Saturday, August 25, 2007

PERSPECTIVE....the place for cat humor!

Stop it! I'm gonna pee myself!

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Asshole of the Week: Fox News.

I will make this short and sweet. Fox News wins this weeks "Asshole of the week"award and a loud fart for beating war drums for the invasion of Iran.

Whether Fox News is being used by the Bush administration or not, other networks are shouting warnings about the American people getting sucked into another war in the Middle-East!

So far they have not been able to temper Fox News and their war retoric. The last thing America needs is another Iraq.

Fox News should act more responsibly. Here is a video you will find interesting.

Your "live from the front" scribe;
Allan W Janssen

Allan W Janssen is the author of The Plain Truth About God at www.God-101.com

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Cat Lovers.

I got overnight mail from a woman who wrote to complain about my series on "how to bug a cat," in which she stated that I was advocating "animal abuse."

I would like to take this opportunity to respond to her concerns.

Dear Ms. Anonymous, I have never suggested we torture or abuse cats in any way. You will notice that most of the pictures are of cats getting a bath or some other activity they don't like.

If you glance around the pages of this blog you will notice words such as "satire" and "humor" and that is the way they were intended.

Besides, over on the left side it also says we are an equal opportunity shit- disturber who will eventually piss of everyone and I just wanted to make sure you weren't left out.

As a peace offering here is a picture of a cute little kitty!

The reason these are so funny is because cats are a finicky group that are easy to offend. They always remind me of a little twelve year old girl that is just, oh so prime and proper. In other words a little snob or "precocious little" ..... well, you get the idea!"
Just to set the record straight Ms. Anonymous, I don't condone mistreating cats or any other animal and I certainly don't dislike cats. At best I am indifferent and prefer to ignore them.

So, to sum up, I don't dislike cats at all ..........It's cat lovers that bug me!

Kindest regards,
Your humble scribe;
Allan W Janssen

(P.S. If I don't see you before then, Merry Christmas!)

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Pssst, Wanna Bug a Cat?

It's been a slow, boring evening so what better way to liven it up than to bug a cat!!

I wonder how many cat lovers I've lost on this "bug a cat" series?

Probably about the same number as dog lovers that I've gained.

I'm betting that there are more dog lovers than cat lovers.

So if I'm right I'm ahead of the game!!


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Friday, August 24, 2007

Best (?) video on the Internet!

WARNING! Extremely graphic in nature. Not only do some animals get hurt but a whole bunch of humans get seriously hurt and killed. That's as in DEAD!

A lot of these people make the guys in the movie "Jackass" look like amateurs.

Watch at your own discretion!

(Sorry bunky, but after watching it for a second time there were just too many parts that turned my stomach. Which proves that there are even limits which I will not go past.)

If you positively have to see it, I have put the address at the bottom of the page.

In the meantime here is one that is not quite as violent and positively no animals were really killed during production.


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Saturday Morning Confusion. Epiosode 10 - U.F.O.s

It might be late Friday night, but I'm sure confused enough for a Saturday morning!I don't really believe in flying saucers and U.F.O.'s, but if this is a fake then it's a damned good one!

Watch it a few times and notice the detail!

(The other lights at the end just appear to be reflections off the lens, or something.)

Your "take me to your leader" scribe;
Allan W Janssen

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How to build your very own Shuttle spacecraft.

Well boys and girls, last year we showed you how to build your very own H-bomb, and today for all you budding astronauts, we are going to build our very own Shuttle!

Simply follow the simple instructions and before you know it, you could be ready to put your very own space-station into orbit just like the big guys!

(P.S. If necessary, refer to the wiring diagram for the more complex computer systems!)

Your "up and away" scribe;
Allan W Janssen

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Kim Jong-ill to host North Korean Beauty Pageant!

In a move to promote culture and the North Korean way of life, Dearly Beloved and Fearless leader for life, Kim Jong-ill has decided to personally take over responsibility for this years beauty pageant.

Citing a lack of direction in recent years, Kim will oversee the selection of contestants and the list of categories.

The Pageant itself will be held on Kim Jong-ill day in September, one of fifteen such days throughout the year..

Contestants were picked from all over North Korea and will compet in such events as tractor pull, marksmanship, forced marches, cooking, unarmed combat and a simple contest based on appearance and hygeine.

Show here are the the two daughters of Kim Jong-ill who are expected to place quite well for most if not all of the categories.

Your entertainmnt reporter;
Allan W Janssen

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Don't Bogart that Joint, Steve;

I forget what the exact figure is, but I believe that we could reduce the prison population in The States by over half, if we only released those who were convicted of minor drug laws like possession of marijuana.

Mostly the fault of the right wing, these people have been treated in a way that would make any other nation hang it's head in collective shame.

I bring this up because I was just reminded of a guy called Steve Tucker.

