
(Especially not her!)












Can we say; "Jewish Princess?"

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Thursday, June 14, 2007

Enough with the Evolution - Creation debate!

I was sitting here this morning looking at the piece I wrote yesterday about evolution / creationism and it struck me that I am like Don Quixote, swinging away at windmills.

No matter how good and pure my motives, it will all come to naught since I am fighting an enemy that has no real shape or form.

It is a "belief" I aim my raillery at, without realizing that if this false assumption can initially withstand the scrutiny of cold hard facts, then any attempt by your poor author to change the minds of these people is an effort in futility!

In other words, to put it very harshly and succinctly, these people are not thinking straight and the problem is not with their dis-belief of evolution, but rather the whole issue of being brainwashed by a mainstream Religion. I would have to approach the matter from the disease itself, rather than try and cure the symptoms. (Of which Creationism is one of the main culprits!)

To do this would be to attack peoples core values and I am not (unlike the Christian and Islamic Shaman's) comfortable with this.

To change the core beliefs of anyone is an arduous task that I don't have the patience for anyway, so I have to resign myself to the fact that people make their own "Reality," whether it is based on fact, or not!

In other words there is probably nothing I can do to convince these * enlightened souls, so why bother!

Your Pal Al;

Allan W Janssen is the author of The Plain Truth About God-101 (what the church doesn't want you to know!) www.God-101.com

(Am I the Shaman? No, I am the walrus!)
*assholes

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Wednesday, June 13, 2007

Kim Jong-ill to produce "New Girls Gone Wild!

Kim Jong-ill, Great Leader and impresario of North Korea reacted today on news that Joe Francis, creator of "Girls Gone Wild," is in jail and will probably do a fair amount of time.

Jong-ill said that "Girls Gone Wild" is one of his all time favourite shows and rather than have it go out of production, he will finance a "New Girls Gone Wild" himself.

Mr. Kim is said to have a preference for long legged blonde's, but was quick to state that all types of different ladies would be featured on his show to satisfy the taste of any and all viewers.

He said; "Diversity is the key to good entertainment and my production company will maintain the overall quality and choice of entertainment for discerning gentlemen such as myself!"

Joe Francis was not available for comment but was rumoured to be O.K. with the deal as long as the program didn't deteriorate into what he called "Low Brow" entertainment along the line of the "Trailer Park Boys!"




Your "on the scene" scribe;
Allan W Janssen

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Just the Facts, Ma'am!

I ran across some interesting observations on the Creationists / Evolutionists debate on Les's site S.E.B. and a few other locations.

(We had some of this discussion a few days ago on Half of all Americans are idiots! Boy, this is a good way to make friends and influence people, eh!)

Aside from the fact that 56% of Americans believe in Creationism while only 44% believe in Evolution, (These figures are arbitrary and should only be used as a general guideline.) it also found that the percentage of Creationists was quite a bit lower in Canada and even lower in the rest of the world!

In spite of Fundamentalist Christian and Islamic pressure, the Southern, Catholic States are still 70% pro-Evolution, Great Britain and the Northern Countries of Europe are 80% pro-Evolution and Australia and New Zealand are 95% pro-Evolution,

Compare this to the U.S. (56%-44%) where, in general, older adults (those 55 years of age and older), adults without a college degree, Republicans, conservatives, and Southerners were more likely to embrace the Creationism positions in the questions asked. (75%-25%)

Those with college educations, Democrats, independents, liberals, adults aged 18 to 54, and those from the Northeast and West support the belief in Evolution in larger numbers. 75%-25%)

Aside from regional differences, if we look at the beliefs of members of the major political parties we find a wide variance as well. According to CBS News, a recent Gallup Survey shows that 68% of Republicans Disbelieve Scientific Explanation of Creation!
A Gallup poll released Monday said that while the country is about evenly split over whether the theory of evolution is true, Republicans disbelieve it by more than 2-to-1.

Republicans saying they don’t believe in Evolution outnumbered those who do by 68 percent to 30 percent in the survey. Democrats believe in Evolution by 57 percent to 40 percent, as do Independents by a 61 percent to 37 percent margin.

Or, as Jon Stewart might say; (From S.E.B.)

OK, Republicans, we understand that you’re devout. We understand that you love God.

That’s simply beautiful, it really is.

Regardless of that, you have to stop cherry-picking the facts.

