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Middle aged heterosexual, WASP male. Semi retired, semi-sane and semi-serious. And endangered species and I'm not going quietly!!!!

Saturday, November 10, 2007

The Day the Universe Changed Episode #1

(One of the greatest documentaries ever made!)

Allan W Janssen is the author of The Plain Truth About God at www.God-101.com and the blog "Perspective" at http://God-101.blogspot.com



Allan W Janssen is the author of The Plain Truth About God at www.God-101.com and the blog "Perspective" at http://God-101.blogspot.com

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Animals aren't nearly as dumb as we think. Notice these deer are standing in the WATER!

Allan W Janssen is the author of The Plain Truth About God at http://www.god-101.com/ and the blog "Perspective" at http://god-101.blogspot.com/

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Asshole of the Week! #164

No particular reason this week, he just crossed my mind and seemed like a good candidate! (Again)
Please click on picture!We will give him an honorary "Asshole of the Week" in recognition of his great body of work!

Allan W Janssen is the author of The Plain Truth About God at www.God-101.com and the blog "Perspective" at http://God-101.blogspot.com

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Saturday Morning Confusion #86

Today we touch on everyone's favourite topic...... SEX. (And Obsession.)

We have many and varied types of sex and people seem to invent new one's all the time. As an example, I myself tried "telephone sex" quite a few years ago and it was an interesting diversion for a while but we have a guy here who has taken the phone to new levels.

This is an article from CNN news you might find interesting.

LONDON, England (AP) -- The underwear-obsessed telephone stalker's undoing proved to be the opening of a gym opposite the apartment that the 40-year-old shared with his mother.

Detectives caught Paul Kavanagh on film, leaning over the balcony of the West London apartment, just as he was peppering the gym's female receptionists with calls.

Jailed for 2-1/2 years Friday, Kavanagh admitted making some 15,000 such harassing calls to women, asking them questions about their underwear. He posed as a clothing researcher and claimed to be gathering marketing data for a retailer.

He had been making the calls for 12 years, usually starting off his conversations with seemingly innocuous questions about the women's socks and cardigans. Then he would move on to their underwear, making lewd suggestions to his victims.

Kavanagh had been "making these calls for the purposes of sexual gratification and, I must say to my mind, for the purposes of cruelty," Judge Peter Testar concluded.
Using unregistered pay-as-you go phones, Kavanagh was finally caught targeting the gym's female staff, commenting on their clothes and the way they wore their hair.

Dedicated Priest:

Next on our list is a priest who makes the news by being a bit overzealous!

A priest accused of stalking Conan O'Brien was found fit to stand trial Friday, although his lawyer acknowledged he has been treated for psychological problems.

A judge found the Rev. David Ajemian, a priest in the Archdiocese of Boston, was fit after a court-appointed psychologist examined him. State Supreme Court Justice Abraham Clott ordered him held on $2,500 cash bail.

Ajemian's attorney, Eric Seiff, agreed the priest was fit for trial. But Seiff also said the priest had been taking medication and has been treated for a year for psychological problems.

Msgr. Dennis Sheehan of Our Lady Help of Christians Parish in Newton, Mass., attended the hearing. He said the cardinal of the Boston Archdiocese "asked me to come as a sign of his concern."

Ajemian, 46, was arrested last week while trying to enter a taping of "Late Night with Conan O'Brien" in New York City despite being warned to stay away by NBC security personnel.
Ajemian, who allegedly began writing O'Brien in September 2006, has been placed on leave by the Boston Archdiocese and can't minister publicly. He was removed in June from his last posting, at St. Patrick Parish in Stoneham, after two years at the parish.

(I don't know about you, but I think they make a lovely couple!)

A spokesman at the archdiocese did not respond to questions about whether the move was related to the stalking allegations.

But on July 2, Ajemian wrote security officials at NBC questioning "why you chose to raise this matter with my superiors after I left you a clear message by phone several weeks ago that I would cease all contact with the show," according to court papers.

