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Middle aged hetrosexual, WASP male. Middle of the road, reasonably sane and  reasonably employed.

Saturday, March 24, 2007

Saturday Morning Confusion!

Puppies for Sale!

I think that by now everyone has gotten on of those scam letters from Nigeria or wherever about the 15 or 20 million left in a bank account and "could you please help us get it out of the country!!!"

I keep thinking that there is no one stupid enough to fall for this shit but low and behold in the paper yesterday was an article about a guy right here in Ontario, who was an ACCOUNTANT of all things, losing his shirt in one of these scams.

(Remind me NEVER to have HIM do my books!)

On top of that we have your "congratulations, you have won the Spanish lottery, English lottery, French lottery etc.

Then there is the job offer of cashing cheques for an "offshore" company and keeping 10 or 15 percent as a commission.

Other companies have miracle products that you first have to invest in up-front before you sell a thing, and of course the multiple pyramid schemes floating around as well.

I just saw the latest trick today and some of these guys are really stooping to new lows in their quest for a fast buck.

Cute puppies are the latest lure for shameless scammers ready to put the bite on victims. Ads are placed for pure-bred puppies, and once the dog lover pays the initial price of several hundred dollars, the scammer dings the buyer for more money for transportation fees and taxes and shots.

Of course the pup never shows up!

Get this! Some of the scammers are even posing as Catholic missionaries who can't take their dogs to Africa.

They are appealing not only to dog lovers but also people who are supporting the Church!

My Mother is in her eighties and told me last week she wanted to get a computer! I said to her I didn't think it was such a good idea, but didn't explain why because she would have said, "Well I'm smarter than that!"

Yea, right!

Your "pass the donation tray" scribe;
Allan W Janssen

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Friday, March 23, 2007

Mork scoffs at U.F.O.'s

France's space agency has opened its official archives on unidentified flying objects, according to European news agencies.

Jacques Patenet, the head of UFO studies at the country's National Centre of Space Studies (CNES), said France is the first country to do so, according to reports in Agence France-Presse in France and Deutsche Presse-Agentur in Germany.

"It's a world first," Patenet said, according to the news agencies. "It's true that in the United States you can ask for information on a case-by-case basis. But we have done the opposite by putting all the information at the disposition of the public."

The agency said the site, which opened Thursday, currently contains 400 files, about one quarter of the approximately 1,600 unidentified flying object sightings reported in France since the 1950s. The rest of the files are scheduled to be online by the end of the year.

The files are mostly composed of witness statements taken by police officers, with personal data erased.

Patenet told the AFP the years of reports haven't shed any light one way or another on the existence of extra-terrestrial life.

"We do not have the least proof that extra-terrestrials are behind the unexplained phenomena," he said. "Nor do we have the least proof that they aren't."

To support this statement, official government spokesman Mork from Ork was quoted as saying; "All this talk about flying saucers is just so much bluweee, so nah nu, nah nu and shaasbat to you too!"

Your "out of this world" scribe;
Allan W Janssen

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Who Dat Der?

Liberal Premier Jean Charest wants Quebec's chief returning officer to reverse a decision that allows Muslim women to have their faces covered when they vote in Monday's provincial election.

"I expect the chief electoral officer to assume his responsibilities and make sure that people are properly identified," Charest said Thursday.

Charest said all voters must properly identify themselves, a position backed by Parti Québécois Leader André Boisclair and Action démocratique du Québec Leader Mario Dumont.

Elections Quebec has decided that Muslim women who vote do not have to remove their niqab, which leaves only the eyes visible. Instead, it said they could be accompanied by another person who can verify their identity.

Elections Quebec spokesman Denis Dion said Thursday that Quebec's human rights commission was consulted when the decision was made.

"I think he should ensure that everyone properly identifies themselves," Charest told a news conference in Lac Megantic, about 200 kilometres east of Montreal.

Quebec, a francophone minority in North America, has been in the middle of a debate about what constitute reasonable accommodations for religious minorities. A small Quebec town called Hérouxville recently garnered international attention for setting up a code of behaviour for immigrants. See HERE

Boisclair said Elections Quebec has gone too far. "I don't see why there are double standards," the PQ leader said while campaigning in the Saguenay region north of Quebec City.

"They have to identify themselves to have their photo taken on their driver's licence or on their health insurance card, it should be the same thing for voting," he said.

Boisclair said a voter's identity is a fundamental principle of the electoral process.

"You absolutely must see the person's face."

