- PERSPECTIVE -

- EVERYONE SEEMS NORMAL UNTIL YOU GET TO KNOW THEM! -

My Photo
Name:

Middle aged heterosexual, WASP male. Semi retired, semi-sane and semi-serious. And endangered species and I'm not going quietly!!!!

Saturday, April 05, 2008

Speak up for your country!

I just got this in the mail and I not only agree with what Bruce Allen said, but believe it applies to the United States as well.

SPEAK UP FOR YOUR COUNTRY CANADIANS!

Bruce Allen not out of hot water yet.

VANCOUVER/CKNW(AM980) - Despite being given a show of support by Vancouver 2010 organizers, embattled music manager and CKNW editorialist, Bruce Allen is not out of hot water just yet as the fallout continues from his recent commentary indicating immigrants to Canada should 'fit in,' or 'go home.'

Richmond Liberal MP, Ray mond Chan, is set to file an official complaint with the CRTC (Canadian Radio & Television Commission) about Allen's recent 'reality check' alleging the piece was discriminatory.

Chan is also demanding an official apology and a retraction of the comments. (Seems Chan is an immigrant too!)

It's time we all get behind Bruce Allen, and scrap this Political Correctness business.

His comments were anything but racist, and there are far too many overly-sensitive 'New Canadians' that are trying to change everything we hold dear.

For example, our National Anthem: Don't know what your opinions are, but I certainly agree.

--- I'm sorry, but after hearing they want to sing the National Anthem in Hindi - enough is enough.

(Remember when the Hindu guy who claimed he should wear a turban instead of the Mountie Hat if he joined the RCMP!)

Nowhere or at no other time in our nation's history, did they sing the National Anthem in Italian, Japanese, Polish, Irish (Celtic), German, Portuguese, Greek, or any other language because of immigration.

It was written in English, and should be sung word for word the way it was written.

(The news broadcasts even gave the translation -- not even close!)

I am not sorry if this offends anyone, this is MY COUNTRY - IF IT IS YOUR COUNTRY SPEAK UP ---- please pass this along....

I am not against immigration .. just come through like everyone else... Get a sponsor; get a place to lay your head; get a job; pay your taxes; live by the rules ....AND... LEARN THE LANGUAGE, as all other immigrants have in the past... and LONG LIVE CANADA!

PART OF THE PROBLEM? Think about this: If you don't want to forward this for fear of offending someone-----YOU'RE PART OF THE PROBLEM !!!!

Will we still be the Country of Choice and still be CANADA if we continue to make the changes forced on us by the people from other countries who have come to live in CANADA because it is the Country of Choice??????

Think about it! IMMIGRANTS, NOT CANADIAN'S, MUST ADAPT.

It is Time for CANADA to Speak up. If you agree - pass This along.

W.C.
Well just to be fair, if they were in India, then they could sing the National Anthem in Hindi all they wanted, but since they were in India then they wouldn't be singing "Oh Canada" anyways now, would they!

Allan W Janssen is the author of the book The Plain Truth About God (What the mainstream religions don't want you to know!) and is available at the web site www.God-101.com

Visit the blog "Perspective" at http://Allans-Perspective.blogspot.com

Labels: , ,

Saturday Morning Confusion #81

Speaking of assholes and crazy women, (see previous article) I have a few observations about both.

After much thought and a bit of work by the "Perspective" research department, we have come to the conclusion that there are three types of assholes!

The first is the garden variety type of asshole like you and me. We sometimes get it wrong, and for that are glad to have someone to set us straight....... because who likes to be an asshole anyways.

The second type is the asshole who refuses to be set staight.......... like the guys who are religious fanatics or people from Kansas! Ya can't do much with these asshols and are better off just ignoring them.

The third type are the people who not only know they are assholes, but enjoy it! These people have something wrong with their wiring and you should run away from them as fast as possible!!

Nuff said!

Now, about confused people in general!

If you ever want to phone me and you are obsessive-compulsive, press 1 repeatedly.