When Steve emerged from prison a year ago, he was a 50-year-old man starting over from scratch, as reflected by his modestly furnished apartment.

A year has now passed since Steve Tucker made his unheralded return to Atlanta.

His one-bedroom flat, tucked into a sprawling Sandy Springs apartment complex, is furnished sparsely: a recliner, TV, computer and a small, picnic-style table that serves as both dining hutch and desk. The stark white static of the walls is interrupted only by three small, web-like dream catchers tacked to the Sheetrock.

It's the sort of Spartan minimalism one might expect of someone who, until recently, had to content himself with staring at bare cinderblock.

"Watch out, you're talking to a notorious ex-con." Wrapped in a sharp Middle Georgia twang, Tucker's voice betrays a suppressed smile. The slight, balding, 50-year-old Atlantan is hardly an intimidating figure.
But he's only half-kidding. Nearly a decade ago, he was sent to prison as a result of a once-infamous federal drug case that sparked national outrage for its rough interpretation of justice.

In the spring of 1994, the Tucker family received lengthy prison sentences -- 10 years for Steve, 16 years for his older brother Gary, and 10 years for his brother's wife, Joanne -- without possibility of parole, for the curiously worded federal crime of "conspiracy to manufacture marijuana."

Yet federal prosecutors never charged them with buying, selling, growing, transporting, smoking or even possessing marijuana.

An 18-month DEA investigation had failed to turn up direct evidence connecting the Tuckers to even a single joint.

Instead, they were locked away for selling the lamps, fertilizer and gardening hardware from the small hydroponic supply shop Gary operated on Buford Highway that enabled their customers to grow pot.

In the mid-'90s, the Tucker case became a cause celebre among libertarian activists and other advocates of marijuana legalization. It served as an oft-cited, cautionary example of the runaway powers of the federal government and the worst excesses of the War on Drugs.

To show you how ridiculous it is, we have a guy in Canada Whose name is Mark Emery.

I am rather familiar with his case since he was from London and I used to see him around town.

Mark is being sought by the U.S. government for much the same reason that Tucker was put into jail, selling paraphernalia.

The kicker is that he is a Canadian and has not broken ANY Canadian laws.

Now I don't smoke weed myself because I don't really like it, but I do believe it's less harmful than booze because I know from first hand experience what each can do. Believe me, weed is a pussycat when compared to alcohol.

And while we are on the subject, what about tobacco?

What a hypocritical society we live in!!!

Your scribe;
Allan W Janssen

Allan W Janssen is the author of The Plain Truth About God at www.God-101.com

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And you thought your neighborhood was tough!!

A Caracas family was forced to send a murdered son to the morgue in a taxi after waiting five hours for police who never arrived, Venezuelan media reported Wednesday.

Heavy rains threatened to wash away Kelvin Jose Pinango's body which was left near a creek in the poor 23 de Enero neighborhood after the 20-year-old was killed Monday in what appeared to be an attempt to steal his motorcycle, the newspaper El Universal reported.

"We dragged the body to the edge (of the creek) and after five hours we hired a taxi," one family member told the paper, asking not to be identified. (Typical slum in Caracas!-->)

Caracas, one of the most dangerous cities in Latin America, reports dozens of murders each week.

Allan W Janssen is the author of The Plain Truth About God at www.God-101.com

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Thursday, August 23, 2007

It's a strange, strange world we live in, Master Jack!

They say a picture is worth a thousand words.
Makes it a hell of a lot easier on the typing too!

And now, the pause that not only refreshes, but excites as well! An outside and inside view of a glass toilet!

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That kid is just plain no good!

I was going to try and write more about happier stuff so that I don't attract too much negativity to myself. (Yes I have read "The Secret" although I don't put a whole lot into New Age stuff.)

The one problem with my new plan is that there are just so many more idiots than smart people, so finding good stories can be a pain at times.

Normally I prefer to write my own stuff but when I run across something like this, it's just too good to let go.

Here's junior showing what he thinks about the whole thing.

Youth suspended over sketch of gun
Officials say drawing by teen 'absolutely considered a threat'

A 13-year-old boy has been suspended for three days by an Arizona public school because he sketched a picture that resembled a gun, something school officials said they "absolutely" believed could pose a threat.

According to a report by KPHO-TV in Phoenix, it's not the type of greeting the Mosteller family expected when they moved from Colorado Springs to Chandler, Ariz., a few weeks ago.

"My son is a very good boy," Paul Mosteller told the television station. "He doesn't get into trouble. There was nothing on the paper that would signify that it was a threat of any form."

The principal at Payne Junior High School kept the actual drawing, and officials with the Chandler Unified School District declined to release any information about the situation.

Allan W Janssen is the author of The Plain Truth About God at www.God-101.com

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Smart is as Smart Does!

Interesting piece and a good reminder that we all show intelligence in different ways!

