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Middle aged hetrosexual, WASP male. Middle of the road, reasonably sane and  reasonably employed.

Thursday, July 05, 2007

Pig of the week!

I can't make this guy asshole of the week because there are to many candidates, so we will just call him "Pig of the week."

In a gut-busting showdown that combined drama, daring and indigestion, Joey Chestnut emerged Wednesday as the world's hot dog eating champion, knocking off six-time titlist Takeru Kobayashi in a rousing triumph.

Chestnut, the great red, white and blue hope in the annual Fourth of July competition, broke his own world record by inhaling 66 hot dogs in 12 minutes - a staggering one every 10.9 seconds before a screaming crowd in Coney Island.

"If I needed to eat another one right now, I could," the 23-year-old Californian said after receiving the mustard yellow belt emblematic of hot dog eating supremacy.

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Wednesday, July 04, 2007

Harp!

Because my wife has cancer, one of the services she has available to her are sessions to make her feel better!

Today a volunteer came in with a full sized "Harp" on wheels and as we speak she is in the living room seranading my wife.

(This is to give her "inner peace and tranquility!")

Because she is playing a harp I fiqured she might know "stairway to heaven" but no such luck.

Plus, I was told in no uncertain terms to stay in the office and not bother anyone!

So, if anyone wants me....... I'll be in the office!

Allan W Janssen is the author of The Plain Truth About God-101 (what the church doesn't want you to know!) at www.God-101.com

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The Devil you know..........

Months before failed bombings in Britain that have been linked to several foreign doctors, a British cleric says an al-Qaida chief gave him a cryptic warning "Those who cure you are going to kill you."

Canon Andrew White, a senior British cleric working in Baghdad, said Wednesday that he met with the al-Qaida leader and Sunni Muslim tribal and religious leaders in the Jordanian capital of Amman on April 18.

He said the alleged al-Qaida chief, who travelled from Syria, warned of several coming attacks on Britain during the meeting.

"It was so awful that, in my update for the day, I wrote that I have met with the devil today," White told British Broadcasting Corp. radio.

Allan W Janssen is the author of The Plain Truth About God-101 (what the church doesn't want you to know!) at www.God-101.com

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Just so you know!

On this American Independence Day holiday we salute the great American Industrial Machine and the wonderful products that have been invented over the years. This is just one of them!(click to enlarge)

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Tuesday, July 03, 2007

This is a stickup!

Two armed men disguised as Muslim women in burqas held up a bank in Sarajevo and got away with some $40,000, Bosnian police said on Tuesday.

They said the pair entered a Union bank branch in the capital wearing head-to-toe black dresses and veils typical of women adhering to the orthodox Islamic code and trained guns on customers.

They then made customers lie on the floor while the emptied the tills, police added.

"Everything happened in a moment. Two persons in black niqabs (burqas) came into the bank. I thought they were ladies," the Sarajevo Daily Oslobodjenje quoted bank customer Mehmedalija Komarac as saying.

Women in burqas and men with long beards have become a common sight in the Bosnian capital in recent years, although bank holdups have been less common, and men with long beards in a burqa are even rarer since you wouldn't be able to tell who was who now would you?

And that's why they used this disguise to rob the banks, ....... you see!

Your "pass the amunition" scribe;
Allan W Janssen

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More Stuff!

Fun shit!

Oh, shit!

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STUFF!

I keep getting more and more e-mails asking, "What's it all about ....... Alfie?" Is this a religious blog, or maybe a political blog, or a humor blog, or WHAT? "I don't get it!"

Well, let me set the record straight!

It's not really about anything at all except.......... Stuff!

Doesn't matter whether it's religious stuff, or funny stuff, or political stuff or even stupid stuff. If I see some stuff that catches my attention (And remember, I am ADHD!) it usually gets put in here one way or another.

Stuff is great and stuff is never ending so I don't think I will ever run out of "stuff" to write about!

(This is also one of the reasons that I hope you take a minute or two and vote for me on the "Blog about STUFF!" at the Blogger's Choice Poll.)

Now for a complete lowdown on all the poop about "STUFF" that you'll ever need to know, have a look at this!


Allan W Janssen is the author of The Plain Truth About God-101 (what the church doesn't want you to know!) at www.God-101.com

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It's about time!

A leading Muslim organisation today condemned the barbarity of the failed car bomb attacks in London and Glasgow as it called on its faithful to provide “all the necessary support” to prevent terrorism.

Dr. Muhammad Abdul Bari, secretary general of the Muslim Council of Britain (MCB), said it was the “Islamic duty” not only to utterly and totally condemn such actions, but to provide all the support necessary to prevent such atrocities from taking place in the future.


“The events of the past few days have been very disturbing and challenging ones for all of us,” he told a news conference at the MCB offices in east London.

