Saturday, December 16, 2006


Have to get me one of these for the next time company comes over and wants to use the can!

(It's a lazy Saturday afternoon - I obviously have waaay too much time on my hands!)

Your "flushed with mischief" scribe;
Allan W Janssen

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Bikers Heaven

The Brits are well known for being eccentric so this should come as no surprise!

A Biker's Hearse!

Your "dying for a ride" scribe;
Allan W Janssen

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Why Didn't I Think of This Sooner!

I don't know why this didn't occur to me before, but U.S. President Bush and the Republicans have exactly the same outlook as my mother.

They assume the world operates the way they think it should, instead of the way it really IS! (You know what they say, when you "assume," you make an "ass" out of "u" and "me." Ass-u-me.)

For example, that there is no proof of "Global Warming!"
Yea, Right!

Your observant scribe;
Allan W Janssen

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How To Stay Young!!!

Always remember!
*We have NO control over what life sends us.
We have TOTAL control over how we respond to it!

*Throw out non-essential numbers.
This includes age, weight and height.
Let the doctors worry about them.
That is why you pay them!

*Keep only cheerful friends. The grouches pull you down.

*Keep learning. Learn more about the computer, crafts,
gardening, whatever. Never let the brain idle.
"An idle mind is the devil's workshop."
And the devil's name is Alzheimer's.

*Enjoy the simple things.

*Laugh often, long and loud.
Laugh until you gasp for breath.

*Tears happen. Endure, grieve, and move on.
The only person who is with us our entire life is ourselves.
Be ALIVE while you are alive.

*Surround yourself with what you love, whether it's family,
pets, keepsakes, music, plants, hobbies, whatever.
Your home is your refuge.

*Cherish your health: If it is good, preserve it.
If it is unstable, improve it.
If it is beyond what you can improve, get help.

*Don't take guilt trips. Take a trip to the mall, even to to
a foreign country but NOT to where the guilt is!

*Tell people you love that you love them at every opportunity.


Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take,
but by the moments that take our breath away.

Allan W Janssen is the author of The Plain Truth About God-101 (what the church doesn't want you to know!) at; www.God-101.com
And the petition to have people mind their own business instead of yours at; http://www.petitiononline.com/moses/petition.html

Well, What's The Matter With That?

I made a not-so-serious proposal a while back that we could solve the Middle-East problem by getting the Jews to buy Utah and then sending all the Mormons back in their place. (With their multiple wives and young marriages they fit in better "over there" than here!)

Either send them to the Middle-East or the back-woods of Tennessee.

A Utah court has ordered Warren Jeffs, the self-described prophet of North America's largest polygamous sect, to stand trial as an accomplice to rape.

The charges against Jeffs, 51, are for allegedly forcing a 14-year-old girl to marry and have sex with an adult cousin in 2001.

Jeffs is the leader of the Fundamentalist Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints, which includes followers in Bountiful, B.C.

He is accused of arranging and forcing the 14-year-old girl to marry and have sex with a 19-year-old cousin, even though she "expressed her disdain, reluctance, opposition and total dislike of sexual relations" with the man, District Judge James Shumate ruled.

The young woman's testimony last month convinced Shumate to order Jeffs to stand trial. Prosecutors argued the girl, now 20 years old, had no choice but to obey Jeffs, whose influence over the community meant he controlled everything from which men women could marry to where they could live.

"She didn't have a choice," deputy county attorney Ryan Shaum said. "The prophet, God's voice on earth, is telling her what to do."

Last month, the woman testified she made it clear she was not willing to get married and described the first night her husband forced himself on her.

"I said what are you doing, and he said I'm doing what I'm supposed to. This is what I'm supposed to do to you. You are my wife. We're going to have children and this is what has to be done," she said in court.

Defence lawyer Walter Bugden contends that Jeffs is being unfairly persecuted for practising a religion in which it is believed that men should take on many wives to bring themselves glory in heaven. (Let the feminists have a field-day with this one!)

Bugden argues that Jeffs only presided over the 2001 wedding and urged the unhappy girl to try to find love by having children.

Jeffs, who has pleaded not guilty to two counts of being an accomplice to rape, is now in custody at Utah's Purgatory Correction Facility. He will wait there for four months before the start of his trial and if found guilty, he could face life in prison. He also faces similar criminal charges in Arizona, and at least one civil suit.

