I will explain the reason I am telling you this in a moment, but first let me explain briefly why she almost passed away!
(What a sanitized way to say DEAD!)
The missus herself has Lymphoma. For the last six years she has lived with the non-aggressive kind which really doesn't seriously affect you. (If you don't count no-energy, sleeping a lot, a host of minor maladies, etc.)
But, there was always the certainty that one day it would turn aggressive
and then the shit would hit the fan.
It did that a few weeks ago and we didn't realize it, so nothing was done right away. Ellen just started to slowly feel worse and it finally got to the point where we thought that maybe a trip to the hospital was in order. (Thank God for Canada's universal health care.)
The aggressive Lymphoma had screwed up her blood composition and then her calcium went to three times it's normal level, which caused her kidneys to shut down.
At the cancer centre they knew they had to start chemo-therapy right away but this took another two days while they got her kidneys working again.
To make a long story shorter, it's been a week now and the reaction to the chemo was good so it looks like she's out of the woods for a while.
Maybe she has many months to live and maybe many years,we can only wait and see.
The point is this. I have heard it said, and I'm sure you have too, that we should treat life as precious and live for every day. (The North American Indians did this, they called it living in the "now!")
However, no matter how may times we are told this, we can know it on an intellectual level but never really accept it emotionally until something like this happens. That old saying that nothing concentrates the mind like the fear of imminent death has a lot of truth to it!
My friends, please try and live each day as if it were your last, because you never know if it will be! The fact that we can never know the day of our own or anothers death is truly a blessing but should not be taken lightly.
When you are suddenly faced with the loss of a loved one, it makes you realize just how much they mean to you. It also means no longer tossing off a phrase like "I love you" as a platitude and nothing more.
I know that no matter how many more years Ellen lives, I will from now on treat every day with the respect it deserves and try not to leave anything unsaid.
I remember when my father died suddenly I had great regrets about the many things I hadn't told him and that's not going to happen with my wife.
I hope you do the same!
Your "older now but wiser" scribe;
Allan W Janssen
Labels: death in family, death of wife, loved ones, regret, remorse