“At the very outset we would like to express our heartfelt gratitude to all the police officers and security experts who were tasked with removing the threat from the explosive devices in London and Glasgow."

(Islam / Islamism - Islamism is a totalitarian ideology adhered to by Muslim extremists, e.g. the Taliban, Wahhabis, Hamas and Osama bin Laden. It is considered to be a distortion of Islam. Many Islamists engage in terrorism in pursuit of their goals. Adherents of Islam are called “Muslims.” The term Ärab” describes an ethnic or cultural identity. Not all Arabs are Muslims, and not all Muslims are Arabs. The terms are not interchangeable.)

“It looks sadly as if the terror threat currently facing our country will be with us for some time to come. So let us be absolutely clear about this, that those who seek to deliberately kill or maim innocent people are the enemies of all of us."

“There is no cause whatsoever that could possibly justify such barbarity."

“Those who engage in such murderous actions and those that provide support for them are the enemies of all, Muslims and non Muslims, and they stand against our shared values in the UK.”

Dr Abdul Bari said in his statement that the police and security services had the “enormous responsibility” for trying to ensure the safety of all Britons.

As such, they deserve the fullest support and cooperation of “each and every sector of our society” including all Muslims, he added.

Allan W Janssen is the author of The Plain Truth About God-101 (what the church doesn't want you to know!) at www.God-101.com

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Permit me to introduce myself.........

In my book "The Plain Truth About God-101" (what the church doesn't want you to know!) the first half deals with a history of how religion developed in the world.

We briefly touched on the Hapsburg Family, who were the true rulers of Europe, along with the Catholic Church, for about a thousand years. (950 c.e.-1912 c.e. The rule of the Hapsburg's effectively ended with the assasination of Archduke Ferdinand by a Serbian nationalist, which was the start of World War-1!)

An heir of the former Royal Family put one of their many, many holdings ("Dracula's Castle" in Transylvania) up for sale Monday, hoping to secure a buyer who will respect "the property and its history," a U.S.-based investment company said.

The Bran Castle, perched on a cliff near Brasov in mountainous central Romania, is a top tourist attraction because of its ties to Prince Vlad the Impaler, the warlord whose cruelty inspired Bram Stoker's 1897 novel, "Dracula."

Legend has it that Vlad, who earned his nickname because of the way he tortured his enemies, spent one night in the 1400s at the castle.

Bran Castle was built in the 14th century to serve as a fortress to protect against the invading Ottoman Turks. The royal family moved into the castle in the 1920s, living there until the communist regime confiscated it from Princess Ileana in 1948.

After being restored in the late 1980s and following the end of communist rule in Romania, it gained popularity as a tourist attraction known as "Dracula's Castle."

In May 2006, the castle was returned to Princess Ileana's son, Archduke Dominic Habsburg.

Habsburg, 69, a New York architect, pledged to keep it open as a museum until 2009 and offered to sell the castle last year to local authorities for US $80 million, but the offer was rejected.

On Monday, he put the castle up for sale "to the right purchaser under the right circumstances," said Michael Gardner, chief executive of Baytree Capital, the company representing Habsburg. "The Habsburgs are not in the business of managing a museum."

No price was announced, although Gardner predicted the castle would sell for more than $135 million. He added that Habsburg will only sell to a buyer "who will treat the property and its history with appropriate respect."

According to a contract signed when the castle was returned, the government pays rent to Habsburg to run the castle as a museum for three years, charging admission. After 2009, Habsburg will have full control of the castle, Gardner said.

The government has priority as a buyer if it can match the best offer, he said.

Opposition legislators have claimed the government's decision to return the castle to Habsburg was illegal because of procedural errors.

In recent years, the castle has attracted filmmakers looking for a dramatic backdrop for films about Dracula and other horror movies.

Some 450,000 people visit the castle every year, Gardner said.

(From the files of AP News)

Allan W Janssen is the author of The Plain Truth About God-101 (what the church doesn't want you to know!) at www.God-101.com

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Monday, July 02, 2007

Hey! Let's Get Things Into Perspective Here!

The next time you girls meet a nice guy on the Internet, just remember, it could be THIS guy!

(Or his even UGLIER brother!)

Allan W Janssen is the author of The Plain Truth About God-101 (what the church doesn't want you to know!) at www.God-101.com

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The smoker you drink, the player you get!

What a week this is going to be.

Canada Day is today, (Monday) and the U.S. Fourth of July is Wednesday so it looks like North America is not going to get much work done this week!

Things got off to a bad start last Friday when a bunch of my old high school buddies ("Old" is not that far off the mark anymore!") stopped by and stayed until Sunday Morning!

They probably would have stayed longer but the "Mrs. Herself" got fed up and threw everyone out.