The young woman at the centre of the case left the sect 3½ years later, remarried and had a baby last week.

Your outraged scribe;
Allan W Janssen

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Friday, December 15, 2006

Another Good Way To Bug A Cat! Ain't It Cute!

Looks reeeeal happy too!!!!


A Whale of a Tale!

The heart of a blue whale is as big as a Volkswagen Beetle!
The blue whale may be the largest animal ever to inhabit the earth. It may reach lengths of up to 31 meters (100 feet)--roughly the length of a basketball court.

Blue whales have weighed up to 146 metric tonnes (160 tons). They feed on small shrimp-like crustaceans. The whales consume up to eight tons of animals a day during their feeding period.

The loudest sound ever recorded from an animal was produced by a blue whale, and some scientists have speculated that they may be able to remain in touch with each other over hundreds of miles.

The number of blue whales in the southern hemisphere was severely depleted by whaling. Due to commercial whaling the size of the population is less than ten percent of what it was originally.

Just So You Know:
Your Marine Biology Scribe;
Allan W Janssen

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Ho! Ho! Ho!

A Toronto judge has banished a Christmas tree from the lobby of a provincial courthouse, saying the "Christian symbol" might alienate people of other faiths.

Judge Marion Cohen ordered that an artificial tree on display in the Ontario Court of Justice at 311 Jarvis St. be placed in a back hallway, out of sight of the entrance. She wrote in a note to staff that she didn't think it was appropriate that when people entered the courthouse, the "first thing they see is a Christian symbol."

The tree's presence suggests to non-Christians that they are "not part of this institution," she said, according to the Toronto Sun.

Ontario Premier Dalton McGuinty called it an "unfortunate" incident. "I think it reflects a mistaken understanding of what we're trying to do here," said McGuinty.

He said the province is working hard to build a pluralistic multicultural society and that means celebrating all traditions, not asking some to abandon them. "It doesn't offend anyone when we celebrate Diwali at Queen's Park or celebrate Hanukkah at Queen's Park," he said. "It's part of who we are."

Now you already know my opinion on this from earlier blogs, if for no other reason than Christmas is far more of a cultural phenomenon than a religious one anymore.

One thing I will add though, is that this judge needs a lump of coal for Christmas. Where you want to put it is up to you!

Another idea that has been suggested is to leave the tree where it is and put the Judge in a back hallway!

Your scrooged scribe;
Allan W Janssen

Allan W Janssen is the author of The Plain Truth About God-101 (what the church doesn't want you to know!) at; www.God-101.com
And the petition to have people mind their own business instead of yours at; http://www.petitiononline.com/moses/petition.html

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Thursday, December 14, 2006

Turks and Caicos Islands

The U.S. is thinking of building a fence along the Mexico border and travel restrictions are being implimented for the U.S. - Canada border so I have a solution for getting into the States. WE DON'T!
Anyone that wants to go south for the winter can take advantage of a idea that has been floating around and is making more sense all the time.
We just annex the Turks and Caicos Islands in the Carribean.
A great many of the tourists who visit the islands are Canadian. Owing to this, the islands' status as a British colony, and historic trade links, some politicians in Canada and the Turks and Caicos have suggested some form of union between Canada (a Commonwealth realm, so they already share the British Monarch as Head of state) and the British territory.

In 1973, Canadian New Democratic Party Member of Parliament Max Saltsman introduced the first failed attempt at consolidating the islands.

The idea was brought up again in 1986 by Progressive Conservative MP Dan McKenzie, but it was rejected by his party's caucus committee on external affairs in 1987. The committee, chaired by MP David Daubney, looked at immigration, banking, health care and tourism issues in making its decision.

In 2004, Conservative MP Peter Goldring visited the Turks and Caicos to explore the possibility once more.

For the islands to join Canada as a full province would require amending the Canadian constitution, which seems unlikely but may provoke provinces to reopen debate on other aspects of Canada's constitution.

Joining as a territory would be easier, as territories can be created by an act of federal law. In addition, its population of less than 20,000 people is considered insufficient for provincial status.

However, this attitude might change should the territories of Yukon or Nunavut - with about 30,000 people each,ever become provinces.