Evolution is a fact, just like some of those other facts that are somewhat less controversial, like Helio-Centrism. The church no longer arrests and executes people who believe that the sun is at the center of our solar system because there’s just simply such an abundance, a cornucopia if you will, of observational evidence, that no rational person would claim otherwise.

The same is true for the facts of evolution: That species emerge and change over very long periods of time.

That some species that used to exist, no longer exist.

Further, it is a fact that humans appeared relatively recently in the history of our world.

The facts are irrefutable.

They are written in the very bedrock of our planet.

They are there for everyone to see, everywhere: older species in strata below newer species.

Never an exception.

No human jawbones have ever been found in a Tyrannosaurus nest.

No dinosaurs after 65 million years ago.

No Australopithecenes after about 2 million years ago.

No Homo Sapiens before about 500,000 years ago.

None!

Anywhere!

Now, while you can certainly take a religious position on the explanation of Evolution, you cannot take a religious position on the existence of Evolution.

In other words, you can certainly disagree with the leading scientific Theory of Evolution, which explains how such facts as we observe everywhere in the world came to be (and does so quite nicely, thank you very much), but you can only disagree with the facts of Evolution to the same extent that you can disagree with the fact that the sun is at the center of the solar system, or that Pasteurization helps preserve foods, or that DNA codes genetic information for all species on earth.

We need to remember that, as Stephen Jay Gould said, there’s a difference between a fact and a theory, and Evolution is both:

Well, evolution is a theory. It is also a fact. And facts and theories are different things, not rungs in a hierarchy of increasing certainty.

Facts are the world’s data.

Theories are structures of ideas that explain and interpret facts.

Facts do not go away when scientists debate rival theories to explain them.

Einstein’s theory of gravitation replaced Newton’s, but apples did not suspend themselves in mid-air, pending the outcome.

Humans evolved from apelike ancestors, whether they did so by Darwin’s proposed mechanism or by some other, yet to be discovered.

If you’re planning on rejecting the Theory of Evolution, the scientific mechanism that Darwin proposed almost a century and a half ago, you have to follow the rules.

The rules are simple.

Come up with a better explanation for the fact of Evolution.

Just make sure it doesn't require anything beyond what we can expect from our normal, natural, very non magical world.


Allan W Janssen is the author of The Plain Truth About God-101 (what the church doesn't want you to know!) www.God-101.com

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Tuesday, June 12, 2007

Religious Education is Child Abuse!

"Maybe we need to start picketing fundamentalist churches and religions." --George my neighbor!

"Maybe it's about time that we recognize religious mis-education as child abuse"." --"Slimbot (Jack) McGoo."

(Creationism, Earth is only 6000 years old, Holy Wars, opposition to birth control, opposition to the use of condoms even though they prevents AIDS, Jihad,the Grand Canyon was formed by the great flood, opposition to stem cell research, opposition to pro-choice in abortions, dinosaurs lived at the same time as humans, suicide bombers, indoctrination in Sunday School, missionary work, opposition to eating meat on Fridays, opposition to women in the clergy, opposition to women being equal, having to learn Latin, opposition to working on a holy day [Friday, Saturday or Sunday], vows of poverty, getting hookers - or 72 virgins, mandatory sniping of boy's dick soon after birth, religious wars, female genital mutilation before puberty, burning witches at the stake, opposition to any scientific discovery that doesn't conform to Church teachings, molesting kids, opposition to eating pork or certain other foods, T.V. Ministries and human sacrifice, (Whichever is worse!) opposition to marriage for clergy, fear of Hell, vows of silence and chastity, guilt trips, hatred of other religions, urge to force your beliefs on the infidels....... or kill them! Plus, if you do get someone and they double cross you by switching to another Faith, (Apostates) kill them too! Preferably by stoning! And of course, the occasional Inquisition or two! etc. etc.)

Anything else I forgot, feel free to add it!

Allan W Janssen is the author of The Plain Truth About God-101 (what the church doesn't want you to know!) www.God-101.com

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It's a dog's life!

A Belgian businessman rejected a Nigerian job applicant because the businessman said his own dog was racist and would bite non-whites, Belgian media reported Saturday.

The 53-year-old man Nigerian told De Standaard newspaper he arrived at the Belgian's wrought-iron business and was immediately confronted by the barking dog.

The Belgian turned the man away before he could even enter, and wrote on his labor office letter that he could not hire the man because of his color, adding there was a risk the dog would bite him.

The local labor office has concluded that the Belgian was racist and has removed him from its list of potential employers.

"My dog is racist. Not me," the man told the newspaper!