Dumont said it was up to Elections Quebec to make sure that each person can properly identify themselves.

Quebecers go to the polls on March 26.

Your "get out the vote" scribe;
Allan W Janssen

Allan W Janssen is the author of The Plain Truth About God-101 (what the church doesn't want you to know!) www.God-101.com

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Thursday, March 22, 2007

Let's "negotiate" with the Taliban. NOT!

In Canadian politics Jack Layton is about as far left as you can go without falling off the road altogether.

Jackie boy is the leader of the New Democratic Party, friends of labour, enemies of big business and promoter of welfare for everyone.

Jack and his buddies came up with the bright idea that instead of fighting the Taliban in Afghanistan and putting our boys lives at risk we should just withdraw and then open up a "DIALOGUE" with the rebels.

I guess Jack never heard of Chamberlain and how he tried that with Hitler or he is just living in a fools paradise.

(Just so we understand each other I believe the situation in Iraq and Afghanistan are totally different. Iraq is a civil war because Shia and Sunni have never been able to get along. Afghanistan is a country that was hijacked by fanatics and you DON'T negotiate with them. It's their way or the highway.........Jack!)

Your "get a grip, Jack" scribe;
Allan W Janssen

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Death threat for Muslim's promoting moderation.

A moderate Muslim group that called for a separation of religion and state in a recent documentary has received a pointed death threat.

The Muslim Canadian Congress received the message Tuesday morning. It was left on the Toronto telephone of secretary general Munir Pervaiz.

"I swear on 99 names of Allah, if you don't cease from your campaign of smearing Islam … I will slaughter you," the unidentified caller said.

Toronto police and its hate-crime unit are investigating.

The message was addressed to congress president Farzana Hassan and founder Tarek Fatah, and mentioned Allah's name three times in a row.

"This is the first time that someone is really swearing in the name of God and it appears that person is taking an oath by announcing the name of God three times." Pervaiz said the accusation of smearing Islam is a serious one, an offence that some Muslims believe is worthy of punishment.

The death threat comes after the Muslim Canadian Congress took part in a documentary that aired on CBC News on March 6. The piece examined the divides between secular and fundamental beliefs within the Canadian Muslim community.

The congress has been targeted for its moderate beliefs before, but never in such a direct fashion, Pervaiz said. Members have had their homes and cars damaged after sharing their opinions publicly.

"We want as many people to know that such a problem exists in Canada," Pervaiz said. "People thought we were exaggerating, but this now kind of confirms and proves the problem exists."

Your "just the facts" scribe;
Allan W Janssen

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Muslim students lynch Christian teacher!

There has always been conflicts in Nigeria between different groups based on ethnicity or religion. But the last couple of years there seems to be a surge in radical violence especially in the Muslim north. Sharia law was introduced in 1999. Make the connection.

Muslim pupils at a secondary school in northeastern Nigeria beat a teacher to death today after accusing her of desecrating the Koran.

Oluwatoyin Olusase, a Christian, was adjudicating an Islamic Religious Knowledge exam at the school in Gombe state when the incident occurred.

The students attacked her outside the school compound after the exam and killed her, witnesses said.

It was not clear exactly what Olusase had done that angered the students.

Police confirmed the killing and said their intervention had prevented the incident from turning into a riot.

"We have received information that a female teacher has been lynched by her students. We are investigating the report," Gombe state police commissioner Joseph Ibi said.

Meanwhile, at least five people were killed and several churches burned down in February 2006 in the neighbouring state of Bauchi by Muslims infuriated that a Christian teacher in a secondary school had tried to confiscate a Koran from a student who was reading it during class.

Your "on the spot" scribe;
Allan W Janssen

(Now if we had a story that said "Christian students in suburban Atlanta lynch Muslim teacher over religious remarks," that would really make the news! But it ain't gonna happen folks)

Allan W Janssen is the author of The Plain Truth About God-101 (what the church doesn't want you to know!) www.God-101.com

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Wednesday, March 21, 2007

Don't EVER, EVER Go to Paris, Texas!

Here is a perfect example of why I write this blog. Just as in Conrad Black's case, (see below) the American Justice system is FUCKED!

I first read this and thought it was a put on. When the reality sunk in I was almost sick to my stomach. Please, someone tell me it's a cruel hoax!!!

In Texas, a white teenager burns down her family's home and receives probation. A black one shoves a hall monitor and gets 7 years in prison. The state NAACP calls it `a signal to black folks.'