In 2004, the province of Nova Scotia voted to invite Turks and Caicos to join the province, should the islands ever become part of Canada. This would bypass the problems with admitting Turks and Caicos as a separate province.

All the problems this would solve. No currency exchange, cheap flights,(maybe subsidized?) beautiful climate, no border hassles, no Georgia State Troopers with their nasty little radar guns, offshore banking?

I think it's time to re-visit this idea.

Your practical scribe;
Allan W Janssen

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I cdnuolt blveiee I cluod aulaclty uesdnatnrd tihs!

Bet you didn't know that:

*It is impossible to lick your elbow.

*In Shakespeare's time, mattresses were secured on frames by ropes.
When you pulled on the ropes the mattress tightened, making the bed firmer to sleep on. Hence the phrase... "goodnight, sleep tight."

*In English pubs, ale is ordered by pints and quarts... So in old England, when customers got unruly, the bartender would yell at them "Mind your pints and quarts, and settle down."
It's where we get the phrase "mind your P's and Q's"

*In the 1400's a law was set forth that a man was not allowed to beat his wife with a stick that was thicker than his thumb!
Hence we have "the rule of thumb".

*Many years ago in Scotland, a new game was invented. It was ruled "Gentlemen Only... Ladies Forbidden"... and thus the word GOLF entered into the English language.

*Men can see better than women can, but women can hear better.
So, men are attracted by what they see - women by what they hear.
That's also why men like to watch sports and women never shut up!

*It was the accepted practice in Babylon 4,000 years ago, that for a month after the wedding, the bride's father would supply his son-in-law with all the mead he could drink. Mead is a honey beer and because their calendar was lunar based, this period was called the honey month, which we know today as the honeymoon.

*Many years ago in England, pub frequenters had a whistle baked into the rim, or handle, of their ceramic cups. When they needed a refill, they used the whistle to get some service.
"Wet your whistle" is the phrase inspired by this practice.

*What do bulletproof vests, fire escapes, windshield wipers, and laser printers all have in common? .... A. They were ALL invented by women.

