My Photo

Middle aged heterosexual, WASP male. Semi retired, semi-sane and semi-serious. And endangered species and I'm not going quietly!!!!

Saturday, January 05, 2008

More Stuff!

-Who says there is no time travel! If you leave Tokyo by plane at 7:00am, you will arrive in Honolulu at Approximately 4:30pm the previous day.

-Men can read smaller print than women, but women can hear better. (EH?)

-If a statue of a person in the park on a horse has both front legs in the air, the person died in battle. If the horse has one front leg in the air, the person died as a result of wounds received in battle. If the horse has all four legs on the ground, the person died of natural causes.

-The Japanese eat very little fat, and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans, British or Australians; The French eat lots of fat, and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans, British or Australians; The Japanese drink very little red wine, and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans, British or Australians; The French (and Italians) drink excessive amounts of red wine, and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans, British or Australians. Conclusion: Eat and drink whatever you like, and in any quantities; it’s speaking English that kills you.

-The ant always falls over on its right side when intoxicated. (Now wait a minute... first of all how do they know that, and second, who would have thought this up as an experiment in the first place!)

-Michael Jordan makes more money from Nike annually than the entire Nike factory workers in Malaysia combined.

-Marilyn Monroe had six toes on one foot and two really nice breasts.

-Adolf Hitler's mother seriously considered having an abortion but was talked out of it by her doctor.

-It's impossible to sneeze with your eyes open.

-There are more chickens than people in the world.

-A cockroach can live for 10 days without a head. I can also go about ten days without head!

Allan W Janssen is the author of the book The Plain Truth About God (What the mainstream religions don't want you to know!) and is available at the web site www.God-101.com

Visit the blog "Perspective" at http://God-101.blogspot.com

Labels: , , , , , ,

Saturday Morning Confusion. #14

I have got to tell you right from the "get-go" this morning that I will be rather busy this weekend.

I just had my dick size increased by 3" and have also taken all sorts of vitamins and performance enhancer Meds that I ordered from Canada, so I will be on the go satisfying women just like the ads say.

If you need me, or are a woman with a need then you will have to get me on my cell phone!


Now, as usual we have more than enough contenders for "Asshole of the Week" so this time around we are going to give the trophy and a loud fart to two people again.

First is Britney Spears for getting herself sent for a psychiatric assessment and loosing custody of her kids

Then we have this piece of shit who actually deserves to win the trophy all by himself.

A Sheboygan, Wisconsin man has been charged with break and enter and felony burglary after sneaking into a toddler's bedroom and stealing $20 from a piggy bank while the two-year-old girl slept.

Authorities say DNA evidence linked Ryan Mueller, 30, of Sheboygan Falls to the crime that occurred Aug. 10. They said the girl's mother was in another room with another child when she saw a light turn on in her two-year-old daughter's room.

She walked into the girl's bedroom and saw a man shaking the piggy bank as the girl slept.

The man fled before police arrived, stealing the money but leaving the piggy bank. (They got him on DNA evidence!)!

Next we are going to add a new category to our awards. This one is the "Loser of the Day," for stuff that happens above and beyond the call of duty or is just plain unfortunate!

Two cleaning women spent two days trapped inside a broken elevator in a Chicago suburb.

Beata Bartoszewicz and her mother, Roma Borowski, entered an elevator in an empty building in the suburb of Niles on Dec. 22. After the elevator doors closed, the women discovered they were stuck on the first floor of the two-storey building.

Bartoszewicz says there was no response from an emergency call alarm and the women couldn't pry open the doors.

Neither had a cellphone or water and the building wasn't due to open until after Christmas.

Two days later, on Christmas Eve, an employee of the building happened to go to work and they yelled for his attention.

He heard them and fire crews freed them an hour later.

The women tried to sleep on their coats and used a corner of the elevator as a bathroom.

Bartoszewicz said her mother continually reassured her.

"She kept saying, 'We're going to be OK, and we're going to spend Christmas Eve at home,"' the 25-year-old said.

Bartoszewicz says the moral of the story is simple: "Always take your cellphone with you."

We are also going to give a special "Winner of the Day" trophy to the National Academy of Sciences who on Thursday issued a spirited defense of evolution as the bedrock principle of modern biology, arguing that it, not creationism, must be taught in public school science classes.

The academy, which operates under a mandate from Congress to advise the government on science and technology matters, issued the report at a time when the theory of evolution, first offered in the 19th century, faces renewed attack by some religious conservatives.

Creationism, based on the explanation offered in the Bible, and the related idea of "intelligent design" are not science and, as such, should not be taught in public school science classrooms, according to the report.

"We seem to have continuing challenges to the teaching of evolution in schools. That's something that doesn't seem to go away," Barbara Schaal, an evolutionary biologist at Washington University in St. Louis and vice president of National Academy of Sciences, said in a telephone interview.

"We need a citizenry that's trained in real science."
Evolution is a theory explaining change in living organisms over the eons due to genetic mutations. For example, it holds that humans evolved from earlier forms of apes.

The report stated that the idea of evolution can be fully compatible with religious faith. "Science and religion are different ways of understanding the world. Needlessly placing them in opposition reduces the potential of each to contribute to a better future," said the report.

But teaching creationist ideas in science classes confuses students about what constitutes science and what does not, according to the report's authors.

The report was released by the academy and the Institute of Medicine, which advises policymakers on medical issues. It updates academy publications issued in 1984 and 1999. It was written by a committee headed by University of California-Irvine biology professor Francisco Ayala.

"Biological evolution is one of the most important ideas of modern science. Evolution is supported by abundant evidence from many different fields of scientific investigation. It underlies the modern biological sciences, including the biomedical sciences, and has applications in many other scientific and engineering disciplines," the report stated.
The authors highlighted developments in evolutionary biology, citing its importance in understanding emerging infectious diseases. They noted the discovery, published in 2006, of the remains of a Tiktaalik, a creature described as an evolutionary link between fish and the first vertebrate animals that walked out of water onto land 375 million years ago.

President George W. Bush said in 2005 American students should be instructed about "intelligent design" alongside evolution as competing theories. "Part of education is to expose people to different schools of thought," Bush said.
Advocates of "intelligent design" contend that some biological structures are so complex they could not have appeared merely through natural processes.

A judge in Dover, Pennsylvania ruled in 2005 that the teaching of intelligent design violated the U.S. Constitution, which requires a separation of church and state, because it is based on religious conviction, not science.

A 2006 Gallup poll showed that almost half of Americans believe that humans did not evolve but were created by God in their present form within the last 10,000 years.


We have a couple of honourable mentions here that would have received trophy's on their own except that it's rather old news by now, but if you haven't heard about it yet, a New York window cleaner who survived a 47-storey fall from a skyscraper last month is making a gradual recovery - in what doctors say is a "miracle".

Alcides Moreno, 37, tumbled some 500ft to the ground in a scaffolding accident that killed his brother. (He rode the scaffold down and that broke his fall somewhat!)

And finally this note from Reuters's News.