In the same letter, he called himself "a stalker of a very different order than the kind you are used to dealing with" and dared them to "tell Conan about your surveillance of me."

In a previous letter, Ajemian expressed frustration to O'Brien that he had been denied a spot in his audience after he'd flown to New York "in the dimming hope that you might finally acknowledge me."

"Is this the way you treat your most dangerous fans???" he wrote.

"You owe me big time pal."
He also told O'Brien he knew where he lived and wrote, "Remember (mobster) Frank Costello once dodged a bullet in your building and so can you."

Ajemian's seminary mentor, the Rev. John Mark Hannon, said Thursday he believes Ajemian can still be a good priest if he receives proper psychiatric help.

"He was a good seminarian. He was kind and generous and affable and concerned how people were," said Hannon, who mentored Ajemian before he graduated from St. John's Seminary in 2001.

Ajemian, the son of former Time magazine journalist Robert Ajemian, attended Harvard University at the same time O'Brien did. Ajemian graduated from Harvard in 1983, while O'Brien graduated in 1985.

It was unclear whether the two crossed paths there. O'Brien's roommate at Harvard, the Rev. Paul O'Brien, a priest in Lawrence who is not related to Conan O'Brien, declined comment.

NBC said Conan O'Brien would not comment on Ajemian.

Allan W Janssen is the author of The Plain Truth About God at www.God-101.com and the blog "Perspective" at http://God-101.blogspot.com

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Friday, November 09, 2007

Stealing Music!

Seems it's not such a new problem after all!
Allan W Janssen is the author of The Plain Truth About God at http://www.god-101.com/ and the blog "Perspective" at http://god-101.blogspot.com/

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Feminist Humor


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Then and Now!

Scenario: Jack goes quail hunting before school, pulls into school parking lot with shotgun in gun rack.
1967 - Vice principal comes over to look at Jack’s shotgun. He goes to his car and gets his shotgun to show Jack.
2007 - School goes into lock down, and FBI is called. Jack is hauled off to jail and never sees his truck or gun again. Counselors called in for traumatized students and teachers.

Scenario: Johnny and Mark get into a fistfight after school.
1967 - Crowd gathers. Mark wins. Johnny and Mark shake hands and end up best friends.
2007 - Police called. SWAT team arrives. Johnny and Mark are arrested and charged with assault. Both are expelled even though Johnny started it.

Scenario: Jeffrey won’t be still in class, disrupts other students.
1967 - Jeffrey sent to office and given a good paddling by the principal. He returns to class, sits still, and does not disrupt class again.
2007 - Jeffrey is diagnosed with ADD and given huge doses of Ritalin; becomes a zombie. School gets extra money from state because Jeffrey has a learning disability.

Scenario: Billy breaks a window in his neighbor’s car and his Dad gives him a whipping with his belt.
1967 - Billy is more careful next time, grows up normal, goes to college, and becomes a successful businessman.
2007 - Billy’s dad is arrested for child abuse. Billy is placed in foster care and joins a gang. State psychologist convinces Billy’s sister that she remembers being abused herself, and their dad goes to prison. Billy’s mom has affair with psychologist.

Scenario: Mark gets a headache and takes some aspirin to school.
1967 - Mark shares aspirin with principal out on the smoking dock.
2007 - Police called. Mark is expelled from school for drug violations. Car is searched for drugs and weapons.

Scenario: Pedro fails high school English.
1967 - Pedro goes to summer school, passes English, goes to college, and graduates.
2007 - Pedro’s cause is taken up by state. Newspaper articles appear nationally explaining that teaching English as a requirement for graduation is racist. ACLU files class action lawsuit against state school system and Pedro’s English teacher. English banned from core curriculum. Pedro is given a diploma anyway but ends up mowing lawns for a living because he cannot speak English.