What Is Intelligence, Anyway?
Guest Post: Isaac Asimov

What is intelligence, anyway? When I was in the army, I received the kind of aptitude test that all soldiers took and, against a normal of 100, scored 160. No one at the base had ever seen a figure like that, and for two hours they made a big fuss over me. (It didn't mean anything. The next day I was still a buck private with KP - kitchen police - as my highest duty.)

All my life I've been registering scores like that, so that I have the complacent feeling that I'm highly intelligent, and I expect other people to think so too. Actually, though, don't such scores simply mean that I am very good at answering the type of academic questions that are considered worthy of answers by people who make up the intelligence tests - people with intellectual bents similar to mine?

For instance, I had an auto-repair man once, who, on these intelligence tests, could not possibly have scored more than 80, by my estimate. I always took it for granted that I was far more intelligent than he was. Yet, when anything went wrong with my car I hastened to him with it, watched him anxiously as he explored its vitals, and listened to his pronouncements as though they were divine oracles - and he always fixed my car.

Well, then, suppose my auto-repair man devised questions for an intelligence test. Or suppose a carpenter did, or a farmer, or, indeed, almost anyone but an academician. By every one of those tests, I'd prove myself a moron, and I'd be a moron, too. In a world where I could not use my academic training and my verbal talents but had to do something intricate or hard, working with my hands, I would do poorly. My intelligence, then, is not absolute but is a function of the society I live in and of the fact that a small subsection of that society has managed to foist itself on the rest as an arbiter of such matters.

Consider my auto-repair man, again. He had a habit of telling me jokes whenever he saw me. One time he raised his head from under the automobile hood to say: "Doc, a deaf-and-mute guy went into a hardware store to ask for some nails. He put two fingers together on the counter and made hammering motions with the other hand. The clerk brought him a hammer. He shook his head and pointed to the two fingers he was hammering. The clerk brought him nails. He picked out the sizes he wanted, and left. Well, doc, the next guy who came in was a blind man. He wanted scissors. How do you suppose he asked for them?"

Indulgently, I lifted by right hand and made scissoring motions with my first two fingers. Whereupon my auto-repair man laughed raucously and said, "Why, you dumb jerk, He used his voice and asked for them." Then he said smugly, "I've been trying that on all my customers today." "Did you catch many?" I asked. "Quite a few," he said, "but I knew for sure I'd catch you." "Why is that?" I asked. "Because you're so goddamned educated, doc, I knew you couldn't be very smart."

And I have an uneasy feeling he had something there.

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No airport metal detectors for these guys!

I remember my dad going ballistic when I grew my hair long! My, how times change!
Just how do they ever expect to get a job, or is that not high on their list of priorities!

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Wednesday, August 22, 2007

When hell freezes over!

I ran across this and thought you might like it!

A thermodynamics professor had written a take home exam for his graduate students. It had one question:

"Is Hell exothermic (gives off heat) or endothermic (absorbs heat)? Support your answer with a proof."

Most of the students wrote proofs of their beliefs using Boyle's Law (gas cools off when it expands and heats up when it is compressed) or some variant.

One student, however, wrote the following: "First, we need to know how the mass of Hell is changing in time. So, we need to know the rate that souls are moving into Hell and the rate they are leaving. I think that we can safely assume that once a soul gets to Hell, it will not leave. Therefore, no souls are leaving. As for how many souls are entering Hell, let's look at the different religions that exist in the world today. Some of these religions state that if you are not a member of their religion, you will go to Hell. Since there are more than one of these religions and since people do not belong to more than one religion, we can project that all people and all souls go to Hell. With birth and death rates as they are, we can expect the number of souls in Hell to increase exponentially. Now, we look at the rate of change of the volume in Hell because Boyle's Law states that in order for the temperature and pressure in Hell to stay the same, the volume of Hell has to expand as souls are added.This gives two possibilities:

1. If Hell is expanding at a slower rate than the rate at which souls enter Hell, then the temperature and pressure in Hell will increase until all Hell breaks loose.

2. Of course, if Hell is expanding at a rate faster than the increase of souls in Hell, then the temperature and pressure will drop until Hell freezes over.

So which is it? If we accept the postulate given to me by Ms. Therese Banyan during my Freshman year, 'That it will be a cold night in Hell before I sleep with you,' and take into account the fact that I still have not succeeded in having sexual relations with her, then 2 cannot be true, and so Hell is exothermic."


This blog has changed

Short and sweet! I am getting too much bile writing this blog.
I don't think this negativity is good my health.
I am still going to write what I consider funny, but ranting about religon and politics just gets me upset so I'm not going to do it any more. Sorry!
My wife says I am too negative and this attracts negativity.
Oh great, just as soon as I wrote this Jayne left a comment that she "loves" the blog.
O.K. you win, but I will try to be more positive.