Remember the guy from Toronto who is 85 and was charged with street racing for going over 100 mph on the 401?

We have a lady in England who did the opposite.

LONDON (Reuters) - A woman banned from driving for seven days after traveling at speeds of less than 10mph on the motorway told Reuters on Friday: "that road's my nemesis." Stephanie Cole, 58, of Fishponds, Bristol, straddled the hard shoulder and inside lane as she dawdled along a stretch of the M32 near her home last August.

In the back window of the car was a sign which said: "I don't do fast, please overtake."

Cole admitted driving without reasonable consideration at North Avon Magistrates' Court on Friday and was told she would have to take another test at the end of the ban.

"I didn't intend getting onto the motorway, but all of a sudden I found myself on it and I could not get off," she told Reuters after the hearing.

"I just panicked. I hate that particular stretch of road and I avoid it normally. It is my nemesis."

Cole had been traveling from her home to a stationer's when she was arrested in her Perodua Kenari mini people-carrier.

"I thought "thank God" when I saw the blue flashing lights," she said. "I thought they could help and I asked them if they could drive me home."

Cole, who has multiple sclerosis, said she depends on her car for getting around.

"I will try and retake the test," she said.

"I will have to do my best when driving, and hope it is better than it was."
Allan W Janssen is the author of the book The Plain Truth About God (What the mainstream religions don't want you to know!) and is available at the web site www.God-101.com

Visit the blog "Perspective" at http://God-101.blogspot.com

Labels: , , , , , , , , , , ,


Dear Sir,
My name is Robert Miller and I live in West Virginia.

Around 1994 I became aware of the series Connections. It was being played back-to-back along with Connections 2. I was so impressed that I recorded them on VHS tape. I used to record lots of things that I thought would be educational to be able to watch later at my leisure. The time never became available and I have been moving my collection of tapes around where ever I would live.

I have now decided to weed through my collection and transfer everything to DVD. Needles to say, that after all these years I have discovered that either I didn't record every episode or I have lost tapes somewhere. I can't find the Connection series anywhere - for a reasonable price.

Any suggestions?

Robert Miller

PS I have added your websight to my Favorites list.

Robert, How about FREE!

Just keep watching this site as we are going to present the entire series over the next little while.

Allan W Janssen

Allan W Janssen is the author of the book The Plain Truth About God (What the mainstream religions don't want you to know!) and is available at the web site www.God-101.com

Visit the blog "Perspective" at http://God-101.blogspot.com

Labels: ,

Friday, January 04, 2008


As any reader of this blog well knows we give equal time to anyone and everyone. (As well as attempting to piss off everybody at one time or another!)

With this in mind our crack "Perspective" research department has uncovered some interesting and instructive facts you should consider.

Christians living in the modern world are at great risk of being led into evil habits that mock God's teachings.

But, God has given us explicit instructions for righteous and holy personal grooming technques. A righteous man will not be tempted by spinning ornaments with colored stripes on them, any more than he is tempted by a harlot with a red incandescent lamp in her den of iniquity.

For it is the Revealed Word of God, directly inserted into the minds of ancient scribes, that a righteous man shall not suffer the scissors and shavers of Satan to come near to his face. "You shall not cut the hair on the sides of your heads, neither shall you clip off the edge of your beard."

As the photo shown here clearly illustrates, a righteous man would never allow his beard to be trimmed.

This man obviously does not go anywhere near a Barber Shop, because he knows that God Hates Barbers.

The righteous man shown on the left has evolved into a truly devout Christian who is concerned with the Holy Sayings. One claim that he obviously realizes is that people should not get haircuts.

Notice how bushy and fully developed is the hair around his temples. Certainly he believes in the Preservation of Favored Hair Growth in the Struggle for Righteousness.

Clearly this righteous man has made a natural selection to avoid the sins of scissors and shavers.

"For ye shall not cut off the hair of your heads round about your temples. This the heathens, infidels, and cute young sexy guys do, either for the worship of their idols on MTV, to whom young men used to consecrate their hair, being cut off from their heads, as Homer, Bart, Moe and many others have done, or for cooler hair styles."

Thy hair stylings shall be an abomination! And thy conditioner is forbidden.

Neither shall ye cut off thy hair and sell it for huge profits on eBay to men with afflictions of the scalp. For baldness is my judgement, sayeth the lord, and the bald shall not adorn their heads with temple cuttings or beard corners lest they should face my wrath.

And there shall be a special judgement for the servants of Satan that work the trimmers and scissors in opposition to my will, for they shall be judged as harshly as Spongebob Squarepants.

And I shall beset you with TV evangelists, and a plague of legislators that shall be in their pockets. My judgement shall be upon those with fancy hairstyles. Surely their blood shall be upon them. Leviticus 19:27, Leviticus 13:41

God Also Hates Vaginas.

He knows what a horrible, sinful, and unclean thing is concealed by women in their shameful desire to spoil the purity of virgin altar boys.

Each and every month women become unclean, and any self respecting and Bible believing man will not sit in a chair that an unclean woman has polluted with her Satanic cooties.15:19 (15:19-30, 33)

God's law for menstruating women:

They are unclean and sinful. Anything that they touch is unclean. Anyone who touches anything that they touch is unclean. Stay completely away from them. (And for God's sake, don't even think about having sex with them!)

Do not sit on a chair, or a couch that has been rendered unclean by a woman and a man who has sex with a menstruating woman "shall be unclean seven days."

But in Lev.20:18 God says that such a man and his menstruating partner "shall be cut off from among their people."

God hates vaginas because they are so disgusting.

Proceed with Caution!

ALSO..... Lobsters, crabs, crayfish, prawns … seafood lovers everywhere relish the mention of such culinary delights. But there’s much more to know about these shellfish than simply how tastily they can be served up on a plate. You need to be aware that that tasty morsel you'd love to eat will cause you to burn in hell for all eternity.

Leviticus 11:9-12 says:

9- These shall ye eat of all that are in the waters: whatsoever hath fins and scales in the waters, in the seas, and in the rivers, them shall ye eat.

10- And all that have not fins and scales in the seas, and in the rivers, of all that move in the waters, and of any living thing which is in the waters, they shall be an abomination unto you:

11- They shall be even an abomination unto you; ye shall not eat of their flesh, but ye shall have their carcases in abomination.

12- Whatsoever hath no fins nor scales in the waters, that shall be an abomination unto you.

Remember, Satan Lurks in Seafood Restaurants!

Satan, through his demonic ally Neptune, has placed these tempting abominations in nearly every body of water on this planet, including both fresh and salt waters.

In addition, as part of his evil plan to confuse and overcome the righteous, he has also placed in various locations around the planet what appear to be ancient fossils of Crustacean-like appearance.

Some seem to be over 6,000 years old, according to so-called Scientists.


Certain cities have become associated with some of these forbidden foods.

In the USA, the city of New Orleans was smote with hurricane Katrina because of all the seafood restaurants that specialize in tempting the faithful with spicy, tasty, delicious shellfish. God has rendered judgement on creole cuisine.

If I lived in Maryland I'd be very careful about where I go to eat.