Scenario: Johnny takes apart leftover firecrackers from 4th of July, puts them in a model airplane paint bottle, and blows up a red ant bed.
1967 - Ants die.
2007 - Bureau of Alcohol, Tobacco and Firearms, Homeland Security, and FBI called. Johnny is charged with domestic terrorism. The FBI investigates parents; siblings are removed from home; computers confiscated. Johnny’s dad goes on a terror watch list and is never allowed to fly again.

Scenario: Johnny falls while running during recess and scrapes his knee. He is found crying by his teacher, Heather. Heather hugs him to comfort him.
1967 - In a short time, Johnny feels better and goes on playing.
2007 - Heather is accused of being a sexual predator and loses her job. She faces three years in state prison. Johnny undergoes five years of therapy.


Dyslexic Student Expelled Over Toy Gnu

WATERBURY, CT - A fourth grade Oakville student has been expelled from a Waterbury school for bringing a toy gnu onto the property. The action falls under the school district's 'zero tolerance' policy, according to administrators. Officials believe the student, who is dyslexic, tried to intentionally break the policy.

"We're convinced he intended to bring a toy gun." said Meredith Simmons, Principal of Waterbury Elementary. "His reading disability may have confused him about what is prohibited in the policy, but we can't take any chances. That's why it's called zero tolerance."

The expulsion received full approval from the superintendent's office. "We support Principal Simmons' decision." said Milton Decker, Assistant Superintendent. "The toy gnu may seem harmless, but we can't ignore the underlying intent. I seriously doubt any of our students even know what a gnu is."

The student, who requested to remain amomynous, will be eligible for admission next year following a psychological evaluation and sensitivity training. The toy gnu was confiscated and destroyed by janitorial personnel.

Allan W Janssen is the author of The Plain Truth About God at www.God-101.com and the blog "Perspective" at http://God-101.blogspot.com

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Eric Lindros a Class Act!

Eric Lindros plays hockey. Now I don't mean he plays the occasional game on the street in front of his house. Eric played for the NHL and was arguably one of the best hockey players of all time next to Wayne Gretzky.

Eric retired from hockey this week after thirteen glorious years and as a parting gift for the sport that has given him international fame and tons of money he thought he would give a little back to the community.

You see, Eric is from London, Ontario and we have a city here that is world famous for it's medical facilities. On top of the sports medicine clinic with Dr. Fowler, London is also home to world renown medical centers that specialize in transplant and brain surgery.

Over the years Eric has been treated at Fowlers/Kennedy Sports Clinic and he claims the quality of care he received there was what kept him on the ice when he should have been sidelined after the first year or two.

This prompted him to give something back to people that helped him so much.

Today he announced that he is giving $5 million dollars to the London Health Sciences Centre as a way of saying thanks.

Like I said, Eric is a class act!

Allan W Janssen is the author of The Plain Truth About God at www.God-101.com and the blog "Perspective" at http://God-101.blogspot.com

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Thursday, November 08, 2007

We stand on guard for thee.

In spite of our staid image, Canadian politics has been anything but dull over the years and as proof of this the Rhino Party is back and they're hoping to lure voters with the tantalizing promise of weekly orgasms - and marijuana in every pot.

They're proud of smoking pot, they draw their political inspiration from cigar-chomping comics and rock legends, and they want to get elected so they can stick it to "The Man."

The original Rhinos were founded in 1963 by Quebec author Jacques Ferron, and reached the pinnacle of their success in the 1980 election where they received 110,000 votes - or 1.01 per cent of the popular vote. They never won a seat and stopped running election candidates in 1993 after an election reform law that stripped the party of its registered party status.

The new party - officially called neorhino.ca - is one of at least two groups claiming to be a reincarnation of the defunct Rhinocerous party that specialized in political satire. Like the old Rhinos, the party has no clear political ideology except for two deep beliefs: something's seriously wrong with the state of modern politics, and Canadian public discourse could use a lot more fun.

"We are a Marxist-Lennonist party - based on the philosophy of Groucho Marx and John Lennon," said party president Francois Gourd.

