- PERSPECTIVE -

- EVERYONE SEEMS NORMAL UNTIL YOU GET TO KNOW THEM! -

My Photo
Name:

Middle aged heterosexual, WASP male. Semi retired, semi-sane and semi-serious. And endangered species and I'm not going quietly!!!!

Friday, December 21, 2007

CONNECTIONS!

I am going to present a short clip from this series every day, Monday to Friday, and I promise you that following them will be well worth it! Enjoy!

4-5



Allan W Janssen is the author of The Plain Truth About God at www.God-101.com and visit the blog "Perspective" at http://God-101.blogspot.com

Labels: ,

Thursday, December 20, 2007

Gold Pill makes your poop glitter for $425

I have really got to hand it to my research staff here at "Perspective!"
In a continuing effort to keep our readers informed on the latest news from the world at large they constantly come up with these little gems of knowledge.

If you've got so much money that you're just looking for new ways to waste it, Tobias Wong and Ju$t Another Rich Kid created the Gold Pill for you.

It's a pill dipped in gold and filled with 24-karat gold leaf.

You're supposed to eat it "to increase your self-worth."

(That would be funny if it didn't cost $425 for a shitty joke.)

Supposedly an added benefit is that it will make your poop sparkle!

Your shit might still stink, but at least if will look nice!

Allan W Janssen is the author of The Plain Truth About God at www.God-101.com and visit the blog "Perspective" at http://God-101.blogspot.com

Labels: , ,

Aliens Amongst Us

Yes, UFOs do exist, Japan’s top government spokesman said on Tuesday.

The comment by chief cabinet secretary Nobutaka Machimura drew laughter from reporters at his regular briefing on government policy.

Earlier the cabinet, responding to an opposition lawmaker’s question, issued a statement saying it could not confirm any cases of unidentified flying objects.

“This is an issue that the nation is interested in — it is a defence issue and a confirmation operation needs to take place,” Ryuji Yamane, a lawmaker from the main opposition Democratic Party who submitted the question to the cabinet, told Reuters.

Allan W Janssen is the author of The Plain Truth About God at www.God-101.com and visit the blog "Perspective" at http://God-101.blogspot.com

Labels: , ,

CONNECTIONS!

I am going to present a short clip from this series every day, Monday to Friday, and I promise you that following them will be well worth it! Enjoy!

4-4



Allan W Janssen is the author of The Plain Truth About God at www.God-101.com and visit the blog "Perspective" at http://God-101.blogspot.com

Labels: ,

Think Twice!

A word of warning to Muslim extremists who would wage a war against the Christian Infidels!


From this map, I would say that they have you surrounded!

But then again, logic never was your strong point, was it!

Allan W Janssen is the author of The Plain Truth About God at www.God-101.com and visit the blog "Perspective" at http://God-101.blogspot.com

Labels: , , ,

Top Islamic Cleric says women without veils must die!

In the name of Islam countless Muslim fanatics use any and every opportunity to stage violent protests, issue death threaths, destroy property, murder, and commit other acts of terrorism.

They go nuts (yes, nuts) over cartoons and teddy bears, while they generally keep quiet over acts of terrorism and other human rights violations commited by fellow members of their so-called Jihad.’(Jihad bis Saif)

A top Muslim cleric in Iran, Hojatolislam Gholam Reza Hassani was quoted on Wednesday as saying; “Women who do not respect the hijab and their husbands deserve to die!”

Hassani leads Friday prayers in the city of Urumieh, in Iranian Azerbaijan. He is the representative of the Iranian Supreme Leader Ayatollah Seyyed Ali Khamenei for Eastern Azerbaijan.

“I do not understand how these women who do not respect the hijab, 28 years after the birth of the Islamic Republic, are still alive,” he said
.
Hassani’s statements came after two Kurdish feminists in Iran were accused of being members of an armed rebel group and of carrying out subversive activities threatening the security of the state.

It is believed that his statements and the arrests could spark a fresh crackdown on women who do not repect the Islamic dress code in Iran.

Thousands of women in Iran have already been warned this year for their “un-Islamic dress” such as wearing tight, short coats and skimpy headscarves and the hubris of these mysogynist pigs is almost without bounds or shame.

I keep saying that only education will fix these attitudes in the Middle East and elsewhere but I am also starting to think that some of these people need to be sent to an out of the way island somewhere so they can do no more harm.

Allan W Janssen is the author of The Plain Truth About God at http://www.god-101.com/ and visit the blog "Perspective" at http://God-101.blogspot.com

Labels: , , , ,

Wednesday, December 19, 2007

A Connecticut Yankee in King Arthur's Court!