The entire state of Maine has been given over to the Red Lobster Conspiracy.

San Francisco may be completely a lost cause, as there are seafood restaurants in almost every neighborhood.

Many thought that the great tsunami of December 26, 2004 was a natural disaster. In fact it was God purging the shorelines of abominations such as lobster traps and clam infestations.

Help protect America from the wrath of God, take your whole family and your lawyers with you, and picket the boat of a lobsterman today!


Allan W Janssen is the author of the book The Plain Truth About God (What the mainstream religions don't want you to know!) and is available at the web site www.God-101.com

Visit the blog "Perspective" at http://God-101.blogspot.com

Labels: , , , , , ,


I am going to present a short clip from this series every day, Monday to Friday, and I promise you that following them will be well worth it! Enjoy!


Allan W Janssen is the author of the book The Plain Truth About God (What the mainstream religions don't want you to know!) and is available at the web site www.God-101.com

Visit the blog "Perspective" at http://God-101.blogspot.com

Labels: ,


Just a few things that struck me as I was reading the morning papers.

First of all FORD (Fix Or Repair Daily) Corporation is in trouble. They just got knocked out of the number two spot in the U.S. by Toyota and out of #2 in Canada by Chrysler.

On top of that, General Motors is about to loose it's #1 spot in world wide vehicle sales to Toyota this year.

U.S. car makers continue their slide!!!

The troubled life of Britney Spears added a new chapter when the intoxicated pop star was whisked away in an ambulance after police were called to her house to help solve a nearly three-hour custodial dispute involving her young sons.

Late Thursday, police said officers were called to Spears' house around 8 p.m. in a custodial dispute with ex-husband Kevin Federline over their small boys, Sean Preston and Jayden James.

Footage from Associated Press Television showed Spears being taken away in an ambulance from her home late Thursday while being followed by dozens of celebrity reporters. Several police cars, their sirens blaring in the middle of the night, escorted the ambulance carrying Spears.

Spears has appeared increasingly out of control the last year. She has been photographed without underwear and appeared to be drunk and out-of-control. She shaved her head, beat a car with an umbrella and spent a month in rehab and has had a handful of fender benders, including one in which she ran over a photographer's foot.

Now, let's all feel sorry for the poor people in Atlantic Canada. The four provinces, Prince Edward Island, Nova Scotia, New Brunswick and Newfoundland/Labrador are on the Eastern Seaboard and if you look at a map you see that they sort of stick out into the Atlantic on top of the New England States.

For this reason any winter storm that goes up the coast eventually hits these four provinces and that's where all the snow gets dumped. They actually have more snow than Montreal! (While we here in the sunbelt of Southern Ontario have almost none.)

Anyways, it has snowed out East so much this year that in the cities they have run out of space to put the snow. (And winter ain't nearly over yet bunky!)

They better hope for a January thaw!

Allan W Janssen is the author of the book The Plain Truth About God (What the mainstream religions don't want you to know!) and is available at the web site www.God-101.com

Visit the blog "Perspective" at http://God-101.blogspot.com

Labels: , , , , ,

Thursday, January 03, 2008


If you are as bored as I am at this moment, memorize these in case you ever need them!

Amazing home remedies

1. If you are choking on an ice cube, don't panic. Simply pour a cup of boiling water down your throat and presto. The blockage will be almost instantly removed.

2. Clumsy? Avoid cutting yourself while slicing vegetables by getting someone else to hold them while you chop away.

3. Avoid arguments with your partner about lifting the toilet seat by simply using the sink.

4. For high blood pressure sufferers: simply cut yourself and bleed for a few minutes, thus reducing the pressure in your veins. Remember to use a timer.

5. A mouse trap, placed on top of your alarm clock, will prevent you from rolling over and going back to sleep after you hit the snooze button.

6. If you have a bad cough, take a large dose of laxatives. Then you will be afraid to cough.

7. Have a bad toothache? Smash your thumb with a hammer and you will forget about the toothache.

8. Sometimes, we just need to remember what the rules of life really are:
You only need two tools: WD-40 and Duct Tape. If it doesn't move and should, use the WD-40. If it shouldn't move and does, use the duct tape.

9. Remember: Everyone seems normal until you get to know them.

10. Never pass up an opportunity to go to the bathroom.

11. If you woke up breathing, congratulations! You get another chance.

12. And finally, be really nice to your family and friends; you never know when you might need them to empty your bedpan.

Allan W Janssen is the author of the book The Plain Truth About God (What the mainstream religions don't want you to know!) and is available at the web site www.God-101.com

Visit the blog "Perspective" at http://God-101.blogspot.com

Labels: , , ,

Left or Right?

Today is the official start of the race for President in the U.S. so I thought this might be appropriate for all the political junkies!

20 Things You Have to Believe to be a Republican

1. Being a drug addict is a moral failing and a crime, unless you’re a conservative radio host. Then it’s an illness and you need our prayers for your recovery.

2. The United States should get out of the United Nations, and our highest national priority is enforcing U.N. resolutions against Iraq.

3. Government should relax regulation of Big Business and Big Money but crack down on individuals who use marijuana to relieve the pain of illness.

4. “Standing Tall for America” means firing your workers and moving their jobs to India.

5. A woman can’t be trusted with decisions about her own body, but multinational corporations can make decisions affecting all humankind without regulation.

6. Jesus loves you, and shares your hatred of homosexuals and Hillary Clinton.

7. The best way to improve military morale is to praise the troops in speeches while slashing veterans’ benefits and combat pay.

8. Group sex and drug use are degenerate sins unless you someday run for governor of California as a Republican.

9. If condoms are kept out of schools, adolescents won’t have sex.

10. A good way to fight terrorism is to belittle our longtime allies, then demand their cooperation and money.

11. HMOs and insurance companies have the interest of the public at heart.

12. Providing health care to all Iraqis is sound policy. Providing health care to all Americans is socialism.

13. Global warming and tobacco’s link to cancer are junk science, but creationism should be taught in schools.

14. Saddam was a good guy when Reagan armed him, a bad guy when Bush’s daddy made war on him, a good guy when Cheney did business with him and a bad guy when Bush needed a “we can’t find Bin Laden” diversion.

15. A president lying about an extramarital affair is an impeachable offense. A president lying to enlist support for a war in which thousands die is a solid defense policy.

16. Government should limit itself to the powers named in the Constitution, which include banning gay marriages and censoring the Internet.

17. The public has a right to know about Hillary’s cattle trades, but George Bush’s driving record is none of our business.

18. You support states’ rights, which means Attorney General John Ashcroft can tell states what local voter initiatives they have a right to adopt.

19. What Bill Clinton did in the 1960s is of vital national interest, but what Bush did in the 1980s is irrelevant.

20. Trade with Cuba is wrong because the country is communist; but trade with China and Vietnam is vital to a spirit of international harmony.

20 Things You Have to Believe to be a Democrat

1) You have to believe the AIDS virus is spread by a lack of funding.

2) You have to be against capital punishment but for abortion on demand -in short, you support protecting the guilty and killing the innocent.

