Sunday Morning Funnies Uncensored

Bono, lead singer of the rock band U2, is famous throughout the entertainment industry for being more than just a little self-righteous.

At a recent U2 concert in Glasgow, Scotland, he asked the audience for total quiet.

Then, in the silence, he started to slowly clap his hands, once every few seconds.

Holding the audience in total silence, he said into the microphone, 'Every time I clap my hands, a child in Africa dies.'

From the front of the crowd a voice with a broad Scottish accent pierced the quiet ...'Well, fuckin stop doin it then, ya evil bastard!'

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Dear Safety Harbor Middle School :

God bless you for the beautiful radio I won at your recent senior citizens luncheon.

I am 84 years old and live at the Safety Harbor Assisted Home for the Aged. All of my family has passed away. I am all alone and I want to thank you for your kindness to an old forgotten lady.

My roommate is 95 and has always had her own radio; but before I received one, she would never let me listen to hers, even when she was napping.

The other day her radio fell off the night stand and broke into a lot of pieces. It was awful and she was in tears. She asked if she could listen to mine.

I told her to fuck off.

Thank you for that opportunity.
Sincerely,
Edna

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A soldier ran up to a nun. Out of breath he asked, 'Please Sister, may I hide under your skirt. I'll explain later.'

The nun agreed. A moment later two Military Police ran up and asked, 'Sister, have you seen a soldier?'

The nun replied, 'He went that way.'

After the MP's ran off, the soldier crawled out from under her skirt and said, 'I can't thank you enough Sister. You see, I don't want to go to Iraq.'

The nun said, 'I understand completely.'

The soldier added, 'I hope I'm not rude, but you have a great pair of legs!'

To which the nun replied, 'If you had looked a little higher, you would have seen a great pair of balls....I don't want to go to Iraq either!'

Allan W Janssen is the author of The Plain Truth About God at www.God-101.com and visit the blog "Perspective" at http://God-101.blogspot.com

Paris and Bono....... Celebrity Whiners!

This week saw Paris Hilton revert back to infancy and cry for her Mommy when sent back to jail and witnessed Bono have a hissy-fit when he couldn't hijack Prime Minister Steven Harper of Canada.

One of the world's biggest rock stars tore a strip off on Friday and accused him of blocking a meaningful deal on African aid at the G8 summit.

(The leaders of the world's eight wealthiest democracies have pledged US$60 billion in aid to the world's poorest continent!)

"It's completely false and the people saying this have no proof to their allegations," Harper said at a news conference as the summit ended in Germany.


But Bono said he had numerous sources at the negotiating table. "It's as if we have the place bugged, because everybody tells us," he said.

"We know who's causing the trouble and who isn't. We know that Canada blocked progress. We know that Harper blocked it."

Bono said he doesn't believe the prime minister was too busy to meet with him at the summit - the leaders of the United States, Germany, France and Britain managed to do so.

"It's not the pop stars he doesn't want to meet. It's the movement that we represent," Bono said.

The prime minister fired back. "We did not block any agreement. There's no reason we would block an agreement," Harper said.

"We happen to believe that when it comes to aid money that the full framework of accountability is very important." "Canada favours transparency."

Privately, sources were quoted as saying that Bono threw a childish fit and displayed sour grapes because because Harper would not meet with him when he "demanded" a meeting. Harper said Thursday
that Africa is not Canada's "sole focus," because there are also development challenges in the Americas. It was also suggested by some that the Prime Minister didn't want Bono to hijack the meeting so that he could push his own agenda instead of the general business of the G8 Summit.

This didn't sit too well with Mr. Bono!

And while we are on the subject of Bono, why in the hell would he name himself after Sonny in the first place???



Your "on the spot" scribe;
Allan W Janssen

Allan W Janssen is the author of The Plain Truth About God-101 (what the church doesn't want you to know!) www.God-101.com