Allan W Janssen is the author of The Plain Truth About God at www.God-101.com and visit the blog "Perspective" at http://God-101.blogspot.com

Labels: , , ,

Third World

I just saw a commercial on TV last night about the conditions in some African countries and how we can donate to help. This particular commercial showed how a teen aged girl could not go to school during her menstrual period because of lack of money to buy protection and this means she will fall further and further behind until she eventually drops out of school.

This made me realise just how fortunate we are here in the West since when our girls have their period they go horseback riding, or in the unlikely event there are no horses available, they go swimming!

Allan W Janssen is the author of The Plain Truth About God at www.God-101.com and visit the blog "Perspective" at http://God-101.blogspot.com

Labels: ,

CONNECTIONS!

I am going to present a short clip from this series every day, Monday to Friday, and I promise you that following them will be well worth it! Enjoy!

(I got so busy e-mailing everyone a Christmas card yesterday that I forgot to add Connections so here are two today!)

4-2



4-3



Allan W Janssen is the author of The Plain Truth About God at www.God-101.com and visit the blog "Perspective" at http://God-101.blogspot.com

Labels: ,

Tuesday, December 18, 2007

Santa a Prude?


DANBURY, Conn. - The woman who sat on Santa's lap was naughty, not nice. Police say a woman has been charged with sexual assault after a Santa at the Danbury Fair mall complained the woman fondled/groped him.

"The security officer at the mall said Santa Claus has been sexually assaulted," police Det. Lt. Thomas Michael said of the weekend complaint.
Sandrama Lamy, 33, of Danbury, was charged with sexual assault and breach of peace. She was released on a promise to appear in court Jan. 3.

Police quickly found and identified Lamy because the suspect was described as being on crutches, said Capt. Bob Myles.

Police did not give the name of the disconcerted Santa, but they said he was apparently shocked and embarrassed by the whole incident," Myles said.

Now here I go getting all the women bent out of shape again, but I don't really see what the problem is?

You've heard of that old saying; "When a man talks dirty on the phone it's sexual harassment and when a woman talks dirty on the phone it's $5- bucks a minute.


Let's get things back into perspective here, I know lots of guys who would pay good money to have a woman do that and this guy got a freebie, where's the problem?

Allan W Janssen is the author of The Plain Truth About God at www.God-101.com and visit the blog "Perspective" at http://God-101.blogspot.com

Labels: , , ,

Here is an important message from sensible Muslims!

I have been writing articles for a Muslim site called "Muslims Against Sharia" for the past month or so and just recieved this letter!

Dear Allan!

Would you please post the following article (HTML code provided) on your website?

Thank you in advance,

Khalim Massoud
President
Muslims Against Sharia

Many people talk about the need to reform Islam. Now you can stop talking and start helping.

With the help of our readers we went through the Koran and removed every verse that we believe did not come from Allah, the Most Merciful, the Most Compassionate. However, it is possible that we missed something, and we could use your help. If you find verses in the reformed version of the Koran that promote violence, divisiveness, religious or gender superiority, bigotry, or discrimination, please let us know the number of the verse and the reason why it should be removed. Please email your suggestions to koran-AT-reformislam.org.

When we finish the editing process, we would like to publish Reform Koran in as many languages as possible. If you could help with translation or distribution of the Reform Koran, please email us at koran-AT-reformislam.org. If you could provide financial support, please visit our support page.

In Memoriam of Aqsa Parvez.

http://www.reformislam.org/reform.php

Muslims Against Sharia

THESE ARE THE PEOPLE WHO ARE STANDING UP TO THE MUSLIM FUNDAMENTALISTS AND TERRORISTS AND THEY DESERVE OUR SUPPORT!!!

Allan W Janssen

Allan W Janssen is the author of The Plain Truth About God at www.God-101.com and visit the blog "Perspective" at http://God-101.blogspot.com

Labels: , ,

Monday, December 17, 2007

My Christmas Gift to You!

I have been thinking of what I could get you for Christmas and all of a sudden I ran across this site and it seemed like the perfect gift.

Please go to this site http://badaboo.free.fr/merryxmas.swf or click H E R E and make sure your volume is turned up because it's a wonderful piece!

I know you will enjoy it and "MERRY CHRISTMAS!"

Allan W Janssen is the author of The Plain Truth About God at www.God-101.com and visit the blog "Perspective" at http://God-101.blogspot.com

Labels:

Why one Muslim girl became a born-again virgin!

Guest Post by Diana Appleyard

The Daily Mail, UK

When Aisha Salim marries her fiance in Pakistan next March, it will be the wedding of her dreams.

Wearing a veil and gown, she will be every inch the fairytale virgin bride and as befits her strict Muslim religion, after the ceremony, she will hand her blooded wedding-night sheets to her in-laws as proof of her virginity.