If you are co-dependent, please ask someone to press 2 for you.

If you have multiple personalities, press 3, 4, 5 and 6.

If you are paranoid, we know who you are and what you want, stay on the line so we can trace your call.

If you are delusional, press 7 and your call will be forwarded to the Mother Ship.

If you are schizophrenic, listen carefully and a little voice will tell you which number to press.

If you are manic-depressive, it doesn't matter which number you press, nothing will make you happy anyway.

If you are dyslexic, press 9696969696969696.

If you are bipolar, please leave a message after the beep or before the beep or after the beep. Please wait for the beep.

If you have short-term memory loss, press 9. If you have short-term memory loss, press 9. If you have short-term memory loss, press 9.

If you have low self-esteem, please hang up our operators are too busy to talk with you.

If you are menopausal, put the gun down, hang up, turn on the fan, lie down and cry. You won't be crazy forever.

If you are blonde, don't press any buttons, you'll just mess it up!

Allan W Janssen is the author of the book The Plain Truth About God (What the mainstream religions don't want you to know!) and is available at the web site www.God-101.com

Visit the blog "Perspective" at http://Allans-Perspective.blogspot.com

Labels: , ,

If ya do, ya do, if ya don't , ya don't! (Yabba dabba do!)

I got a letter from Ed (who seems a nice enough guy) and he said he would like to be added to my friends list which I am honoured to do.

Ed has one caveat though, and that is that he smokes pot and hopes I don't mind.

Ed............. I grew up in the sixties and I don't think there is a drug known that I haven't tried except crack and that's only because there was none then. I stopped taking drugs in my early twenties and now only have a problem with booze and those assholes that keep trying to give me drugs on the Internet.

(I had to give up on the booze because of alergies. Everytime I went on a binge I broke out in "cops!")

P.S. I will no longer allow ratings on this blog because of that crazy woman who keeps giving me "1's" on everything I do, and mostly because these shouldn't be rated anyways. You either like em' or ya don't! If you do, please stick around and if you don't then ................!

Your humble scribe;
Allan W Janssen

Allan W Janssen is the author of the book The Plain Truth About God (What the mainstream religions don't want you to know!) and is available at the web site www.God-101.com

Visit the blog "Perspective" at http://Allans-Perspective.blogspot.com

Labels: , , ,

Friday, April 04, 2008

ISLAM, the other side of the coin!

There have been a couple of articles in this blog about the negatives of Islam, so in the pursuit of fairness and equality this is the other side of the coin!



Allan W Janssen is the author of the book The Plain Truth About God (What the mainstream religions don't want you to know!) and is available at the web site www.God-101.com

Visit the blog "Perspective" at http://Allans-Perspective.blogspot.com

Labels: , ,

An elephant never forgets!

Seems that once you teach them to paint they don't forget that either!

Now I can't swear that this is 100% true, (And on this blog, that's a fairly accurate statement!) but these guys claim they have taught an elephant how to paint!

Since we know animals in general are a lot smarter that what conventional wisdom told us, I have to give them the benefit of the doubt.



AND, if you want to see what this guy and his buddies do on a Saturday night.... watch!



Allan W Janssen is the author of the book The Plain Truth About God (What the mainstream religions don't want you to know!) and is available at the web site www.God-101.com

Visit the blog "Perspective" at http://Allans-Perspective.blogspot.com

Labels: ,

Want to know how screwed-up society is????

I put up an article here and on a few other blogs about some pictures a woman in England had taken of some Muslims in a demonstration in London.

The protesters were carrying all sorts of posters demanding non-Muslims be killed or the Western world be taken over etc. etc.

Pretty nasty stuff...............!

Now, here it comes. Put on your seat belt!

I get a couple of letters since then ACCUSING ME OF HATE PROPAGANDA AGAINST MUSLIMS!

Is this world fucked up or what?

Allan W Janssen is the author of the book The Plain Truth About God (What the mainstream religions don't want you to know!) and is available at the web site www.God-101.com

Visit the blog "Perspective" at http://Allans-Perspective.blogspot.com

Labels: ,

Religion of Peace!