*What is the only food that doesn't spoil? .. A. Honey

*On which day of the year, are there more collect calls made than on any other day of the year? .... A. Father's Day

~~~~~~~~~AND FINALLY~~~~~~~~~

At least 75% of people who read this .............. will try to lick their elbow........did you?

READ THIS! This is not as hard to read as it looks!

I cdnuolt blveiee taht I cluod aulaclty uesdnatnrd waht I was rdgnieg. The phaonmneal pweor of the hmuan mnid aoccdrnig to rscheearch at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy, it deosn't mttaer in waht oredr the ltteers in a wrod are, the olny iprmoatnt tihng is taht the frist and lsat ltteer be in the rghit pclae. The rset can be a taotl mses and you can sitll raed it wouthit a porbelm Tihs is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed ervey lteter by istlef, but the wrod as a wlohe.

Amazing huh?
Your perplexed scribe;
Allan W Janssen

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Wednesday, December 13, 2006

Sorry Charlie!

Scientists at the University of British Columbia have discovered that B.C. tuna and herring communicate by farting.

Apparently, this does not affect the taste!

(I have a brother-in-law who communicates that way too. According to my sister, he will fart in bed and then pull the covers over her head and say; "If you love me, you'll stay under!")

Your disgusted scribe;
Allan W Janssen

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The Buck Stops Here!

The United States is slowly losing its dominance around the world.

Never mind what is going on in the Middle East or the military, what counts is the money!

General Motors, once the producer of over half the cars and trucks on the planet, is now about to be overaken by Toyota.

The GNP of Europe (EU) is about to overtake the States and even the Chinese, with four times the population, only needs to produce one quarter (1/4) of what an American does, on average, to have a bigger economy than the U.S.

Even Wall Street and the almighty U.S. dollar are running scared;

Europe poised to overtake US
Published: December 13 2006 02:00
By Peter Thal Larsen and Gillian Tett in London

Europe could overtake the United States as the world's largest source of capital markets revenues this year following a surge in equity and debt issuance and growing financial innovation in the City of London.

A study by McKinsey, the consultancy, found that capital markets revenues from Europe, the Middle East and Africa lagged slightly behind those from North and South America in 2005 but are growing twice as fast.

"London and the Continent may soon become the world's financial powerhouse as measured by top-line numbers," the report concludes.

The study underlines a growing consensus that New York is in danger of losing its crown as the world's leading financial centre as foreign companies rush to raise money in London.

Revenues in Japan and the rest of Asia still lag well behind the West but penetration of capital markets products is also much lower.

The study, based on detailed data from 30 global, regional and national banks, estimates that revenues from global capital markets are likely to exceed $250bn this year.

London has long been known for having a lead over New York in foreign exchange. However, it is now providing increasingly fertile ground for the development of new, over-the-counter derivatives.

Indeed, some argue that London has displaced New York as the main centre for this type of activity. That may be because Europe has traditionally had a weaker cash bond market than the US - forcing investors to use higher margin derivatives products to a greater extent.

It was notable, for example, that it was Europe which first created constant proportion debt obligations (CPDOs) this summer - a credit instrument that has since become wildly fashionable in the credit markets.

Similarly, the newly emerging market for longevity bonds, which are now being developed by some investment banks, looks set to be centred on London, not New York.

Europe produced greater profit in 2005, McKinsey found, with pre-tax profit of $31.3bn compared with $29.5bn in the Americas and just $13.8bn in Japan and Asia.

Large investment banks control almost two-thirds of the market in the Americas. But in Europe regional and national banks account for more than half the business.

Copyright The Financial Times Limited 2006.

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Up, Up and Away!

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Islam, Religion of Violence?

(From my book: "The Plain Truth About God-101" (what the church doesn't want you to know!)

Islam is not only the religion of Muhammad. Islam means devotion to God, and is a newer version of the religion of Abraham.

After Muhammad’s death, Islam got off to a rocky start when warfare was used to spread the faith and three of the first four Caliphs died by violence.

The fourth Caliph, Ali, was a cousin of Muhammad and his followers then tore the community apart by claiming that Ali should have been the first caliph by virtue of his blood ties to Muhammad.

These people came to be known as the Shi’a or Shiite sect while the great majority of the followers of Muhammad, (who claim that succession does not rely on blood ties) are known today as the Sunni.

A great many differences exist to this day between these two main sects of Islam, and the distinctions go far deeper than just who should have succeeded Muhammad.

In fact, in the interpretation of the Koran itself, there are quite a few differences between the sects. There are passages that summarize the things a Muslim should believe. However, these were too brief to be sufficient. In addition, they were also too bare to be satisfying.

Because of this, we find different “creedal statements” circulating amongst the communities of both the Shiite and Sunni’s, as well as amongst the Sufi. (Who are mystical branches of Islam.)

On top of the differences between the sects of Islam, we have to remember that while Christianity was founded on the principal of “love” for on another, the main driving force behind Islam is that it was bound up in war, expansion and aggression from its very inception.