By Howard Witt
Tribune senior correspondent
Published March 12, 2007

PARIS, Texas -- The public fairgrounds in this small east Texas town look ordinary enough, like so many other well-worn county fair sites across the nation. Unless you know the history of the place.

There are no plaques or markers to denote it, but several of the most notorious public lynchings of black Americans in the late 19th and early 20th Centuries were staged at the Paris Fairgrounds, where thousands of white spectators would gather to watch and cheer as black men were dragged onto a scaffold, scalded with hot irons and finally burned to death or hanged.

Brenda Cherry, a local civil rights activist, can see the fairgrounds from the front yard of her modest home, in the heart of the "black" side of this starkly segregated town of 26,000. And lately, Cherry says, she's begun to wonder whether the racist legacy of those lynchings is rebounding in a place that calls itself "the best small town in Texas."

"Some of the things that happen here would not happen if we were in Dallas or Houston," Cherry said. "They happen because we are in this closed town. I compare it to 1930s."

There was the 19-year-old white man, convicted last July of criminally negligent homicide for killing a 54-year-old black woman and her 3-year-old grandson with his truck, who was sentenced in Paris to probation and required to send an annual Christmas card to the victims' family.

There are the Paris public schools, which are under investigation by the U.S. Education Department after repeated complaints that administrators discipline black students more frequently, and more harshly, than white students.

And then there is the case that most troubles Cherry and leaders of the Texas NAACP, involving a 14-year-old black freshman, Shaquanda Cotton, who shoved a hall monitor at Paris High School in a dispute over entering the building before the school day had officially begun.

The youth had no prior arrest record, and the hall monitor--a 58-year-old teacher's aide--was not seriously injured. But Shaquanda was tried in March 2006 in the town's juvenile court, convicted of "assault on a public servant" and sentenced by Lamar County Judge Chuck Superville to prison for up to 7 years, until she turns 21.

Just three months earlier, Superville sentenced a 14-year-old white girl, convicted of arson for burning down her family's house, to probation.

(Arrogant looking bastard, ain't he!)"

All Shaquanda did was grab somebody and she will be in jail for 5 or 6 years?" said Gary Bledsoe, an Austin attorney who is president of the state NAACP branch. "It's like they are sending a signal to black folks in Paris that you stay in your place in this community, in the shadows, intimidated."

The Tribune generally does not identify criminal suspects younger than age 17, but is doing so in this case because the girl and her family have chosen to go public with their story.

None of the officials involved in Shaquanda's case, including the local prosecutor, the judge and Paris school district administrators, would agree to speak about their handling of it, citing a court appeal under way.

But the teen's defenders assert that long before the September 2005 shoving incident, Paris school officials targeted Shaquanda for scrutiny because her mother had frequently accused school officials of racism.

"Shaquanda started getting written up a lot after her mother became involved in a protest march in front of a school," said Sharon Reynerson, an attorney with Lone Star Legal Aid, who has represented Shaquanda during challenges to several of the disciplinary citations she received. "Some of the write-ups weren't fair to her or accurate, so we felt like we had to challenge each one to get the whole story."

Among the write-ups Shaquanda received, according to Reynerson, were citations for wearing a skirt that was an inch too short, pouring too much paint into a cup during an art class and defacing a desk that school officials later conceded bore no signs of damage.

Shaquanda's mother, Creola Cotton, does not dispute that her daughter can behave impulsively and was sometimes guilty of tardiness or speaking out of turn at school--behaviors that she said were manifestations of Shaquanda's attention deficit hyperactivity disorder, for which the teen was taking prescription medication.

Nor does Shaquanda herself deny that she pushed the hall monitor after the teacher's aide refused her permission to enter the school before the morning bell--although Shaquanda maintains that she was supposed to have been allowed to visit the school nurse to take her medication, and that the teacher's aide pushed her first.

But Cherry alleges that Shaquanda's frequent disciplinary write-ups, and the insistence of school officials at her trial that she deserved prison rather than probation for the shoving incident, fits in a larger pattern of systemic discrimination against black students in the Paris Independent School District.

In the past five years, black parents have filed at least a dozen discrimination complaints against the school district with the federal Education Department, asserting that their children, who constitute 40 percent of the district's nearly 4,000 students, were singled out for excessive discipline.

Chuckie needs to be taken off the bench and locked up somewhere where he can't do any more damage! (Along with a whole bunch of other people in Paris, Texas!)