After they left I had 12 small bottles of whiskey left which I took down to the cellar to put away, but my wife found them this morning and instructed me to empty them.

She said, "Empty each and every bottle down the sink," so I proceeded with the task.

I withdrew the cork from the first bottle and poured the contents down the sink, with the exception of one glass which I drank.

I extracted the cork from the second bottle and did likewise, with the exception of one glass which I drank.

I then withdrew the cork from the third bottle and poured the contents down the sink, with the exception of one glass which I drank.

I pulled the cork from the fourth sink, poured the bottle down the glass, which I drank.

I pulled the bottle from the cork of the next, and drank one sink out of it and threw the rest down the glass.

I pulled the sink out of the glass and poured the cork from the bottle. Then I corked the sink with the glass, bottled the drink, and drank the pour.

When I had everything emptied I steadied the house with one hand, counted the bottles, corks, glasses, and sinks with the other, which were 29, and put the houses in one bottle, which I drank.

I'm not under the affluence of incohol, but thinke peep I am.

I'm not half so thunk as you might drink. I fool so feelish I don't know who is me, and the drunker I stand here the longer I get.

Allan W Janssen is the author of The Plain Truth About God-101 (what the church doesn't want you to know!) at www.God-101.com

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QUIZ!

Quick, for ONE MILLION DOLLARS!
(Well...... how about a free book?)

Tell me where you heard the phrase "A little trick with Nick!"

Hint: "Name that tune!"


Allan

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Sunday, July 01, 2007

Parts of a computer, and other stuff!


* One in three IKEA customers say they would rather clean out their closets than have sex!

* Vacuum cleaners do not suck things. They create spaces into which the surrounding atmosphere pushes matter!

* By 2012 the United States will have more private security guards than high school teachers!

* The dog days of summer begin on Tuesday and end August 11th.

* And finally, ONLY 177 SHOPPING DAYS UNTIL CHRISTMAS!

Your "in the know" scribe;
Allan W Janssen

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By the Way!

Before I go out for the day, remember, football season's almost here!

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ASSHOLES OF THE WEEK!

I was only going to give this to Hamas, but what the hell, Fatah desrves some of the credit as well.

Otherwise this would be one more thing to fight about!

(These are actual Middle-East political cartoons!)
The TV announcer says: "the bulletin that reached us states that the Palestinians will attempt to liberate Palestine from the Palestinian occupation!" Meanwhile;
The newspaper headlines say: "The Internal Palestinian Conflict!"
And these idiots don't realize the Israeli's are laughing their asses off!

Allan W Janssen is the author of The Plain Truth About God-101 (what the church doesn't want you to know!) at www.God-101.com

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Random Notes!

Pamela Anderson is back in the news.

Canada's second most popular sweetheart, (After Shannia) made headlines again. (?)

First of all, because she went to Finland for a holiday, and then she said she has Finnish ancestry and would like to learn to speak the language!

Yippie shit!

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On a more serious note an article in the Toronto Star this morning states that Muslim girls in Toronto schools are being targeted for sexual assaults because attackers consider them less likely to report the incidents to authorities.

Nasreen Karim, an assistant manager at the Muslim Welfare Home in Whitby, said sexual assaults are embarrassing for immigrant from Pakistan and India because of their cultural ethos, not their religion.

He said; "I have a daughter myself and it would be embarrassing for parents to publicise things like this. They don't want to report incidents because of the shame it would bring on the family. That's just the way our culture is.

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Guest post by Jeff Jacoby, Boston Globe Columnist;

In 1960 something like 30 percent of respondents told pollsters that they wouldn't vote for a Catholic. That didn't keep John F. Kennedy from winning the White House in November.

Anti-Mormon prejudice reared its head during Mitt Romney's first political campaign which was his 1994 run for the Senate against Ted Kennedy.

Back then it usually manifested itself not as opposition to Romney's religion per se, but to the conservative political views of the Mormon Church, which Romney, as a faithful Mormon, was presumed to share.

But those were exceptions. While Romney's religion was often mentioned, there was a nearly universal taboo against explicitly condemning him for his faith. "In 1994," I wrote at the time, "no one dares suggest that Romney, by virtue of being a Mormon, doesn't belong in the Senate."

Thirteen years later, anti-Mormon hostility isn't so inhibited:

In Florida, televangelist Bill Keller informs his 2.4 million e-mail subscribers: "If you vote for Mitt Romney, you are voting for Satan!"

The Associated Press reports that a Romney trip to New Hampshire "started on a sour note" when Al Michaud, a Dover resident and self-identified liberal, shouted, "I'm one person who will not vote for a Mormon" and refused to shake Romney's hand.