Pictures from London ~ this is beyond scary. These are pictures taken by a woman from Bristol, England. She just returned from there and said it is no longer English, the Muslims have taken it over, and the trend continues.

While we want them to assimilate it looks like they would rather annihilate.

View the pictures below and decide how you really feel about the future of the Western World.

These pictures are of Muslims marching through the streets of London during their recent 'Religion of Peace Demonstration.'


































Why would anyone think that we should be at war with such nice, peaceful Muslims?

These Muslims have stated that England will be the first country they take over!

These pictures were not shown on American TV or in American Newspapers.

Allan W Janssen is the author of the book The Plain Truth About God (What the mainstream religions don't want you to know!) and is available at the web site http://www.god-101.com/

Visit the blog "Perspective" at http://Allans-Perspective.blogspot.com

Labels: , ,

CONNECTIONS!

Another in the riveting series about how and why things work the way they do!



Visit the blog "Perspective" at http://Allans-Perspective.blogspot.com

Labels: ,

Thursday, April 03, 2008

Read this for, "The Plain Truth About Everything!"

O.K., here's the scoop! I have made it my life's ambition to dispel common myths and misconceptions.

After years of research, I and the "Perspective Research Staff" have come up with this list of facts that we hope will set everyone straight on the urban legends, myths and conjectures that have been floating around for God knows how long!

I am just going to list them in point form here for brevity's sake, BUT if you want more info on any of them, or need to add to them by all means leave a comment at the bottom.

Ready of not...... here goes!

- You don't need eight glasses of water a day and it won't help you lose weight!

- JFK was shot by a lone gunman from the Texas Book Depository building. There was no one else on the grassy knoll!

- No, oil companies don't raise the price of gasoline just before a long weekend. They will do it whenever they think they can get away with it!

- No, Mountain Dew will not shrink your testicles and lower your sperm count. If you're that stupid you shouldn't be having kids anyways!

- On the subject of conspiracies, there was no plot in the killing of Robert Kennedy or Martin Luther King.

- There was also no government plot behind 9/11, it was a bunch of Muslim radicals funded by Osama bin Laden.

- No, Islam does not advocate taking over the world by force, but a lot of radicals claim it does!

- Moses did not get a burning bush to talk to him. It was the tribal custom at that time to do hallucinogenics and go into the mountains to meditate! (Put two and two together bunky!)

- Everything in moderation is good for you. Excess in anything is BAD for you!

- No, Jesus was not killed for our sins and when he was killed..... he was DEAD!

- No, the United States does not attack other countries to help save or spread democracy or get rid of bad people. It's all about money and oil and power. Aways has been, always will be.

- Yes, it's OK to wear white after Labor Day, especially in Florida and California. Even more so if you're filthy rich in Florida or California!

- Hiccups or sneezes do not momentarily stop your heart but sneezing, burping and farting all at the same time can kill you!

- Hangovers cannot be cured by folk medicines. Only time will make you better so stop completely or don't stop at all.

- No, the Universe was not created in seven days and is a lot older than seven thousand years. Period

- Yes EVOLUTION is a fact. End of story! If you believe otherwise there is something wrong with your "critical thinking!"

- Throwing salt over your shoulder will not bring you luck, but it might piss off the guy behind you!

- Speaking of "luck," some people are just naturally lucky or unlucky in life! As God once said; "Life is a crap shoot and you take your chances like everyone else!"
If you do run across one of those people that are born with a silver spoon in their mouth and nothing ever seems to go wrong for them......... they are to be hated and despised!

- Atlantis is not a myth, it was a civilization (Minoan) that disappeared when the island of Thera blew up in a volcano around the 17th century B.C.E.

- There was no world wide flood and NOOOOOOOOOOOOO the Grand Canyon was not caused by it. There have been lots of local floods that could have given rise to the legend including the Mediterranean breaking through the Bosphorus and flooding the Black Sea at the end of the last Ice Age.