Your "disgusted" scribe;
Allan W Janssen

Allan W Janssen is the author of The Plain Truth About God-101 (what the church doesn't want you to know!) www.God-101.com

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North Korea reneges on $25 million deal!

Here in the West a deal's a deal but the same doesn't always hold true in the rest of the world. North Korea had tried to make a deal with the
United States to have $25 million in assets released, but settled on a bartered agreement that saw strong-man Dear Leader Kim Jong-il take possession of Michael Jackson's Neverland ranch with the balance to be paid in hookers.

The deal held for about two days when Jong-il came back with additional demands. It seems he was going to park his wayward son on the ranch and leave him there to keep him out of trouble but now is also demanding a lifetime pass to Disneyland for his son and his entire family as well.

Officials for Disney Corp. expressed reluctance to go along with the deal because of the negative publicity of having Kim Jong-nam (Jong-il's son) and his bodygaurds hanging around the park all day and bothering the tourists.

Negotiations are continuing and the State Department hopes to have a resolution to this dilemma by the weekend.

Your "on the spot" scribe;
Allan W Janssen

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If you love Jesus, bend over!

Gather round boys and girls, and especially you girls because we have a snake-oil salesman in our midst.

I have been trying to track down just who this guy is but the web-site gives no clue and I'm at a dead end.

But, I will pass on what this asshole is trying to do.

He has a pseudo-religious site that says it's O.K. to .................... well, I will let you read it for yourself.

Anal Sex in Accordance with God's Will

Are you saving yourself for your wedding night? The Devil wants you to fail, that’s why he puts stumbling blocks in your way.

But God wants you to succeed, and that’s why he has given us an alternative to intercourse before marriage: anal sex.

Through anal sex, you can satisfy your body’s needs, while you avoid the risk of unwanted pregnancy and still keep yourself pure for marriage.

You may be shocked at first by this idea. Isn’t anal sex (sodomy) forbidden by the Bible? Isn’t anal sex dirty?

What’s the difference between having anal sex before marriage and having regular intercourse? Let’s address these issues by debunking some myths about anal sex and God's will.

“I thought the Bible said anal sex was a sin.”

This is a common misconception. Anal sex is confusing to many Christians because of the attention paid to the Bible’s condemnation of homosexual acts.

However, it’s important to realize that these often quoted scriptures refer only to sexual acts between two men. Nowhere does the Bible forbid anal sex between a male and female.

In fact, many Biblical passages allude to the act of anal sex between men and women. Lamentations 2:10 describes how “The virgins of Jerusalem have bowed their heads to the ground,” indicating how a virginal maidens should position themselves to receive anal sex.

Another suggestive scripture tells of a woman’s pride in her “valley” (referring to her buttocks and the cleft between them) and entices her lover to ejaculate against her backside: "How boastful you are about the valleys! O backsliding daughter who trusts in her treasures, {saying,} 'Who will come against me?' (Jeremiah 49:4)

And in the Song of Songs, the lover urges his mate to allow him to enter her from behind: “Draw me after you, let us make haste.” (Song of Solomon, 1:4)

“If you’re going to have anal sex, why not just have regular sex?”

This is a good question: If you’re going to have sexual contact before marriage, why not just go the whole nine yards and have regular sex?

There are many good reasons for having anal sex instead. The first reason is practical: having conventional vaginal intercourse can lead to unwanted pregnancies.

While it’s true that the Lord bade us to “be fruitful and multiply,” (Gen 1:22) the Bible also counsels that “For everything there is a season, and a time for every matter under heaven.” (Ecl. 3:1)

Pregnancy outside of wedlock can have dire and life-altering consequences for all those involved.

Having anal sex allows you to greatly reduce this risk.

Second, for a young woman who has never engaged in sexual intercourse, having anal sex allows her to preserve her virginity (i.e., maintain an intact hymen) until marriage.

There is no greater gift that a bride can give than to offer her pure, unsullied maidenhead to her husband on their wedding night.

Finally, anal sex allows both partners to save the most intimate and powerful sexual act, that of face-to-face vaginal intercourse, for their mates in marriage.

This type of sexual relationship represents the most powerful union between a man and a woman, and so it rightfully should be reserved for one’s life partner.

Fortunately, you can engage in anal sex prior to marriage and still be able to share the deeper, more meaningful act of consecrated love through vaginal intercourse with your wedded spouse.


Now, we are not finished with this bullshit just yet my friends!