He calls himself "Yo" Gourd, which in French sounds just like "yogurt." He strode to the podium in the news-conference room near the House of Commons on Thursday sporting a cloth rhinoceros horn on his head.

(Gourd recently ran in Quebec's Outremont by election and finished sixth with just 145 votes.)

The party claims to have 600 members in 30 riding's - 20 of them in Quebec.

Among its other campaign planks: Replace soldiers' weapons with paintball guns; Create a national gas-barbecue registry; and replace the Defence Department with a Ministry of Laughter.

Beneath the thick veneer of gags, the party raises a serious point: people are so disenchanted with politics that almost 40 per cent of Canadians no longer bother voting in federal elections. That, for the Neorhinos, produces a tantalizing bit of electoral math. If every single one of those non-voters were to cast a ballot for them, they could statistically hope to win a majority government.

The Neorhinos admit some respect for the established political parties - including the NDP and the Greens. They say it's hard to like Liberals, and dismiss Conservatives as proponents of the politics of fear.

For example, they are no fan of the Tories' war on drugs. "We are for the Marijuana party of Canada - and we inhale. And we enjoy it," Gourd said. "I am an illegal person. I have been smoking dope for 30 years."

They poked fun at the prime minister for saying recently that he struggles to explain the drug references in Beatles lyrics to his son, Ben. To them, it offers further proof of how dull politicians are. "We're just joining the herd of the stupid, the idiots and the nuts," Gourd said. "When you have to explain Beatles songs to your children, something is not right in River City."

Allan W Janssen is the author of The Plain Truth About God at www.God-101.com and the blog "Perspective" at http://God-101.blogspot.com

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Far Out Man!

Meanwhile, back at the ranch!

Allan W Janssen is the author of The Plain Truth About God at http://www.god-101.com/ and the blog "Perspective" at http://god-101.blogspot.com/

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Fatty, fatty two by four - no more!

Guest post by Lindsey Tanner, The Associated Press

CHICAGO - Being 25 pounds overweight doesn't appear to raise your risk of dying from cancer or heart disease, says a new study from the United States government.

The findings might comfort some who can't seem to lose those last 15 pounds. And they hearten proponents of a theory that it's possible to be "fit and fat."

The news isn't all good: Overweight people do have a higher chance of dying from diabetes and kidney disease. And people who are obese - generally those more than 30 pounds overweight for their height - have a higher risk of death from a variety of ills, including some cancers and heart disease.

However, having a little extra weight actually seemed to help people survive some illnesses - results that baffled several leading health researchers.

"This is a very puzzling disconnect," said Dr. JoAnn Manson, chief of preventive medicine at Harvard's Brigham and Women's Hospital. "That is a conundrum."

It was the second study by the same government scientists who two years ago first suggested that deaths from being too fat were overstated.

The new report further analyzed the same data, this time looking at specific causes of death along with new mortality figures from 2004 for 2.3 million U.S. adults.

"Excess weight does not uniformly increase the risk of mortality from any and every cause, but only from certain causes," said the study's lead author Katherine Flegal, of the U.S. Centers for Disease Control and Prevention.

The study, which appears in Wednesday's Journal of the American Medical Association, analyzed the body-mass index of people who died from various diseases.

In many cases, the risks of death were substantial for obese people - those with a body-mass index, or BMI, of at least 30.

Specifically, obesity raised the risk of death from heart disease, diabetes and kidney disease, and several cancers previously linked with excess weight, including breast, colon and pancreatic cancer.

But being merely overweight - having a BMI between 25 and 30 - did not increase the risk of dying from heart disease or any kind of cancer.

Also surprising was that overweight people were up to about 40 per cent less likely than normal-weight people to die from several other causes including emphysema, pneumonia, injuries and various infections. The age group that seemed to benefit most from a little extra padding were people aged 25 to 59; older overweight people had reduced risks for these diseases, too.