But far from being the traditional untouched bride that many Muslim families demand, she is a modern-day university graduate who has smoked, drunk, made love to - and even lived with - a previous English boyfriend.

To disguise the fact that she has had sex, she has paid for painful surgery to “restore” her virginity.

Aisha, like many Muslim women. has taken pains to ‘restore’ her chastity. It is a drastic and costly measure but as she takes her husband’s hand in marriage, she knows it is one which may - quite literally - save her life.

The horror and outrage that would ensue if it was discovered she had already slept with a man would be so damning that her own strictly religious relatives might kill her rather than face public shame.

“My virginity was restored in a delicate operation just last week, and I honestly view it as life-saving surgery,” says Aisha.

“If my husband cannot prove to his family that I am a virgin, I would be hounded, ostracised and sent home in disgrace. My father, who is a devout Muslim, would regard it as the ultimate shame.

“The entire family could be cast out from the friends and society they hold dear, and I honestly believe that one of my fanatically religious cousins or uncles might kill me in revenge, to purge them of my sins. Incredible as it may seem, honour killings are still accepted within our religion."

“Ever since my family arranged this marriage for me, I’ve been terrified that, on my wedding night, my secret would come out. It has only been since my surgery last week that I’ve actually been able to sleep properly. Now, I can look forward to my marriage.”
Aisha is far from alone in seeking such drastic - and almost barbaric - surgery.

The rise in Islamic fundamentalism is being blamed for the growing trend for hymenoplasties, where the hymen is re-created from the already torn tissue, or a new membrane is inserted using a gelatine-like substance.

In some cases, the vaginal lining can also be used to create a “false” hymen. A blood capsule can be inserted into the lining to ensure realistic blood flow when the false hymen is broken.

Twenty-four women in the UK had the procedure on the NHS between 2005 and 2006, but it is thought that hundreds or even thousands more - Aisha included - have plundered their savings to pay up to $10,000 to have private surgery.

Aisha’s story illustrates the intense pressures on young British Asian women caught between the strict moral code of their own community and the laxer, permissive attitudes of their white contemporaries.

Allan W Janssen is the author of The Plain Truth About God at www.God-101.com and visit the blog "Perspective" at http://God-101.blogspot.com

Labels: , ,

CONNECTIONS!

I am going to present a short clip from this series every day, Monday to Friday, and I promise you that following them will be well worth it! Enjoy!

4-1



Allan W Janssen is the author of The Plain Truth About God at www.God-101.com and visit the blog "Perspective" at http://God-101.blogspot.com

Labels: ,

DAN FOGELBERG DIES AFTER QUIET FIGHT WITH CANCER

I was going to write something about Dan but this is nice! - Allan

Guest Post by Landen Michaels

I just heard that Dan Fogelberg died yesterday after several years battling prostate cancer.

Very few people are aware of his complete body of work, which spans nearly 35 years and approximately 20 albums. He collaborated with some of the best musicians of the time; Tim Weisberg, Don Henley, Glen Frey, Graham Nash, Randy Meisner, Emmylou Harris, Joe Walsh and Joni Mitchell, to name a handful.

I had every album he ever released and spent hours as a kid/teen digging through his lyrics because I felt a connection with how he wrote. The lyrics of his songs were so very simple, yet complex and rich with emotions.

Some of the vinyls wore out and I've since replaced them with CDs. For very personal reasons, "Same Old Lang Syne" will always be my favorite.

Through his music, Dan Fogelberg knew how to get us to smile, cause us to think, make us cry, reach our heart, and tug at the heart strings. The amazing thing is, he did it all quietly. Talent like that will surely be missed.

In tribute, here are the lyrics...

Same Old Lang Syne

by Dan Fogelberg

Met my old lover in the grocery store
The snow was falling christmas eve
I stole behind her in the frozen foods
And I touched her on the sleeve

She didn't recognize the face at first
But then her eyes flew open wide
She went to hug me and she spilled her purse
And we laughed until we cried.

We took her groceries to the checkout stand
The food was totalled up and bagged
We stood there lost in our embarrassment
As the conversation dragged.

We went to have ourselves a drink or two
But couldn't find an open bar
We bought a six-pack at the liquor store
And we drank it in her car.

We drank a toast to innocence
We drank a toast to now
And tried to reach beyond the emptiness
But neither one knew how.

She said she'd married her an architect
Who kept her warm and safe and dry
She would have liked to say she loved the man
But she didn't like to lie.

I said the years had been a friend to her
And that her eyes were still as blue
But in those eyes I wasn't sure if I saw
Doubt or gratitude.

She said she saw me in the record stores
And that I must be doing well
I said the audience was heavenly
But the traveling was hell.