The Good News About Oral Sex

Like anal sex, oral sex is the subject of much confusion and disagreement among the faithful. There are those who say that oral sex is unnatural because God did not intend our mouths to be used in such a manner.

Others associate oral-genital contact with the sexual depravities of Sodom and Gomorrah.

As you will see in the Scripture, neither one of these views is supported. Not only that, but oral sex has benefits that are of particular importance to Christians: oral sex allows the natural prevention of unwanted pregnancy and is an alternative to premarital intercourse for those committed to preserving their chastity before marriage.

There is nothing in the Bible that forbids engaging in acts of oral-genital contact.

Oral sex has wrongly been grouped in with “sodomy” and the sexual sins of Sodom and Gomorrah.

As we have seen with anal sex, this argument does not hold water, because the sins of the Sodomites were specifically homosexual and/or non consensual in nature.

There is no way this could be extrapolated to argue against a heterosexual act of oral sex for mutual pleasure.

On the other hand, the Bible does contain some favorable references to oral sex, some in poetic language and some more explicit.

“His Fruit Was Sweet to My Taste”

In Christian discussions concerning oral sex, the Song of Solomon is most frequently cited as an example of scriptural allusion to the act: Like an apple tree among the trees of the forest, so is my beloved among the young men. In his shade I took great delight and sat down, and his fruit was sweet to my taste. (Song of Solomon 2:3)

While the previous passage refers to fellatio, the following can be read as a metaphor for cunnilingus: Awake, O north wind, and come, wind of the south; make my garden breathe out fragrance, let its spices be wafted abroad. May my beloved come into his garden and eat its choice fruits! (Song of Solomon 4:16)

And again, the Song of Solomon urges lovers to eat and drink freely of one another’s bodies: I am come into my garden, my sister, my spouse: I have gathered my myrrh with my spice; I have eaten my honeycomb with my honey; I have drunk my wine with my milk: eat, O friends; drink, yea, drink abundantly, O beloved. (Song of Solomon 5:1)

This reading of the scriptures portrays the act of oral sex as both natural, like eating, and a joyful expression of love, passion, and sexual sharing between a man and woman.

In the New Testament, this passage directs partners to render “benevolence” to one another, which can be extended to performing oral sex on each other as part of their duty to the Lord and one another: Let the husband render unto the wife due benevolence: and likewise also the wife unto the husband. (Corinthians 7:33)

Not only does this passage imply that oral sex between a man and woman is acceptable and desirable, but as we shall see, the Bible also provides more specific edicts concerning the completion of the oral sex act, namely swallowing the male emission.


Now here comes (pardon the pun)the REALLY good part, this is called the ClOSER.

The Necessity of Swallowing - The Sin of Spilling Seed

Most of us are familiar with the Biblical story of Onan, whose sin against God was that of spilling his seed on the ground:

And Onan knew that the seed should not be his; and it came to pass, when he went in unto his brother's wife, that he spilled it on the ground, lest that he should give seed to his brother. 10 And the thing which he did displeased the LORD: wherefore he slew him also. (Genesis 38:9)

This scriptural passage has traditionally been used as an injunction against masturbation. However, upon closer reading, it becomes apparent that this scenario has nothing to do with masturbation at all.

Onan was not masturbating; he was copulating with his brother’s wife (and there was a good reason for that, in God’s plan). His sin was pulling out (coitus interruptus) and ejaculating on the ground rather than into the woman. He did so in order to avoid impregnating her.

However, he could have easily avoided God’s wrath (and the penalty of death), by simply having the woman fellate him and then swallow his semen.

This would have kept him from impregnating her, as well as completely prevented the spilling of seed that was an offense in God’s eyes.

The extreme case of Onan aside, how bad is it in general to spill semen?

The Old Testament ranks it with other acts of uncleanliness that meet with God’s disapproval: And if any man's seed of copulation go out from him, then he shall wash all his flesh in water, and be unclean until the even. 17 And every garment, and every skin, whereon is the seed of copulation, shall be washed with water, and be unclean until the even. (Leviticus 15:16-17)

Getting ejaculate on oneself or one’s clothing results in uncleanness that requires extensive reparations and atonement. Obviously one simple way to prevent the spillage of semen is to have your partner perform fellatio and swallow the emission.

In fact, in light of these scriptures, performing fellatio to completion and then spitting out the resulting emission seems almost unthinkable.