3) You have to believe that the same overpaid public school idiot who can't teach 4th graders how to read is qualified to teach those same kids about sex.

4) You have to believe that trial lawyers are selfless heroes and doctors are overpaid.

5) You have to believe that guns in the hands of law-abiding Americans are more of a threat than nuclear weapons in the hands of the Red Chinese.

6) You have to believe that global temperatures are less affected by cyclical, documented changes in the brilliance of the Sun, and more affected by yuppies driving SUVs.

7) You have to believe that gender roles are artificial but being gay is natural.

8) You have to believe that businesses create oppression and governments create prosperity.

9) You have to believe that hunters don't care about nature but pasty-faced, fey activists who've never been outside Seattle do.

10) You have to believe that self-esteem is more important than actually doing something to earn it.

11) You have to believe there was no art before federal funding.

12) You have to believe the military, not corrupt politicians, start wars.

13) You have to believe the free market that gives us 500+ channels can't deliver the programming quality PBS does.

14) You have to believe the NRA is bad, because it stands up for certain parts of the Constitution, while the ACLU is good, because they stand up for certain parts of the Constitution.

15) You have to believe that taxes are too low but ATM fees are too high.

16) You have to believe that Harriet Tubman, Cesar Chavez and Gloria Steinman are more important to American history than Thomas Jefferson, General Robert E. Lee or Thomas Alva Edison.

17) You have to believe that standardized tests are racist, but racial quotas and set-asides aren't.

18) You have to believe that second-hand smoke is more dangerous than HIV.

19) You have to believe that conservatives are racists but black people couldn't make it without your help.

20) You have to believe that the only reason democratic socialism hasn't worked anywhere it's been tried is because the right people haven't been in charge.


No matter whether you're left or right, you have to believe that this message is a part of a vast conspiracy.

Allan W Janssen is the author of the book The Plain Truth About God (What the mainstream religions don't want you to know!) and is available at the web site www.God-101.com

Visit the blog "Perspective" at http://God-101.blogspot.com

Labels: , , ,

NOT the little old lady from Pasadena!

Ontario has been having a lot of trouble with crazy drivers, aggressive drivers, stupid drivers, nutso drivers, sloppy drivers and street racng in the last while.

Because of this an 85-year-old Thornhill man has become the oldest driver to be charged under the province's new street racing law, after he was allegedly caught driving 161 kilometres an hour on Hwy. 407. (Over 100 mph)

The Globe and Mail reports police pulled over the senior citizen in his Oldsmobile Intrigue after he sped past a marked OPP cruiser that was parked on the highway near Pine Valley. The man told officers that he was getting his pregnant wife to the hospital. (She is 82 and the cops didn't believe him.)

The man's car has been impounded for seven days. If found guilty, the driver faces a minimum fine of $2,000.

Allan W Janssen is the author of the book The Plain Truth About God (What the mainstream religions don't want you to know!) and is available at the web site www.God-101.com

Visit the blog "Perspective" at http://God-101.blogspot.com

Labels: , ,


I am going to present a short clip from this series every day, Monday to Friday, and I promise you that following them will be well worth it! Enjoy!


Allan W Janssen is the author of the book The Plain Truth About God (What the mainstream religions don't want you to know!) and is available at the web site www.God-101.com

Visit the blog "Perspective" at http://God-101.blogspot.com

Labels: ,

Wednesday, January 02, 2008

Pakistan getting "Interesting!"

I have stated several times on this blog that I didn't see anything wrong with Islam that a good old reformation just like the one that Christianity and Judaism are going through would cure.

This would immediately bring the religion out of the twelfth century and into the twenty first. (At least, the Islam that is being preached by a lot of Imam's)

What I did and continue to say is that we have a MAJOR problem with the Imam's around the world who are in the same boat as the Christian honcho's (Vatican) were back in the "dark ages!"

(An Imam has about the same say in Islam as the Vatican in Christianity even though they will deny it.)

That is, they are fighting tooth and nail to keep their stranglehold on the faithfull. They are also running scared and starting to lash out in irrational fury at those around them that threaten their power base.


A FANATICAL Pakistani cleric told The Sun yesterday of his chilling dream to turn the world Muslim – by force if necessary.

Qari Hifzur Rehamn, 60, spoke openly of imposing Islamic law’s stoning and beheading on Britain – as Pakistan was rocked by unrest over the assassination of Benazir Bhutto.

He warned: “We want Islamic law for all Pakistan and then the world.

“We would like to do this by preaching. But if not then we would use force.”

Rehamn, 60, spoke in the Pakistani town of Kahuta as the call to prayer echoed over the dusty streets.

He is Imam of the town’s fundamentalist religious school or madrassa, where classes for kids as young as nine include Jihad or Holy War and barbaric punishments. (Get em while they're young - ED.)

His teachings are frightening enough. But his mosque lies in the shadow of the secret bunker where Pakistan produces nuclear weapons.

And when asked if it would be right to nuke British infidels, he laughed and answered: “Probably.”

Rehamn, in a flowing grey beard and turban, explained Islamic, or Sharia Law as we sat surrounded by some of his 250 students.

He said: “Adulterers who are married should be buried in earth to the waist and stoned to death.

“Homosexuals must be killed – it’s the only way to stop them spreading. It should be by beheading or stoning, which the general public can do.

“Thieves should have their hands cut off. Women should remain indoors and films and pop music should be banned.”

So what does he think of Britain? He insisted: “The nonbelievers must be converted to Islam. Morals in your society, with women wearing revealing clothes, have gone wrong.”
We might sometimes think it better to just cut ties with these Islamic countries and say "The Hell with them," but it is no longer that easy.

Not only do we have attitudes such as those just described above, but situations such as this below to compound the threat.

The spot where enriched uranium is produced for Pakistan’s 80 to 120 nuclear warheads is behind razor wire less than five miles from where we spoke.

A dummy missile even sits in a children’s playground in Kahuta.

Only this month, doomed opposition leader Benazir Bhutto raised the spectre of al-Qaeda-linked Islamic militants seizing control of Pakistan’s nuclear warheads – and activity by radicals near Kahuta.

Despite the efforts of politicians such as her to champion democracy, the country has long been a hotbed of Islamic extremism and there is no shortage of potential martyrs.

At the Red Mosque in the heart of the capital Islamabad, Maulana Mohavya Irshad, 24, stared coldly at me. He said: “I’m ready to become a suicide bomber and lay down my life for Islam. Democracy is wrong. Earth belongs to God and God’s law must be implemented.

“I hope Britain and the rest of the world will have Sharia Law this century. We will continue to sacrifice our lives to achieve this.”

Meanwhile, the al-Qaeda warlord accused of masterminding the death of Ms Bhutto, 54, has warned his 13,000-strong private army will fight to the death against any troops sent to seize him.

Long-bearded Baitullah Mehsud, holed up in the bandit country of South Waziristan on the Afghan border, denied being behind Bhutto’s murder last Thursday in a suicide bomb attack in Rawalpindi.