We drank a toast to innocence
We drank a toast to now
And tried to reach beyond the emptiness
But neither one knew how.

We drank a toast to innocence
We drank a toast to time
Reliving in our eloquence
Another 'auld lang syne'...

The beer was empty and our tongues were tired
And running out of things to say
She gave a kiss to me as I got out
And I watched her drive away.

Just for a moment I was back at school
And felt that old familiar pain
And as I turned to make my way back home
The snow turned into rain --
Godspeed, my friend...

Allan W Janssen is the author of The Plain Truth About God at http://www.god-101.com/ and visit the blog "Perspective" at http://God-101.blogspot.com

Labels:

The Accident!

On top of a snowstorm over the weekend, I rear-ended a car yesterday morning!

So there we are alongside the road and slowly the driver gets out of the car......... and you know how you just get sooo stressed and life seems to get funny?

Well, I could NOT believe it . . he was a DWARF!

He storms over to my car, looks up at me and says, "I AM NOT HAPPY!"

So, I calmly look down at him and say, "Well, which one are you then.......?"

And THAT'S when the fight started .....!

Allan W Janssen is the author of The Plain Truth About God at www.God-101.com and visit the blog "Perspective" at http://God-101.blogspot.com

Labels: , ,

Sunday, December 16, 2007

Will the Real Islam Please Stand Up!

I have been thinking about Aqsa Parvez the last few days.

You remember she is the 16 year old Toronto girl whose father killed her over an argument about whether she should wear her Hijab (Headscarf) in public or not!

Now there are some people who told me they thought is was a religious matter, while others thought it might be social, and still more said it was just a violent father who got carried away.

Whatever the fact of the matter is, the religious angle has received all the attention and further ignited the fire over Islam and violence that occupies so much of the Western mind.

Whether Islam is truly a religion of violence is an academic question and actually beside the point at this stage of the game because it has developed an image in the media and population as being such.

In other words, Islam has one hell of a Public Relations problem here in the West.

I have been reading articles by some leading journalists over the last few days and although they are by varied individuals in both their background and beliefs, a common consensus is developing.

Let me first give a quick quote from my book The Plain Truth About God with a brief summation of the early days of Islam.

Where we run into a problem is that, as in the case of Jesus of Nazareth, there is no actual copy of the Koran that can be said to have come directly from the hands of Mohammad.

The earliest written record of the Koran (and the 45 scribes who supposedly documented it) was written in the biography of Mohammad by a certain Ibn Ishaq who wrote Sirat Rasul Allah, (The life of the Prophet of God) about 100 years after the death of the prophet Mohammad!

From this point on, it gets even hazier since there is no actual record of this document as well, but rather, it is extensively quoted in an even later work by al-Tabari who lived close to 200 years after the death of Ibn Ishaq.

Suddenly we have a space of over 300 years (close to 1000 C.E.) that cannot be properly documented.

With this in mind we can look back to about 620 C.E. when Mohammad, (or someone like him,) started on a campaign of dominance.

Here in less than 100 years Arab tribesmen, riding on horseback, emerged out of the Arabian deserts to conquer Syria, Mesopotamia, Persia, Afghanistan, Egypt, Libya and Spain.

Now the great question we have to ask here is whether the Arab armies were fuelled during their expansion by religious fever; or was the religion “spiced up” during the 350 years where it was not documented properly.

In other words, was this re-vamping of Islam the manipulations of a politically dominant group whose aim was to establish a religious justification for Arab Imperialism? Or was it based on a religion that advocated the expansion of its ideals by force?

Don’t forget, during the first 200 years of this great expansion Arab conquerors were a minority against a vast non-Muslim majority.

Then, once the Arabs had acquired a sizable empire—a coherent religion was necessary in order to hold that empire together. (Note: in the long run, over the centuries, the main purpose of any religion, once it had gone beyond the “sect” stage, was to perpetuate itself and also act as a glue to hold the empire together.)

So once again, was the religion in place and acting as the fuel for Arab hegemony, or was it the glue that was manufactured “after the fact” to hold the whole empire together.

This is a question that will never be properly answered - as it is now lost in the mists of time.

However, we can draw certain inferences from it.

One of the facts that we have to consider is that Islam was bound up in war and aggression from its very inception.
In spite of any history of Islam we wish to consider, the fact of the matter is that the vast majority of Muslim Practitioners live a peaceful and quiet life that is not tainted by the fervor of the Conservative and Fundamentalist factions.

They, especially in the West, live a life much the same as their Christian brethren in that their daily lives are centered around family and friends and not dogma and zealousness.

However, because of the silence of this overwhelming majority on the atrocities of the fanatics, there has been a marked perception that all Muslims have at their heart a violent streak that is part of the very nature of this religion.