- The Jews are not "God's Chosen People." (If they are then God should chose someone else for a while and give the Jews a break!)

- No, all people are not equal. Sorry to tell you, but different races, different genders and different cultures all have their pluses and minuses. Equality is a myth perpetrated by those that are "less equal."

- No, there is no Paradise with 72 virgins waiting for you and there are no "Pearly Gates!" There is also no boatman to ferry you across the "River Styx!" We don't know what or if the afterlife is all about and shouldn't worry about it anyways because; 1. There is no way around it! 2. It will happen soon enough anyways! 3. When your dead, you're dead for a long time, so make the most of being here! (Do something to make a difference!)

- There is no "Loch Ness" monster and NO Sasquatch or Abysmal Snowman. There is no Easter Bunny or Santa Clause but I do have a really weird guy living further down the street and if you have one of these people too, then stay away from them because there are some very strange and very bad people in this world.

- Yes, there are also some very good people floating amongst us and they should be sought out and cherished because there are not nearly enough of them.

- No, there was no Robin Hood, but there was a King Henry who went through a lot of wives during his short stay on this planet.

- No, the Angel Macaroni did not appear to the guy who founded Mormonism, and Jehovah's Witnesses are not going to move into all the good houses after the "Rapture!"

- There is no "Second Coming" bunky. Due to exhaustive research on my part the only second coming you will ever see is amongst a few lucky women!

- No, there is no truth to the myth that animals have no feelings or emotions. Anyone who has every had a dog knows that they do! Cats I'm not so sure about!

- No, blacks don't have bigger dicks than whites or Asians. At least, this is what I've been told! And Orientals vagina's don't go sideways. At least, I've never been able to find any yet!

- Masturbation does not lead to blindness, but can contribute to stuttering!

That's all I have time for today, but feel free to add any that you happen to think of!

Allan W Janssen is the author of the book The Plain Truth About God (What the mainstream religions don't want you to know!) and is available at the web site www.God-101.com

Visit the blog "Perspective" at http://Allans-Perspective.blogspot.com

Labels: , ,

CONNECTIONS!

Another in the riveting series about how and why things work the way they do!



Allan W Janssen is the author of the book The Plain Truth About God (What the mainstream religions don't want you to know!) and is available at the web site www.God-101.com

Visit the blog "Perspective" at http://Allans-Perspective.blogspot.com

Labels: ,

Wednesday, April 02, 2008

CONNECTIONS!

Another in the riveting series about how and why things work the way they do!



Allan W Janssen is the author of the book The Plain Truth About God (What the mainstream religions don't want you to know!) and is available at the web site www.God-101.com

Visit the blog "Perspective" at http://allans-perspective.blogspot.com

Labels: ,

CONNECTIONS!

Another in the riveting series about how and why things work the way they do!



Allan W Janssen is the author of the book The Plain Truth About God (What the mainstream religions don't want you to know!) and is available at the web site www.God-101.com

Visit the blog "Perspective" at http://Allans-Perspective.blogspot.com

Labels: ,

Mid-Week Crisis, or the Wednesday Blahs!

O.K., maybe I was a bit hasty; I started the new blog yesterday, but reality hit me when I got next to no readers.

The fact that you have to build an audience seemed to have escaped me, but now the reality has set in so I believe I shall post in both the old and the new for a while. (Good God, I'm finally bilingual!)

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

If you don't believe the U.S. involvement is about oil, and nothin' but oil, then read this bunky!

Because of the obscenely high price of oil and gasoline the "Big Oil" companies have made record profits this year of close to 200 BILLION dollars. (That's just the U.S. companies!)

Now Georgie boy is threatening to veto any attempt to scuttle an additional 18 BILLION dollar tax benefits for them as well.

This administration's HUBRIS seems to know no bounds! (I am not even going to bother to list the ways they have led us down the garden path because we all know them.... don't we!)

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

For our next tid-bit we are going to take you to Malaysia where Roslan Ngah took a second wife. But he should have wondered if she would get along with his first.