But his cousin Shehryar Mehsud, 34, told The Sun: “Baitullah and the rest of us will fight to the last man.

Our army of thousands of Muslim brothers is ready for Jihad against the infidels and against the infidel government in Pakistan.

“UK and America are the enemy number one of Islam. We have joined the Taliban troops fighting in Afghanistan and will continue Jihad until we liberate the country.”

The Pakistani government claims a phone-tap caught Mehsud, 34, and a cleric gloating over Bhutto’s death, calling it “spectacular”.

His cousin insisted: “Baitullah Mehsud is not involved in the killing of Western ally Benazir Bhutto.

“We did not kill her but she was against Islam and Islamic teachings.”

Another of his clan, Mohamad Ali Mehsud, 26, bragged to The Sun about Mehsud striking from his lair in Pakistan against British and US forces in Afghanistan.

Mohamad said: “Baitullah is cunning. He moves positions all the time and uses disguises. Many times he has survived by a whisker.

“His men cross into Afghanistan, fight infidel soldiers and steal laptops, mobile phones and money. They bribe the soldiers guarding the border to get back into Pakistan.”

But did Mehsud kill Bhutto? Mohamad said: “Baitullah didn’t like Bhutto’s lipstick and Western ways. But he didn’t kill her. He only kills men.”
Allan W Janssen is the author of the book The Plain Truth About God (What the mainstream religions don't want you to know!) and is available at the web site www.God-101.com

Visit the blog "Perspective" at http://God-101.blogspot.com

Labels: ,

Stroke of Genius!

Everyone's a Genius in one way or another. It might not be apparent to you but we all excel in at least a few areas.

Geniuses don't necessarily think any differently than other people, but sometimes they think faster, sometimes they are more persistent, and sometimes they just have different habits of thought, like thinking "Outside the box!"

Want to learn more and be smarter? Follow these steps and you're well on your way!

1. Read as much as you can. This is one of the best ways to expand your mind. Minimize the time you spend watching TV, which is much less useful.

2. Learn as much as you can about everything. The more you know, the more options you will have. You can actually make yourself a tiny bit smarter by learning a lot, too. There are lots of ways to learn.

3. Whenever you are confronted with a problem, try to think of many different ways to solve it. Don't rule out the improbable or impractical, especially at first, and especially if you are looking for creative answers. When you first begin a problem-solving process or creative endeavor, just generate as many ideas as you can, as fast as you can jot them down. Even if it takes thinking of 100 ideas to generate one good one, you still end up with one good idea.

4. Always pay attention to small details. They can be incredibly important.

5. Rephrase the problem or question. Make sure you understand it, then put it into your own words, then see if you can put a different light on the issue. Many times, the problem itself needs to be better defined than what somebody has handed you.

6. Ask lots of "what-if" questions. Try to think of the most wildly improbable situations to test your ideas.

7. Ask lots of questions in general, even if you don't have answers yet.

8. Ask other people for input. Everyone sees the world a little differently, and other people might have useful ideas or insights that you never even thought of, or their comments may prompt you to think of something new. Think of the problem (or simply look at the world) from different points of view. What would this look like from the perspective of an ant? An airplane? A child?

9. Never give up on a problem by calling it "unsolvable." Very, very few things are truly impossible. Just because no solution has been found does not mean that none exists.

10. Also try using your less dominant side of your body times to times, like using your left hand if your right handed, or vise versa. Left handed people have been shown to be more creative, and right handed people have been shown to be more visual.

11. Learn how you learn. Different people learn differently. Major ways of learning include seeing, hearing, talking, listening, touching, manipulating, reading, interpreting ideas and writing. Feel free to doodle, talk out loud, or touch and play with the item you're thinking about. Any of these activities can help facilitate your thought process.

12. Embrace change, uncertainty, and doubt. It is on these edges of knowledge that innovation and discovery happen.

13. Question conventional wisdom. If everybody believes something is one way, ask why. What evidence is there for this belief? What evidence might there be to the contrary. Many great discoveries began by looking at conventional wisdom differently.

14. Practice. Rehearse, scribble, sketch, sing in the shower, talk to yourself, or try what you're doing several different ways. Genius doesn't always come naturally. It helps to create a safe place for practice, whether that is scratch paper, someplace where nobody is watching, or a test copy of whatever you're doing. It will help you learn with confidence if you know that nothing will break. Think of mistakes as ways to learn how not to do something. As you learn something, you will make mistakes. Don't let them shake your confidence or dampen your persistence.

15. Experiment. If you're not sure how something will work, try it and see.

16. Keep an open mind. Don't discount an unexpected or even an unwelcome outcome. Instead, evaluate it. Even if you learn how something does not work, or how not to do something, you will learn something.

When you learn something new, try to apply it and connect it to what you already know. You will remember the information better and you might come up with a new idea. For example, if somebody shows you a new kind of jam, think about how it would taste on your favorite type of sandwich. If you're trying to learn a language, use what you have learned to write or say new sentences that aren't in the book.

Read about geniuses, especially in the field(s) that interest you. What made Richard Feynman great? What about Frida Kahlo?

Find your own talents and interests, and develop your strengths. One person may be terrible at sports but adept at working with animals. You may be a good writer even if your spelling is terrible. Try lots of different things.

Write things down. Keep a notebook. Even if you never show it around, it will be a record of your guesses, and you may find good ideas there later.

Allan W Janssen is the author of the book The Plain Truth About God (What the mainstream religions don't want you to know!) and is available at the web site www.God-101.com

Visit the blog "Perspective" at http://God-101.blogspot.com

Labels: , , ,


Tzarjay said...

Hi Allan,

Just wanted to let you know that after seeing a few "connections" clips you linked to, it convinced me to obtain the entire three series. Great documentaries, a very interesting way to look at change, and it's given me some... wait for it.... "Perspective"

Tuesday, January 01, 2008 7:00:00 AM

Allan W Janssen is the author of the book The Plain Truth About God (What the mainstream religions don't want you to know!) and is available at the web site www.God-101.com

Visit the blog "Perspective" at http://God-101.blogspot.com

Labels: ,


I am going to present a short clip from this series every day, Monday to Friday, and I promise you that following them will be well worth it! Enjoy!


Allan W Janssen is the author of the book The Plain Truth About God (What the mainstream religions don't want you to know!) and is available at the web site www.God-101.com

Visit the blog "Perspective" at http://God-101.blogspot.com

Labels: ,

Snowbank profits mount while pile shrinks!

The great snowbank saga continues in Quebec.

With the pile almost completely gone at 25 bucks a pop the profit for charity is now just a tad over 10 grand! ($10,000-)

The holiday spirit caught on with everyone and besides that, our research staff has learned that the last few days have been carnival like in the neighborhood where it is all taking place.

A lot of people took advantage of the free photo of themselves getting their "lump" of the pile so they have a record of their "tangible" product, while in the spring they will be able to convert it to "liquid assets!"

Meanwhile, Michel Levesque, the original owner of the snowbank, is being given a "Perspective" award for Marketing.