(Right, and Paris Hilton is only "acting" dumb!!)

Your "hush, hush and on the Q.T." scribe;
Allan W Janssen

Allan W Janssen is the author of The Plain Truth About God-101 (what the church doesn't want you to know!) www.God-101.com

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Monday, June 11, 2007

Michael Moore tells it like it is!

I was listening to an interview with Michael Moore today on the Canadian Broadcasting Corporation Radio Network (CBC Radio-1) and he made a statement that I hadn't really thought about before, but once I heard it, I fully agreed with him!

(He was talking about his new movie "Sicko" which had it's North American Premier here in London last Friday.)

During the filming of the movie, he took a man whose fingers had been accidentally cut off down to Cuba, and the medical system there re-attached his fingers for him ..... where it would have cost him tens of thousands of dollars to have it done in the U.S. without private insurance.

Universal Health Care and the responsibility of the Government is what the movie explores!

But, aside from the problems with health care in the States, (among other things)he made this comment; "It's so nice to be in a country where you are free, rather than having to look over your shoulder all the time like back home in the States."

When asked what he meant, Mr. Moore stated; "Here in Canada you are free to do what you want. There are no rules to tell you where you can, and can't go, or what you can, and can't do, like in the States.

That's what true freedom is all about!"
He said.

He was of course referring to the U.S. law that forbids travel and commerce with Cuba. This has lead to him being investigated by at least a couple of branches of the Government and there are indications that he might face a raft of criminal charges.

Michael was even afraid that they (The Government) would confiscate his film before it was released, since part of it was filmed in Cuba and this could be construed as doing "commerce" with the "enemy!" (If they wanted to censor him this would be the quickest and easiest way to do it!)

The more I think about what the U. S. Government does abroad, and even to its own citizens, I have come to the realization that I do indeed live in a FREE country here in Canada!

Your "watch out for the N.S.A." scribe;
Allan W Janssen

Allan W Janssen is the author of The Plain Truth About God-101 (what the church doesn't want you to know!) www.God-101.com

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Once More....With Feeling ...Arab Chauvinism!

Just as a reminder that attitudes about women must change.
Here again is a video of what Arab kids are taught about women.
(Yes, this guy really believes what he's saying, it's no joke!)(Note; this attitude is more cultural than religious and shows the Middle-Eastern Male's false "superiority" and "machismo!"!)
Allan W Janssen is the author of The Plain Truth About God-101 (what the church doesn't want you to know!) www.God-101.com

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Sunday, June 10, 2007

Baby Boomer Mantra!

First, we survived being born to mothers who smoked and/or drank while they were pregnant.

They took aspirin, ate blue cheese dressing, tuna from a can, and didn't get tested for diabetes.

Then after that trauma, we were put to sleep on our tummies in baby cribs covered with bright colored lead-based paints.

We had no childproof lids on medicine bottles, doors or cabinets and when we rode our bikes, we had no helmets, not to mention, the risks we took hitchhiking.

As infants & children, we would ride in cars with no car seats, booster seats, seat belts or air bags.

Riding in the back of a pick up on a warm day was always a special treat.

We drank water from the garden hose and NOT from a bottle.

We shared one soft drink with four friends, from one bottle and no one actually died from this.

We ate cupcakes, white bread and real butter and drank koolade made with sugar, but we weren't overweight because we were always outside playing.

We would leave home in the morning and play all day, as long as we were back when the streetlights came on. No one was able to reach us all day.

And we were O.K.

We would spend hours building our go-carts out of scraps and then ride down the hill, only to find out we forgot the brakes.

After running into the bushes a few times, we learned to solve the problem.

We did not have Play Stations, Nintendo's, X-boxes, no video games at all, no 150 channels on cable, no video movies or DVD's, no surround-sound or CD's, no cell phones, no personal computers, no Internet or chat rooms.

We had friends....... we went outside and found them!

We fell out of trees, got cut, broke bones and teeth and there were no lawsuits from these accidents.

When we did something wrong we got spanked!

When we did something wrong at school, we got the strap!

We ate worms and mud pies made from dirt, and the worms did not live in us forever.

We were given BB guns for our 10th birthdays.

Made up games with sticks and tennis balls and, although we were told it would happen, we did not put out very many eyes.

We rode bikes or walked to a friend's house and knocked on the door or rang the bell, or just walked in!

Little League had tryouts and not everyone made the team.

Those who didn't had to learn to deal with disappointment.

Imagine that!

The idea of a parent bailing us out if we broke the law was unheard of.