He need not have worried. The two women got on so well they decided to leave him at the same time.

Faced with their united stand, Roslan, a 44-year-old Malaysian Muslim, divorced his two wives, aged 46 and 35, in an Islamic Shariah Court in northeastern Terengganu state on Tuesday, a lawyer said Wednesday.

But kids, it turn out it's not "double the pleasure, double the fun."

Salwa Mansor, the second wife's lawyer, said the wives cited irreconcilable differences and other complaints.

According to Islamic law, a woman can submit a request to leave her husband, but the pronouncement of divorce must come from the man or a court.

(Islam allows a man to have four wives! Now is that the height of male arrogance, or what?)

The Star daily quoted Roslan as saying that he was aware his two wives had become close over the years.

"They are like good friends but I never imagined that both of them had collectively decided to divorce me," Roslan was quoted him as saying. "I never expected our marriages to end in this manner." (Roslan has four children with his first wife and two with his second.)

Roslan reportedly said he would marry again, "God willing."

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

ANY CULT OF YOURS IS A CULT OF MINE!

What is it with Scientology and celebrities?

We all know about Tom Cruise and John Travolta. We even know about Isaac Hayes and Lisa-Marie and Priscilla Presley, and we know about Will Smith. (Gee, I thought some of these people were smart. They should read my book, "The Plain Truth About God" to see just what a racket Scientology is!)

Did you also know that these people are some of the other celebrities that are Scientologist?

Christopher Masterson
(Malcolm in the Middle)

Karen Black

Jeffrey Tambor

Kirstie Alley
(She is no longer fat, just fucked-up!)

Paul Haggis

AND SONY!!!
















Allan W Janssen is the author of the book The Plain Truth About God (What the mainstream religions don't want you to know!) and is available at the web site http://www.god-101.com/

Visit the blog "Perspective" at http://Allans-Perspective.blogspot.com

Labels: , , ,

Monday, March 31, 2008

MOVING!!!!!!

As of Tuesday April 1st this blog will be moving to http://allans-perspective.blogspot.com with a slight change in emphasis away from religion and more toward politics and the humor in everyday life!

(Posting about religion is like beating a dead horse so I am going to cut down on posts that won't change anyone's mind anyways!)

Click on the link H E R E and then subscribe to it so you get the new one instead of the old.

Thanks

Allan W Janssen

P.S. THOSE WHO KNOW ME MIGHT THINK THIS IS AN APRIL FOOL'S JOKE.................. BUT IT'S NOT!

Allan W Janssen is the author of the book The Plain Truth About God (What the mainstream religions don't want you to know!) and is available at the web site www.God-101.com

Visit the blog "Perspective" at http://Allans-Perspective.blogspot.com

Labels:

Wacked out - Wacked off!

I was looking at who visited this blog this morning and ran across a site the literally stunned me.

It said the visitor had come from a site called "masturbation-link" and naturally as soon as I saw this my curiousity was aroused (pardon the pun) and I had to see what it was all about.

Imagine my surprise when I discovered it was a site that linked and showed you how to get to sites that dealt with MASTURBATION!

Now here comes the kicker......... there are literally HUNDREDS of sites about masturbation and they all seem to be popular. What a a shocker for poor "thinks I'm so hip but the older I get the more of a prude I become!" me.

At least the internet is filling a need and YOU CAN'T BEAT THAT!!!!!!!! (Groan)

Allan W Janssen is the author of the book The Plain Truth About God (What the mainstream religions don't want you to know!) and is available at the web site www.God-101.com

Visit the blog "Perspective" at http://Allans-Perspective.blogspot.com

Labels:

CONNECTIONS!

Another in the riveting series about how and why things work the way they do!




Allan W Janssen is the author of the book The Plain Truth About God (What the mainstream religions don't want you to know!) and is available at the web site www.God-101.com

Visit the blog "Perspective" at http://Allans-Perspective.blogspot.com

Labels: ,

Sunday, March 30, 2008

FREEDOM!