To do such a phenomenal job selling a snowbank in Montreal is an achievement that should not go unnoticed!

You think I'm kidding? This is a typical suburban Montreal street around this time of year. I mean, Montreal is great in the summer, but January and February, forget it!

Allan W Janssen is the author of the book The Plain Truth About God (What the mainstream religions don't want you to know!) and is available at the web site www.God-101.com

Visit the blog "Perspective" at http://God-101.blogspot.com

Labels: , , , , , ,

Tuesday, January 01, 2008

Idea Snowballs!

A Quebec family that paid $3,550 for a snowbank in St. Eustache has found a way to make the purchase even more valuable.

You remember the story a few days ago on how a guy in Quebec sold a snow bank on E-Bay for $3,550- to another family nearby.

That family has raised more than $7,000 extra for a children's charity by selling $25 bags of the snow to people passing by as they cheerfully cleared it from Michel Levesque's property.

"What makes it so special is the cause underneath it," said Sylvie Rouillier of Longueuil, whose family bought the snow from Levesque on the internet auction site eBay.
The cause is Opration Enfant Soleil, a charity that helps children in Quebec hospitals and so we are going to make Sylvie our winner of the day!

You could say it's an idea that snowballed!

Allan W Janssen is the author of the book The Plain Truth About God (What the mainstream religions don't want you to know!) and is available at the web site www.God-101.com

Visit the blog "Perspective" at http://God-101.blogspot.com

Labels: , , , , , ,


I am going to present a short clip from this series every day, Monday to Friday, and I promise you that following them will be well worth it! Enjoy!


Allan W Janssen is the author of the book The Plain Truth About God (What the mainstream religions don't want you to know!) and is available at the web site www.God-101.com

Visit the blog "Perspective" at http://God-101.blogspot.com

Labels: ,

Fearless Predictions for 2008


My, oh my, what does the year have in store for us?

Whatever it is, this might help ease the bumps and potholes.

Due to space constraints we can't go into great detail on these predictions, suffice to say that the research department here at "Perspective" put in a lot of overtime during the last month or so!

1. The big one for Americans, Hillary Clinton will edge out John McCain for President!

2. Remember the Y2K bug? We're going to have a crisis like that in the next year when we get the first data center meltdown!

3. Social Networks will fade slightly as people object to the amount of personal information being stored about them. This is actually true for the entire web industry!

4. In spite of the Writers Guild of America strike, the issue at stake, (Internet distribution) is not that important because Silicon Valley is not likely to take over Hollywood and it certainly isn’t going to happen in 2008.

5. Speaking of Hollywood, I will make no predictions about people such as Britney Spears, Katie Couric or any other celebrity because no one knows what these idiots are going to do next and I personally don't care! (O.K., Katie's not an idiot, but Britney sure is!)

6. Ethical eating: Expect to see more eco-friendly labels such as carbon footprint, wild-caught and the like.

7. Afghanistan will continue to escalate in violence because it is by now inbreed amongst the Afghan people. The situation in Iraq will actually improve somewhat but the conflict with al-Qaeda will intensify with most of the trouble amongst Muslims themselves rather than with the West. (Personally, I feel that they can blow each other up and shoot each other all they want because the more they do that the less they bother the West. I know that's not nice but Fuck 'em...... it's a two way street!) Al-Qaeda itself will become more of a local phenomenon as regional groups use the name to avenge any bitches they have with local organizations. In other words it becomes a "catch-all phrase" for any cause!

8. The Olympics in China will be a general success because the Government there can't afford to let it be anything else!

9. Kim Jong-ill will revert to form and jerk us around with nuclear stuff and any other shit he can get away with. Bribing him with money didn't work so maybe we could give him and his family a life-time pass to any Disneyworld. Trust me, the research staff has spent a lot of time analyzing this guy and that would work where nothing else has!

10. The National Hurricane Center will issue a revised list of hurricane names for 2008 that reflects the current state of fear-mongering and hysteria. The storms of 2008 will be named Armageddon, Beelzebub, Catastrophe, Despair, Eliminator, Frightful, Godzilla, Hellhole, Intimidator, Jaundiced, Killer, Lightning, Massacre, Nuclear, Oppressive, Pandemonium, Quarrelsome, Ripper, Slasher, Thunder, Undertaker, Vampire, Woebegon, Xanax, Yeehaw and Zero.

11. Somebody will propose that something be changed for the better. Mobs of Right Wing Fundamentalists in the States will decry the proposal as immoral, un-Godly, anti-American, elitist, unsavory and loaded with trans fats. Same thing in the Middle-East except the words "infidels" and "Jihad" and "anti-Islam" will be thrown into the soup as well.

12. Don't look for the real estate market to get much better in 2008 although I doubt if we will have a serious meltdown.

13. Another bad year for Detroit automakers with Toyota overtaking G.M. as the world's largest car maker. Can't feel sorry for Detroit, it's survival of the fittest kids.

14. The war in Iraq and other Bush folly's might not decimate the economy in 2008. It will probably totter along until Bush is safely out of office.

15. I will not give any sports predictions because that would just be stupid!

16. In spite of serious efforts, New Orleans will only remain a shell of it's former self as people realize that re-building it is futile.

17. Pakistan is a big black hole that anyone would be silly to try and predict although this in itself is a rather telling indicator.

18. Iran will develop nuclear weapons, thumb their nose at the rest of the world in attempting to become THE major player in the Middle-East and the whole region will slide closer to Armageddon.

19. Turkey will retreat from E.U. membership and unless someone comes up with the bright idea of bringing Russian into the E.U. they will continue to cause problems as they flex their oil and natural gas muscles.


And there you have it, all the information you need to get you through 2008!

Allan W Janssen is the author of the book The Plain Truth About God (What the mainstream religions don't want you to know!) and is available at the web site http://www.god-101.com/

Visit the blog "Perspective" at http://God-101.blogspot.com

Labels: , ,

Monday, December 31, 2007

Election is over!

This is about as un-scientific as you can get, but the results of our poll for the U.S. Presidential Election are in and it looks rather surprising.

But, before we get to the results, Newsweek published a poll as well today, and our "Perspective" research staff did a far better job because Newsweek would only list the top candidates for each Party while we called the whole election and the percentages for each candidate!

First Newsweek called the candidates for the Republicans by popularity.

1. McCain
2. Huckabee
3. Romney

Then the Democrats.

1. Obama
2. Clinton
3. Edwards

Now our election includes everyone which is not the way a general election would run. It would only be one Republican against one Democrat but if it was a wide open field it would look something like this!

Total popular vote amongst U.S. population!!!!!!!

1. Obama 19%
2. McCain 16%
3. Edwards 16%
4. Paul 16%
5. Clinton 12%
6. Huckabee 8%
7. Bidden 8%
8. Giuliani 5%

Now please don't forget these percentages only apply if all candidates were running, and there are so many other variables. Even at this late date, more than half of all voters in Iowa and New Hampshire say they have not made up their minds for sure.

Many are still deciding which candidate they think would make the best president. But thousands of others are wrestling with a more cold-blooded question: who can win in November?