Why extra fat isn't always deadly and might even help people survive some illnesses is unclear and in fact disputed by many health experts.

But University of South Carolina obesity researcher Steven Blair, who says people can be fat and fit, is a believer. He called the report a careful and plausible analysis, and said Americans have been whipped into a "near hysteria" by hype over the nation's obesity epidemic.

While the epidemic is real, the number of deaths attributed to it and to being overweight has been exaggerated, Blair said.

People should focus instead on healthful eating and exercise, and stop obsessing about carrying a few extra pounds or becoming supermodel thin, Blair said.

He says his hefty grandmother used to justify her extra padding, saying, '"That way I have protection in case I get sick.' Maybe there is something to that."

A little extra weight might provide "additional nutritional reserves" that could help people battle certain diseases, Flegal said.

Dr. Robert Eckel, a spokesman for the American Heart Association, argued that the results may be misleading. For example, diabetes and heart disease often occur together and both often afflict overweight people. So when diabetes is listed as a cause of death, heart disease could have contributed, he said.

Eckel also said the study results might reflect aggressive efforts to treat high blood pressure and cholesterol or other conditions that can lead to fatal heart attacks. Those conditions often occur in overweight people and can be costly and debilitating even if they aren't always deadly, he said.

Obesity researcher Barry Popkin of the University of North Carolina in Chapel Hill, agreed, noting that the study "is about death. This is not about health and sickness."

It doesn't address whether cancer and heart disease occur more often in overweight people - something that has been suggested by other research.

Dr. Michael Thun of the American Cancer Society noted that staying slim tops a recent list of recommendations for preventing cancer in a report from the World Cancer Research Fund and American Institute for Cancer Research. The report was based on a review of more than 7,000 studies.

Allan W Janssen is the author of The Plain Truth About God at www.God-101.com and the blog "Perspective" at http://God-101.blogspot.com

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Wednesday, November 07, 2007

Have a cigar!

You have probably heard it said that the United States is the most litigious society on the planet and if you don’t believe it just listen to this story!

There was a guy in Charlotte, North Carolina who bought a very expensive box of cigars and had them insured against theft and damage and of all things FIRE.

About a month later he had smoked the entire stockpile and filed a claim with the insurance company stating that the cigars were lost in a series of small fires.

(It gets better)

The insurance company naturally refused to pay, citing the obvious reason that the man had consumed the cigars in the normal fashion.

The man sued………… and won!

In his ruling the judge agreed that the claim was frivolous but the insurance company had stated that the cigars were insurable and further could be insured against fire without defining what it considered “unacceptable” fire and was therefore obliged to pay the claim.

Rather than endure a lengthy and costly appeal process the Insurance Company accepted the ruling and paid the man $15,000- for the rare cigars he lost in the “fires!”

(Here’s where it gets really good!)

But, my friends, after he cashed the cheque the company had him arrested on 24 counts of arson.

With his own insurance claim and testimony from the previous case being used against him, the man was convicted of intentionally burning his insured property and sentenced to 24 month in jail and a $20k fine!

Allan W Janssen is the author of The Plain Truth About God at www.God-101.com and the blog "Perspective" at http://God-101.blogspot.com

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Tuesday, November 06, 2007

News from the scientific front!

If you thought that ADHD (Attention Deficite Hyperactivity Disorder) in kids is becoming more common you're right. I suffer from it myself and at times........
....sorry, I got sidetracked. Where was I? Oh yea. We didn't hear as much about ADHD fifty or a hundred years ago for a good reason.

There wasn't as much of it!

For every hour a day that children under three watched violent child-oriented entertainment on TV, their risk doubled for attention problems five years later, according to the study released Monday in November's issue of the journal of Pediatrics.

The University of Washington researchers called a show violent if it involved fighting, hitting people, threats or other violence that was central to the plot or a main character.

Shows listed included Power Rangers, Lion King and Scooby Doo.