This generation producedd some of the best risk-takers, problem solvers and inventors ever!

So there!

Allan W Janssen is the author of The Plain Truth About God-101 (what the church doesn't want you to know!) www.God-101.com

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Sunday Morning Funnies!

Every once in a while I run across something that I look at and immediately wish that I had written it myself because it's so good!

This is one of them from the "Manbottle Library."

Unfortunately I have no idea who the author is, but boy, he's good!

Anger Management
When you occasionally have a really bad day, and you just need to take it out on someone, don't take it out on someone you know, take it out on someone you don't know.

I was sitting at my desk when I remembered a phone call I'd forgotten to make. I found the number and dialed it.

A man answered, saying "Hello. "I politely said, "This is Chris. Could I please speak with Robyn Carter?

"Suddenly a manic voice yelled out in my ear "Get the right f***ing number!" and the phone was slammed down on me. I couldn't believe that anyone could be so rude .

When I tracked down Robyn's correct number to call her, I found that I had accidentally transposed the last two digits.

After hanging up with her, I decided to call the 'wrong' number again. When the same guy answered the phone, I yelled "You're an asshole!" and hung up.

I wrote his number down with the word 'asshole' next to it, and put it in my desk drawer.

Every couple of weeks, when I was paying bills or had a really bad day, I'd call him up and yell, "You're an asshole!"

It always cheered me up.

When Caller ID was introduced, I thought my therapeutic 'asshole' calling would have to stop.

So, I called his number and said, "Hi, this is John Smith from the telephone company. I'm calling to see if you're familiar with our Caller ID Program?"

He yelled "NO!" and slammed down the phone.

I quickly called him back and said, "That's because you're an asshole!" and hung up.

One day I was at the store, getting ready to pull into a parking Spot. Some guy in a black BMW cut me off and pulled into the spot I had patiently waited for.

I hit the horn and yelled that I'd been waiting for that spot, but the idiot ignored me.

I noticed a "For Sale" sign in his back window, so I wrote down his number.

A couple of days later, right after calling the first asshole (I had is number on speed dial,) I thought that I'd better call the BMW asshole, too.

I said, "Is this the man with the black BMW for sale?

"He said, "Yes, it is."

I asked, "Can you tell me where I can see it?"

He said, "Yes, I live at 34 Oaktree Blvd, in Fairfax. It's a yellow ranch, and the car's parked right out in front."

I asked, "What's your name?"

He said, "My name is Don Hansen,"

I asked, "When's a good time to catch you, Don?"

He said, "I'm home every evening after five."

I said, "Listen, Don, can I tell you something?"

He said, "Yes?"

I said, "Don, you're an asshole!"

Then I hung up, and added his number to my speed dial, too.

Now, when I had a problem, I had two assholes to call.

Then I came up with an idea.

I called asshole #1.

He said, "Hello."

I said, "You're an asshole!" (But I didn't hang up.)

He asked, "Are you still there?"

I said, "Yeah,"

He screamed, "Stop calling me,"

I said, "Make me,"

He asked, "Who are you?"

I said, "My name is Don Hansen."

He said, "Yeah? Where do you live?"

I said, "Asshole, I live at 34 Oaktree Blvd, in Fairfax, a yellow ranch, I have a black Beamer parked in front."

He said, "I'm coming over right now, Don. And you had better start saying your prayers."

I said, "Yeah, like I'm really scared, asshole," and hung up.

Then I called Asshole #2.

He said, "Hello?"

I said, "Hello, asshole,"

He yelled, "If I ever find out who you are..."

I said, "You'll what?"

He exclaimed, "I'll kick your ass,"

I answered, "Well, asshole, here's your chance. I'm coming over right now."

Then I hung up and immediately called the police, saying that I lived at 34 Oaktree Blvd, in Fairfax, and that I was on my way over there to kill my gay lover.

Then I called Channel 9 News about the gang war going down in Oaktree Blvd. in Fairfax.

I quickly got into my car and headed over to Fairfax.

I got there just in time to watch two assholes beating the crap out of each other in front of six cop cars, an overhead news helicopter and surrounded by a news crew.

NOW I feel much better. Anger management really does work.

I think I am going to try that myself as therapy. After all, I must have issues if the thought of phoning someone and yelling "You're an asshole!" appeals to me!

Let me leave you with this!

Allan


Allan W Janssen is the author of The Plain Truth About God-101 (what the church doesn't want you to know!) www.God-101.com

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