It is sad, mistaken and troubling, but unfortunately true.

Now, about that common consensus, I would like to quote two columnists who have expressed different but not contradictory opinions on the state of Islam in the West.

Although neither is an Apologist for Islam nor seeking to blatantly condemn it’s followers they have made some observations about Muslims that should be noted!

One is a right wing Christian and the other is a Muslim academic and here is what they have to say.

First the right wing Christian who comments on the killing of Aqsa Parvez and his thoughts on Islam. His name is Michael Coren and he is a broadcaster and writer:

Most Canadian Muslim leaders immediately condemned what had happened but it didn't take very long for the usual suspects to explain on radio and television that the tragedy had nothing to do with the Muslim faith and that all religions contain extremism.

Islam, we were told, is a religion of peace.

Which is probably just what the owner of a Christian bookstore in Gaza thought three months ago as he was murdered and his shop firebombed. Or Danny Pearl, shortly before the American journalist had his head cut off by Islamic terrorists -- who, naturally, filmed the whole thing and made sure their chants from the Koran were loud and clear.

Or the wretched gang-rape victim in Saudi Arabia sentenced to 200 lashes for daring to be in a car at the time of the crime with a man to whom she was not married or related. Or the women stoned to death for adultery. Or the Iranian men hanged because they were homosexual. Or the women who lived and died under the Taliban. Or the Christians persecuted and killed in Pakistan, Egypt and Sudan. Or the young women in France, Britain and all over Europe killed by fathers and brothers for leaving Islam, dressing like other girls or dating non Muslims. Or the teacher who allowed a student to name a teddy bear Muhammad, or Salman Rushdie's translator whose throat was cut from ear to ear, or movie director Theo Van Gogh who was slaughtered like an animal in the middle of a Dutch street.

And on and on. On until the denial is sickening.

It's cultural, it's because of colonialism, it's because of Palestine, because of Iraq, because of misunderstanding. Because of anything other than Islamic Fundamentalists.

Only a bigot would argue that every Muslim was violent or opposed to Western freedom.

But only a coward or a liar would argue that there was not a profound and deeply worrying link between Conservative Fundamentalist Islam and myriad acts of terror, intolerance and hysterical anger.
And then these thoughts from Salim Mansur, who is a Muslim scholar, Professor at the University of Western Ontario here in London, and a Columnist for the Sun Media Group.

Professor Mansur has more of an insiders view of the situation and his thoughts will hopefully hit home to Muslims in the West and elsewhere.

The cold-blooded murder of 16-year-old Aqsa Parvez was not like any other crime that cuts across ethnic and faith boundaries, as Muslim apologists in Canada will do their best to characterize it.

The murder was prompted by an ideology of bigotry and terror masked as a faith-tradition -- an ideology of radical Islamism at war with the modern world of freedom and democracy.

The fear of this perverted ideology and its fanatical promoters silences most Muslims, regardless of their numbers in society, for they fear that speaking out against this ideology might place them in greater jeopardy within their community and with those who claim its leadership.

Then there are Muslim organizations -- such as the Canadian Islamic Congress (CIC) in free societies such as Canada.

Their deafening silence in condemning Muslim violence against Muslims and non-Muslims alike is revealing of their true nature.

These are front organizations for global radical Islamism making apologies for their ideological brethren, and directing polemics against the West for victimizing Muslims and undermining Islam.

Moreover, they are fraudulent in their claims of representing Muslims in general as the CIC does.

The fact is, on the contrary, most Muslims in Canada and elsewhere in the West left their native lands to escape from unmitigated cruelty, heartlessness and hypocrisy of Muslim rulers and religious leaders.

But these organizations are sinister in their objectives of taking full advantage of free societies and subverting their institutions for the purpose of undermining freedom and democracy.

For instance, Canadians have never heard from or witnessed Muslim organizations such as the CIC publicly mobilizing Canadian Muslims in denouncing suicide-bombings, honour killings of hapless women, genocide on display in Darfur and persecution of dissident Muslims in the Arab-Muslim world.

Instead, as fraudsters they have developed the swindler's art of blackmailing free societies as the CIC has done by filing complaints with the Human Rights Commissions (HRC) federally, and in Ontario and British Columbia, against Maclean's magazine and one of its contributors, Mark Steyn.

The complaints are frivolous, claiming Maclean's defamed Canadian Muslims by publishing some writings of Steyn as excerpts from his best-selling book, America Alone.

But the greater frivolity is the HRC's willingness to hear the complaint from an organization whose president, Mohamed Elmasry, is on public record in Canada for the suggestion -- though later retracted under duress -- that Israelis in general over the age of 18 are legitimate targets for Palestinian suicide-bombers.