In Warren County, Iowa, the local chairman of Senator John McCain's presidential campaign reportedly tells Republican activists that the Mormon Church funds Hamas and treats women the way the Taliban did in Afghanistan.

Al Sharpton, during a debate with atheist Christopher Hitchens, gratuitously says of Romney: "As for the one Mormon running for office, those who really believe in God will defeat him anyways."

Nevertheless, election campaigns are for choosing political leaders, not popes.

A candidate's public record has far more to say about his fitness for office than his private devotions do.

All the presidential hopefuls, Romney included, have made their mark in the worlds of politics, business, the military, or the law. Each has a history.

That, not what they believe about Jesus or Joseph Smith, is what voters should care about most.

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Guest post Michael Coren, Tornto Sun;

Now that the Gay Pride parade in Canada's largest city has ended we really should pose some of the serious questions that mainstream media seemed terrified to ask last week.

Questions that apply to any such event in Canada or elsewhere in the world.

First is the basic issue of truth.

The media constantly claimed that at least a million people attended the Toronto event. Which would indicate enormous approval of and support for homosexuality.

The million myth was given again and again until it became, as it were, a self-evident truth.

There may have been, tops, 250,000 people present, maybe less.

Anyone who has seen a photograph of a million strong crowd knows that such a mass of humanity could never fit into the core of a city.

It's also entirely relevant and wonderfully fitting that those assemblies that actually do attract a million people are invariably religious, orthodox and conservative. The Islamic pilgrimage to Mecca, World Youth Day with the Pope, evangelical rallies in Asia and Africa.

It's part of the fraudulent politics around this issue that if the leadership of the gay community make a statement it is automatically believed.

(For the longest time it was "fact" that 10% of people were homosexual. We now know that the number is between 2% and 3% but, hey, we all make mistakes!)

The police have a sophisticated grid system that indicates the size of a crowd.

Odd, then, that they have said nothing when we hear of the magic million. Just as odd as their failure to arrest people over the years who take off their clothes during the Pride march.

There is ample photographic evidence of the nudity and of officers standing by, grinning and doing nothing.

For a community that claims only to want equality, one wonders why the law does not apply to all when it is broken.

Which bring us to question of whether it is abusive to take a small child to a parade where a significant minority of people are semi-naked, simulate sexual activity, bump and grind and even whip each other for some bizarre form of titillation.

There were many parents who took their small children to Gay Pride.

Yet if, for example, a parent sat a five or six-year-old down in front of a television and showed a DVD of people pretending to have sex and taking their clothes off, would we regard them as loving and responsible moms and dads or would we call the Children's Aid Society?

Taking vulnerable and powerless little children to Pride, however, has become a badge for those who boast how progressive they are. Proving that broad-minded often means empty-headed.

Gay men and women deserve respect and dignity and have the same right to march as any other group. Difficult to see what was dignified about what went on a few days ago and hard to understand why so many people are so reluctant to state the obvious.

You can e-mail Michael Coren through his website;

http://www.michaelcoren.com

Allan W Janssen is the author of The Plain Truth About God-101 (what the church doesn't want you to know!) at www.God-101.com

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SUNDAY MORNING FUNNIES!

How to Tell the Sex of a Fly
A woman finds her husband in the kitchen holding a fly swatter.
"What are you doing?" she asked.
"Hunting flies" he responded.
"Killed any yet?"
"Yep, 3 males and 2 females," he replied.
Intrigued, she asked, "How can you tell them apart?"
"3 were on a beer can and 2 were on the phone."

Dr. Allan slept with a patient
Dr Allan had slept with one of his patients and felt really guilty.
No matter how much he tried, the sense of betrayal was overwhelming.
But, every once in a while he'd hear an internal reassuring voice say 'Allan don't worry about it, you aren't the first Doctor to sleep with one of your patients and you won't be the last. And you're single, so just let it go.
But invariably the other voice would bring him back to reality whispering...... 'Allan you're a fuckin' vet!'

Driving...
A man and woman were driving down the road arguing about his deplorable unfaithfulness when suddenly the woman reaches over and slices the man's penis off.
Angrily, she tosses it out the car window.
Driving behind the couple is a man and his 9-year-old daughter.
The little girl is just chatting away at her father when all of a sudden the penis hits the pickup on the windshield, sticks for a moment... and then flies off.
Surprised, the daughter asks her father, "Daddy, what the heck was that?"
Not wanting to expose his little girl to anything sexual at such a young age, the father replies, "It was only a bug, honey."
The daughter sits with a confused look on her face, and after a few minutes she says... "Sure had a big dick, didn't it?

Seen on the back of a biker's vest: If you can read this, my wife fell off.

And finally dear neighbours, I would like to leave you with one of Allan's famous words of wisdom! Don't be sexist - broads hate that!

Your humble scribe;
Allan W Janssen

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