Well kids, the bleeding heart, politically correct, don't spank your kids, let other religions celebrate their holidays but put a stop to Christian activities in case you insult someone LEFT is out in force again.

The latest outcry is about "Fitna: Freedom of expression or freedom to insult?"

If you haven't seen this film yet it is further down the page in this blog but to save you the trouble I will explain it.

The movie shows verses from the Koran that advocate terrorism, killing infidels, (non-believers) chopping the hands from thieves, warfare and general mayhem accompanied by pictures of what radical Muslims and terrorists have been doing this past little while.

And these assholes ask if we are doing it just to insult the Muslims.

Listen bunky, I don't see any Lutheran (Me) terrorists, or any Buddhist suicide bombers, or Baptist fathers killing their daughters because they slept with someone, or any Mormon's stoning people who leave the faith, or Jehovah's Witnesses subjugating their women, or Protestants and Catholics who wage a holy war on.................. Oh, wait a minute....... I forgot about Northern Ireland!

Oh well, five out of six ain't bad!

Back to my point.

This is not about insulting someones religion bunky.

The Muslims have brought it on themselves by the actions of the Radical Islamist and the complacency of the mainstream Muslim community.

Sure our freedoms end at the point of swinging your arms..... at someone else's nose, and you can't yell fire in a crowded theatre, but it would be blasphemous for us to let other people and religions tell us how to live our lives.

If Islamic radicals tell us that we are going to convert to Islam no matter what they have to do, then that is a declaration of war and I'm not too concerned about who I insult!

End of story!

Allan W Janssen is the author of the book The Plain Truth About God (What the mainstream religions don't want you to know!) and is available at the web site www.God-101.com

Visit the blog "Perspective" at http://God-101.blogspot.com

Labels: , , , ,

Don't do that, it's BAD for you!

Coffee is bad for you. No it's not, it's GOOD for you!

OK, sugar is bad for you. No it's not, sugar is good for you!

Red meat and eggs are bad for you. No, they are GOOD for you!

Well, a couple of ounces of alcohol is good for you. No it's not, alcohol is BAD for you!

Who knows what is what anymore. Take just about anything or any situation and there are the pluses and minuses for each side.

The same thing goes for life and living in general.

In the past there have been rumours and stories about all kinds of things that weren't true but caught the public imagination.

"It was the Jews who killed Christ!" No it wasn't, it was the Romans! Who else did you think it was, the Mexicans?

Columbus discovered America. No it wasn't, it was the Vikings on the east coast and the Indians about 10-15 thousand years before that on the west coast.

Also the Polynesians at some time in the past, down in South America.

Christ was resurrected for our sins! No he wasn't. When and if he was crucified he was dead as a doornail.......... and stayed that way!

God works in mysterious ways............. O.K. I'll give you that one!

The first world war was started by political maneuvering and unrest in the Balkans!

No it wasn't, it was a family feud between the royal houses of Europe, the same as always. (Up until then.)

The second world war was started by the Nazi's. No it wasn't, the second world war was started by the heavy conditions and and reparations that were imposed on the German people by the allies after the first world war.

And while we are on the subject.......... the Catholic church turned their back on the Jews during the second world war.

This last one has gained a lot of acceptance in the last while but nothing could be further from the truth!!!

In fact in 1945 the World Jewish Congress donated a great deal of money to the Vatican, with Rabbi Herzog of Jerusalem thanking Pope Pius XII, "for his lifesaving efforts on behalf of the Jews during the occupation of Italy."

When the Pope died in 1958 Golda Meir, then Israeli foreign minister, gave a eulogy at the United Nations praising the man for his efforts on behalf of the Jewish people.

The attacks on the Pope only really began in the 1960s when leftist German playwright Rolf Hochhuth claimed in his play, The Deputy, that the Vatican did little to save the Jews and even collaborated with the Nazis.

Nonsense. As was British author John Cornwall's 1999 book, Hitler's Pope. Its dust jacket featured a photograph of Pope Pius walking past German soldiers.