The murder of Aqsa Parvez and of countless other women among Muslims will continue not merely because Muslims cower in silence in their fear of radical Islamists, but also for the apathy of the Western public and politicians supinely appeasing and accommodating Muslim organizations such as the CIC.
If nothing else we can surmise that both writers agree there is a problem and both agree that something has to be done about it!

Your humble author;
Allan W Janssen

Allan W Janssen is the author of The Plain Truth About God at www.God-101.com and visit the blog "Perspective" at http://God-101.blogspot.com

Labels: , , , , , , ,

The Christmas Party!

FROM: Pauline Lewis, Human Resources Director
TO: All Employees
DATE: 4 November 2005
RE: Christmas Party

I'm happy to inform you that the company Christmas Party will take place on December 23rd, starting at noon in the private function room at the Grill House. There will be a cash bar and plenty of drinks! We'll have a small band playing traditional carols .... please feel free to sing along. And don't be surprised if the MD shows up dressed as Santa Claus! A Christmas tree will be lit at 1:00pm. Exchange of gifts among employees can be done at that time; however, no gift should be over £10.00 to make the giving of gifts easy for everyone's pockets. This gathering is only for employees! The MD will make a special announcement at the Party.

Merry Christmas to you and your Family.

Pauline


--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

FROM: Pauline Lewis, Human Resources Director
TO: All Employees
DATE: 5 November 2005
RE: Holiday Party

In no way was yesterday's memo intended to exclude our Jewish employees. We recognise that Chanukah is an important holiday, which often coincides with Christmas, though unfortunately not this year. However, from now on we're calling it our "Holiday Party". The same policy applies to any other employees who are not Christians. There will be no Christmas tree or Christmas carols sung. We will have other types of music for your enjoyment.

Happy now?

Happy Holidays to you and your family.

Pauline


--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

FROM: Pauline Lewis, Human Resources Director
TO: All Employees
DATE: 6 November 2005
RE: Holiday Party

Regarding the note I received from a member of Alcoholics Anonymous requesting a non-drinking table ... you didn't sign your name. I'm happy to accommodate this request, but if I put a sign on a table that reads, "AA Only"; you wouldn't be anonymous anymore!!!!!

How am I supposed to handle this?

Somebody?

Forget about the gift exchange, no gift exchange allowed now since the Union Officials feel that £10.00 is too much money and Management believe £10.00 is a little cheap.

NO GIFT EXCHANGE WILL BE ALLOWED.

Pauline


--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

FROM: Pauline Lewis, Human Resources Director
TO: All Employees
DATE: 7 November 2005
RE: Holiday Party

What a diverse group we are! I had no idea that December 20th begins the Muslim holy month of Ramadan, which forbids eating and drinking during daylight hours. There goes the party! Seriously, we can appreciate how a luncheon at this time of year does not accommodate our Muslin employees' beliefs, perhaps the Grill House can hold off on serving your meal until the end of the party - or else package everything up for you to take home in a little foil doggy bag. Will that work? Meanwhile, I've arranged for members of Weight Watchers to sit farthest from the dessert buffet and pregnant women will get the table closest to the toilets. Gays are allowed to sit with each other, Lesbians do not have to sit with gay men, each will have their own table. Yes, there will be flower arrangements for the gay men's table too. To the person asking permission to cross dress - no cross dressing allowed. We will have booster seats for short people. Low fat food will be available for those on a diet. We cannot control the salt used in the food we suggest those people with high blood pressure taste the food first. There will be fresh fruits as dessert for Diabetics, the restaurant cannot supply "No Sugar" desserts. Sorrry!

Did I miss anything ?!?!?!?!

Pauline


--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

FROM: Pauline Lewis, Human Resources Director
TO: All F****** Employees
DATE: 8 November 2005
RE: The F****** Holiday Party

Vegetarian pr!cks I've had it with you people!!! We're going to keep this party at the Grill House whether you like it or not, so you can sit quietly at the table furthest from the "grill of death," as you so quaintly put it, and you'll get your f****** salad bar, including organic tomatoes. But you know tomatoes have feelings too. They scream when you slice them. I've heard them scream. I'm hearing them scream right NOW !! I hope you all have a rotten holiday,

The Bitch from HELL !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

FROM: John Bishop, Acting Human Resources Director
DATE: 9 November 2005
RE: Pauline Lewis and Holiday Party

I'm sure I speak for all of us in wishing Pauline Lewis a speedy recovery and I'll continue to forward your cards to her. In the meantime, the Management has decided to cancel our Holiday Party and instead give everyone the afternoon of the 23rd December off with full pay.

Happy Holidays!