The Benefits of Swallowing - Drink of the Living Water

Aside from swallowing semen as a measure to prevent the waste and spillage of seed, ingesting ejaculate can have spiritual benefits, as we will see.

Although the Old Testament makes reference to the bitterness of semen (And he shall cause the woman to drink the bitter water. [Numbers 5:24]), the New Testament casts the act of consuming ejaculate in a much more affirming light, as in the following passage, where Jesus speaks to the woman of Samaria about the gift of “living water”:

Jesus answered her, "If you knew the gift of God, and who it is that is saying to you, "Give me a drink,' you would have asked him, and he would have given you living water." 11 The woman said to him, "Sir, you have no bucket, and the well is deep.

Where do you get that living water?...15 The woman said to him, "Sir, give me this water, so that I may never be thirsty or have to keep coming here to draw water." 16 Jesus said to her, "Go, call your husband, and come back." (John 4:10-16)

“Living water” in this context refers to semen, which literally is the liquid of life. As Christ indicates, drinking of the “living water” provides a spiritual replenishment for the soul.

When the woman asks Jesus where she can get this “water”, he tells her to fetch her husband, clearly with the intention of instructing her on how to fellate him and swallow his semen.

Oral Sex in Christ

In summary, we can say that the Scripture supports and even encourages the act of oral sex between loving heterosexual partners.

Moreover, the Bible specifically encourages fellatio to completion (orgasm) with the female partner consuming or swallowing the ejaculate.

This prevents spilling seed, which is an affront to the Lord, and also provides spiritual benefit to the receiving partner.

Oral sex has the added benefits of preventing unwanted pregnancies and helping couples satisfy their sexual urges while preserving their chastity until marriage.

For these reasons, all Christian men and women should feel confident and comfortable including oral sex as part of their sexual life in accordance with God’s will.


SO, to sum this whole thing up, I don't condone, condemn or really give a shit what you do in your sex-life but please don't stoop so low as to say the "Bible told me so!"

That's the worst form of deception there is and this guy should be ashamed of himself. Either that or shot and pissed on!

Your "hold the mayo" scribe;
Allan W Janssen

(I can hardly wait to hear from the feminists on this one!!! If you want to visit the site go HERE )

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Tuesday, March 20, 2007

U.S. Justice on trial!

Lord Black of Crossharbour (a.k.a. Conrad Black) has a problem!

Ever since the financial scandals in the United States business community over the last 15 years (Enron, World Com, Duke Energy, Lucent Technologies, AIG etc.) the U.S. justice department has declared open season on business executives and good old Conrad got tagged as "It" in the big game of financial "gotcha."

So as not to bore you too much I will give a very brief history of what our wayward hero did over the years to get himself in this jam.

1960s to 1970s - Black began buying small Canadian newspapers during his 20s and in 1971 co-founded the Sterling Newspapers Group.

1978 - Became chair of the Argus Corporation, one of the original and biggest "old money" corporations of the Canadian Establishment.

This was a position he used as a stepping stone to launch the Hollinger Group.

1990s - By the early part of the decade Hollinger controlled 60 per cent of Canadian newspaper titles, as well as hundreds of dailies in the U.S., England, Australia and Israel. Newspapers included the Spectator, Chicago Sun Times, Montreal Gazette, Daily Telegraph, and Jerusalem Post.

Black soon earned a reputation for taking over newspapers and raising profits by cutting costs and slashing jobs and before you could shout "hold the presses" he was the third largest Media (Press) Baron in the World behind Rupert Murdoch and Robert Maxwell.

At its peak in 1999, Hollinger was earning revenues of more than $2 billion a year but then for some strange reason our protagonist decided that he had made his fortune and started selling everything in one gigantic garage sale.

The British government moved to make him Lord Black, but Prime Minister Jean Chretien, who was attacked relentlessly by Black's newspapers during his leadership, opposed the move.

Chretien pointed to the 1919 Nickle Resolution which ruled that foreign governments could not grant honours to Canadians that carry a title or privilege. Black challenged the ruling in court, but was unsuccessful so in a fit of pique renounced his Canadian Citizenship.

During the sale of Hollinger assets by November 17, 2003 Black announced he would step down as CEO of Hollinger International following an internal inquiry which found that Black and other Hollinger executives received more than $32 million US in unauthorized payments. Refusing to admit any wrongdoing, Black described his departure as "retirement."

The committee of Hollinger's board found that payments styled as 'non-competition payments' were made that were not authorized or approved by either the audit committee or the full board of directors of Hollinger."