History has now given us an almost unbroken string of militant Islamic movements such as the "Assassins" of the 11th-12th century, the Wahhabis, (1715) and then the Ayatollah Khomeini and his followers. (Even if he is technically a Persian and not Arab)

As a result, no matter how close or far from the intended message of the Koran it was, portions of it were always used to justify Arab extremist and expansionist views.

In spite of this, religion is not the only factor to be considered here, and Islam can’t be blamed for all that is happening in the Middle East and elsewhere.

About the only places where religion has not played a great role in that part of the world is in Darfur, Uganda and Rawanda.

Some of the major hot spots in the last while are in Iraq, Lebanon,(Hamas and Fatah) Gaza, Somalia, Sudan and the Yugoslav wars.

These areas are not only wracked by religious tensions but are also the result of political, cultural, and nationalist factors that all contribute to the general instability of their particular area.

So, in the long run it would be unfair to say that Islam is a religion of violence by itself, but would rather be more accurate to say that because of outside forces such as politics and tribal or cultural differences, religion has been used in this area to further the agenda of different groups and ideologies!

Your Philosophical Scribe;

Allan W Janssen is the author of The Plain Truth About God-101 (what the church doesn't want you to know!) at; www.God-101.com
And the petition to have people mind their own business instead of yours at; http://www.petitiononline.com/moses/petition.html

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Tuesday, December 12, 2006

Thank God I stopped drinking and drugging!

Talk about yer "Sunday morning coming down!"

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Monday, December 11, 2006

Be Very Afraid!

I submitted a piece to a writing competition at a site called
"Blogcritics," that was a re-work of an older blog that I wrote here on “Let’s get things back into perspective here!”

It was reviewed by someone whom I will assume was an early
“twenty-something” guy who is the product of our “politically correct” college system.

His reply, (although they did publish the article) was that it was a bunch of “politically incorrect, racist drivel!”

Let me present it here again and you decide if it is racist, or it can stand on its own merit. (Comments please!)
Here we go again. Anything that white, middle class, Christian North Americans or European's say about ANY minority is termed racist, bigoted, politically incorrect and just plain wrong.

Things are getting to the point where the whole world is going to slowly grind to a halt.

The latest version of "Political Correctness" took an asinine turn over the last few days when a woman who works in one of the offices of British Airways was told to remove a chain with a cross on it because it was offensive to some people!!!!!!

It's bad enough that someone complained, but what is even more absurd is that the complaint was taken seriously and the woman told to remove her necklace.

If it had of been me I would have considered ejecting whoever complained about the necklace in the first place!

However, put the shoe on the other foot and we're fair game!

*Female students at a new Islamic school in England will be made to wear head scarves regardless of their religion, it was revealed yesterday. The Madani High School in Leicester will be required by law to accept 10 per cent of its 600 pupils from a non-Muslim background. But, girls who are not Muslim will still have to abide by a rule insisting all female pupils cover their heads as part of the uniform.

*Women want to be what they call “equal” to men in every way and yet I’m still expected to hold the door for you and pay for our date! (Now whether we even go on a date depends on the type of car I drive.)

*You are now African American, Mexican American, Asian American, Arab American, Native American, etc., and when you pass me on the street, you sneer in my direction. You call me Whitey, Cracker, Honky, - and that’s O.K.

*But when I call you Nigger, Kike, Towel Head, Sand-Monkey, Camel Jockey, Gook or Chink........... you call me a racist. (Which it is – Allan)

*You have the United Negro College Fund. You have Martin Luther King Day. You have Black History Month. You have Cesar Chavez Day, You have the NAACP. You have BET.

*If we had WET (White Entertainment Television) we’d be racists. If we had a White Pride Day you would call us racists. If we had White History Month, we’d be racists. If we had any organization for only whites to “advance” our lives, we’d be racists.

*If we had a college fund that only gave white students scholarships, you know we’d be racists. There are over 60 openly proclaimed Black Colleges in the US, yet if there were “White colleges” that would be a racist college.

*In the Million Man March, you believed that you were marching for your race and rights. If we marched for our race and rights, you would call us racists.

*We are no longer allowed to have nativity scenes in front of government or local offices because it might offend Muslim or Jewish or Buddhist people and we can't swear on a bible or recite the Lord's prayer.

*We are no longer allowed to say "Merry Christmas" out of consideration to non-Christians. Instead we have to say "Happy Holidays" or "Season's Greetings!"

*The local T.V. station said they would no longer call it a "Christsmas Tree" but rather a "Feastive Tree" because of the large percentage of the population that is Muslim. (8%)

*A guy here in Canada joined the Mounties and it wasn’t until after he was accepted that the issue of him not being able to wear the Mountie hat, because his religion said he had to wear a turban, came into play.

He knew what the rules were going in but didn’t say anything till after the fact. (By the way, he was allowed to keep the turban.)

I hope you get my point. It’s slowly turning into a one-way street where minorities can condemn, criticize and call the shots, but not the other way around.