Labels: , ,

Sunday Morning Funnies Uncensored

Bono, lead singer of the rock band U2, is famous throughout the entertainment industry for being more than just a little self-righteous.

At a recent U2 concert in Glasgow, Scotland, he asked the audience for total quiet.

Then, in the silence, he started to slowly clap his hands, once every few seconds.

Holding the audience in total silence, he said into the microphone, 'Every time I clap my hands, a child in Africa dies.'

From the front of the crowd a voice with a broad Scottish accent pierced the quiet ...'Well, fuckin stop doin it then, ya evil bastard!'

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Dear Safety Harbor Middle School :

God bless you for the beautiful radio I won at your recent senior citizens luncheon.

I am 84 years old and live at the Safety Harbor Assisted Home for the Aged. All of my family has passed away. I am all alone and I want to thank you for your kindness to an old forgotten lady.

My roommate is 95 and has always had her own radio; but before I received one, she would never let me listen to hers, even when she was napping.

The other day her radio fell off the night stand and broke into a lot of pieces. It was awful and she was in tears. She asked if she could listen to mine.

I told her to fuck off.

Thank you for that opportunity.
Sincerely,
Edna

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------

A soldier ran up to a nun. Out of breath he asked, 'Please Sister, may I hide under your skirt. I'll explain later.'

The nun agreed. A moment later two Military Police ran up and asked, 'Sister, have you seen a soldier?'

The nun replied, 'He went that way.'

After the MP's ran off, the soldier crawled out from under her skirt and said, 'I can't thank you enough Sister. You see, I don't want to go to Iraq.'

The nun said, 'I understand completely.'

The soldier added, 'I hope I'm not rude, but you have a great pair of legs!'

To which the nun replied, 'If you had looked a little higher, you would have seen a great pair of balls....I don't want to go to Iraq either!'

Allan W Janssen is the author of The Plain Truth About God at www.God-101.com and visit the blog "Perspective" at http://God-101.blogspot.com

Labels: ,

Sunday Morning Funnies! #9

Allan Answers your Diet Questions!

My thanks once again to the crack research staff here at "Perspective" who dug up the answers to these questions that have been sent in over the last few months.

Q: I've heard that cardiovascular exercise can prolong life; is this true?

A: Your heart is only good for so many beats, and that's it...don't waste them on exercise. Everything wears out eventually. Speeding up your heart will not make you live longer; that's like saying you can extend the life of your car by driving it faster. Want to live longer? Take a nap!

----------------------------------------------------------------------

Q: Should I cut down on meat and eat more fruits and vegetables?

A: You must grasp logistical efficiencies. What does a cow eat? Hay and corn. And what are these? Vegetables. So a steak is nothing more than an efficient mechanism of delivering vegetables to your system.

Need grain? Eat chicken. Beef is also a good source of field grass (green leafy vegetable). And a pork chop can give you 100% of your recommended daily allowance of vegetable products.

----------------------------------------------------------------------

Q: Should I reduce my alcohol intake?

A: No, not at all. Wine is made from fruit. Brandy is distilled wine, that means they take the water out of the fruity bit so you get even more of the goodness that way. Beer is also made out of grain. Bottoms up!

----------------------------------------------------------------------

Q: How can I calculate my body/fat ratio?

A: Well, if you have a body and you have fat, your ratio is one to one.

If you have two bodies, your ratio is two to one, etc.

----------------------------------------------------------------------

Q: What are some of the advantages of participating in a regular exercise program?

A: Can't think of a single one, sorry. Our philosophy is: No Pain...Good!

----------------------------------------------------------------------

Q: Aren't fried foods bad for you?

A: YOU'RE NOT LISTENING!!! Foods are fried these days in vegetable oil. In fact, they're permeated in it. How could getting more vegetables be bad for you?

----------------------------------------------------------------------

Q: Will sit-ups help prevent me from getting a little soft around the middle?

A: Definitely not! When you exercise a muscle, it gets bigger. You should only be doing sit-ups if you want a bigger stomach.

----------------------------------------------------------------------

Q: Is chocolate bad for me?

A: Are you crazy? HELLO!!! Cocoa beans! Another vegetable!!! It's the best feel-good food around!

----------------------------------------------------------------------

Q: Is swimming good for your figure?

A: If swimming is good for your figure, explain whales to me.

----------------------------------------------------------------------

Q: Is getting in-shape important for my lifestyle?

A: Hey! 'Round' is a shape!

Well, I hope this has cleared up any misconceptions you may have had about food and diets.


And remember:

"Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways - Chardonnay in one hand - chocolate in the other - body thoroughly used up, totally worn out and screaming

"WOO HOO! What a Ride!!"