Of that, Black and chief operating officer David Radler each reportedly received $7.2 million, while $16.6 million went to parent company Hollinger Inc. Two other Hollinger executives reportedly received just over $600,000 each. Black again denied any wrongdoing and insisted the unauthorized payments were above-board.

His position was that the "non-competition" payments were made to him and his management team and not the Board or shareholders. (Since the old board and shareholders were not the threat to the new owners/managers. Black was if he started another competing paper.)

(His position was vindicated when, after his departure, Hollinger shares fell from about $21 to less than a buck. (They went into the 'penny stock' category!) PLUS they went from being a highly profitable paper to losing money. This made the Board see red all the more.)

(Conrad wondering how things ever got so crazy!)

One thing led to another and the next thing you know lawsuits for tens and even hundreds of millions were flying this way and that.

On top of this the U.S. Justice Department had by then decided it needed another businessman to make an example of and our Hero and all his Canadian friends came under their scrutiny.

(By some strange co-incidence none of the Americans were indicted.)

November 17, 2005 - The U.S. Attorney's Office in Chicago charges former Hollinger International head Conrad Black and others in an alleged scheme to divert more than $80 million US from the company. (Remember the non-competition clauses, etc.)

December 1, 2005 - Conrad Black pleads not guilty to eight fraud charges in connection with the alleged diversion of $80 million from Hollinger International Inc. He is released on $20 million US bail and ordered to live in Canada, Chicago, or Florida.

By this time the District Attorney is getting really carried away with his job and by Dec. 15, 2005 four new charges are leveled against Conrad Black, including racketeering, money laundering and obstruction of justice. Black faces a maximum of 95 years in prison if convicted on all charges.

Now, my friends, we get to the point of this diatribe.

If the bombastic, arrogant, self-righteous Lord Black had been tried in any other jurisdiction, (Such as New York) where they understood the intricacies of financial matters then I would have no sympathy for him whatsoever. But, instead he is being tried in a "blue collar" (read "lunch bucket") town (Chicago) by a blue collar jury and they do not bode well for our wayward Baron.

The day after jury selection one of these lunch bucket jurors was quoted as saying "It would take me a lifetime to make a million dollars and if this guy can make that much and more in one year he has got to be a crook!!!"

(And the prosecution didn't see anything wrong with that!)

Chicago could be a black day for our dear Lord Black!

Your "hot of the press" scribe;
Allan W Janssen

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Here Doggy Doggy!

There is a saying about pet lovers that the more they love their pets the more shit you can sell them.

We now bring you the ULTIMATE in gifts for your little poochie poo. DOG NUTS!

That's right boys and girls, if you decide to have poor Rex neutered, but are afraid he might develop a severe bout of depression over losing his balls, you can now get a fake set inserted so that he never knows the difference.

Heaven forbid your pooch should develop complexes and feel he is not 100% "complete" when for a mere 500 bucks or so you can have a brand new set of "Neuticles" inserted and give your best friend "piece of mind" and a sunny disposition! Remember, the only reason a dog licks his balls is because he can!

Your "all the new that fits" scribe;
Allan W Janssen

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Monday, March 19, 2007

Fake body turns out to be real.

A group of students from a criminology class were on a field trip from St Thomas Aquinas High School in Florida when they made a strange discovery............ a real dead body!

Teacher Sue Messenger was famous for the life-like clues she always put out on these excursions and her students were expecting the usual skeletons and other evidence.

Student Juan Cantor saw the body first and thought his teacher had done a really good job of making it look real. It wasn't until the smell hit him that he knew there was something rotten in Denmark, or in this case, the "crime scene."

Police called to the scene determined that the "body" was that of a homeless man who had died of natural causes.

Six students quit the course!

Your "elementary, my dear Watson" scribe;
Allan W Janssen

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North Korea resolves frozen funds by barter!

The United States and North Korea have resolved a dispute over $25 million US in frozen North Korean funds in a Macau bank that threatened to hold up nuclear disarmament negotiations, U.S. official Paul Glaser said Monday.

Under a deal signed on the weekend the funds would be bartered, rather than just paid out.

Kim Jong-il is to receive ownership of Michael Jackson's former Neverland ranch with the balance to be paid in hookers!
(Kim Jong-il's son and grandson.)

According to informed sources, both sides in the dispute seemed well satisfied with the arrangement and Kim plans to put his son and family there permanently to keep them out of trouble.