(It was not explained that the picture was taken long before Hitler came to power and the soldiers were part of the anti-Nazi Wiemar Republic.)

Before he became Pope Pius, Cardinal Pacelli drafted the papal encyclical denouncing Nazi anti-Semitism. The Vatican used its assets to ransom Jews from the Nazis, ran an elaborate escape route and hid Jewish families throughout Italy.

Now I have ranted about how the Bible is not actual history but rather a collection of stories and parables and metaphors about Jesus that were eventually turned into the modern tales of Christ and the basis for the Christian church.

BUT, never mind two thousand year old history, some of the more recent stuff is highly suspect as well.

Your "always trying to set the record straight" scribe;
Allan W Janssen

Allan W Janssen is the author of the book The Plain Truth About God (What the mainstream religions don't want you to know!) and is available at the web site www.God-101.com

Visit the blog "Perspective" at http://God-101.blogspot.com

Labels: , ,

Sunday Morning Funnies #739

Anyone who has seen the movie "Meet Joe Black" will understand how nervous I got this morning when I received a message from "Blog Catalogue" that "Joe Black" has added me to his list of friends. With friends like that, who needs enemies!

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

This made me laugh.. hope it does the same for you.........

Two doctors, a psychiatrist and a proctologist, opened an office in a small town and put up a sign reading: 'Dr. Smith and Dr. Jones: Hysterias and Posteriors.'

The town council was not happy with the sign, so the doctors changed it to read: 'Schizoids and Hemorrhoids.'

This was not acceptable either, so in an effort to satisfy the council, they changed the sign to: 'Catatonics and High Colonics.'

No go. Next, they tried: 'Manic Depressives and Anal Retentives.'

Thumbs down again. Then came 'Minds and Behinds.'

Still no good Another attempt resulted in 'Lost Souls and Butt Holes.'

Unacceptable again! So they tried 'Analysis and Anal Cysts.'

Not a chance. 'Nuts and Butts?'

No way. 'Freaks and Cheeks?'

Still no go. 'Loons and Moons?'

Forget it. Almost at their wit's end, the doctors finally came up with: 'Dr. Smith and Dr. Jones, Odds and Ends.'

Everyone loved it.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The husband had just finished reading a new book entitled "You Can Be the Man of Your House.

He stormed into the kitchen and walked directly up to his wife.

Pointing a finger in her face, he said sternly, "From now on, you need to know that I am the man of this house and my word is law!

You will prepare me a gourmet meal tonight, and when I'm finished eating my meal, you will serve me a scrumptious dessert."

"After dinner you are going to go upstairs with me, and we will have the kind of sex that I want. After that, you are going to draw me my bath so I can relax. You will wash my back and towel me dry and bring me my robe. Then you will massage my feet and hands.

Then after that's done, guess who's going to dress me and comb my hair?"

His wife replied, "The funeral director would be my guess."

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

A woman comes in late after a night out with the girls.........

Just as I got in the door, the cuckoo clock in the hallway started up and cuckooed 3 times.

Quickly, realizing my husband would probably wake up, I cuckooed another 9 times.

I was really proud of myself for coming up with such a quick-witted solution in order to escape a possible conflict with him.

(Even when totally smashed... 3 cuckoos plus 9 cuckoos totals 12 cuckoos = MIDNIGHT!)

The next morning my husband asked me what time I got in, I told him 'MIDNIGHT'... he didn't seem pissed off in the least. Whew, I got away with that one!

Then he said 'We need a new cuckoo clock.'

When I asked him why, he said, 'Well, last night our clock cuckooed three times, then said 'oh shit.' Cuckooed 4 more times, cleared its throat, cuckooed another three times, giggled, cuckooed twice more, and then tripped over the coffee table and farted

Allan W Janssen is the author of the book The Plain Truth About God (What the mainstream religions don't want you to know!) and is available at the web site www.God-101.com

Visit the blog "Perspective" at http://God-101.blogspot.com

Labels: , ,