Most early head-to-head polls show John McCain and Barack Obama as the strongest candidates in a general election, a reflection of their slight edge over their primary opponents among independents, who make up at least a third of the electorate and often determine the outcome.

But "electability voters" need more than polls. With the stipulation that 10 months is an eon in politics, let's make some educated guesses about the pros and cons of how each of the plausible candidates would do in the Big Show.

These assessments could be thrown off by unexpected developments, the entrance of a third-party candidate or the particular dynamics of various match ups of Republican and Democratic nominees. Plus, I just don't think America is ready to elect a Black President. A woman maybe, but a Black........ NO!

(We have to remember the the United States on the whole is still a very Conservative country, so where Clinton or Obama might have a better chance here in Canada or some of the more liberal European Countries.... in the States it's an uphill battle.)


(We've never been wrong, but then again this is our first year!)

Allan W Janssen is the author of the book The Plain Truth About God (What the mainstream religions don't want you to know!) and is available at the web site www.God-101.com

Visit the blog "Perspective" at http://God-101.blogspot.com



It is with extreme regret that I must confess we made a drastic mistake here on "Perspective" on Friday December 28th.

Despite the many safeguards in place to prevent things like this from happening, it was only a few days after Christmas and the first day back at work for most of the "Perspective" staff so I can't be too harsh with them.

The article in question was about my telling kids to be cautious on the Internet and I wrote about how that nice kid on the web could actually be someone like my next door neighbour Charlie, so they should be careful!

(Actually, in spite of his looks, he is sort of a nice "kid," just a bit weird at times!)

Anyway, I wrote the article and then instructed the copy department to add the picture of Charlie and then do the usual composition and production, but due to a labelling problem they put in the wrong picture!!!!

<-- This picture (which they put in by mistake) is actually a photo of Santa that was sent to us on the 26th of December by Mrs. Clause. (This was Santa's first day in Hawaii for his post-Christmas break and as you can see from his bare chest he wasn't used to the heat yet!)

I and all the staff here at "Perspective" sincerely apologize to Santa for any mistakes that were made and we of course in no way meant to suggest that HE was weird.

(Although I assume Santa has enough of a sense of humour to see it that way as well!)

Allan W Janssen is the author of the book The Plain Truth About God (What the mainstream religions don't want you to know!) and is available at the web site www.God-101.com

Visit the blog "Perspective" at http://God-101.blogspot.com

Labels: , , ,


A few months ago I did one article on cooking [Turkey Surprise]and said that that fulfilled my culinary obligations since everyone in the world is passing recipes around on the Internet.

Now we shall do one brief fling with photography just so no one can bitch that I don't provide enough variety on this blog.

My crack research staff scoured the Internet to find the one article that was most relevant for photography and we present it here for your education. Knock yourself out! Click! Click!

Allan W Janssen is the author of the book The Plain Truth About God (What the mainstream religions don't want you to know!) and is available at the web site http://www.god-101.com/

Visit the blog "Perspective" at http://God-101.blogspot.com

Labels: ,


I am going to present a short clip from this series every day, Monday to Friday, and I promise you that following them will be well worth it! Enjoy!


Allan W Janssen is the author of the book The Plain Truth About God (What the mainstream religions don't want you to know!) and is available at the web site www.God-101.com

Visit the blog "Perspective" at http://God-101.blogspot.com

Labels: ,

Sunday, December 30, 2007

Snow Job?

Well Christmas is over and on top of the usual expenses this time of year, there were some additional car repairs, a quick flight to B.C. for some family matters and a few other things that all told drained the bank account pretty good!

That's why this story I find not only hard to believe myself, but shows me how stupid and unjust the world really is.

(In spite of my thoughts, our research staff checked it out and it's absolutely true! This story got extensive coverage over the last few days here is Canada but I'm not sure how extensively it was covered in the States, Europe or the rest of the World because a lot of people probably thought it was a bunch of crap!)

Are you ready???? Here it is! A guy in Quebec (where they got a few snowstorms over the past few weeks) shoveled out his driveway and had a big snowbank which was then made even bigger by city plows cleaning the roads.

So, this guy has a big snowbank and it blocks his view when he wants to pull out of the driveway, but he doesn't want to have to shovel the whole thing again to clear his line of sight for oncoming traffic. With me so far?

OK, like I said a few sentences ago, here I am facing a few extra bills and what's the best way to pay them, and on the other hand here is a guy with a huge snowbank and he doesn't know how to move it!

That, in a nutshell is our problem.

The solution?

I decide I will have to bear down and just pay off the bills as fast as I can and that's that!

The guy in Quebec with the snowbank decides that rather than move it again....... HE'S GOING TO SELL IT ON E-BAY!

Now this is hard enough to believe but, the real stunner is that HE GOT $3500.00 FOR IT. (That's thirty five hundred bucks)

Don't believe me?

If I'm lyin, I'm dyin! It's nowhere near April 1st and here's the story from Canadian Press!!

After sifting through a couple of phoney offers, a Quebec man found a buyer willing to snap up his snowbank for a cool $3,550.

Michel Levesque, who put his snowbank up for auction on EBay, thought he had unloaded the imposing mound on Saturday.

But the top bid turned out to be a prank, said Levesque, who planned to donate his earnings to a local youth organization.

When the second-highest bidder also declined to buy the pile, he called Sophie Rouillier, whose $3,000 offer was No. 3.

Rouillier and husband, Claude Fraser, jumped at the chance, and, with the help of their three children, dug up another $550.

"It's a snowbank like any other one, but it's the fact of giving a donation ... it's not really for the snowbank," Rouillier said on Sunday, as she stood next to her frosty heap in front of Levesque's house.

She said her family was so thrilled with the purchase that her children decided to break their piggy banks to match the top bid.

The Longueuil, Que., family donates money to different organizations every year, but never more than a few hundred dollars, she said.

But Rouillier said they got caught up in the flurry of media excitement that followed the auction, and kept increasing their offer until it hit $3,000.

"If other people can be encouraged by all of this enthusiasm, it will be great," she said.

Rouillier and her family will be in front of Levesque's house on Monday, selling lumps of the snowbank by the shovel to raise more money for the charity.

The rest will be carted away in a neighbour's trailer. It will be put to good use, she said.

"We're going to bring our shovels and bring the snow home," she said. "We're going to put it on our lawn so the kids can play in it. Of course, we have a snowbank also, but it's not as high as this one."

The Montreal area was pounded by two snowstorms in recent weeks, which helped build the giant bank on Levesque's front yard, in Saint-Eustache, just north of the city.

Levesque said the snowbank auction started off as a joke, but interest in the heap quickly snowballed.

He was shocked to see the bids roll in.

"It's good news, everyone's happy," Levesque said. "All's well that ends well."

On Sunday, he said the snowbank was dirtier than when he first photographed it a couple of weeks ago, but contends the Rouillier family has made a quality purchase.

"It melted a bit, but it's still at a noticeable height," Levesque said of the two-metre mound.

"It's not an extraordinary snowbank, but it's a nice snowbank."
Ain't life a pisser?