Your White, Anglo-Saxon, Protestant, Middle-aged, Heterosexual, Generally Normal, Employed, Major Hang-up Free Male;
(Endangered Species)
Allan W Janssen

Allan W Janssen is the author of The Plain Truth About God-101 (what the church doesn't want you to know!) at; www.God-101.com
And the petition to have people mind their own business instead of yours at; http://www.petitiononline.com/moses/petition.html

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Sunday, December 10, 2006

Ultimate Christmas Lights.

There are Christmas lights, and then there are CHRISTMAS LIGHTS!
Click on this link, crank up the sound and be amazed!
Ultimate Christmas Lights


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Which Way?

What are they going to do about Turkey's membership in the E.U.?

Here is a country (although it is a proud member of N.A.T.O.) that is almost 95% in Asia, not Europe, and is predominately a Muslim country (Not Christian) that is ruled by a secular, militarily backed government.

Back in 1932 when modern Turkey was founded by Mustafa Kemal Ataturk after the defeat of the Ottoman Empire in W.W. ll, Ataturk considered Islam incompatible with the goal of developing a modern European state!

He ended the Islamic caliphates, got rid of religious schools, gave women the vote and replaced the Arabic writing system with Latin script.

All of this was fine except the fact that the general population was, and continues to be, poor muslims who follow ancient ways and don't really want to be part of the 21st century.

Multi-party politics were introduced in 1947 and the first Islamist party came on the scene 23 years later. Since that time the military has found it necessary to intervene and remove four different governments that were deemed too Islamist.

The possibility of an Islamist-rooted party controlling the executive and legislative branches has dramatically increased anxieties and fuelled nationalists suspicions of a "hidden agenda" to return Turkey to an Islamist state.

With a country that is controlled by a secular government but a population that is overwhelmingly fundamentalist, and dissatisfied, the future of Turkey is not all that rosy.

Not only for joining the E.U. but also to continue as a modern, Western influenced country.

Your ever-topical scribe;
Allan W Janssen

Allan W Janssen is the author of The Plain Truth About God-101 (what the church doesn't want you to know!) at; www.God-101.com
And the petition to have people mind their own business instead of yours at; http://www.petitiononline.com/moses/petition.html

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Say Ahhh!

Guys, I swear to God that I'm not making this up!!!!!!!!

I was just going to briefly report on it, but I think that in the interest of women's health I should reproduce it here in it's entirety.

Your welcome!

(AP) -- Women who perform the act of fellatio and swallow semen on a regular basis, one to two times a week, may reduce their risk of breast cancer by up to 40 percent, a North Carolina State University study found.

Doctors had never suspected a link between the act of fellatio and breast cancer, but new research being performed at North Carolina State University is starting to suggest that there could be an important link between the two.

In a study of over 15,000 women suspected of having performed regular fellatio and swallowed the ejaculatory fluid, over the past ten years, the researchers found that those actually having performed the act regularly, one to two times a week, had a lower occurrence of breast cancer than those who had not. There was no increased risk, however, for those who did not regularly perform.

"I think it removes the last shade of doubt that fellatio is actually a healthy act," said Dr. A.J. Kramer of Johns Hopkins School of Medicine, who was not involved in the research. "I am surprised by these findings, but am also excited that the researchers may have discovered a relatively easy way to lower the occurrence of breast cancer in women."

The University researchers stressed that, though breast cancer is relatively uncommon, any steps taken to reduce the risk would be a wise decision.

"Only with regular occurrence will your chances be reduced, so I encourage all women out there to make fellatio an important part of their daily routine," said Dr. Helena Shifteer, one of the researchers at the University. "Since the emergence of the research, I try to fellate at least once every other night to reduce my chances."

The study is reported in Friday's Journal of Medical Research. In 1991, 43,582 women died of breast cancer, as reported by the National Cancer Institute.

Dr. Len Lictepeen, deputy chief medical officer for the American Cancer Society, said women should not overlook or "play down" these findings. "This will hopefully change women's practice and patterns, resulting in a severe drop in the future number of cases," Lictepeen said.

Sooner said the research shows no increase in the risk of breast cancer in those who are, for whatever reason, not able to fellate regularly. "There's definitely fertile ground for more research. Many have stepped forward to volunteer for related research now in the planning stages," he said.

Almost every woman is, at some point, going to perform the act of fellatio, but it is the frequency at which this event occurs that makes the difference, say researchers. Also key seems to be the protein and enzyme count in the semen, but researchers are again waiting for more test data.

The reasearch consisted of two groups, 6,246 women ages 25 to 45 who had performed fellatio and swallowed on a regular basis over the past five to ten years, and 9,728 women who had not or did not swallow. The group of women who had performed and swallowed had a breast cancer rate of 1.9 percent and the group who had not had a breast cancer rate of 10.4 percent.

"The findings do suggest that there are other causes for breast cancer besides the absence of regular fellatio," Shafteer said. "It's a cause, not THE cause."

You ever helpful scribe;
Allan W Janssen

(For entertainment purposes only!)

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