Even non-violent shows like Rugrats and The Flintstones carried a still substantial —although slightly lower — risk for attention problems, according to the researchers.

On the other hand, educational shows, including Arthur, Barney and Sesame Street had no association with future attention problems.

The researchers said the risks only seemed to occur in children under three, perhaps because that is a particularly crucial period of brain development. Those results echo a different study in October that suggested TV-watching has less impact on older children's behaviour than on toddlers.


On a different note we have news for all you fubby chuckers out there. Australian scientists have found how to switch hunger on and off using a molecule that targets the brain -- a discovery which could stop weight loss in terminally ill patients or produce weight loss in the morbidly obese.

The molecule, known as MIC-1, is produced by common cancers and targets receptors in the brain that switch off appetite. But Australian researchers found that by using antibodies against MIC-1 they were able to switch appetite back on.

When normal and obese mice were treated with MIC-1 they ate less and lost a lot of weight, suggesting that MIC-1 may also be used to treat severe obesity, said the Sydney researchers in a statement received on Tuesday.

"This work has given us a better understanding of the part of the brain that regulates appetite," said Herbert Herzog, director of neuroscience research at the Garvan Institute in Sydney.

"Our bodies send complex chemical signals to our brains, which interpret them and send back responses, in this case eat or don't eat. Our research indicated that MIC-1 is a previously unrecognized molecule sending a don't eat signal to the brain," Herzog said.
The researchers said it was hoped that in the near future, the MIC-1 findings will prevent a sizeable proportion of advanced cancer patients from "literally wasting away."

Sam Breit at St Vincent's Centre for Immunology, who originally cloned the MIC-1 gene, said he believed the findings could have a significant impact on a range of appetite-related disorders.

"Injecting mice with MIC-1 protein also made them stop eating, suggesting that it may be possible to use this to advantage for treating patients with severe obesity," he said.
The MIC-1 findings were published in the latest Nature Medicine magazine and the team of researchers led by St. Vincent's Hospital in Sydney hope to develop a human antibody and run clinical trials in the next few years.


And finaly a subject with which I am quite familiar since my wife has Lymphoma and takes this drug/spice daily for its medicinal properties.

Scientists in Japan have created two synthetic versions of an ingredient in curry that is noted for its potential to fight cancer.

Some studies have suggested that curcumin, the yellowish component in turmeric that gives curry its flavor, can suppress tumors and that people who eat lots of curry may be less prone to the disease. However, curcumin loses its anti-cancer attributes quickly when ingested.

The scientists wrote in the latest issue of Molecular Cancer Therapeutics that they had synthesized two variations -- GO-Y030 and GO-Y031 -- which have proved more potent and lasting than natural curcumin.

They tested them in mice with colorectal cancer and found that they worked far better.

"Our new analogues (synthetic versions) have enhanced growth suppressive abilities against colorectal cancer cell lines, up to 30 times greater than natural curcumin," said Hiroyuki Shibata, associate professor at Tohoku University's Institute of Development, Ageing and Cancer.

"In a mouse model for colorectal cancer, mice fed with five milligrams of GO-Y030 or GO-Y031 fared 42 and 51 percent better, respectively, than did mice in the control group."
Like curcumin, the two synthetic versions may be able to fight other cancers, such as gastric cancer and cancer of the breast, pancreas and lung, they added.

Allan W Janssen is the author of The Plain Truth About God at www.God-101.com and the blog "Perspective" at http://God-101.blogspot.com

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Monday, November 05, 2007


(Nothing ever goes right!)
(Quick........for a million bucks!) WHERE'S WALDO?

Mickey Mouse on Crack!
Allan W Janssen is the author of The Plain Truth About God at http://www.god-101.com/ and the blog "Perspective" at http://god-101.blogspot.com/

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Cliff Claven Appreciation Society

Another addition for the Cliff Claven Appreciation Society.
(Click to enlarge.)
Allan W Janssen is the author of The Plain Truth About God at http://www.god-101.com/ and the blog "Perspective" at http://god-101.blogspot.com/

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Mobile Phone War Heats Up!