------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

25 signs that you have grown up

You are grown and responsible gentleman/woman when:

1. Your houseplants are alive, and you can’t smoke any of them.
2. Having sex in a twin bed is out of the question.
3. You keep more food than beer in the fridge.
4. 6:00 AM is when you get up, not when you go to bed.
5. You hear your favorite song in an elevator.
6. You watch the Weather Channel.
7. Your friends marry and divorce instead of “hook up” and “break up”.
8. You go from 130 days of vacation time to 14.
9. Jeans and a sweater no longer qualify as “dressed up”.
10. You’re the one calling the police because those %&@# kids next door won’t turn down the stereo.
11. Older relatives feel comfortable telling sex jokes around you.
12. You don’t know what time Taco Bell closes anymore.
13. Your car insurance goes down and your car payments go up.
14. You feed your dog Science Diet instead of McDonald’s leftovers.
15. Sleeping on the couch makes your back hurt.
16. You take naps.
17. Dinner and a movie is the whole date instead of the beginning of one.
18. Eating a basket of chicken wings at 3 AM would severely upset, rather than settle, your stomach.
19. You go to the drug store for ibuprofen and antacid, not condoms and pregnancy tests.
20. A $4.00 bottle of wine is no longer “pretty good shit”.
21. You actually eat breakfast food at breakfast time.
22. “I just can’t drink the way I used to” replaces “I’m never going to drink that much again”.
23. 90% of the time you spend in front of a computer is for real work.
24. You drink at home to save money before going to a bar.
25. When you find out your friend is pregnant you congratulate them instead of asking, “Oh shit, what the hell happened?”

What do you think? Is that you ?

Allan W Janssen is the author of The Plain Truth About God at www.God-101.com and visit the blog "Perspective" at http://God-101.blogspot.com

Labels: , ,

Art is Old!

Arthur C Clarke celebrates his 90th birthday today and we wish him all the best! (By the way, if he lives a few more years he will start to look like that old guy in the movie 2001!)

(He wrote the book
!)

Allan W Janssen is the author of The Plain Truth About God at www.God-101.com and visit the blog "Perspective" at http://God-101.blogspot.com

Labels: , ,

Institute for Creation Research wants to train future science teachers

Ladies and Gentlemen, the following article from the "Religious News" website is being presented here untouched, unmarked, unadulterated and unwashed. I am not going to make any comments about it since I think you know my position on something like this already.

The nonprofit Institute for Creation Research in Dallas wants to train future science teachers in Texas and elsewhere using an online curriculum. A state advisory group gave its approval Friday; now the final say rests with the Texas Higher Education Coordinating Board, which will consider the request next month.

The institute’s proposal comes amid a fierce debate over how to teach evolution – the theory that humans and other species evolved from lower forms of life – in Texas public schools.

Some advocacy groups are attacking the creation institute’s plan, saying it’s an attempt to undermine the teaching of science in public schools.

“They teach distorted science,” said Eugenie Scott, executive director of the California-based National Center for Science Education, which opposes teaching creationism in public schools. “Any student coming out from the ICR with a degree in science would not be competent to teach in Texas public schools.”

The institute was created in 1970 by the late Henry M. Morris, a Dallas native known as the father of “creation science,” the view that science – not just religion – indicates that a divine being created the Earth and all living things.

Patricia Nason, chairwoman of the institute’s science education department, said that, despite the institute’s name, students learn evolution along with creationism.

“Our students are given both sides,” said Dr. Nason, who has a doctorate in curriculum and instruction from Texas A&M University. “They need to know both sides, and they can draw their own conclusion.”

The institute, through its graduate school, wants to offer an online master’s degree in science education.

According to the school’s Web site, it offers typical education classes, teaching such fundamentals as how to use lab equipment, the Internet and PowerPoint in the classroom. But it also offers a class called “Advanced studies in creationism.”

And the course Web page for “Curriculum design in science” gives this scenario: “The school board has asked you to serve on a committee that is examining grades 6-12 science goals. Both evolutionist and creationist teachers serve on the curriculum committee. How will you convince them to include creation science as well as evolution in the new scope and sequence?”

The school has offered science degrees in California for years. It offered its first graduate courses in 1981, and its first online courses about two years ago.

The institute began moving its headquarters from the San Diego area to Dallas last year, making it necessary to get approval from the state of Texas to offer degrees here.

The school now has more than 50 students taking online classes all over the world, school officials say.
Since I am not going to comment on this it is up to you, dear reader, to give some input to this story.

Please leave a comment on this however you like, just let your feelings be known!

Allan W Janssen is the author of The Plain Truth About God at www.God-101.com and visit the blog "Perspective" at http://God-101.blogspot.com

Labels: , , ,