"We believe this resolves the issue of the DPRK-related frozen funds," said Glaser, using the acronym for North Korea's formal name, the Democratic People's Republic of Korea.

Your "on the spot and on the Q.T." scribe;
Allan W Janssen

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Sunday, March 18, 2007

Religious Right Now Wants Unintelligent Design

“We were losing the battleground for hearts and minds.” said Don Wildmon, chairman of the Kansas School Board Associations. “So we needed a new pitch and a whole new campaign."



read more | digg story

When money talks, nobody walks

We take you now to Mexico, gringo!

Ever see a million is cash? How about 206 million?

Police have found $206 million in cash tied to drug smugglers who imported chemicals used to make methamphetamine.

The money was piled inside a mansion in a wealthy Mexico City neighborhood.

Your "brother can you spare a dime" scribe;
Allan W Janssen

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No more egg on your face.

Yes, ladies and gentlemen, now even you can learn how to cook.

As long as you know how to boil water, science has taken care of the rest for you.

The
British Egg Information Service” has developed a new self-timing egg that tells you when it’s cooked — using heat-sensitive ink.


The egg has a heat-sensitive ink that displays only when the correct temperature is reached, meaning when your egg is done. The eggs come in hard-boiled, medium, or soft varieties, meaning you have to buy the kind you want or else the ink is useless.

Your "what will they think of next" scribe;
Allan W Janssen

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Sunday Morning Funnies!

I don't know if this story is true or not but on this site we go by that famous quote from folklorist J. Frank Dobie "Never let the truth get in the way of a good story!"

An evangelist who tried replicating Jesus' miracle of walking on water has reportedly drowned off the western coast of Africa.

Pastor Franck Kabele, 35, told his congregation he could repeat the biblical miracle, and he attempted it from a beach in Gabon's capital of Libreville.

"He told churchgoers he'd had a revelation that if he had enough faith, he could walk on water like Jesus," an eyewitness told the Glasgow Daily Record.

"He took his congregation to the beach saying he would walk across the Komo estuary, which takes 20 minutes by boat. He walked into the water, which soon passed over his head and he never came back."

YOU DON'T KNOW JACK?

For some time many of us have wondered, just who is Jack Schitt?

We find ourselves at a loss when someone says, 'You don't know Jack Schitt!'

Well, thanks to my genealogy efforts, you can now respond in an intellectual way.

Jack Schitt is the only son of Awe Schitt.

Awe Schitt, the fertilizer magnate, married O. Schitt, the owner of Needeep N. Schitt, Inc.

They had one son, Jack.

In turn, Jack Schitt married Noe Schitt.

The deeply religious couple produced six children: Holie Schitt, Giva Schitt, Fulla Schitt, Bull Schitt, and the twins Deep Schitt and Dip Schitt.

Against her parents' objections, Deep Schitt married Dumb Schitt, a high school dropout. After being married 15 years, Jack and Noe Schitt divorced.

Noe Schitt later married Ted Sherlock, and because her kids were living with them, she wanted to keep her previous name.

She was then known as Noe Schitt Sherlock. Meanwhile, Dip Schitt married Loda Schitt, and they produced a son with a rather nervous disposition named Chicken Schitt.

Two of the other six children, Fulla Schitt and Giva Schitt, were inseparable throughout childhood and subsequently married the Happens brothers in a dual ceremony.

The wedding announcement in the newspaper announced the Schitt-Happens nuptials.

The Schitt-Happens children were Dawg, Byrd,and Horse. Bull Schitt, the prodigal son, left home to tour the world. He recently returned from Italy with his new Italian bride, Pisa Schitt.

Now when someone says, 'You don't know Jack Schitt,' you can correct them.

Sincerely,
Crock O. Schitt

STEAK AND A BLOW-JOB DAY

Guys, mark this date on your calendar, March 14th. (That's the day before the Ides of March.)

Apparently it's a new holiday in response to "Valentines Day" (February 14th) and is designed to give the guys a treat as well.

Coming(Pardon the pun!) exactly one month after Valentines day, "Steak and a Blow Job Day" has all the right ingredients to be one of the great days of the year for us guys.

Maybe up there on a par with Christmas, Hanukkah, Ramadan or Ground Hog Day.

It could even be equal to a birthday, which if memory serves me right is already a "steak and a blow job day."

Anyway, we missed it this year because I didn't find out about it till today but definitely mark it on the calendar for 2008.

Your "ever helpful" scribe;
Allan W Janssen

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