Google has unveiled software it hopes will power a variety of future mobile phones and boost the web on the move.

The software could lead to cheaper phones as it is designed to speed up the process of making mobile services.

The firm is working with four mobile manufacturers - Samsung, HTC, Motorola and LG - but a Google branded phone was not announced.

The first phones using the so-called Google "software stack" will be available in the second half of 2008.

"This is going to bring the internet into cell phones in a very cool way," Andy Rubin, Google's director of mobile platforms, told the Associated Press news agency.

Mr Rubin's firm, called Android, was bought by Google in 2005 and the software it developed forms the basis of the new stack.

"We want to create a whole new mobile experience for users - Eric Schmidt, Google."

Google has formed the Open Handset Alliance, made up of 34 companies, including chip manufacturers and handset makers.

The move will be seen as a major competitor to Microsoft, Research in Motion, Palm and Symbian, who make the leading software systems for mobiles.

Google's Android software will be provided to handset makers free of charge and could lead to a price war for operating system licenses and potentially cheaper handsets.

In North American mobile networks such as Sprint Nextel and T-Mobile will carry the Google-powered phones.

Allan W Janssen is the author of The Plain Truth About God at www.God-101.com and the blog "Perspective" at http://God-101.blogspot.com

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The Belated Sunday Morning Funnies!

The site was down yesterday so this is the Monday Morning News.

Noah's Ark

In the year 2007 the Lord came unto Noah and said, "Once again, the earth has become wicked and over-populated, and I see the end of all flesh before me. Build another Ark and save two of every living thing along with a few good humans."

He gave Noah the CAD drawings, saying, "You have 6 months to build the Ark before I will start the unending rain for 40 days and 40 nights."

Six months later, the Lord looked down and saw Noah weeping in his yard- but no Ark. "Noah!" He roared, "I'm about to start the rain! Where is the Ark ?"

"Forgive me, Lord," begged Noah, "but things have changed. I needed Building Permit and I've been arguing with the Fire Brigade about the need for a sprinkler system."

"My neighbours claim that I should have obtained planning permission for building the Ark in my garden because it is development of the site, even though in my view it is a temporary structure. We had to then go to appeal to the Secretary of State for a decision."

"Then the Department of Transport demanded a bond be posted for the future costs of moving power lines and other overhead obstructions to clear the passage for the Ark's move to the sea. I told them that the sea would be coming to us, but they would hear nothing of it."

"Getting the wood was another problem. All the decent trees have Tree Preservation Orders on them and we live in a Site of Special Scientific Interest set up in order to protect the spotted owl. I tried to convince the environmentalists that I needed the wood to save the owls - but no go!"

"When I started gathering the animals, the SPCA sued me. They insisted that I was confining wild animals against their will. They argued the accommodation was too restrictive, and it was cruel and inhumane to put so many animals in a confined space. Then the County Council, the Environment Agency and the Rivers Authority ruled that I couldn't build the Ark until they'd conducted an environmental impact study on your proposed flood."

"I'm still trying to resolve a complaint with the Equal Opportunities Commission on how many disabled carpenter's I'm supposed to hire for my building team. The trades unions say I can't use my sons. They insist I have to hire only accredited workers with Ark-building experience."

"To make matters worse, Customs and Excise seized all my assets, claiming I'm trying to leave the country illegally with endangered species. So, forgive me, Lord, but it would take at least 10 years for me to finish this Ark."

Suddenly the skies cleared, the sun began to shine, and a rainbow stretched across the sky. Noah looked up in wonder and asked, "You mean you're not going to destroy the world?"

"No," said the Lord. "The government beat me to it."

Allan's words of wisdom!
The Ark was built by an amateur.
The Titanic was built by professionals!

Allan W Janssen is the author of The Plain Truth About God at www.God-101.com and the blog "Perspective" at http://God-101.blogspot.com

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