Allan W Janssen is the author of the book The Plain Truth About God (What the mainstream religions don't want you to know!) and is available at the web site www.God-101.com

Visit the blog "Perspective" at http://God-101.blogspot.com


Sunday Morning Funnies #17

Why Did the Chicken Cross the Road?

The problem we have here is that this chicken won't realize that he must first deal with the problem on 'THIS' side of the road before it goes after the problem on the 'OTHER SIDE' of the road. What we need to do is help him realize how stupid he's acting by not taking on his 'CURRENT' problems before adding 'NEW' problems.

Well, I understand that the chicken is having problems, which is why he wants to cross this road so bad. So instead of having the chicken learn from his mistakes and take falls, which is a part of life, I'm going to give this chicken a car so that he can just drive across the road and not live his life like the rest of the chickens.

We don't really care why the chicken crossed the road. We just want to know if the chicken is on our side of the road, or not. The chicken is either against us, or for us. There is no middle ground here.

Now to the left of the screen, you can clearly see the satellite image of the chicken crossing the road...

We have reason to believe there is a chicken, but we have not yet been allowed to have access to the other side of the road.

Although I voted to let the chicken cross the road, I am now against it! It was the wrong road to cross, and I was misled about the chicken's intentions. I am not for it now, and will remain against it in the future unless I change my mind.

That chicken crossed the road because he' s GUILTY! You can see it in his eyes and the way he walks.

To steal the job of a decent, hardworking American.

No one called me to warn me which way that chicken was going. I had a standing order at the Farmer's Market to sell my eggs when the price dropped to a certain level. No little bird gave me any insider information.

Did the chicken cross the road? Did he cross it with a toad? Yes, the chicken crossed the road, but why it crossed I've not been told.

To die in the rain. Alone.

Because the chicken was gay! Can't you people see the plain truth?' That's why they call it the 'other side.' Yes, my friends, that chicken is gay. And if you eat that chicken, you will become gay too. I say we boycott all chickens until we sort out this abomination that the liberal media white washes with seemingly harmless phrases like 'the other side. That chicken should not be crossing the road. It's as plain and as simple as that.

In my day we didn't ask why the chicken crossed the road. Somebody told us the chicken crossed the road, and that was good enough.

Isn't that interesting? In a few moments, we will be listening to the chicken tell, for the first time, the heart warming story of how it experienced a serious case of molting, and went on to accomplish its life long dream of crossing the road.

Imagine all the chickens in the world crossing roads together, in peace.

It is the nature of chickens to cross the road.

I have just released eChicken2007, which will not only cross roads, but will lay eggs, file your important documents, and balance your check book. Internet Explorer is an integral part of eChicken This new platform is much more stable and will never cra...#@&&^(C% ........ reboot.

Did the chicken really cross the road, or did the road move beneath the chicken?

I did not cross the road with THAT chicken. What is your definition of chicken?

I invented the chicken!

Where's my gun?

Why are all the chickens white? We need some black chickens

Did I miss one?

Jack decided to go skiing with his buddy, Bob. So they loaded up Jack's
mini van and headed north.

After driving for a few hours, they got caught in a terrible blizzard. So
they pulled into a nearby farm and asked the attractive lady who answered
the door if they could spend the night.

"I realize it's terrible weather out there and I have this huge house all
to myself, but I'm recently widowed," she explained. "I'm afraid the
neighbors will talk if I let you stay in my house."

"Don't worry," Jack said. "We'll be happy to sleep in the barn. And if the
weather breaks, we'll be gone at first light." The lady agreed, and the
two men found their way to the barn and settled
in for the night.

Come morning, the weather had cleared, and they got on their way. They
enjoyed a great weekend of skiing. But about nine months later, Jack got
an unexpected letter from an attorney. It took him a few minutes to figure
it out, but he finally determined that it was from the attorney of that
attractive widow he had met on the ski weekend.

He dropped in on his friend Bob and asked, "Bob, do you remember that
good-looking widow from the farm we stayed at on our ski holiday up North
about 9 months ago?" "Yes, I do." said Bob.

"Did you, er, happen to get up in the middle of the night, go up to the
house and pay her a visit?"

"Well, um, yes," Bob said, a little embarrassed about being found out. "I
have to admit that I did."

"And did you happen to use my name instead of telling her your name?"

Bob's face turned beet red and he said, "Yeah, look, I'm sorry, buddy.
I'm afraid I did. Why do you ask?"

"She just died and left me everything."

And Finally, as I go through middle age and start to feel Old Man Winter approach I occasionally take solace in these words!

The other day a young person asked me how I felt about being old. I was taken aback, for I do not think of myself as old.

Upon seeing my reaction, she was immediately embarrassed, but I explained that it was an interesting question, and I would ponder it, and let her know.

Old Age, I decided, is a gift.

I am now, probably for the first time in my life, the person I have always wanted to be. Oh, not my body! I sometime despair over my body, the wrinkles, the baggy eyes, and the sagging butt. And often I am taken aback by that old person that lives in my mirror (who looks like my mother!), but I don't agonize over those things for long.

I would never trade my amazing friends, my wonderful life, my loving family for less gray hair or a flatter belly. As I've aged, I've become more kind to myself, and less critical of myself.

I've become my own friend. I don't chide myself for eating that extra cookie, or for not making my bed, or for buying that silly cement gecko that I didn't need, but looks so avante garde on my patio.

I am entitled to a treat, to be messy, to be extravagant.

I have seen too many dear friends leave this world too soon; before they understood the great freedom that comes with aging.

Whose business is it if I choose to read or play on the computer until 4 AM and sleep until noon?

I will dance with myself to those wonderful tunes of the 60&70's, and if I,
at the same time, wish to weep over a lost love .. I will.

I will walk the beach in a swim suit that is stretched over a bulging body, and will dive into the waves with abandon if I choose to, despite the pitying glances from the jet set.

They, too, will get old.

I know I am sometimes forgetful. But there again, some of life is just as well forgotten. And I eventually remember the important things.

Sure, over the years my heart has been broken. How can your heart not break when you lose a loved one, or when a child suffers, or even when somebody's beloved pet gets hit by a car?

Broken hearts are what give us strength and understanding and compassion. A heart never broken is pristine and sterile and will never know the joy of being imperfect.

I am so blessed to have lived long enough to have my hair turning gray, and to have my youthful laughs be forever etched into deep grooves on my face.

So many have never laughed, and so many have died before their hair could turn silver.

As you get older, it is easier to be positive. You care less about what other people think. I don't question myself anymore. I've even earned the right to be wrong.

So, to answer your question, I like being old. It has set me free. I like the person I have become. I am not going to live forever, but while I am still here, I will not waste time lamenting what could have been, or worrying about what will be. And I shall eat dessert every single day.

(If I feel like it)

Allan W Janssen is the author of the book The Plain Truth About God (What the mainstream religions don't want you to know!) and is available at the web site www.God-101.com

Visit the blog "Perspective" at http://God-101.blogspot.com

Labels: ,